In Friday’s post I shared how I realized that it wasn’t just one emotion that sent me scrambling for food. Rather it was a wide variety of emotions ranging from boredom to frustration, and everything in between. Once I understood that I was using food as a salve, the next step was to learn how to retrain myself to respond differently to food.
The emotions journal I kept for a few weeks was the first step. There’s the recognition part.
The second step was the action part. This is where I had failed so many times before. Even at my highest weight, I knew I was using food in an inappropriate way, but knowledge alone wasn’t enough to make me stop. So that last time I tried to lose weight, I recognized the problem, and took some definite actions. Let me take a moment to explain that during the 14 months it took me to lose the weight, I wasn’t analyzing how I was losing weight, or what I was doing to change behavioral patterns. The understanding was a process, and it was really just looking back in hindsight that I can fully see HOW I broke the bonds. Here are the three things I did that really helped me change the emotions I had when it came to food.
I. Recognition
- Journaling
- Discovery
- Acknowledgement
II. Action
- Stop
- Evaluate
- Wait
III. Practice
The “Action Part” was the most difficult one, because like many of you, my bad eating habit was years in the making. The last time I tried to lose weight, I truly had the sincere desire to “break up with food” immediately. Unfortunately, immediately doesn’t usually work with weight loss, so this part was a process. So what did I do exactly, when I found myself heading to the pantry when I really wasn’t hungry?
The first thing I did was STOP. I stopped in my tracks. Sometimes I literally stopped as I was walking to the pantry, getting ready to pull through a fast food drive-thru window, or buy something at the grocery store I didn’t need. Even at my heaviest, I knew I shouldn’t be eating an entire pound bag of M&M’s even before I ripped open the bag, but that didn’t stop me. This time, I forced myself to stop what I was about to do.
I’d literally give myself a little “talk.” It’d go something like this. “Diane, you are not hungry. Not hungry. What are you hungry for?” And then I’d really evaluate what I was hungry for. The most common emotion for me was boredom. I was just plain bored, and wanted something to eat. Once I recognized the pattern, and convinced myself that it wasn’t food I was hungry for, but rather conversation, or whatever, the next thing I did was the most important.
I waited15 minutes before I ate anything. This was the key for me. I had stopped, I had evaluated, and now I waited. It was almost like a cooling-off period. During that 15 minutes I’d find something to do. If I was at home, I’d either call a friend, get out of the house with the kids, or do something that needed doing! If I was at the grocery store, I’d put the Oreos back on the shelf, and continue my shopping. And if I was tempted to pull through a fast food drive-thru, I’d keep driving. Anything to give myself a chance to make a better decision.
Honestly, it worked most of the time. The boredom, or stress, or frustration didn’t go away. But the desire to overeat waned enough during that 15 minutes, that the pep talk I had given myself in the beginning, had kicked in. I started to believe that I could satisfy my emotional needs with something other than food.
The hard part was that this didn’t happen just once a week, or even just once a day. I had to struggle with emotional eating over, and over, and over, all throughout the day. However, each day that went by, made the next day a little easier. Did I mess up? Absolutely. Did I give up on myself? Never.
It’s not an easy thing to do – break up with food – because food is the friend we think never leaves us, never betrays us, and is always there for us. Unfortunately, the inappropriate use of food is also what causes so much frustration for us. As I’m writing this I’m thinking about you. What has worked for you when it comes to emotional eating? Do you have any other suggestions or ideas that those of us who are emotional eaters can try? I always appreciate your comments. Diane
Key for me is that you said you messed up and you didnt give up.
I know it’s said so frequently but I still KNOW that it bears repeating.
For some reason we (the great unwashed masses
) look at ‘experts’ in a field and think they never struggle as do we.
I know I STILL do that in my world of work.
Your post is a gift…are always a gift…because you normalize for us and offer solutions/suggestions.
.-= MizFit´s last blog ..How do you CELEBRATE past success (video/giveaway post)? =-.
