I’d given up on weight loss. I had resigned myself to being overweight for the rest of my life, and really tried to move forward. For a period of about 2 years, I didn’t actively diet, but rather actively gained weight. You see, gaining weight was easy for me, trying to lose weight was hard.
So I gave up. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted. I made my jumpers extra big, so they would still fit when I gained more weight. Because, I knew I would gain weight, no matter what I did. And I told my patient husband that I was just meant to be fat. He wisely didn’t say anything, but rather just played Switzerland, neutral as they come.
I had given up publicly. But I never gave up privately.
Inside myself, where no one could see, I secretly longed to make a change.I cried sometimes, out of frustration, and out of sadness over what I had allowed myself to become. Somewhere in that secret place I still hoped.
During the period of time that I gave up trying to lose weight I gained about 25 pounds, and lost another notch off my self-esteem belt. I tried hard to be the jolly, funny Diane, but inside I still burned with longing for a new me. So I guess the truth of the matter is, I never really gave up.
What happens to you when you have given up trying to lose weight? Or if you are not actively trying to lose weight, what has happened to you when you tried to give up on a dream. Does the dream really go away? Maybe sometimes it does, but I’m willing to wager a bet that for most of us it doesn’t die completely.
For me giving up was akin to saying, “I’m not worth the effort anymore.” It was as if I gave myself permission to continue with all the unhealthy habits I knew weren’t good for me, and try to enjoy them. It allowed me to get even more unfit.
What about you? Have you ever given up on yourself?
I’m often asked how I made the change from fat to not. I have a variety of answers to the question, depending on the context in which it was asked, but the deep down truth of the matter is: I never completely gave up. Somewhere deep inside myself I knew that I was going to lose weight and get healthy. Even with all the weight gain, I knew I was going to do it. Even after publicly relinquishing my desire to lose weight, I believed.
I’d encourage you to never give up on yourself. You are worth whatever effort it takes to get to a healthier place. It doesn’t have to be a size 2, or a size 10. It needs to be where you feel comfortable, happy, and whole. I often think what would have happened to me if I had truly given up on myself. I know in my heart that I would have continued gaining weight until I was super morbidly obese. That was my path, and I was well down the road.
How do you feel about your weight loss journey? What makes you not give in to the temptation to give up, but rather keep walking your own road?
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Once I decided this was it…something clicked inside my head after many attempts I was never tempted to cheat or fall back..now at goal I love the way i feel in my skin so that drives me to continue looking after myself.
Its a decision I make every morning when I wake up…that TODAY I will keep to my plan.I live in the moment…tomorrow is another day, brings with it all its challenges.
Very interesting article. Love your blog.
Marcelle´s last blog ..Very Hot Sunday
@Marcelle – That is so wonderful. I love how each day you make the decision to keep to your plan. That is so important isn’t it?
as Ive yammered before for me right now it isnt weight loss but other goals.
for me right now even when I stomp my feet (sadly LITERALLY not figuratively) and say IM DONE! IM OUT! I CAN NOT DO THIS!!! there is still a piece waaaaaaaaaaay down inside of me which knows I can.
which doesnt give up.
it was that way when I was working to lose weight as well….
MizFit´s last blog ..TuesdayTestdrive: Lebert Equalizer (video/giveaway post).
Sadly, if someone truly gives up it is a very bad sign. You, like most, only gave up on the outside. It’s when we give up on ourselves that we often don’t pull back out of it.
Right now I am pretty pleased with my weight loss journey, but I know I am not done yet. Lot’s of things motivate me, but my health is the driving force.
South Beach Steve´s last blog ..Bad Blood
@MizFit – I would have assumed such – that you don’t ever give up – ever!
@Steve – Good point, if someone really does give up it can have dire consequences. You are doing a great job, and your health is one of the best reasons to stick with your plan.
I’m like you… inside me there was always this kernel of belief. This hope that I would make it. I knew that to give up on that hope would be to give up on my life.
Now living healthy has become as natural as breathing and there is no “giving up”. It’s all about embracing life!
Great post!
Hanlie´s last blog ..Who could hang a name on you?
I had given up on weight loss after yo-yoing fad diets. It took a blood pressure scare to really make me serious.
