So do you? Have a food friend I mean? Is there someone in your life with whom you enjoy eating food? Or was there someone you enjoyed eating with before you started on your journey to get and stay healthy?
I had a food friend during my obese years. Actually I had several of them. The funny thing is – they weren’t weight challenged like I was. No – they were 100% average sized. But boy did they love to eat and cook!
I had one friend who loved to eat fast food at all times of the day and night. We might be out running errands together, and all it took was for one of us to suggest, “Hey, do you want to run through and get a sandwich?” And off we went. I wasn’t embarrassed to eat in front of her because she was doing it too. I felt so comfortable eating with her that I’d often order a milk shake and a dessert to go with my triple Cheeseburger, large fries, and diet coke.
She and I also enjoyed grabbing cookies and Cinnabon muffins at the mall and eating them at the food court tables. I felt accepted and affirmed. When we were shopping together I often felt as though she was encouraging me to eat, and if she was eating that kind of food then it was probably okay for me to eat it too. But unlike me, my food friend probably didn’t go home and eat a dozen cookies when no one was looking.
As I began losing weight, my friend still wanted to eat junk with me. But I didn’t want to eat that kind of food anymore. It became a little bit awkward. We’d be out somewhere and she’d suggest grabbing a half a dozen cookies from the cookie shop to split, and when I said that she could, but I was going to pass, she got a little miffed. She’d say, “One or two cookies isn’t going to make any difference Diane.” I’d say, “I know, but I just don’t want them right now.”
When we were at her house for dinner similar snide comments were made about the amount of food I was eating. Or sometimes I felt as though she purposefully prepared foods she knew I loved just to tempt me. She’d be relentless in offering me chocolate chocolate cookies and barely take no for an answer. But I did refuse her over and over again. It got to be a little bit amusing to me after a while. I was changing from the inside out and she was obviously uncomfortable with it.
I think she thought that if I wasn’t eating chocolate chocolate cookies anymore than perhaps she shouldn’t either. I never told her that, but that was most likely her thought process. In case you are wondering, this is a different friend than the one who made mean, snide comments to me as I was losing my weight. This particular friend really just had a really hard time with my change in eating habits. The funny thing is, I think that she was genuinely happy for me as I lost weight, but she missed the Diane who would eat with her at all times of the day and night. Kinda like her “drinking buddy” had gone cold turkey.
I never confronted her about it, but did make a few jokes now and then. They seemed to sail right over her head, although after I had gotten down to my goal weight she did stop offering me food and trying to get me to “fall off the wagon” at the mall! We stayed friends unlike my other girlfriend. I suppose she just needed time to readjust her expectations of who I was and who I was going to be from there on out.
Is there someone in your life who is a food friend? How are they handling the change in your food choices and attitude towards life? Diane
Nope no food friends. Never have. Only snarky family members who roll their eyes when I give up (yet another) crappy food selection and replace it with healthy-ness.
So that’s another kind of trouble.
.-= Yum Yucky´s last blog .."Tasting!" Whole Grain Cream of Wheat =-.
I have several food friends and it has been an adjustment time for them as I’ve gotten healthier and more committed to my diet.
I find it interesting that sometimes people feel a bit threatened when anyone changes their habits – be it good or bad ones.
Food friends are something I have a lot of, probably because a lot of my social life is spent eating out. So learning to lose weight and get healthy while at the same time eating in restaurants has been a process of learning for all of us. Sometimes they get annoyed when I don’t eat the fried cheese sticks but generally they are supportive.
Sorry that your friend had a hard time with it in the beginning, but it sounds like she adjusted just like mine have.
I don’t have just a friend, but family members who have had a hard time with the change in my eating habits. So many times they tempt me with treats that they know I don’t want and shouldn’t eat. It can be very frustrating, but I’m learning to deal with it.