Great post with great strategies! Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us. I agree – we can’t change overnight, we have to make it a process.
.-= Hanlie´s last blog ..Weekly Check In =-.
@MizFit – Thank you – We all do still struggle with choices – I know I do. I appreciate your nice comments.
@Hanlie – It is a process, and one you are doing so well on! Great job on the 5K!
Diane, great post. I think you share a lot of good ideas here. My biggest challenge with emotional eating is that I just say to myself that I don’t care about that one meal, and then eat it. There is no voice of reason there. If I can remain strong every day, if I can keep my attitude in check from the moment I get up, usually that is enough to get me through it. But if I face a day where I get hit with something over and over and over, those are the days where the emotional eating kicks in. Those are the days I have to learn how to better handle.
.-= South Beach Steve´s last blog ..Wrestling With the Demons =-.
Steve – Thank you for this comment, because you are right. There are days that are easier than others to make food choices without the emotions kicking in. I guess it’s true that every day is another day to make a good choice!
This is so helpful for me, as I do struggle with emotional eating.
One thing I do to help me is to get out of the house and take a walk. Going away from the food works for me – not all of the time, but some of the time!
Great post! I particularly like the suggestion to wait for 15 minutes before you eat anything.
I used to eat a lot of unnecessary calories at night, after dinner. In a way, I was trying to “eat the stress away.” I knew what I was doing, but still what was a VERY difficult habit to break. I had to find a new outlet. I started taking short walks and having a cup of herbal tea after dinner. The walk and the tea helped me to tell my brain that there is no more eating.
.-= Andrea@WellnessNotes´s last blog ..Have You Taken the Stairs Lately? =-.
@ Monica – That’s a great stragegy, and one that I definitely recommend!
@Andrea – Eat the stress away! That is such a hard habit to break – I had it too. I did the herbal tea thing too, and it helped a lot.
Diane, I think boredom is a trigger for me, too. I sometimes feel frantic trying to come up with something to do rather than eat. Lately, I really try to pay attention to my hunger and if I feel truly hungry, then I eat. If not, then I try to come up with something else to do.
.-= Amy H.´s last blog ..Pain =-.
@ Amy – I think it is so good to pay attention to what it is that you are really feeling, and then act on it appropriately. Good for you!!
Excellent strategies. I think waiting is an especially good one, and applies equally well to other areas of life where we may be inclined to act on impulses (like anger).
.-= Kathy Garmus´s last blog ..The polling station is open again! =-.
Oh Diane, thank you! Such good tips, which of course after 40 years of dieting, I’ve heard before. That’s the key, I heard them. Now I’ve heard them from someone that used them and made them work!
I struggle with wanting food I shouldn’t have. The emotion attatched to that is just ‘princess attitude’. I want it, I want it now, and I should have everything I want. I should be denied nothing…by anyone…especiallly myself! I talk to myself constantly and it’s getting old. It’s working right now though.
I’m a freakishly happy person. I don’t get depressed, I don’t suffer from stress. I’m able to turn everything that happens to me into a good moment. Something bad happens? Sure could have been worse! I just need to learn that telling myself no is OK.
I don’t want to sugar coat it either. I work at an Italian restaurant in the summer. We have excellent stuff…all fatty and greasy and our homemade ranch dressing is drool worthy. I like to dip the pizza and the buttery, cheesy, sticks into the dressing. I need to tell myself NO you shouldn’t have that. Can I? Sure, on Weight Watchers I could have it and count the points. Should I be eating it? Ah, no. It’s just not good for me. Sometimes I just have to tell myself that I know I can have it, I’m just choosing not to. Just gotta do whatever it takes to get through some days! Does it always work? Nope…and it sure tastes good too!
Thank you for your blog. I love it. I’ve shared it with my daughter in law as I think it’ll help her too. She’s awesome and is fighting this battle and having a difficult time. I think you’ll be able to help her!
Thanks again!!