Greg at Live Fit´s last blog ..Fiber For Children – How To Get More Fiber In My Kids Diet
@Hanlie – It’s so wonderful that you have made healthy living of who you are. Embrace life!
@Greg – I’m sorry it took a scare to get your healthy, but it’s so great that you made the commitment to turn around! Thank you so much for coming by.
I feel like my weight has cycles of up and down, and what I want is to stop the cycles. I need to stay at a healthy weight. I’ve never truly given up on myself. I want better for myself, and my kids are a big motivator. I want them to see a healthy mom so they too can be healthy adults.
Amy H.´s last blog ..Breakfast for Dinner
I have done the yo-yo thing so many times. Each time I gave up (publicly) and gained all the weight back and then some I felt as if another little part of myself had just died. I would retreat within myself and just go through the motions, but never really feeling comfortable to go to public functions anymore than I had to.
This last time I started to regain the weight back but stopped before having gained it all back.
This time is different, I can feel it in my bones. And I’m not really sure how to explain it other than I finally am doing it for me, and decided that I am worth whatever it takes to get healthy in a safe and healthy way. However long it takes.
I am also acknowledging the full impact of past emtional turmoil on my current eating habits. And working on actually changing habits rather than depriving myself of certain things until I have lost the desired amount of weight.
Amy´s last blog ..Another 2.2 Pounds Down! Hurrah!
@Amy H. – I totally understand the weight cycles, because I was stuck in the same 20 pound cycle for a long, long time. My kids were a huge source of motivation for me as well.
@amy – You are worth whatever it takes, and I’m so glad that you have made the commitment to yourself. Because that’s really who it is about – you!
I am struggling a bit with this now. There is part of me that wants to say “I’m done!” but deep inside I feel like there are 10 more pounds that should come off (not vanity stuff). My body doesn’t want to give them up and I have to wonder how hard I have to push to make that happen, or if maybe my body is trying to tell me to stop. I feel like I am banging my head on the wall and that doesn’t feel right.
But, I don’t see giving up necessarily, because I am not going to put weight on. I know that the reward of having a healthy body and putting myself first is so important. If I were to give up, then that means that I have put something else before me. There are times in life when being selfish is the right thing to do, and taking care of yourself and nurturing your body is one of those times.
Lori´s last blog ..Full Bites Giveaway!
“You are worth whatever effort it takes to get to a healthier place. It doesn’t have to be a size 2, or a size 10. It needs to be where you feel comfortable, happy, and whole.”
This says it all for me Diane. I definitely think it’s about believing in ourselves and that we can truly do ANYTHING we put our minds to. Never giving up on ourselves no matter how hard things seem sometimes, because we are worth it.
Great post!!!
Dawn´s last blog ..Working on the house
@Lori – I think it’s really important to make the decision to be the weight that you feel comfortable with. Also, it is so great that you see all the rewards that being a healthy weight offers, even if the road to get there wasn’t always easy.
@Dawn – Belief in ourselves is so important, for even if other people know you can do it, until you believe it too, it won’t happen.
Yes, when I was young, I was always the fat one. All my friends could eat whatever they wanted but not me. Looking at food meant it was going to end up on the bod. All my friends were skinny & did not have the food & fat prob I did.. so yes, I would say screw it to myself BUT there was always, like you Diane, that inside that said I do not want to be this way. In high school, I finally just did it after being tired of the whole fat, no dating or boyfriend, the teasing & such. I just started & kept with it this time. As the weight came off, it encouraged me to keep at it. And as I looked better & clothes sizes went down, all the better. I am not sure what is was then but it clicked.
Like MizFit, I now struggle with other things in my life. I have not given up but there are times when ya want to for sure.
I gave up just over a year ago. I decided I wasn’t going to hate myself for being fat and I was going to learn to live with the lot I’d been handed in life. I didn’t gain more weight … at first. Just after the holidays I gained 20 pounds, my knees hurt for the first time in my life when going up stairs and I decided I couldn’t give up. Like you, Diane, if I did I would just get bigger and bigger and I knew it had to stop.
I refused to start a diet again, but just decided to take baby steps to do something about my weight.
I’m not sure what my greatest motivator is. Maybe it is knowing that I just refuse to give up. I am not going to ever see 231 on the scale again. I refuse. I want to have the energy to spend time with my family and I want to feel better about my ability to control myself. It’s been very slow going, but I know I’ll get there because I simply refuse to give up on myself again.