I don’t and never did have food friends. I liked to eat by myself, hiding it from people. Even today, when I get going on the carbs big time, my husband and kids don’t see it. And I don’t want them too. My husband knows that I watch my weight and that’s enough. But I really don’t want my kids knowing or seeing. I believe I picked up some of my bad habits from my mother who has been obese for most of my life and my dad who though not overweight, can eat an awful lot in an evening. I don’t want my kids to learn these kinds of habits but more the healthy ones that I push now-quit when you’re full, you don’t have to finish your plate, use smaller plates, “fun” foods are not necessarily for everyday!
I have heard stories like yours Diane where “friends” can actually be mean to someone loosing weight. I am sorry you had to experience this. But I’m glad you persevered!
Have a great day!
Mia
I surround myself with healthy-minded friends…in real life and online. Social support is one of the keys to my success! That’s why I read people like you!!!
.-= Joanna Sutter´s last blog ..New Year’s Resolutions Get A Healthy Shake =-.
Ha! I live with my food friend. It puts a strain on the relationship at times.
.-= Walk with Me´s last blog ..Fitness Quote of the Week =-.
Oh, yes, plenty of friends to eat with when I was younger BUT I got fat & they did not. I think it is interesting that some “eating friends” may decide that the friendship is not good anymore once a person loses the weight or stops eating all the junk with them. For some, the friend is heavy too but does not lose the weight so there is resentment & jealousy. We may lose eating friends & good friends thru this process due to this.
Now, all my friends/family are used to me so if we are eating out, they don’t expect me to be the eating friend anymore!
I should have also said that is important to surround ourselves by people with similar goals & support for our goals as we go thru this process. It certainly helps!
.-= Jody – Fit at 52´s last blog ..Kickboxing Experience – WOW! =-.
I don’t have a food friend, but I do have a friend who has been very critical of the internal changes I have made since beginning to lose weight. It has resulted in us seeing less and less of each other. It is kind of sad, but in another way liberating. I really believe in surrounding ourselves with people who support our new habits and lifestyle.
.-= Kat´s last blog ..Hiding =-.
With me I have one brother in law who seems to base all relationships around food in some way. When he and my sister host a family gathering he will quite literally force feed people whatever they make , and it is always some of the worst foods imaginable. The last time we got together he started his force feeding trip on all three of us and I put my foot down and told him to back off. He has since decided I am a dangerous “radical” person who is only going to do harm to my husband and son. Incidentally , he is extremely overweight and is suffering a host of health problems, and our progress is REALLY bothering him- to the point of almost alienating our family. It’s both sad and laughable.
.-= Diane´s last blog ..Starving people =-.
Well, back in high school, my best friend and I often went out for a snack around midnight after we dropped of our dates
It is not quite as divisive, but eating is approaching smoking in the way it separates people.
I never really had a food friend. Basically, anyone who would eat with me was a food friend.
.-= South Beach Steve´s last blog ..Lifestyle Changes for a Better You =-.
I’m so fortunate in that many of my friends eat healthy “most of the time” and are likely to choose a healthy-option restaurant over anywhere else. Their idea of a splurge might be sharing a hummus-pita appetizer.
.-= Cammy@TippyToeDiet´s last blog ..DVD Reviews: Yoga for Beginners & 30 Day Shred =-.
Yes that is basically the problem I have with my mom! She always pushes food and wants us to eat to bond…it is hard to explain different food choices to her. But just like with anyone, you have to stand your ground and stick up for yourself!
.-= Lauren @ Eater not a runner´s last blog ..Quick and Easy dinner =-.
My parents and my husband are my food friends, and I definitely overeat in front of them. I don’t have any binge friends, though. That’s in private.
It’s always a food celebration when we see my family…lots of fast food and restaurants. Part of it is they don’t want to make me cook for them. My family I’m sure would be very supportive if I refused certain foods; I just need to do it.
.-= Gina Fit by 41 Maybe 42´s last blog ..Frontier House =-.
