At 300 pounds I didn’t really fit into social situations very well. I spilled over chairs. Got stuck in restaurant booths, and sat on the sidelines of life. As active members of our church John and I were involved in an adult class. Most of the other couples in our class had small children and we would often get together and celebrate holidays and events.
Getting left behind at one of those events made me so sad that I had to go to the car and have a little cry.
The season was fall. It was Florida so I can’t really say that the leaves were turning on the trees, but at least it wasn’t 90 degrees right then. The class decided that it would be a lot of fun to go to a church member’s farm and have a cookout and a hayride. My fat person antenne immediately went up. Hayride. I didn’t do hayrides. It wasn’t that I was allergic to the hay, or afraid I’d fall out. No, I knew I wouldn’t be able to haul my 300 pound self up into the wagon. No stinkin’ way.
So I tried everything I could to get out of going. I made up scary scenarios. I tried convincing John to go out of town. I said I didn’t have the right clothes (this was true.) But no go. The girls were thrilled to go on a hayride and cook hotdogs over the fire and mom was going with them.
So off we went. It was just as I expected. Unfcomfortable standing around trying to look like I wasn’t about ready to crush the hay bale I was sitting on. Laughing as yet another marshmallow fell into the fire, saying, “Well, I probably didn’t need that smore anyway.” But the worst part came when everyone piled into the wagon and left me standing there holding up the fence post. I volunteered to stay behind and clean up a bit because I really “didn’t like the smell of hay.”
John and my friends looked at me when I uttered those words. They must have known the truth but thankfully no one said anything. The wagon left me behind and I had to flee to the car to have a little cry. Once I fixed my make-up and got back to the cookout site I ate three bars of chocolate that someone had left sitting on a bale of hay. I was so sad.
Fast forward 3 years. Same scenario with one big difference. I had gone from 300 pounds to about 180 pounds. I had lost a whole person and couldn’t wait for the fall hayride and cookout. This time there was no stopping me. I was going to go on that hayride.
The wagon pulled up and I hopped up the high step with ease. I held onto the girls and our whole family enjoyed riding around the man’s farm. I felt like a new person. I had cute clothes on. I felt svelte. I felt energetic. I felt alive.
It may sound like a trite experience to those of you who haven’t experienced extreme obesity, but believe me it wasn’t. Even though that hayride was a long time ago, it was one of those non-scale victories I’ll never, ever forget.
Have you had a good non-scale victory lately? Sometimes those non-scale victories are sweeter than the scale variety. They last longer and are indelibly seared on our memories. Diane
My recent non-scale victory was realizing I eat way too much pizza and I need calm it down. I am no longer in denial. I ate 8 slices total over this past weekend. That’s a whole pizza all by myself.
But I have acknowledged the problem. And that’s victory to me, because it’s the first step.
.-= Yum Yucky´s last blog ..Are You Workin’ On Your Sexy? =-.
I wanted to cry for you now…I felt your situation as if it were my own…
Am so pleased you got to enjoy that hay ride….
.-= Marcelle´s last blog ..Minute for Madeleine =-.
My latest NSV was fitting into my size 12 pants…and they fit just right! Now, the other pair are still too tight, which doesn’t make sense to me. But one pair fits and I will wear them proudly today and feel my old self returning. (I always thought I was fat in a size 12 and now I’m just so thrilled to fit into them).
.-= Amy H.´s last blog ..Tampax Series – Number 5 =-.
What a wonderful story!!! So great Diane & so are you! I have to head to LA so I will think about your question & get back to you! CONGRATS on everything!
Diane – that made me want to cry. I remember those feelings well, too.
Look at you now, though!
.-= Lori (Finding Radiance)´s last blog ..NROLW and soap! =-.
That was such an inspiring story! I can imagine how elated you felt to go on that hayride after losing so much weight! I felt the same way during our first trip to Disney back in April. I was so excited to get on every ride I could without worrying about whether I would fit into the ride. I had a blast with my family!
Made me feel a little weepy – and each time I see an obese person struggling in real life – sometimes doing something as simple as getting out of their car and walking across the parking lot – I feel that same way – heart breaks a little for them.
.-= vickie´s last blog ..A lady at the old studio used to call that feeling ‘seeing rainbows’ – not exactly passing out, but feeling wobbly =-.
I went to my friend’s sisters cross country meet, and we were having to run to catch up to her to where she was running, and my friend was running without being out of breath. I was totally exhausted, and could barely keep up with her. I’m sure there are others, but that’s the one that comes to mind.
Why, just yesterday morning! Slipping on a pair of 10 petites….and having them loose. UNBELIEVABLE! I can’t believe I’m not only actually succeeding at this, but, better than that, KNOWING that this change is for good. I have a totally different mindset than ever before, so I know this new woman I’ve become (at the ripe old age of 58) will NOT EVER be fat again!
Thanks, Diane.
.-= Sunny´s last blog ..Mondays Suck =-.
What a great story, made me smile.
.-= Robin´s last blog ..Over Thinking =-.
Awesome post! I like to measure my success by my energy levels and my moods…nothing tastes as good or is more beautiful than self confidence and a positive outlook.
