I’m not a big sports fan in general. I didn’t participate in organized sports in high school, although I did attend the football games because I was in the band. During my college years I became more of a football fan as our team, Florida State, was on the way up, and it was exciting to be in a stadium full of tens of thousands of people. Once married, John and I went to the FSU games when we could afford it, and always had a good time cheering, drinking diet cokes and eating cheese nachos.
Once the children started coming along we rarely went to the games, but we did watch them on TV. As I gained weight over the years, I always kept my actual weight a secret from John. After all, he probably didn’t notice that I was a “bit” bigger than I used to be. But one fall day, John and I were sitting on the living room couch watching FSU play, and the commentator said, “On the defense is “so-and-so”, who is 6′3″ tall and weighs a whopping 285 pounds.” I couldn’t help it. The words came out of my mouth – “I weigh more than he does.” John whipped his head around and said, “No you don’t.” I insisted I did and we both sat there, astonished and silent. I can’t speak for him, but I’d wager that he was shocked. I was shocked that I actually said it out loud.
I was also so upset when I realized that I weighed more than a famous college football player. How could that have happened? That guy was HUGE. His neck was gigantic, his shoulder were enormous and his legs looked like tree trunks. Surely I wasn’t that big. And although he and I were similar in weight, that’s where the comparison ended, because I wasn’t nearly in the shape he was in. I was all soft and fat, whereas he was all muscle. Instead of it making me upset enough to finally get on with losing weight, the realization that I was bigger than most of the FSU football team sent me off the couch to the pantry for fortifications. I made some chips and cheese for halftime, and later washed it down with diet coke and ice cream. After all, I reasoned, I couldn’t do anything about my fatness that day, so I might as well enjoy the rest of the game.
But I was wrong, because I could have done something about my fatness right then. But I chose not to. I chose to sit down and eat more and more food, hoping that I’d be able to drown my currently reality in chocolate. I couldn’t.
As the years went by I often thought of that afternoon, and it became something I tried to joke about. But every time I made a joke about it, I lost a little bit more confidence in myself. Day by day I’d realize that I was still bigger than that huge guy, and day by day I’d do nothing except eat. It would be several more years before I finally got serious about my weight. I’m so glad that so many of you aren’t waiting for another day or another year to make a change. Every day that you live is another day to improve your health and make better choices. Even small amounts of weight loss are beneficial to your physical and emotional health. Diane
Oh yes…I have had this thought many many times….especially when the Jaguars first got a team, and the announcers always commented about how their defense was the largest in the league, with 95% of the player 300 pounds or more. I was knocking on the door of 300 then, only to well surpass it later, and have the memory of those announcer’s words play in my head.
Its amazing how much we joke about things like that to try and cover up the pain and shame. I am looking forward to the day I am at least 100 pounds less than the average player!
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It’s funny, but just yesterday I was listening to a radio interview of the skateboarder Tony Hawk , and the interviewer asked how many bones he has broken in his career. The number was 4, and i sat in horror with the realization that I have broken many more bones that he has and I have never stepped on a skateboard ! My son used to watch wrestling , and they would announce how much each contestant weighed – many were my weight or more, and i always looked at the difference in their body shape from mine. Not all of those guys are toned bodies, and it interested me how weight distribution varies from person to person. For some odd reason, the fact that I weighed as much as a pro wrestler never bothered me in the least, and I don’t know why. However the fact that I have broken more bones than Tony Hawk however, does. As to putting off efforts, I have always taken the Nike slogan to heart. Just do it !
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Really honest and brave posting.
I went back and added links to this posting (on my Hulk Bulk and Refrigerators on Legs) because I think you captured it better than I did.
As you can tell from the two post titles – I identify with that horrible feeling.
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I can’t believe that you had the honesty to post this, but I’m so amazed that you did. You have said what I’ve felt on my journey.
I am tired of weighing more than a big huge guy. I’m tired of it and finally I’ve started making good changes for me.
Beautiful job of identifying a “blind spot” being revealed. Until we’re ready, whatever it is we don’t want to deal with or look at or be responsible for – remains safely locked inside our blind spot. Just like when someone pulls the curtains open – we see something we didn’t see before or we see it in a new way – and we are forever changed…or we go back to sleep. Ask the Universe (God or whoever you trust) to gently reveal something today – something you’ve been avoiding. Life is brilliant when you’re grabbing it and chasing after it…rather than the other way around.
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Ahhh, I’ve had many moments like that in the past where I just accepted there was nothing I could do about how big I was and just kept on with the same old habits. One occassion that comes to mind was when an ex boyfriend put on a pair of my jeans as a joke and they literally fell off him. He wasn’t a small guy either.
On the other hand, I think it also shows that your husband still loved you no matter what
My current boyfriend always tells me he hardly noticed my weight gain, because he was always looking at what was beyond that 
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Thank you for the post. It makes me realize that even after I make a bad food decision, I don’t have to let that ruin the rest of my day. I just have to move on from there.
