[Guess what? I was interviewed for Frito Lay's corporate blog! I'll be doing some guest blogging for them next month! Thanks Dave!]
Do you have a thin friend? I did. And she wasn’t just thin, but she was healthy. She was beautiful. She drove me crazy. That’s right, she drove me crazy. I met her right after John and I got married. At that time, I was still an average sized person. Not thin like my friend, but not overweight either.
Here’s why she drove me crazy. The woman always ate well! Always. We’d go out lunch together and she would always order the salad. I’d feel guilty, and change my order from the fried chicken sandwich with french fries, to salad. So we’d crunch and munch together, her happily, and me sadly. Can’t you just picture this?
She also drove me crazy because she never sat down. She was always bustling around doing something. I just wanted to sit on the couch and visit. But no, we had to go to the park, or take a walk, or shop at the mall for hours at a time. Never just sit.
Once I gained weight, and went from average sized to morbidly obese, I was still friends with her. We’d still go to lunch, and she’d still have a salad. I never ordered the salad anymore though. I just got what I wanted, because it didn’t seem to matter how hard I tried, I could never be like her.
Now that I’m a healthy weight, I often think of my friend. We’ve moved away, so we don’t keep in touch much, but she’s often on my mind. She had a different philosophy and relationship with food and exercise then I did. She enjoyed cooking, loved to entertain, but didn’t blow up like a balloon as I did. She knew how to enjoy food.
What came naturally to her, I had to work at. In fact, during the year of my weight loss attempt, when I’d get discouraged, or unsure of what I should be doing, I’d think of her. I would think, “What would ‘Kathy’ do?” And then I’d do that. Sometimes that involved adjusting meals to be healthier and lower in fat. Sometimes it meant getting out of the house, and moving my body. Other times, it just served as a reminder to eat like a thin person.
Her relationship with food wasn’t an emotional relationship like mine was. I tried hard to learn from her, and in many ways I succeeded. I still have emotional relationships with food, and there are days I struggle with making the right choices, but more often than not I manage well.
Here’s 10 things she did differently than I did:
- Ate slowly
- Make healthy choices
- Cooked from scratch
- Ate processed foods in moderation
- Exercised regularly
- Moved a lot during the day
- Didn’t obsess over food
- Ate something sweet when she wanted to
- Enjoyed her food
- Always worked to get more fit, not just stay thin
She taught me a lot without even intending to. I should probably write her a letter and thank her for the good influence she was on me. Even as a fat person, I admired her immensely. Is there someone in your life you have learned something about food from? I’d love it if you’d share what you’ve learned with the rest of us. Diane
By the way,when I lost all my weight she said, “I always believed in you. I knew you’d do it.”
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Your friend is a natural eater. I read about someone like this once and I sat down to see who I knew like that who could be a role model for me (as I had an eating disorder at the time) and there was no-one. All of my family and friends had emotional relationships with food or were obese.
It’s really interesting to read about your friends habits. These are goals I have set for myself to achieve over time
A Girl Running´s last blog ..7 Weeks Pregnant
“All of my family and friends had emotional relationships with food or were obese.” was in the comment above mine.
And that is where my mind went too – wondering if you were friends with other “you’s” with bad food habits and what happened to those relatonship when your habits changed.
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Vickie – It’s funny because I was the only obese one in my group of friends! I always felt like they were “doing me a favor” by being friends with me. One sad thing
When I lost the weight, my “best friend” wasn’t happy, and we parted ways by her choice.
Honestly, I learned a lot about eating well from other bloggers. I started reading food blogs towards the end of my weight loss, when I was stil limiting my choices too much. Seeing these healthy girls eat things like cake, cookies, etc, and balance it out with other healthy foods and an active lifestyle taught me a lot.
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Oh do write her a little note. I bet it would mean so much to her!
I don’t have any friends at all with healthy eating habits! I’ll just have to be the inspiration to them.
Debby´s last blog ..Hello, my name is Debby
My thin friend is my husband. He’s physically thin, but has big problems with high cholesterol (his father has had bypass surgeries and his brother had a heart attack at 40!), so he eats really well to control that. When I was bingeing, I resented that he was always so on point. I felt like he was better than me somehow. Now, he’s my biggest supporter. He always was, but I couldn’t see it then. I’m lucky to have him so close to help keep me on track.
Amy H.´s last blog ..Old Me New Me?
Honestly, I think women in North America who do NOT have a problematic relationship with food are as rare as hen’s teeth. Virtually all the women I know–heavy, slim, or average size–worry about what they eat.
I do have one friend who is quite slim and doesn’t seem to worry about what she eats, but she’s the exception. She’s also someone who doesn’t actually enjoy food that much. It’s just her personality. She usually eats very boring food, which is not particularly nutritious either, like Kraft singles, for instance. Her fridge has practically nothing in it. None of her sisters (she comes from a large family) enjoys cooking. That’s just the way it is in her family.
