Right now, right where you are sitting, think about you. Where are you right now in your life? Where do you want to be six months from now?
As I was gaining weight to the point of morbid obesity, I had a hard time really focusing on where I was at that moment. I was constantly trying to see past the fat Diane and find the thin Diane. In doing so, I feel that I lost touch with myself.
When I finally started down the weight loss road for the last time, I realized with sudden clarity that in order to find my “thinner” self, I needed to accept where I was starting from, instead of only focusing on where I wanted to be. I really could visualize where I wanted to be, but appreciating the starting “me” took a little bit of time, and a lot of self-introspection.
I was so accustomed to putting my limited physical and emotional energy into my family, that I almost felt uncomfortable spending time focusing on myself. Even when I looked in the mirror each morning I tried to not really see myself. So taking the time to analyze where I was at that moment was a challenge. It turned out to be one of the more life altering decisions I made.
I clearly recall standing in my bedroom looking at myself in the mirror. I forced myself to really see:
1) What I looked like
2) What good traits were hidden under my obesity
3) I was still the same person I had always been
Coming to terms with my appearance wasn’t as easy as it sounds. I had hated how I looked for so long, that acknowledging the parts of myself I needed to improve was easy. What wasn’t so easy was putting those flaws aside, and seeing there were still good things about my appearance. I came away that day beginning to believe that I could change the bad, and enhance the good.
Finding the good traits hidden under my obesity was really hard for me. I had participated in self-depreciating talk for so many years that acknowledging my good points was difficult. I really thought about what I was proud of. I was proud of my family, my faith, my commitment to completing activities, my social relationships, etc. There were many things I wasn’t proud of, but I didn’t have a hard time listing those! It was much harder to find positive things about myself.
And finally realizing that I was the same person I had always been really helped me get started down the weight loss road on a positive note. Sure, I had become less social and less confident, but on the inside, I was still the same person I had always been. That was vital for me to realize. The old Diane was still inside, I had just stuffed her in and shut her up under the layers and layers of fat.
So when I began my journey I worked hard to enjoy each moment as it came. I started spending some time on my appearance, because I was worth it. I tried to stay proud of the things I was accomplishing, no matter how small, and even before I lost all my weight, I started to let the old Diane out of her shell.
Focusing on me wasn’t easy. I’m not introspective by nature, but one thing being obese taught me was the value of knowing yourself from the inside out. As you think about where you are right now, can you honestly appreciate who you are right now? Because until you do, getting to your goal may be harder than it needs to be. Diane
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Diane, what really struck home was where you wrote “I had participated in self-depreciating talk for so many years that acknowledging my good points was difficult.”
It reminds me of something my very perceptive hubby said to me the other day, which was “will you stop trying to please everyone else and do what YOU want to do”.
I’ve found that quite a challenge over the years, as have you by the sound of it. I’ve let both the fat I carried and that ‘please others at all costs’ message bury the ‘me’ inside.
I’ve only just begun to realise that I need to let that ‘me’ out and spread her wings. Doing something to change my physical appearance has boosted my confidence a lot and, although it’s slow progress, I’m learning to rediscover the old ‘me’, love who that person really is and appreciate what I do have to offer.
Thanks for reminding me again.
Deniz´s last blog ..Bread of Heaven!
@Deniz – It is hard to do, but I love how you said you are spreading your wings and rediscovering the old you! That’s just wonderful.
I know I say this so frequently BUT your words of wisdom for me bleed over into all realms of life and goals and dreams.
this:
So when I began my journey I worked hard to enjoy each moment as it came.
speaks to me as a great reminder of enjoying my journey.
the journey of all things in my life.
today, on my mind, the journey of my writing.
enjoying the PROCESS and *not* solely focusing on the outcome.
MizFit´s last blog ..MizFit & Austin Marathon (giveaway post).
I love how your posts bring my introspective self to the surface!
266´s last blog ..The Need For Fast Food
@MizFit – I agree 100% to enjoy the process, because the process is still part of our lives.
@266 – Thank you very much! I liked your fast food post today!
I think it’s so hard for me to focus on myself because I just feel so awful about myself.
But I’m going to pick one thing to focus on today that is positive and try to keep that in front of me. Thank you.
I have denied self-introspection for so many years that it’s hard for me to do it, even a tiny bit…although I am trying. I do agree that it’s important to spend some time on ourselves, thereby giving us the self-worth that we DO deserve.
Shelley B´s last blog ..Challenge Update and Body Image
@Monica – Please try and work on feeling more positive about yourself. Regardless of where you are, you are still worth all the effort it takes to get healthy. Thank you for commenting Monica.