“After all, I reasoned, I couldn’t do anything about my fatness that day, so I might as well enjoy the rest of the game.”
How many times have we all sat around and done this same rationalization? I don’t know about everyone else, but it was always my way out to say that I might as well finish out the day, for the next 4 (or 6, or 8, or 10) hours aren’t going to make that big of a difference in the long run anyhow. That statement happens to be true in and of itself, BUT the thinking is what got me where I was. There comes a point we have to draw a line in the sand and say enough is enough.
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I remember hearing years ago that a similar comparison with a football player spurred Joan London to lose weight. Maybe hearing football players’ weights is one reason I don’t watch the game?
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Ohh that happens every time a new TBL comes on. I check out the heights and weights of each contestant and see if I look like the person closest to my stats. It adds perspective, but then again I get a little sad when they lose faster than is normally possible and I’m left in the dust.
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Diane, so many of us can relate to “the giving in part”. We may not have been as big but that emotional crap that keeps us from making the right decision or trying to improve.. BUT, at some point, enough is enough. Like you said, even small tiny baby steps are better than no steps at all. Don’t wait.. do it now!
Thx for sharing!
PS: It is all about “choice” and how much we want it… we have to get past that emotional baggage!
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Oh, it’s OK, Diane, muscle weighs more than fat
Even though I am a Gator doc, I’ve always liked FSU. They are all Florida boys to me!
You know what I think is sad, the coaches and fans adore these BIG guys. They want them big! and…BIG! But after the game is over, after college is over that is, how many of these guys go on to loose that fitness but not that weight! The average life span of ex-NFL players is less than the normal population. Not only do they have weight issues, but also all those health issues that go along with it. And yet, for a few years, their size is glorified.
Mia
“Instead of it making me upset enough to finally get on with losing weight, the realization…sent me off the couch to the pantry for fortifications. After all, I reasoned, I couldn’t do anything about my fatness that day, so I might as well enjoy the rest of the game…hoping that I’d be able to drown my currently reality in chocolate. I couldn’t.”
THAT’S ME! I do that often. You worded it beautifully. I’m trying to reconnect with myself and what I want and the resolve to fight for it. (I’ve been disconnected a long time, numbing myself with food).
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I used to lie about my weight…never told Heinz my weight or anyone else, even when he had to set my Heart Rate monitor for me I’d drop my weight a few kgs…ahhhhh such shame.
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I remember the first time I went over 200 lbs was when I was pregnant the first time. I needed a C-section unexpectedly at the last minute, and I had to tell them my weight so they could calculate the anesthetic. Sure wasn’t going to lie when my pain relief was at stake! So I had to wince and admit in front of my husband that I was 237 lb. I would go on to higher weights, but that was the first moment of true embarrassment in front of him. In more recent history, he estimated my weight at 250 and was right on! I was appalled that he actually thought I looked like 250 pounds, but of course it was true! Like every other overweight person, who did I think I was kidding by wearing overshirts! I’m on my way down now and I look forward to the day I weigh less than he does!
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You said this so well. I used to have those kind of days and then would binge and tell myself that I’d ruined things for the day and might as well keep on. I’d tell myself that I’d “be good” the next day. Which rarely happened.
Now I know that one meal of poor eating or even a day or weekend of poor eating does not have to make the rest of my days or meals that way. I still have lapses and don’t always make the right choices, but what I am learning is to recover and make better choices sooner.
I once sat across from a 6′10″ ex-football player at a Basque restaurant and ate as much food as he did! OK, I hadn’t eaten much of anything all day, but still! I’m 5′7″.
Diane, I have often had the same thoughts. I was even watching a heavy weight boxing match once and say that I out weighed just about – take that back ALL off the top contenders.
I also remember when I was on the high school football team that I was one of the smallest guys on the team. They actually wanted me to drink something called “Weight On” not sure about the exact spelling but anyway I now need to drink “Weight Off” LOL.
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I can so relate, Diane. My husband is a Chicago Bears fan. I remember back when I was at my highest weight (286) and realizing while watching a football game, just like you, that I was bigger than most of the players. Not a shining moment.
I’m immensely happy those days are gone and I’m a leaner, fitter, healthier and MUCH happier woman today.
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Well, that’s me too! I can so relate! But I loved your last sentence…the small amounts are benificial. I know I want to have the 150 pounds off tomorrow and that is not going to happen! What a great reminder of the “small” things!
I love it. Every day we can do something about our fatness. I shall remember this!
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Once, when I was still obsessing about numbers, I realized that I would have to lose 77 pounds to weigh the same as the captain of our national rugby team!
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I know I read this and thought I already commented… but I guess not. I totally know how you feel. I remember watching football a lot of wanting to cry because I weighed MORE than some of the players. It was a miserable experience. I still weigh as much as a few of the smaller ones but it’s not as big of a deal now.
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