This was one of my first posts. I don’t think many of you saw it since my blog was only a few days old.
Americans are voyeuristic. We love reality television shows, we eagerly follow the lives of the rich and famous and most of us enjoy stories about other people. We especially enjoy those shows and stories that make us glad we aren’t like “them.” I’ll be brave and tell you a story that will make you glad you weren’t me.
Have you ever been to an antique store and marveled at the size of the tiny beds, the delicate shape of the table legs and the diminutive chairs? In a museum, did you ever stare in
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amazement at Martha Washington’s dress, not only because it’s so old, but because it’s so small? Americans aren’t small anymore, and it seems everything we see in stores these days is super-sized. Our tables are higher, the beds are larger, the couches are enormous and the chair seats are wider.
Oh, had that last statement been true for me when I was fat. There were two incidents where I would have given my right thigh (literally) for a super sized piece of furniture. I’ll share one of them with you now. Many years ago I was at church for the Sunday morning services with John and the children. During the service, my youngest daughter, who was a baby at the time, started to get fussy. I took her out through the big swinging doors at the back of the auditorium, and walked down the hall to the “cry room.” This was a small room that had been set aside by the church for mothers. It had a changing table, a restroom and several rocking chairs arranged in a circle. When I got the the room, there were 4 or 5 other moms sitting in the room with their babies. I walked in, sat down in one of the chairs and while I rocked my little one , I enjoyed conversation with the other mothers. Eventually, I decided to go back into the church service. I began to get up out of the chair so I could leave the room. But too bad for me because I was stuck in the chair, and when I stood up the chair came up with me. There I was, half standing, with a rocking chair attached to my behind. The chair was literally swing in the air. I was hanging onto poor Grace for dear life. The ladies in the room were mortified.
My next reaction was swift and sure. I quickly lowered the chair back to the ground and sat back down. No one knew where to look, especially me. Did I look at my friends? At Grace? At the chair? I just wanted to get out of that room and out of that chair. I was afraid to try standing up again, but I knew I couldn’t spend the rest of the morning in the rocking chair. This time, I pushed down on the chair handle with one hand, held onto Grace with the other hand, and extracted my thighs and behind from the chair. For a quick moment I really thought I was stuck again, but with some shifting and tugging I popped out of the chair and fled the room.
That was one of many embarassing moments I had as an overweight woman. That particular chair was an older style of rocking chair, often called a bentwood chair, and it was small. I later went back when no one was there and looked at the chair to see why I had gotten stuck. The seat was small, and the arms were very narrow. Had I been an average size it wouldn’t have been an issue, but due to my size, the smallness of the chair definitely a problem.
Did I run home, get rid of all my fat food and diet like crazy? No. John and I went out to eat and I pigged out like there was no tomorrow. I pushed the incident far down into the reaches of my mind so that I wouldn’t get upset about what had happened. I once again used food to cover up any emotion. It didn’t work for me. The emotions surrounding that incident and others like it kept returning and I kept trying in vain to cover them with food. Looking back I now see that no matter how much I ate it wasn’t solving the problem. It was only compounding it. But I still didn’t stop overeating. It would be several more years of uncomfortable chairs and embarassing moments before I would finally get my food choices and exercise regime in place.
Have you ever had something like that happen to you? Care to share a moment or two?? Diane
Like I don’t have enough to do – I’ve started a family blog - so if any of you are curious as to what life is like in my house click on over. There’s a few things up now, but I’m adding more as you read! I’ll have cooking, cleaning, homeschooling, and daily life!
My worst incidents, yes multiple ones, were all surrounding flying. I fly quite a bit for work, and most of the planes I fly on are very small regional jets. There has been more than one time that I had to take the seat in the isle, and lean into the isle so I wouldn’t be causing the person next to me great discomfort.
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Hi Diane!
I found your website via 266′s blog today, and I’m so glad I did. I’ve added you to my Blogroll so I never miss an update. I can’t wait to get better acquainted with your story.
