- “You did a good job on the yard, son. Would you like a cookie?”
- “You fell down and hurt your knee, poor thing. Here’s a piece of candy to make it feel better.”
- “I had a hard day at work – let’s go get some ice cream.”
- “I’ve got a big test tomorrow – I’m going to run by the store and pick up some chips and chocolate.”
- “Whoever gets an A on the test will earn two pieces of candy from the jar.”
It happens all the time, all over the world. We use food as a reward, and as a soother of hurt feelings, and hurt knees. It happened to me as I grew up. In school, the teacher would have a candy jar on her desk, filled to the brim as a reward for good behavior or good grades. At home, my family offered food as a reward for a good job completing a chore. Even at work, people brought in various desserts, and yummy savory snacks to help us through a difficult time. Using food as a reward is a time honored tradition, and one not easily broken.
I do it too. If my son hurts himself, a little M&M and a band aid quickly make the hurt go away. It’s easy to use food as a reward or a soother for hurt feelings. As an overweight person, I used food to reward myself for all sorts of things from completing a project at work, to making a pan of brownies because I actually got all the laundry finished. I rewarded myself with a McDonald’s Super Sized Quarter Pounder with Cheese (times two) after grocery shopping, and I wasn’t above rewarding myself with a chocolate treat when I didn’t eat too many rolls at dinner. Even when I was a member of Weight Watchers, I’d reward myself for the perceived deprivation of the week by swinging through the closest drive thru restaurant for 3 hash browns, 2 sausage biscuits, a coffee and an orange juice.
This habit was actually one of the easier ones for me to break. Whereas stopping the mindless snacking, or eating too big a portions were harder to conquer, changing the rewards I gave myself from food to something healthier was relatively easy. Here are some rewards I used along my weight loss journey:
- Haircut at a good salon – before, I hated looking in those big mirrors (yuck!)
- New glasses – and if you’ve looked at the pictures, you know I needed them!
- Contact lenses – I wore these more and more as I lost weight, and saved the glasses for bedtime reading.
- New pair of jeans for each size lost – I started out at above a 28, so I needed a lot of new sizes!
- Frequent dates with John – definitely fun
- At 100 pounds lost, bought a bathing suit – I hadn’t had one in about 8 years
- Bought new cookbooks frequently
- Got a new Walkman – Now I’m dating myself, these days it would have been a new MP3 or iPod
- Scheduled alone time – good for me, good for my family
You see, it’s easy to find things that you will enjoy having or doing, that aren’t food. I no longer always offer my little guys a piece of candy if they hurt themselves. Now, if it’s a super dooper whooper bad boo-boo, they might get a little M&M to get them to calm down enough for me to bandage it, but fortunately that doesn’t happen very often. I don’t want to teach the children that hurt knees and hurt feelings are best solved with sweets. I want to teach them that using their intelligence, and talking through their feelings are much healthier ways of dealing with stress. When one of my kids does a bang-up job at their assignments, I reward them with stickers on a chart, or a trip to the museum.
My desire for food as a reward was begun in school, and continued into adulthood. I used it often, and wrongly. Learning to put that behavior aside was good for my health, and for my emotions. Taking food out of the equation when feelings are hurt forces me to examine the feelings without food getting in the way. I’ve learned to deal with my emotions in a healthy, productive way and it feels good.
As you lose weight, decide in advance what kinds of rewards you will give yourself when you reach certain goals. And remember, the goals aren’t always on the scale. They can be with size of clothes, energy level, exercise minutes completed, healthy choices made, etc. By rewarding yourself along the way you will feel that sense of accomplishment acknowledged and celebrated, but without adding unnecessary calories to your hips. Changing this habit was important to me, and I believe it was important for my children. Take time today to jot down a few ideas of non-food rewards. If you have some good ones, I’d love for you to share them with us. Diane
I’ve never got the thing where parents reward their children for eating their food by giving them dessert!
To be honest, I still have a reward mentality. I don’t like going to the mall, but I have to once in a while (an errand for my husband). Previously I used to “treat” myself to lunch (usually something I wouldn’t eat every day), but these days I have a green smoothie. Not only is it much cheaper, but it’s much healthier!
That’s me with the mall food! I would never make fried rice, fried wontons and fried egg rolls – but I’d sure eat it at the mall. And then finish up with a big cinnamon roll! I’ve never tried a green smoothie – I’ll have to try one. It might scare me a little though!