.-= Joanna Sutter´s last blog ..Eggs-ellent Progress =-.
While I’m still in the process of getting to my goal, I can relate to your story in so many instances of my own life. How many times will I have to take the humiliation before I finally do something about it? It’s a constant struggle. Am looking forward to the day where I can look back on all this and laugh.
.-= Gigi´s last blog ..Re-start =-.
That is such an inspiring story! Thank you for sharing
.-= Staci´s last blog ..Boston Marathon Here I Come….. =-.
Your blog always hits home for me! There were so many time I felt left out and didn’t enjoy myself due to being the fat girl. I am slowly seeing a new person, but still struggle with the brain of the fat girl that I was my entire life. NSV for me lately has been shopping for clothes that are not from a specialty shop or the plus size dept in a store. I can not believe it.
.-= tj´s last blog ..November 1st =-.
So glad you got to go on that hayride…I know the feeling of not trying things for fear of humiliation so well.
My latest NSV? Fitting into an airplane seat comfortably, with room to spare on each side, and buckling up the seat belt with ease!
.-= Shelley B´s last blog ..Getting Back to Business =-.
What an amazing story. I’m glad you were able to go back three years later and have a victory over that once saddening experience.
As you know my greatest non-scale victory lately is that I can now do a 30-minute workout on the elliptical machine at a brisk and steady pace. Six months ago I could barely keep up a slow walk on the elliptical for 15-20 minutes.
Your story was very encouraging. Thanks again for sharing all your sadness and victories with us.
My latest light bulb moment aka NSV was when i was eating lunch part of which was a plate of raw veggies. When i was finished the very tasty lunch i realized i’d forgotten the dip i was going to have with the veggies. I then realized i enjoyed them just as much without!
.-= suzanne´s last blog ..Busy, busy!! =-.
I think another trip on the Hay Ride is necessary now that you have lost even more weight and maintained it for so long! I bet that would be the best feeling!
.-= Lara (Thinspired)´s last blog ..The Hangover =-.
A recent NSV for me….I actually craved grape tomatoes!! I CRAVED a VEGETABLE! Wow!
One of my best moments was seeing a photograph of myself and not recognizing me! I couldn’t see an emerging thinner person in the mirror due to so many years of self-pitty, self-disappointment and self-disgust. The camera didn’t lie, I was changing. Since my regaining some of my weight I find it hard to see those NSV’s instead of thinking “losing a pound is good, but I should never have gained in the first place”. I’m trying very hard to reframe my thinking.
Baby steps
I’ve side-stepped SO many adventures over the years. Too many to count. Not anymore. Yes, I’m at 235 but 63 pounds are long gone and more are going.
I won’t hold back any longer!
My latest NSV? Let’s see… I had to totally re-adjust the seat and steering wheel in my jeep! I don’t have to set the seat back to my tip-toes anymore and the steering wheel had to be closer!
LA VICTOIRE!
.-= GeorgiaMist´s last blog ..NOVEMBER GOALS! =-.
What a great story! I have so, so many of those stories from my own life and I’m just now starting to experience the other side of them. Truly, it’s like a whole new world!
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..C25K – Week 3, Day…Yes. =-.
Well, Diane, I am back. I have had a non scale victory but it still relates to my workout & that is doing the clap push-ups AND working towards my wide grip pull-up which I have least done a close grip one!
.-= Jody – fit at almost 52´s last blog ..Teeth & Your Health =-.
What an amazing story! It’s true, I don’t really know what it felt like when you got on the ride a few years later, but I totally see why you would never forget it.
Oh goodness, I feel for you at 300 and 180 pounds, I think every obese and formerly-obese person has had a moment like that, and getting to participate after having felt the other side of it feels SO good!
My NSV for the day? I had a dentist appointment and so hubby and the girls had one of our rare eating out occassions. They went to McDonald’s and brought me back what I asked for (a small nugget and small fry, as opposed to what I used to order which would consist of multiple hamburgers and a 20 piece nugget eaten by myself!). You know what happened? It didn’t taste good! The nuggets were decent and I ate them due to lack of alternatives, but other than maybe a third of the fry I tossed out the rest! Not eating food in front of me is something I struggle with big-time, so I am quite pleased with myself that I did so well today.
I feel a bit blah from the food I DID eat, so the rest of the day will be spent with an apple, salad, and turkey barley soup. Yay!
.-= Taryl´s last blog ..Blah and blah. =-.
What a fantastic story! I can’t wait to not worry about how to fit into airplane seats. Every time I have extra room in a seat I get excited.
.-= MackAttack´s last blog ..Dreams =-.
My best NSV so far has been riding all the roller coasters at Six Flags after not being able to for over 20 years….I know how huge the NSV’s are just like the hayride. Knowing my highest weight was 340 lbs., I understand and appreciate them just as much as you do.
.-= Tammy´s last blog ..Movin’ and Groovin’ =-.
This post brought tears to my eyes… Thin people will never truly understand what we go through.
.-= Hanlie´s last blog ..Oh, the horror! =-.