Congratulations on your phenomenal weight loss. You look marvelous and I’m sure feel better now that you ever did before.
I recently lost 70 pounds, so I know what an accomplishment it is and how much blood, sweat, and tears it takes to have gotten to goal.
I hope you’ll swing by Casa Hice sometime and check out my story. Just click on the “Adventures in Dieting” photo link on my sidebar and it will take you through my progress from beginning to end (actually, the reverse, but you get the picture) even though we both know there really is no such thing as “the end.”
Rock on with your slim healthy sexy self, sistah!
.-= Alixandra Hice´s last blog ..Six Word Saturday =-.
Not quite that bad…. luckily, I guess. But many, many stadium seats where I was spilling out over the sides. Many restaurants where the table had to be pushed back. And every single time I dared look in the mirror.
Ugh. How and why did we force ourselves to deal with all that horror for so many years and not correct it? Sad times.
Diane, I could feel your feeling thru that post… we have these times in your lives that stick with us forever! I also understand the “emotions that make you go back to food rather than take control”. I think we all do because many people that are overweight are there due to emotional eating! To conquer that is amazing & you have!!!
me, Diane, I was never that obese but being very overweight as a kid & being teased, one thing that sticks with me is being weighed in front of other kids in junior high. They made us stand in line & weighted us in front of everyone & I was heavier than most & way shorter too. I still think about this to this day. It was horrifying for me then.
Thx for sharing such a hard story.
PS; I know, trying to get my post on here…
but my old age funnies are too cute today.. well, I guess for old farts like me!
Actually, I’ve never had that happen to me, but something similar happened to a friend who was visiting my home.
At the time, I was a poor music student and my roommate had saved an old wicker chair from the garbage. It was too rickety for anyone (thin or fat) to sit in, but it made a great place for me to pile my music books, right beside the piano.
Three of my friends were coming to visit from out of town and I arranged to leave them a key with a neighbour since they were set to arrive while I was out. One of the friends was (and still is) a very large fellow.
They arrived at my house and made themselves comfortable. G. took the music off the chair and sat down. Splat.
When I got home, G. was mortified. He thought he’d broken my chair. I explained that it was already broken and not to worry, but it was really hard on him.
I haven’t seen him for many years now, but I’ll always remember how bad he felt…and how he always took his tea with artificial sweetener while eating a huge piece of cake. I don’t think anything’s improved. Sad.
One more thing:
Diane, your posts are incredibly honest and truthful, but I’d be interested in hearing more about how you overcame what was clearly a huge (pardon the pun) problem with emotional eating. What did you do from a psychological point of view to address your emotional need for food? It seems to me that without getting at the psychological reasons for your overeating, you wouldn’t have been able to repress your clearly disordered behaviour and get on a positive track food-wise.
Just very curious…
my heart broke reading this for the *old Diane* – cannot begin to imagine what must have gone through your mind at that moment..and the minds of the women in the room…
I’ve never been obese so haven’t had these sort of happenings which I’m so thankful for as I don’t know if I would have overcome the situation the way you have. You are such a strong woman!!
Thanks for sharing, us newbie’s at your blog have missed lots so a few old entries will be great to read.
.-= Marcelle´s last blog ..So Emotional =-.
I can so relate to this!! Even after over a year of being more “normally sized,” I still marvel at the ease with which I can fit into airplane seats, theater seats, stadium seats and any chair with arms. It’s such a relief and a small thing for which I am, consciously, very grateful on a daily basis.
One of my most embarrassing “chair related” moments was when I went home with a law school friend for Thanksgiving dinner. Her family used a dining set that had been in her family for several generations. The chairs were small, and weren’t intended to seat someone of my size. I was completely mortified when her parents brought out a “special” chair for me to sit in during dinner. I would have been even more mortified, however, if I had squashed one of their antique chairs while eating turkey. I was destined for embarrassment either way.