@Shelley – It’s hard for me too, and something I had to work at too.
Diane, you really seem to have a passion for helping others see their own self-worth. This is such an important part of the process. All to often we think that if we lose weight, get a better job, get fit, have better clothes, whatever your excuse, then we will be happy. I happen to think that it helps to be happy with ourselves first, then the other things come easier.
South Beach Steve´s last blog ..End of a Three-Day Weekend
As always, great thought provoking post! I don’t even think I thought beyond losing weight when I lost mine because I was a young teenager when I first lost the weight & I just wanted to date & have boys like me. As I got older & did the readjustment & learning to do things right, I did think about me but really not in the way you described & I should have.. I still should. That is still the biggest stumbling block for me. That introspective stuff you wrote about. And I do think it is a stumbling block for ne right now. It is very tough stuff & I even blog about it myself but I am the first to say I have not mastered it.
You have come so far. You should be very proud!
@Steve – I really think that when we feel better about ourselves it makes the whole process a bit easier. I felt so horrible about myself that I think had I had more self confidence before I got up to 300 pounds then perhaps I wouldn’t have gotten so obese.
@Jody – I love the “wanting boys to like me.” That shows how young you were doesn’t it??!! It’s hard for me too. I really have to consciously think about my feelings, because I tend to just steamroll ahead.
Yup! It is such a hard thing for me to appreciate where I am right now. Part of my problem is that even though my head knew that I was super obese, my heart didn’t. I never really felt different than my thin friends. I never really understood why they were so hard on their bodies.
There is also the huge fear that you won’t be the same person that you were when you began the journey. The fear that you are becoming someone else as you shed the layers. Some times the change is good and sometimes it isn’t.
Great post! Very thought provoking.
LoriAnn´s last blog ..Junk Drawers Every Where!
@LoriAnn – That fear is really real. I was fearful about a lot of things both before I lost the weight, and during it. The fear was founded in some cases, but fortunately, not in most.
This is exactly where I am right now, it’s hard but I know how necessary it is. I can’t keep saying “i’ll do this when i lose weight” because I can’t be waiting forever to see who I am or to focus on my life right now.
Robin´s last blog ..Cherrishing Pain
It really is necessary isn’t it? I waited and missed out on so many things during my obesity. It’s hard.
I loved this post. It’s so true that there are no ways around a problem other than through it. Like you, it’s difficult to be gentle with myself after years of beating myself up but I’m getting there.
Gigi´s last blog ..Keeping Score
I completely agree. I didn’t start to really lose weight until I, ironically, embraced myself for who I already was. It sounds so trite, but there is so much truth in it! For me, having the confidence made it easy to lose weight, and feeling bad about myself led to more weight gain. Even now, when I start feeling good, the weight loss follows. But the second I start feeling down on myself, it’s a downward spiral!
Lara (Thinspired)´s last blog ..Matthew’s First Half Marathon
@Gigi – Good for you on trying to be gentle with yourself. You deserve all the care in the world!
@Lara – It’s not trite at all. The self confidence factor is very important both in weight gain and weight loss. Thanks.
Thanks Diane for that! I find it very difficult to put myself first and feel good about myself. I’m always seeing the bad things and with that comes self destruction. I will remember your words and try a little harder.
Lovely post. I think this is where I am at in life right now. Focusing on ME and my health for me! I am proud of my career, my education, my family, but I have never liked the way I looked. That is all changing as I speak.
Dana (www.eatsleepgetfit.com)´s last blog ..GAG 2009 Weekly Weigh In
@Michelle – Thank you for your honesty. It is really hard to put myself at the head of the line, especially with so many in our family. I try to think of it like this – the better I feel about myself, the more I can be there for those I love.
@Dana – That’s just wonderful that you are taking the time to focus on you, and be proud of all your accomplishments.
I definitely don’t have a problem being introspective, but I do need to work on making that introspection more positive and not just about bemoaning all of my many flaws.
erin´s last blog ..Sometimes Weight Loss Doesn’t Make Sense
erin – You are really smart to realize that introspection can be helpful if you can keep a positive tilt to it!
Diane: As usual, a very well-written, thought-provoking and powerful post! Thanks for sharing your former struggles, and your success.
Kathy´s last blog ..Testing, 1, 2, 3 …
I think it is hard to focus on yourself and enjoy each moment as it comes. I think, for me at least, you want weight loss to happen fast so you can be done with it, but taking the time to realize all the new things you CAN do if you only try is huge!
Great post!
Jenn@slim-shoppin´s last blog ..Lemon Basil Shrimp and pasta
@Kathy – Thank you for commenting.