Yes my best friend is my food friend however she doesn’t have to adjust to my new habits because she’s someone who eats healthy, makes food choices and has the perfect figure. We do like to talk about food, about what we’re going to eat at night and we go out for dinner at least twice a year. The funny thing is that I at those dates usually chose the best healthy choices and never dessert because she does too
.-= Fran´s last blog ..A year in my life: 2009 =-.
hmmm, your post about a ‘food friend’ brings one of mine to mind. Actually we are not that close at all now that I am healthier. I really believe she LIKED me obese because it made HER feel better about herself. The more I lost, and kept it off the less we stayed connected. We would go over every weekend to play board games with them and she always made high fat/cal foods for us. She didn’t like it when I said ‘no thank you’ and drank my bottled water or brought strawberries to munch on while they had chips and dip. And it bothered her that I was HAPPY and putting myself first for once in my life and my husband was supporting me 100%.
It’s funny how when you start the journey to find the real you, people and friends change too.
.-= brenda´s last blog ..My Journal =-.
My food friends were all the workers at the drive-thru windows. Damn… *sniff*… I miss my old pals sometimes. I wonder how they’re doing without me…
.-= Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit´s last blog ..More Really Bad Weight-Loss Advice =-.
Wow. It never ceases to amaze me how “friends” can be so unsupportive – whether it’s intentional or not – when another friend is trying to get control of their weight and eating.
My husband and I have a problem with snacks during our favorite shows and now that I’ve switched my eating habits to healthier choices, thankfully he’s supportive.
.-= Anonymous Fat Girl´s last blog ..Thanks workout buddy Deb, you are a great motivator =-.
My co-workers were my “food friends.” A group of 4 of us ate lunch out just about every day when I first started working there. I cut it out. And, sadly, grew apart from a few of them.
That was just our time to chat and without it we went back to being “work friends.”
.-= fittingbackin´s last blog ..On The Road Again, Christmas Pics, Almost to 1,000 Miles! =-.
I had a very good one that was not only a food friend, but also a shopping friend.
And I did have to part ways with her.
I think that there was power or satisfaction or something in the relationship from her end. I am sure that there is some term that is more complex than enabling. It was more like pusher/enabler.
And from my end – I wanted to please. I think that is why I had to go my own way – because what she wanted (me to over do) and my wanting to please her to feel close to her as a friend were sabotage.
.-= vickie´s last blog ..Finally it was their turn. =-.
I suppose in some ways it’s my eldest daughter, and my husband. They both want the best for me, and aren’t complaining, but sometimes I see it in their eyes, the wistfulness. They’ll get over it. And they’ll have me around a lot longer now, so it’s all good.
.-= Sunny´s last blog ..134.0 =-.
That one “friend” sounds more like a “frenemy”. I was never overweight, but when I stopped eating junk the group of “food friends” that I used to go out with would make digs at me about how flat my chest was getting. One night I had enough and yelled at them, “The only way I’ll get big boobs is to gain a lot of weight. Is that what you’d like to see?” They shut up pretty quick and I never heard it again-but I’m sure they had a field day talking behind my back.
BTW, I don’t go out with that group anymore and unfortunately, every one of them has had at least one medical crisis related to their unhealthy lifestyle.
.-= karen@fitnessjourney´s last blog ..RICE Therapy =-.
I am SO glad that you did a post on this! I have been on both sides of this fence! I have had the friends that it might not be too far of a stretch to say that eating out is one of the biggest things that we have in common and I’m sure I have been the reason that some of my friends (who literally are ALL skinny) have gained a few pounds. Likewise I have had friends who have played major roles in why I have been steadily gaining since the age of 13.
Sometimes I wonder if friends like the one you wrote about like to eat with you because it makes them feel better about themselves if you are continuing to get fatter…I guess there is no way to know for sure.
Thanks for this post!
.-= Tiffany´s last blog ..Solo Dos Dias! =-.