I once explained to a friend that there was a mental exercise I went through when entering a room and looking for a seat. For example, the porch swing looks comfy and sturdy, but it is hanging from some tiny hooks. The wicker looks roomy, but it isn’t clear whether it would be strong enough. The white plastic lawn furniture will be strong enough, but the arms make the chairs uncomfortable and likely to get stuck on my butt. The winner? The uncomfortable plastic chair because it was the least likely to break. It’s such a relief not to make those mental calculations any more, and to be able to sit comfortably almost anywhere!!
.-= Sweetie Pie´s last blog ..Je-diet Mind Tricks =-.
Oh Diane, you are a treasure!
The moment that determined we would start our journey was such as this. We were shopping, and both my son and I were tired and winded from walking in the grocery store, so we sat down on a bench at the front of the store. The bench broke under our weight ( it was a park bench) , and that served as my wake up call to do something about our weight RIGHT NOW.We came home and the next morning we all began on Weight Watchers.
.-= Diane´s last blog ..Weigh in =-.
I’m interested in “NewMe’s” question about your process of overcoming emotional eating. Which blog-entry dates talk about that?
I know I’ve been stuck in a chair before, but I don’t remember the details. Airplane seats are getting tighter.
Oh, there’s this picture of my in-laws (mother, father, brother), my husband and me on their couch. I was mortified when I saw how much space I took up. They are all slender, sophisticated French people. And there I am…the very UNsophisticated American cow crowding them out.
.-= Gina Fit by 41, Maybe 42´s last blog ..Comfort Zone =-.
I actually really hurt myself in a movie theater. It was an older one with the really small stadium seats and wooden arms. I plopped down, thinking I would fit and slammed right onto one of the arms. It hurt so bad and I wanted to cry after realizing I hit the arm because my hips were too big to fit in the seats. I was able to smoosh myself in, but spent half of the movie feeling my face burn in shame. I was so glad it was dark.
I actually really like sitting in seats now and actually having space between by body and the arms of the chair!
First thought – you were at CHURCH and NO ONE rushed to your aid – !
Then I realized that probably everyone in the room had a baby/toddler of their own (full lap), and that it probably caught everyone by surprise, and it probably happened very fast. I am sure it did not seem fast to you. But it probably WAS fast. And you poor thing. Do you still just cringe over this. Or is now just another story to you?
I am still amazed that I can curl my legs up beside me in movie theater seats (easily). The shock of how big those seats actually are – is still with me.
I have been watching a lot of Doris Day type films while I have been sick. And I am utterly amazed at how TINY they all are. And yes, I can well imagine how tiny-er still they were 200+ years ago. I remember Laura Ingalls Wilder’s MOTHER having two dresses made when she was a teenager. And she picked fabric that would last for a long, long time. And I remember her wearing those same dresses after several babies and many years had passed. Imagine!
I am Always aware of chair sizes for this very reason. I am terrified of getting stuck. In high school and college I was terrified of the theater seats at both schools. At one point I couldn’t sit normally in them. I had to perch on the edge, for the entire class. If I did fit in them I couldn’t come straight up and down and had to slide forward a little to avoid the arms. Now my most terrifying seats are airplane seats. I do NOT want to slosh over into the other seat. especially when it is anyone other than Dan!
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I don’t have a “chair” story, but back when I weighed nearly 50 pounds more than I do now, I remember the mental blocking I had to do just to walk across a room. I would “block out” what I imagined people were thinking about me. (“Wow, she’s gained a lot of weight.” “She would be so pretty if she lost weight.” “Oh my, what HAPPENED to her?!”) I repeated to myself that some day I will be skinny and people think differently of me. THAT got me to the other side of the room, or down the aisle in church, or across the high school gym.
Today, I just want to hug that young vulnerable girl and tell her, “It will be OK”.
Never been stuck in a chair but I refused to sit down in chairs before! And… on a couple of occassions, been ASKED not to sit on certain furniture. THAT is embarassing.
At 234 pounds, I still consciously look at chairs to see if I will break them if I sit on them.