@Jenn – It absolutely is huge to come to that realization. Because for me, part of it was realizing that the weight loss was just the beginning.
Kind of tacking on to what Mizfit said…”Enjoying the process”. Yes, exactly right for me. I know I’m going to love the end state, but in order to be successful, I have to fall in love with the process.
I think as women (especially if you are a mother) we are almost programmed to think about everyone ELSE except us. So its hard and seems selfish to think about what we want or what we need. But I try to think of that airplane example that they always run thru when you travel….”when travelling with a young child, put the mask on yourself first, then help the child”. You can’t be in a position to help anyone else, until you help yourself.
I love your posts.
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We are so programmed to put ourselves last, that to do otherwise seems contrary. But like I said to someone else, being a happier “me” makes me a better Mom too!
Thank you for this post today. I have a friend that desperately needs to see this, especially today. Its so true!
Pam´s last blog ..Food and other Fun
This was so spot on. I found that a really important step was spending some time looking at myself in the mirror and perhaps just as important, actually staring at a picture of myself instead of just quickly looking away. Until I understood what I was, I couldn’t understand what I was changing.
Hadley´s last blog ..Tuesday Weigh In
@Pam – I hope that your friend gets some encouragement and inspiration from how well you’ve done on your own journey!
@Hadley – That is just so brilliant! In fact, when you read about people who lost weight, a lot of times it was actually seeing a picture of themselves that got them started.
I love this post! Yes, focusing on “us” is so important to be happy and healthy people. I think it’s so easy to get overwhelmed with all we have to do each and every day and totally forget about us. But if we are not happy and healthy and don’t “face ourselves”, are we really the best we can be for those around us? I don’t think so. It took me a long time to realize this. And I still sometimes struggle with “taking” 30 minutes for myeself. But it’s so important!
Andrea@WellnessNotes´s last blog ..What To do With All the Leftovers & Weekly Meals (9/8 – 9/11)
As usual, I really needed this post today…
Lisa´s last blog ..New plan…
Beautifully written. I love how you looked inside at the beginning of your journey.
debbie´s last blog ..Teaching Healthy Relationships
@Andrea – I found it to be so good for everyone when I did take those few minutes to exercise, or prepare a healthy snack, or just sit by myself. It is easy to get overwhelmed, because we are all so busy!
@Lisa – I’m thinking about you, and am happy you have a new plan for this month.
@Debbie – Thank you so much. I really enjoy your blog.
As you can imagine, losing 100 pounds at age 50 left a bit of an “aftermath”, so I can’t say I love how I look. I do, however, know and appreciate that I look better than I did. More importantly, though, is that I *feel* so much better–physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, and any other ‘which-ly’ exists. I found strength and resilience I didn’t know I had, and all of that’s on the inside. I’m so glad I was focused on the right things and was able to see the REAL me emerge.
Cammy@TippyToeDiet´s last blog ..Makeover Monday: Don’t Believe Everything You Think
This is so very true. I have usually been able to see some good parts of me and my life, but I usually HATE how I look. That sounds superficial, but in being truly honest..I’ve worried more about how I look than about being healthy or having better eating habits.
I think learning to love myself as I was really is where my weight loss journey began for this last time, even though if you would’ve asked me then about my weight I would’ve told you I had given up on diets and was just going to learn to accept myself as as stylish, pretty, overweight woman. I even told two of my friends this very thing. I had bought new clothes for our trip out west to see family over the holidays and I felt very cute and wasn’t going to care what people thought, and I really didn’t. Until…
… I saw a picture of myself and felt that it misrepresented me. The “real” me was hidden under the fat. That’s another story for another time, but I’m trying to say that I totally agree with you and I am learning to enjoy every little victory and step down the scale instead of constantly looking ahead to how life will be when I’m thin.
Thanks for the very introspective post. It is so true and I appreciate again your honesty and willingness to try and help all of us that struggle in these same areas.
Leah´s last blog ..Deliverance Is Coming!
You totally hit a nerve with me on this post….makes me shudder. I have a hard time picking out good things about myself….especially after a fight like the one I had with my sister today, where she had no problem pointing out my failure.
Tammy´s last blog ..Life In Photos
Hi Diane,
Focusing on the positive is so very helpful to me. It is definitely a process, and we have to love ourselves enough to be patient enough to reap the benefits of our efforts. Thank you for another thought provoking post.
You have such a wonderful way with words, Diane! This post resonated with me on so many levels. I also think that we can’t truly change our lives if we’re stuck in self-hatred mode… We need to start from a point of love and acceptance. It’s taken me a while to get there, but I think I’m finally on my way.
Great, great post!
Hanlie´s last blog ..Impossible is nothing