I have a colleague who is bone-thin. She used to be a fashion model. In public, she eats normally, though extremely slowly (which is a very good thing). There have been rumours that she’s bulimic. I really don’t know. I do know that she is a fanatic about exercise. Although she wanted to have children, she never managed to get pregnant. I suspect her body weight has always been too low for that to happen.
Another friend of mine is slim and in great shape. As a teenager, she was anorexic. Though she is definitely no longer anorexic, she still tends to pick at her food, eating very small pieces–like a bird. She exercises religiously. Her mother, who is dying of cancer, is STILL obsessing about not eating high-fat foods!
It isn’t impossible to eat healthily (both mentally and physically), but it’s a huge effort. Eating normally is something that’s bred out of us the minute we’re born. Sigh.
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My best friend is a size 4/6, but I think she just has really good metabolism and genes, b/c her whole family is thin. She doesn’t exactly eat very healthy, and is able to maintain her weight. She is though an “emotional dieter.” When she’s upset, she won’t eat, whereas when I’m upset, I overeat. I compare myself a lot to her, which I shouldn’t, but I’ve learned not to try to anymore.
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I learned a lot about what *not* to do with food from family! I learned very bad habits on some things, and created quite a few of my own.
A big thing that I learned along the way from the bad examples is that you actually can enjoy good food and be healthy. Eating healthy does not mean you have to be unhappy with what’s on your plate.
I love what your friend said to you at the end, there. You should write to her. I bet it would brighten her day!
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I had this friend who I worked with back in my early 20’s. She was a tiny lil thing, and we would go to lunch together and she would crack me up – she would order like 3 or 4 things – enough to feed two to three people. Then, she would take a few bites out of each thing, because she wanted to taste them all, box up the rest and take it home for her boyfriend to eat the rest.
She taught me that you can enjoy everything you want to, as long as you do it in moderation.
I never did thank her for that lesson. I should look her up again….
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This is a wonderful post and I agree that you should drop her a note. I know a couple of people like this and I never could understand why they were like that. A friend and I were talking the other day and saying how we never really realized before that weight issues can have such emotional ties to them.
I do know a small handful of ladies that are like your friend. I can only think of one that lives near me…so maybe I’ll start thinking of her more often.
Thanks for the great story and encouraging post!
Leah´s last blog ..A Size Smaller?
I have always been surrounded by thin people…my family!
I take after my dad’s side of the family…the stocky Norwegians. My mom, three sisters and two brothers were always thin while I was growing up, and I was never “fat”, but just sturdier than the rest. They really can’t relate to overeating at all, because they have not had to deal with that in their lives. But, now as I am embarking on my weight loss journey my family are my biggest champions! It’s great!
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I feel like I have been surrounded by thin women my whole life; even now that I’m perhaps one of them, I don’t always feel like I fit in because it is such a struggle to me. I have some naturally thin friends who do eat whatever they want; what they want though, typically, is just as you said: a big, health salad, a bowl of fruit, etc. Sure, they indulged…but it seemed their tastebuds always lead them to make the “right” choices.
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Yes, I do have a person in my life like your friend and that is YOU! You are such in inspiration to me and my battle with losing this weight. I always here your encouraging voice when I want to give in and I am so thankful to have you in my life.
I’ve mainly learned (or am still learning) the hard way. My father’s health is a great motivator in terms of what NOT to strive for as he’s diabetic, with emphysema and heart problems. He always had a terrible diet, smoked and never exercised.
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Those 10 things could change a lot of lives.
Excellent post.
Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit´s last blog ..How Do You Eat A Whale?
Wonderful post, Diane! You’ve given me some food for thought here… I actually do have someone I can emulate!
Hanlie´s last blog ..What I’ve learned about staying on the wagon…
She sounds EXACTLY like the friend I went to visit yesterday, although when I was younger (in high school) she was very unhealthy and I was too, in an eating disorder kind of way. Now she’s really healthy and in good shape, it seems very natural to her and I’m envious of that. I can tell though she has all the faith in me, if only I felt the same.
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Oh my: did your thin friend move to Holland?
You’re talking about my friend K.
You’ve read my blog about my run last Wednesday. K. is the thin girl in the picture. She’s the one who motivated me to start running and she’s running races with me. Not just for herself but also for me.
She’s my motivation and inspiration and one of the kindest, sweetest persons I know. I love her!
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What a wonderful & inspiring post, Diane!!
Not to sound conceited at ALL, but the one who inspires me is the old “me” I used to be… the one who ran around with the kids all the time, ate healthy, didn’t eat ‘crap’, exercised, etc… I finally feel like myself once again, and it feels GOOD to be healthy and slim once again!!