.-= GeorgiaMist´s last blog ..Talking it out =-.
Oh! I have had this feeling many times. Sometimes I don’t sit, because I know what is coming.
But, I have coming to comment about sizes. I live in Spain, and here there are oversized people, like me, but there are many people which is not oversized.
Two years ago I went to USA and I was really surprised. The bed of the hotel was huge when comparing with the beds here. And here, I used to bought a XXL size, many times XXL wasn’t enough for me, and I must go to bigger sizes. In USA, I entered a shop and I bought a jaquet of size L. And it was wonderful!
Perhaps here we haven’t changed the size of things and we are still with small sizes.
I think it’s wonderful that you share your stories; it shows people that it’s possible to truly change and come a very far way…
I love your family blog. What a nice way to document your family’s life!
I think we all have them: the broken chairs, the chairs that you don’t fit into that you discover to your embarrassment in front of family members, the booths that pert near cut you in half. I am thankful for the changes that have come my way since I began my journey 6 months ago. Food has become just food. No more stuffing down my problems with the good ole #2 at McD’s. I love how it tastes, I enjoy preparing it and serving it to my loved ones but I don’t need it to dull the pain in my heart anymore. I have an opposite chair story: I sat in a stadium chair at the football game yesterday (you know, the ones that clamp to the bench and have arms and a back?) I fit in with room to spare and when I stood up it did not come with me. Good times!
.-= zaababy´s last blog ..Day 191–Wonderful and Horrible at the same time? It’s Madness I say, Madness! =-.
I don’t think I’ve had anything quite that embarrassing. However, a year ago I attended a Bible conference with my husband. The seating for the seminars has these little chairs that never used to be a problem, but this time I felt like I was pouring out on all sides. It wasn’t an issue when sitting between my husband and am empty seat, but when another full sized woman sat next to me I felt HUGE because I couldn’t keep my sides and thighs to my own space. That was embarrassing for me, even if know else noticed.
I’m glad that the next time we attend this particular conference I will be able to sit comfortably in those chairs.
.-= Leah´s last blog ..Weigh-In … Back On Track =-.
Diane – I just love your family blog and look forward to following it more. You have a beautiful family. Thank you also for the apple crisp recipe! I can’t wait to try it on Thanksgiving!
.-= Josie´s last blog ..Busy Weekend =-.
I’ve broke a chair once, had to pull myself out of others, antique furniture still scares me, even at a smaller size it’s all so fragile.
.-= julie´s last blog ..Potato chips and meunster on sourdough =-.
You are SO right – it’s amazing how everything is so supersized now. I’ve really been enjoying using smaller dishes and bowls to “keep it real.”
.-= fittingbackin´s last blog ..Playlist, Book Club Pitas and Book Review =-.
I don’t have any super embarrassing moments, just little ones. One that comes to mind is a midwifery appointment I had when I was pregnant with my second daughter. The midwife gave me an exam gown to put on for some test or other, and I was supposed to wear it with the opening in the front. Well, I was so obese there was no way to do it modestly – I had to cling to it and yank it over myself to keep from baring all, and even then there must have been a three inch gap down the entire front of my body that was uncovered. I felt horribly exposed, because those gowns are supposed to be LOOSE!
I am looking forward to those days being behind me.
.-= Taryl´s last blog ..It is NEVER too late. =-.
That has happened to me a lot! And you’re right, it’s extremely embarrassing!
When I worked in the city, I had a wonderful GP close to my office. The only problem I had with going to him was that used to get stuck in his office chairs… They were very nice chairs, but not made for fat people! Needless to say, I didn’t go to the doctor unless it was absolutely necessary.
.-= Hanlie´s last blog ..Let her cry =-.
My post from Friday touched on chair-fear! I wasn’t too worried about getting stuck (and now I wonder why?), but I was more afraid of falling through the chair, flat on my fat! Insightful and inspiring, as always, Diane!
Erin
.-= Erin´s last blog ..Inches and Whoops! =-.