.-= Debby´s last blog ..Dieting, Death, and Bits of This and That =-.
@ Kathy – Thank you, and you are right that this doesn’t just apply to weight management, but in many other areas.
@ Debby – We have heard this all before. I did all the time I was obese, but it just took a while to get it in my head.
I love your description of yourself a freakishly happy person. I have a good friend like that, and she is a joy to be around!
I’m glad you like the blog – I love yours as well!
I think you’re truly inspirational, and full of good advice. I like the idea of a 15 minute walk before you eat something you’re not sure is a good idea. For me, I had to also break the emotional attachment to food (obviously), and I’m still amazed that it worked. Another thing I did, since sometimes (especially in the beginning), when I absolutely had to eat (boredom, stress, etc.) was eat crudites. All the raw carrots, bell pepper, celery, string beans, radishes I could eat. It’ll fill me up, but there will be no guilt or anything else. It takes away from the urgency and guilt of the desire to stuff/binge, and helps to break that pattern.
.-= julie´s last blog ..Am I done yet? =-.
Julie – I appreciate the compliments! I’ll have to tell my husband that I am full of good advice! I’ll bet he’d have a different take on the advice I offer to him. . .
Excellent strategy, and you have done an amazing job!!!!
As I read this I was very grateful for the idea of how to handle certain food situations I still battle with. I’m currently right in the middle of needing something like this to help me.
The only thing I will add is that I read a book in April that really helped me begin to deal with my weight loss. It was “Body Clutter” by Leanne Ely and Marla Cilley. There were journal prompts at the end of each chapter and I wrote my responses down to each one of those in a little journal. This book helped me realize some ties to food that I had and how to break them and even consider thinking that I could possibly try and lose the weight for good.
Now I have Diane to help me through the weeks of learning and changing my actual eating habits.
Thank you, Diane!!!
.-= Leah´s last blog ..My first Clothing Victory =-.
Leah – That book sounds really good. I’ll have to see if its at my library. I loved the picture of you in your “new” shirt!
The distraction thing really helps with the waiting part… I like playing piano or going out for a walk or running errands to distract myself.
I also find that writing really helps. When I work on a story or write a blog post I get so engrossed with it that I forget about food for a while.
.-= Sagan´s last blog ..9k Race Results =-.
Great post.
One thing I’ve found helpful for emotional eating is planning the day in advance. If I know what I’m supposed to be eating and when I’m going to be eating it, breaking that becomes a bigger deal.
My “emergency” is to look in the mirror and ask myself if I want the food more than I want being healthy, not getting diabetes, looking beautiful at my brother’s wedding, not worrying about amusement parks and airplane rides etc. Thoughts like that tend to shut my desires down pretty quickly.
.-= Hadley´s last blog ..Trade Offs =-.
@ Sagan – Writing is a great distraction. It’s hard to type and stuff my face with chips at the same time! LOL!
@ Hadley – I like this suggestion a lot. Planning is a great way to help make good choices. I’m very organized, so planning is near and dear to me!
The advice about waiting 15 minutes is a great one, I think it will be of great help during those spurts of impulse eating that most of us go through.
After all, there is a reason all that candy is waiting for you right at the check out – if you had time to think about buying it while finishing your shopping 9 times out of 10, the candy would stay at the store!
.-= Pam´s last blog ..What A Difference A Week Makes =-.
Pam – Sometimes when I’d put the candy back, I’d drive away and think, “I can’t believe I didn’t buy those M&M’s!” But then I was so glad I hadn’t. Thanks for the comment!
Loved the follow up post! I love how you go thru what worked for you!
You know from my post last week that I still would love to eat more sweets & treats BUT like you, it was a struggle & the key is not to give up!