Thank you for the very good post! So thought provoking.
Leah´s last blog ..Working and Working Out
@Jody – Aren’t you so glad, that however you got there, that you are healthy and super fit now? As far as struggles go, I’ve still got them too!
@Leah – I’m so glad that you didn’t give up completely. Just think where you would be today if you hadn’t started again. I like it when you said, “I refuse.”
Oh Yes, I’ve given up… I throw my hands up in defeat and say, “well I’m just not meant to be thin, so I might as well enjoy my food (and lots of it!!).” I’ve been lucky though in that I’ve never had to lose more than about 40lbs. For some reason, once those size 16’s start to feel snug, something inside me says “WHOA!!”, and I reign myself in and lose the weight. I am really determined to do things differently this time, and not give in to that temptation to give up…
Janet´s last blog ..Day 92 – My Skinny Daughter
@Janet – That is really good that there is a certain size that you say, “Wait just a minute here.” For me, I had no such filter. I wish I had though. I liked your post today about your children’s health and eating.
I love that you say that you shouldn’t give up until you are at a place where you “feel comfortable, happy, and whole.” You are so right, it’s not so much about a particular size but much more about how you feel deep down inside…
Andrea@WellnessNotes´s last blog ..Favorite Summer Memories & Weekly Meals (8/18 – 8/21)
I have given up temporarily any number of times… sometimes for months or a year at a time… but in my heart I always know that I want better things for myself. Better nutrition, fitness–and yes, better clothes.
Hilary´s last blog ..Turtle Progress, Rebooted and a DEXA Scan
@Andrea – It is about how we feel, and what size feels right to me might not feel the same for someone else. That’s why I didn’t know what weight I wanted to be as I lost weight. I just played it by ear.
@Hilary – Ah, the clothes. That was a big motivator for me, in addition to, of course, better health. I’m glad you started back again!
I can give up so easily. I don’t know why though because losing weight is on my mind from morning until night. I know that it can be done. I have done it before only to gain it back. Obviously, there must be a reason why I don’t feel that I’m worth it. This is such a mental journey.
I think what made me succeed this time was that I was finally doing it for myself, not for anyone else and their approval. Something in me just snapped and I knew, I just knew, that I would do whatever it took. It was like I’d been in a cave for twenty four years and I’d finally got my torch working. All of a sudden, it wasn’t about my jeans size or how many chins I had in photos. It was all about getting to a healthier, happier place, where I felt confident, purposeful, energised, positive and content with life. If I happened to lose weight, it was a bonus! Now, four years on, my healthy lifestyle is so natural to me and I have embraced life to the full, doing things I never in a million years thought I could do. I found this quote by Pat Farmer, an Australian marathon runner, right when I first started losing weight and it kept me going every time I was tempted to “give up”:
“When you really want to do something, in your heart of hearts, you will find a way. But if you don’t really want to do something, you will always find an excuse.”
I really wanted to do it. That was the difference that time, for me.
Great post, and great blog!
skinny latte´s last blog ..carbs by candlelight
@Michelle – I think you sound like I felt. I thought about my weight all the time, but I kept giving up. It is a mental journey, and just as an encouragement to you – you are worth it!!
@Skinny Latte – Excellent job! I love that quote too. I can tell that you really made the change for you, and for your health. I hope that you feel a lot of satisfaction at what you have accomplished, because it is huge!
There always seems to be a part of us that isn’t quite willing to give up- the trick is finding it!
Sagan´s last blog ..I make bread.
I swear sometimes peole come into our lives..when we freaking need it..and you’re it! TAG!
I was REALLY struggling this weekend silencing the ‘eat more’ and ‘tomorrow you’ll start’ crap. Then I g-mailed my friend and she said to me ‘are you afraid to lose the weight?’ ‘what are you wanting out of it?’
I have never answered those questions before. 1. I guess I am ‘afraid’ to lose the weight because I have identified myself as a dieter for 8 YEARS! But I think this identity begs the next question..what do I want out of this? I think that if you place a goal of this or that, or get into this pair of jeans etc…you may get there. But in the end getting there, believe me I’ve done it, you want more.