I do this all the time. Even when I lose a little bit of weight, then I go get a biscuit from the bakery for doing so good. I also give my children food rewards. I know I need to stop, but maybe just having a plan for each certain amount of weight lost would help.
You are not the only one – believe me! I think you are right in planning for rewards. That way you will be more likely to not reward yourself with a cookie, but rather with a manicure! Much less calories involved!
My parents did this all the time, and I do it without really thinking about it. You’d think that since weight is such a struggle for me I’d know better.
Most of us know what we should be doing – it’s just the implementation that can be hard! Don’t beat yourself up about it, just try to make a different choice next time!
Amen to this!
Thanks for the comment Lisa!
I also catch myself doing this t myself and to my children. Not too much, but still I hadn’t thought about the effect it would have on them as adults – that they would reward themselves with larger amounts of sweets, etc. as adults.
I have to say that I keep wanting to buy more workout clothes, mainly a t-back top because my tank tops slip around on my narrow shoulders, but I’ve decided that when I break 200 ( 24 lbs away) I am going to go ahead and splurge on a new workout t-back top. I’ll probably need shorts/capris then anyway. So, every time I see them and wish I had one I remind myself that I’ll get it soon when I reach that first goal.
You should definitely splurge on a new top! I exercised in a dress, and then some really ugly teal shorts/shirt. They were from the “Just My Size” line, and were a 3X. They barely fit when I got them, but eventually I couldn’t even keep the shorts up! Great idea on your part!
I have to admit that I am guilty about rewarding with food. As a day care provider that is exactly what they get EVERYTIME they went in the potty. Candy. And a sucker if they pooped. Maybe I should change that to stickers or a little toy of some sort.
What a great idea. Reward myself with “thing” and not food.
This will give me a good reason to go shopping…lol
Hey if I reward myself for every 10lbs I lose it will only be 7 things that I would have to buy. I’d say he’s getting off easy!
He would be getting off cheap – although after you lose all your weight, you will need lots more clothes than just one outfit!! That was so much fun for me, buying new clothes. It was also fun getting rid of clothes I outgrew!! I laughed about your day care prizes – I have to admit that one of my children was so hard to potty train I would have been happy to give him almost anything he wanted if he would just GO in the potty!!!
Great post! It’s so important to separate a reward from food. Food should be a pleasurable experience to feed our bodies and provide them with the nutrients they need. But food is NOT a reward! As you mentioned, there are soooooo many things that an be rewards….
You’re right about food being pleasurable, but not necessarily a reward for weight loss! Thanks for the insightful comment.
I tend to use different rewards. I don’t think it was ever a conscious choice not to use food as a reward. But I also have underweight kids. And my son has a disease that requires a high calorie, high fat diet. There was a time where he got rewarded with toys for meeting high calorie goals! Sometimes life is just too weird. ;-D
Since getting into healthier habits, I haven’t really ever set reward levels. I would just celebrate with smaller clothes!
That’s sad about your son – I hope he is okay! Life is strange, and what works for one person doesn’t always work for another person. I like your idea of smaller clothes too. As I lost weight, smaller clothes were a great reward, and so was not having to shop in the Plus Size Departments anymore!!
It’s kinda fun to get creative with reward ideas! Getting a hair cut, going shopping, getting a new book are some of my favorite rewards.
Yes! We have the same tastes in rewards! One of my favorite books I read lately was “Memory Keeper’s Daughter.” It was great! Thanks for the comment!
Definitely not the best idea! I like getting a new book as well (Sagan must be my long lost twin). It gives me something to do and learn!
Yes, I love books too. We are heading to the library today for a martial arts demonstration! Should be fun. Take care, and I look forward to doing a guest blog on your site!
This is a great post & I tell people the same. It has to start from the beginning & parents being a good example. I grew up on food being the end all of everything so even now, that still sticks with me. Thank goodness I can get past that! I still allow myself my fav cookie treat but I am past the trying to lose the weight stage & well into just living it stage. Very important early on to stay away from food as a reward. I say go for an affordable piece of clothing that makes you feel good or pamper your tired feet with a pedicure!
Thx for visiting my site too! You look great!
You are exactly right – it really does need to start at the beginning. I too have learned to quick the food reward habit, but it wasn’t always easy! I like your site, and your articles are great!
This is a great post, I find myself doing this to my 6 year old daughter and i am trying so hard to stop
You’re right – it is hard to stop. I think for me, because it’s so easy to do!