Also like you, I developed strategies that work for me.. may not work for you but we all have to find what works for us. I also stop & promise myself that I will think about any need to eat too much OR emotional eat… I give myself 15 minutes or so to talk it thru, why I am doing it, what will it do for me, will I even enjoy it or will it just be food stuffed down because I am upset or depressed, is it even something I want to waste my calories on & what will I have to do to work it off OR how bad physically will I feel after, not to mention the guilt feeling we throw on ourselves after a bout of overeating. Most of the time, 99%, this is enough to just get me back on track. This is my most used strategy.
Others, I will get busy on the computer or something that keeps me very busy & before I know it, the time has past for wanting it OR I take a walk if I can… anything to get me AWAY from the food.
Thx Diane!
Great tip on the cooling off period. 15 minutes is a perfect amount of time to back away from the food
.-= She-Fit´s last blog ..Green Monster Smoothie: A Growing Trend in the Health World =-.
@ Jody – Thank you. I like how you shared your strategies too. It’s good to hear what works for people isn’t it? Sometimes getting away from food is the most important, and hardest step!
@She-Fit – Thanks for the comment!
This post and the one from Friday are so timely for me, as I am really struggling with my attachment to food right now. I linked to these post on my entry from today. Thanks!
.-= erin´s last blog ..Breaking Up Is Hard to Do =-.
Erin – I’m glad you liked them, and thanks so much for linking them. I really appreciate it!
Great post! The III part is the one we do for life. It’s always practice, practice, practice. Never perfection.
.-= Lori´s last blog ..NROLW and fruit day! =-.
That is a hard one – the stop, evaluate and wait. A lot of the time that’s why I ate… to avoid the thinking part. But the more times you do it the easier it gets. It doesn’t work all the time but a lot of the time
.-= Robin´s last blog ..Six Light Bulbs for $45 =-.
Lori – You are right, part 3 is really the one that shows we have done it. We practice, and practice, and never give up!
@ Robin – You are exactly right. The more times you do it, the easier it does get. BTW, I loved your post today!
Ahh I’ve been there with the M&Ms before. I would always stay up late studying and this darn giant bag of M&Ms would seem to call my name from the pantry. They were my “i need something to munch on while i’m sitting here snack.” Big mistake.. I think I gained about 10 lbs from those little chocolatey devils. One night I decided enough was enough, went outside and tossed them in the dumpster, never to be seen again!
I love your advice to stop and pause before grabbing munchies. You are truly and inspiration and look gorgeous! Great post.
.-= Shannon The Healthy Beach Bum´s last blog ..last week of summer =-.
Shannon – Thanks for the compliment. I loved the word picture of throwing those M&M’s in the dumpster. How funny. I enjoyed reading your blog today!
If I could remember to wait fifteen minutes, that would make a big difference for me. I have allowed myself to go back to my grazing, instead of planned meals…if I just waited until meal time, or at least fifteen minutes, I know it would help. Thanks for the tips.
.-= Patty´s last blog ..I can kick and I can stretch and I can kick ‘cuz… =-.
Patty – The 15 minute thing really helped me kick the habits surrounding the desire to eat immediately. I hope it works for you too.
I always laugh out loud after I read your post and you end with, “What do you think about this or that?” I laugh because I figure you’re eventually going to realize with each one of my comments that I’m the worst weight loss person ever, lol. I’ll tell you what I did the very first week of trying to force myself to not get in my car and drive to the fast food restaurants 1 mile from my apartment….
I threw myself on my bed and cried my eyes out!! Sometimes I cried for 2 or 3 HOURS trying to resist. I’m such a wimp, lol. BUT…I am happy to report that I haven’t had any greasy, fried, calorie-laden fast food in 8 weeks now. Still going strong.
.-= Tammy´s last blog ..30 Year Habit =-.
It’s great that you recognize that you are an emotional eater and have found your personal interim solution.
If I may I’d like to point out that it helps to know how to actually deal with the emotions that you’ve identified. Not everyone is at the point of commitment to take ten minutes to interfere with impulse.
The challenge is to embrace the emotions, feel them, take them straight and leave food out of the equation.