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thanks so much for this post-I’m good about most of the rules but I do obess over what I am going to eat next-how do you over come that?
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Hello Diane! I just found your blog and sooo glad I did since I am in full maintenance mode now. Your posts are super-informative and exactly what I need.
I’ve learned a lot from my mom who has been at a healthy weight her entire adult life. She eats very intuitively and is a great example!
P.S.I loved that your friend gave you such a wonderful compliment when you’d lost the weight.
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Your friend would probably love to hear from you and how healthy you are!
Thanks for visiting my blog and for your kind words. It’s great to meet so many new people in the blogosphere. I’ll be back again soon to get to know you better.
Have a fun weekend.
Actually, I learned the most about food and making good choices from my parents. We grew most of our own food, cooked from scratch, and rarely ate out.
Unfortunately, there was a time when I didn’t want to hear my parents’ messages and thought that they were too extreme. They never allowed us to eat fast food, we never had soda in the house, and I can count the times we had ice cream on one hand.
Looking back and raising my own children, I think they were a bit too restrictive. I think you have to equip children with the tools to function in the “real world.”
I rebelled for quite some time… I started eating processed foods and fast food. In the beginning I didn’t gain any weight, so I thought: “See. They were wrong. It’s not that bad.” But over the years, bad habits caught up with me, and deep down inside I always knew they were right.
It’s funny, today I truly follow what they taught me: I eat whole, unprocessed, organic foods. I wish I hadn’t taken a quite lengthy “detour”…
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I don’t know that I had an example like this in my life, although I was surrounded my people more fit than I was. It is pretty interesting to read how much you learned from her, although I presume she was not the motivator when you turned things around.
BTW, I was sad to read you write, “When I lost the weight, my “best friend” wasn’t happy, and we parted ways by her choice.”
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I cannot believe it but Angie and I have a friend exactly like that! She just eats better and has no desire to eat otherwise. She eats when she is hungry not to just eat. When she does eat it is to fuel her body rather than fill a void. Her choices are healthy and portions appropriate. If you put fruit in front of her and a cookie she will naturally choose the fruit with no desire at all for the cookie.
I have done a lot of thinking on this topic and I really believe it has so much to do with how we are raised and the eating habits we form as children.
Great post!
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I really liked this post, Diane!
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My sister-in-law is like that. She eats really well and doesn’t restrict herself at all, but she DOES NOT SNACK. Once dinner is over, she does the dishes, closes the kitchen, and that’s it for the night. She’s also one of those people like your friend who doesn’t sit still.
Diane,
Especially looking at the list of 10, I think about where I’ve come from, and on days that are still challenging for me. And what I see is that where I used to be (and where I sometimes still end up) – I was not doing most of these on the list. And it just led to a general feeling of lethargy…. Great lessons, thanks much for sharing.
And very cool about the Frito Lay’s interview!!!
Lance´s last blog ..The Jungle of Food Choices
My boyfriend has been a really good influence on my eating. He has always been lean. He loves to run and do yoga “because I feel better when I do it.” He never deprives himself, but always has salad with meals “for my eyes”. He has a SERIOUS family history of heart disease in the young men on one side and macular degeneration on the other, so he eats with the purpose of avoiding those problems. He has really changed my life, and for that I am grateful.
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I love the 10 things. I think I might just print it out and post it on my fridge.
I bet your friend would love to know about this post and I bet you it would make her day to get a thank you card/letter from her. Sometimes it’s those unexpected things that make the most in a person!
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I love the 10 things. My husband is actually a great influence on my food, because he sees food as fuel. He wants to eat the “best” fuel. When I was bigger it was not uncommon for me to be eating the big chicken fried steak while he was eating grilled salmon or whatever.
It helps to be around people that don’t connect so many emotional issues with food. Food is fuel….
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My immediate family had a very unhealthy relationship with food, especially my thin mom. NOT role models at all. I lost all my extra weight a few years ago, gained it all back. I then realized that I had no bloody idea how “normal” people ate, or at least people who not eating disordered but were prone to weight gain. My boyfriend at the time ate “normal” for a 6 foot tall guy who went on long bike rides and had to drink many many beers if he wanted to gain fat. All my weight came back with him. I started watching my girlfriends, especially those who seemed to have a healthy relationship with food, but had to be mildly cautious (unlike my mom and sister)due to past weight problems. I picked one to learn from. She ate mostly healthy, not very low fat, not very fried, small (really) desserts occasionally, lots of veggies, no juice/soda. It made sense, and I’d never seen anything like it. She’s since moved away, but I learned what I needed to, and now I’ve almost lost the weight again, and I feel like I know how to eat “like normal people”.
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