Unfortunately, there were times when I was living the fat life that I had to buy new clothes. Sad to say, it wasn’t because my clothes got worn out, but usually because I had outgrown my clothes. I hated shopping for clothes. It was embarrassing to stand in the plus size department, which inevitably seemed to be located either next to the petite department or the lingerie. I hated crossing the vast divide from clothes made for normal people to clothes made for fat people.
The holiday was Easter and the year was 1992. The weight was around 270, give or take a few pounds. I had no appropriate dress to wear to church on Easter Sunday, so upon John’s insistenance we headed to the mall. I just wanted to go into Sears, pick something out and leave. But no, John wanted me to have something “pretty” to wear for Easter Sunday, so he dragged me all over the mall in search of the perfect fat person’s Easter dress. He kept holding up dresses for my approval and I kept turning them down, until finally we found a black dress with big gold buttons down the front and even bigger shoulder pads. I know black for Easter isn’t traditional, but fat people look good in black so I tried on the dress, it fit reasonably well (or so I thought), purchased the dress and went home.
Easter morning came and the three of us were dressed in our Easter finery. I put Rachel in her car seat, sat down in my seat and proceeded to drive to church. While driving I noticed that the buttons on my dress were having a hard time staying fastened properly, but I attributed it to the fact I was sitting a little crooked in the car’s seat and kept going. When we reached the church, we dropped Rachel off in the nursery and went to the service. I sat down, preparing to enjoy the service and discovered that the button problem wasn’t due to my positioning in the car, it was due to the fact that I was too big for the buttons. From the upper abdomen down, no button was staying together. Each and every button was straining to pop from it’s little button hole. I grabbed my Bible and hugged it to my chest, and grabbed two hymnals and put them on my lap in a vain attempt to cover up the problem. John looked at me and whispered, “What are you doing?” I looked at him and whispered back, “The buttons are coming undone.” He said, “You mean they are coming unsewn?” No, I shook my head, uncovering my lap covered with two hymnals, ”I’m too big for these buttons.” He looked mortified for me, and said he was sure no one would notice.
Fortunately if anyone did notice they didn’t say anything to me. I spent the whole service trying to suck in my thighs, which you can’t do, and keep the hymnals balanced on my big legs, which was almost impossible. I’ve never been so glad to get up and leave a church service in my life. I couldn’t wait to get out of there, go home and put on a jumper where the only buttons were the ones way up on the shoulder. I put that dress in the goodwill box, and swore I’d never again buy a dress with buttons down the front. I also made a mental note to always sit down in the dressing room to make sure the clothes that look one way when you are standing up will also look good when you are sitting down!
Has this ever happened to you? Did it bother you enough to get going with your weight loss attempt? It didn’t do it for me – not right then. But it was an incident I never forgot and one as I finally lost all my weight I swore I’d never experience again. Clothing seems inconsequential when compared to health issues, but clothing issues were huge for me. I never liked the way I looked in clothes, and felt ugly and unattractive. Losing weight isn’t easy, and there is no fast way to do it, but yet another benefit to getting down to the weight you want to be is the ability to choose clothes you like and feel good in. Clothes that fit whether you are standing up or sitting down. Diane
Oh yes! I make sure to lift my arms, sit and squat in clothes before buying them… I’ve had some bad experiences before!
Hanlie,
I know – it’s the worst feeling isn’t it?! Another bad experience I had was the time I ripped a pair of pants trying to get them up while I was trying them on. I bought them and then never wore them, because of course, they were too small! Have a great weekend and thanks for the comment. Diane
Hi, Diane,
Once again, your essays are so true, and I can really relate! I remember going into a boutique to shop for a friend (in 2001, when I was over 300 lbs), and the owner actually said, “Do not try anything on, it will not fit you. I don’t want my clothes destroyed.” That was hard, but it still didn’t kick me into action right then. It is both painful and useful to remember these things. I don’t want to dwell on them, but at the same time, it helps me remember where I once was, so I will never go back.
On a more uplifting note– now that I’m down to 185 (only 11 lbs more until my WW goal!), I don’t have to freak out over clothing as much. Sure, I love clothes and am having more fun, but it is just so much easier now. I am packing for a trip to the mountains, where it will be hot during the day and cool at night. Our friend who is hosting said that we can borrow jackets if we want. I smiled when I realized that I am a size now where I can actually borrow a jacket from a friend on the trip, without fear that I can’t squeeze into it!
Also, I don’t have to pack as much for the hiking trips– I can wash and dry clothes without fear of shrinkage, and I can borrow clothes without worrying. I remember when I used to have my Danskin 3x and 4x t-shirts, and I had to stretch out the hem to fit around my hips. Once, when we went on a trip overseas, I was so scared of putting my clothes in the dryer, for fear that they would shrink and I wouldn’t be able to get any more clothes to fit me there. Now, when I borrow my husband’s size L t-shirts, they are baggy and long on me.
It just feels good in so many ways so see how much my life has changed for the better. The clothes are a fun measure of success.
Thanks for your journal– I really enjoy it!
Oh, yeah. I had a button front dress that popped a couple when I was on my way up. I just got rid of all button front dresses and didn’t get motivated at the time. It’s so much fun to shop for clothes now, though I’m never too fond of shopping in general.
You are right – it is so much better to shop for clothes now! Even if things don’t look the way I think they should, at least they generally fit! I’m glad though, that the selection of clothes for the larger woman are nicer and more stylish than they were when I was overweight! Thanks for the comment – Diane
Angie,
You are doing great! It is nice to be able to borrow clothes from other people! I remember one time someone offered me their sweatshirt when I was absolutely freezing. I had lost just enough weight to be fairly certain it would fit, and it did. That was a great feeling. I like all your other examples of the way your life is easier now that you have lost all that weight! Good for you and thanks for reading. Diane
I can relate to horrible shopping trips and it’s one of my top 10 reasons for starting my final journey down the weightloss road.
Three years ago I shopped all day with my grandmother for an outfit she wanted to buy me for my husband’s graduation from the university. We couldn’t find anything that fit and wasn’t made for a 50-year-old woman. (I was 30 at the time). She finally told me, “The problem is you’re just carrying a little too much weight for your age.” I knew this and wasn’t really mortified, but vexed nonetheless.
Then two months ago my brother was getting married. I decided to shop early for a dress for the wedding, in about February, and spent an entire day with my husband and three kids shopping at the mall. Hardly anyone had their spring clothing out, but anything that looked good was too small — sadly even a 14 or 16 is too small, so that made me feel worse. We finally found something that was nice, classy and I’m told looked great on me at the wedding, but it reminded me that it was the only thing I could find that fit.
However, I’ve decided that I’m not going through another awful shopping trip like those two. My husband graduates from dental school in two years exactly and my goal is to be able to buy a nice dress and have it NOT be in the plus size department. I know it can and will happen.
Thanks again for your wonderful essay an encouragement!
Leah,
Thank you for sharing your own experiences. Shopping can be so frustrating, especially if you carry extra weight. I dreaded going shopping for myself, and ended up making most of my clothes because I had outgrown the ones in stores. I think it’s wonderful that you have a concrete goal in mind with regards to your weight. Setting a goal like that is very important because it often helps you keep your “eye on the prize” so to speak. I’ll bet when your husband graduates you’ll be the best dressed spouse there! Have a great day! Diane