I have shifted to the mentality–as you have lived and discovered–of being balanced with food, feeding my body when it’s hungry, honouring my hunger and letting go of it all that’s holding me back. I had never visualised myself as being this. Honestly, I maybe 179lbs or 158lbs. My goal is to be in a healthy weight range, enjoying food and moving my body. Visualsing this end product is really helping me overcome this stagnent goals which never really get me anywhere except into depressions and food.
Thank you for this. Thank you for reminding me that I to want this and that I wont be giving up.
Live.Life.Fully ~M
@Sagan – The trick is in the finding. It’s there, but bringing it to the surface can sometimes be a long process.
@Michelle – Thank you so much for the compliment. It’s people like you that make me so happy to read the comments. I like how your friend asked you some pointed questions, and how you took the time to answer them for yourself. It’s so important to be healthy, and to lose weight in a way that is life sustaining for yourself. Thanks again!
I’m struggling a bit now, too. Weight loss, of course, always – but also recovery from my ongoing ED. Can I recover, will I recover, do I even want to recover? I need to take your advice and find that piece of me that knows what it needs to do. Thank you.
Gayle´s last blog ..Butterfly Cards
@Gayle – I’m not sure what ED you have been struggling with, but I sincerely hope that you have had some professional help working through it. I’ll be thinking of you in that. I hope also that you do want to recover, because you are definitely worth all the effort that recovery may take. Thank you.
I have given up plenty in the past. On this journey, I have wanted to give up more times than I care to admit, as recent as yesterday, but I have changed this time, and I can’t give up. Its the strangest feeling I have ever had. But, once I get to goal, I will be grateful for the perseverance.
Pam´s last blog ..Yet Another A-Ha Moment
Did I EVER?
Oh gosh, this is another subject that really hit me between the eyes. I DID give up for about 2 years prior to having my gastric bypass surgery. I didn’t think I was worth anything, I was a certified failure, I felt unloved and uncherished, I didn’t deserve what other people deserved, etc. I did a lot of my gaining during this time, and it was just “confirmation” of what I already believed about myself. It was so easy to say, “See? I have a slow metabolism; My fibromyalgia keeps me from being able to lose weight; there’s nothing I can do because I’m over 40…” The usual rhetoric.
Fortunately, in June of 2007, I started working with a compassionate doctor (filling in for my “regular” PCP) who was willing to start me with a tool that would jump start my weight loss journey (and subsequent success). She gave me hope and suggestions. She made me believe that I WAS worth it and WOULD succeed. What a blessing she was and so unlike my usual PCP who just told me I needed to “move more and eat less,” without consideration for my mental state or physical disabilities.
By the time I had my surgery (6 months later), I had developed a pretty good foundation of exercise and making healthy food choices, but the medication I was on had stopped working, so I was really terrified that I would regain those first 50 pounds I’d lost.
Surgery was the answer for me, but it wasn’t the solution. No, that is what happens in what I call the “After” Life (After the “After” picture). That’s when the rubber really meets the road (which is where I am now.)
If I have learned anything in the past 2+ years, it’s that I AM worth it, I AM a success and I DO deserve it all (love, respect, cherishing
I never want to give up again. How could I when I’ve proven I can accomplish anything I set my heart and mind to?
Cari (aka Gastric Bypass Barbie)´s last blog ..I Was Never A Girl Scout
@Pam – Yes, it is tempting to give up, but I’m so glad that you feel changed, and committed. I’m rooting for your success.
@Cari – This is really good. Even though you had given up, it just took the guidance of a doctor to help you through that really rough time. I really appreciate it when you comment because you give all of us a great perspective on what life after surgery is like. It’s not all love and roses. There are still struggles with food, with emotions – with life. Thanks!
I think the “giving up” mode had to do with the desire to not be a failure anymore. Every time I tried to change my eating habits and failed, it chipped away at something deep inside. The “giving up” was my way to say, THIS is something I can DO! I know how to eat, and eat, and eat some more. No failure here. I also think it had to do with fear. The more times I lost control around the food, the more I obsessed about it, the deeper the tunnel went. It became a way to have a “mental” break from the inner struggle. That doesn’t mean it was a GOOD thing to give up. It just seemed to be the thing I had to do at that time. Thank God, I too found my way out and have regained the belief that can and I deserve to live a full, whole and balanced life.
A little over a year ago, I lost shy of 20lbs. Then I got stuck, just about where I am right now on the scale. After a few too many days of bad numbers, I gave up on myself, decided the weight loss thing wasn’t for me, and went back to eating with a vengeance.
It’s so important to remember to believe in ourselves, to stay on course. Great, great post, Diane.
Hadley´s last blog ..Tuesday Weigh In
@Terry – I’m glad that you found a way out, and belief in yourself again. Fear of failure is huge in weight loss, and it is often a huge stumbling block for us.
@Hadley – I did that more time than I can even remember. And then I’d get mad at myself for gaining the weight back, and eat more. Believe in yourself – you can do it!!
Hi, I love to read your blog, and I have an award for you at my blog! Thanks for all your helpful insights!
@Tania – Thanks so much for the award! I wasn’t sure which blog was yours, because the link didn’t come up!
Hi, I love to read your blog, and I have an award for you at my blog! Thanks for all your helpful insights!
P.S. – Sorry, forgot to tell you great post!
I don’t think I ever did give up. I had reached the point of never thinking I could do it – but I had a small glimmer of hope that I would.
Honestly, the thing that kept me hoping and struggling towards getting up the nerve to try again were the successes – PastaQueen’s in particular. Every time I thought that losing 200 lbs was impossible – I had that thought at the back of mind – PastaQueen did it. She started at the same weight I did. She had the same struggles I did. Yet she persevered. Inspiration can be a powerful thing.
Kimberly´s last blog ..WSR: Weight 239.2 – Weight Left To Lose 69.2
I know i can accomplish anything. I also remember what i feels like to give up and not do my personal best. Man this makes me want to turn of the computer and hit the gym. Thanks for sharing.
Fitness Surfer´s last blog ..Summer Fun: What makes you tick?
@Kimberly – That glimmer of hope, and Pasta Queen, were wonderful, wonderful things for you, and the best part is you still believed in yourself. Inspiration is powerful, and she is a great role model!
@Fitness Surfer – Turn off that computer and get to the gym!! Just kidding – thanks so much for the great comment.
I titled my blog The Path to Health because for me, it’s about a healthy lifestyle FOREVER. I don’t want to eat junk and feel crappy or watch my body deteriorate because of unhealthy habits. If I have a bad day, it’s not the end of the world and I can make healthy choices tomorrow. Love your thoughtful posts.
MamaBearJune´s last blog ..Healthy You Check in
You blog was OUTSTANDING! I am currently in the place where I feel as though I am going to be fat for the rest of my life. While I was about 450 lbs and got down to 270 lbs with diet and exercise, I have gained again and am back up to about 298 lbs. I feel like I can’t get it right and feel like a failure. I wanted to be less than 250 lbs for my 50th birthday, but instead as it approaches in 2 weeks I will not reach my goal and in fact put on weight. I just want so badly to give up totally; but can’t totally. However, I guess I have just given up hope that I won’t every be a “healty” weight. Lossing and a healthy lifestyle just doesn’t seem to come easy for me. When I am stressed I go back to my unhealy habits of compulsive eating and I give up the exersise. I feel like why should I bother anymore; can’t seem to “get it right”. You give me some home that it is possible! Thanks so much for your blog!
Sarah
My cute little mom, who also struggles with her weight, can often tell when I am discouraged and on the verge of quitting. She frequently tells me “Don’t give up sweetie. I did and it was the worst thing I ever did.” Luckily she didn’t quit all together and has had some recent wonderful success. I’m grateful for her insight.
teresa´s last blog ..My Ice Cream Epiphany
I can totally relate to your feelings about pictures. I hate to have mine taken and always try to hide behind others when it is taken. I see pictures of myself and can’t believe it is me.
I haven’t ever totally given up, although I have spent plenty of time just not trying. And, when I am not trying I seem to make very poor eating choices. During those times I gain weight very quickly, and my life seems to spin out of control. My catalyst to taking care of myself is always the physical pain my body is in then . I think to myself that I don’t want to have pains in my feet every time I take a step, or pain in my back every morning that I wake up. I don’t want to have aching knees as I climb stairs, or breathe heavily when I walk. I want to be active and enjoy my life and my family. When I get to that point then I begin to make changes.
2Bmeagain´s last blog ..Food Tastes Best When . . .