My husband is my food friend. As you can imagine it could be challenging at times. It’s easier now that he has changed how he ate as well, but for a while I had to put the kibosh on certain things just because I couldn’t keep up the eating regimen anymore that we used to have in place.
We now do other things that we didn’t before, like long bike rides and still enjoy food together, although it is often a different kind of food.
.-= Lori (Finding Radiance)´s last blog ..Cold and cruising thoughts. =-.
I do not have a serious food friend here since we’ve only lived here 2 1/2 years, but I did back in AZ. Problem was, when we were trying to lose weight at the same time, about eight years ago, I was the one who would get bugged when she wouldn’t have “just one” with me. Although we usually didn’t go around eating as much as you and your friend did. It still bothered me that she couldn’t/wouldn’t have a treat. Of course, I was bothered only because it would convict me to stick with my program, which I wasn’t.
I’m glad this lady is still your friend. It was probably hard for her to realize that some people just can’t eat as much as her to stay thin.
Interesting topic, but one worth tucking away for future reference.
.-= Leah´s last blog ..My Thoughts on Self Worth =-.
Oh, and my family can be food friends of sorts as we all love to eat together, especially my husband, but he’ll respect my choices and has never made comments if I don’t want something. Lucky me!
.-= Leah´s last blog ..My Thoughts on Self Worth =-.
My best friend, who now lives over 400 miles away was mine. Now, she is also on her own weight loss journey and doing fabulous! When we were younger, we definitely sabotaged each other though! Hopefully we can inspire each other from here on out, instead.
.-= Pam´s last blog ..Slow to Start Over =-.
One of my best friends once tried to literally force-feed me movie theatre popcorn by pressing it against my mouth. I was horrified that she would go that far, just because we’d been food friends! Now I try to make sure that we don’t do food-related things together.
.-= Sagan´s last blog ..January’s Nutrition Challenge: Raw Food Diet =-.
My Husband… I thought that I would be a bigger influence on him once we got married, but I feel as if it was the opposite, especially with the stress of work and nursing school. We just had a talk yesterday about limiting fast food. He goes ALL the time!!!!!!
I’m still friends with my *food* friend who has an enormous appetite, is *underweight* and, apparently, has an incredible metabolism.
When I’m around her, I long to eat what she does but I know that the end result will be quite different for me.
Food friends? Well, I’d say almost everyone in my entire family could be included on this one. I’m very close with one of my aunts, and we used to grab lunch together all the time. Now, our schedules have changed, but we still break bread on occasion and she is very respectful of my food changes/decisions. Some of my other family members, however, just don’t get it. They give me crap, but I just laugh it off. While I’m enjoying a healthy meal, they’re indulging in cholesterol and saturated fat, so I try to educate them. Maybe someday I’ll get through to them…
.-= Erin´s last blog ..Hope your Christmas Dinner… =-.
I have a friend who I meet once a week for lunch – there were years when we would automatically order the worst things on the menu PLUS dessert (to share, of course!). It was hard when she first went on a diet and I was still eating the old way, and then when I went on my diet and she went back to eating her old way (and regained her weight). Now we are both on the same track and I have to say it’s much easier.
.-= Shelley B´s last blog ..Wednesday Workout Update – Boring Edition =-.
I think that the best thing you did was to not cave in! I think it is somewhat of a test especially if you have tried to lose weight in the past to see how long you will go!
NO food friend here either-food WAS my friend. I was a great secret eater…I am sure folks wondered how I got so fat to begin with…I didn’t eat much in front of folks.
But oh if that television could talk!
.-= mamajuliana´s last blog ..DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!!!! =-.
I’ve never had a food friend in particular, but all of my friends love to eat crappy food, which has made it harder for myself in social situations.
.-= Tony´s last blog ..The Art of Cooking =-.
YES! I totally have a food friend — my best friend x23 years! She’s very supportive, I’m lucky. And we’re both huge healthy food fans, so it works out well
Did you read about this in Women’s Health? They had an article that mentioned food friends this month (I wrote about it yesterday).
Family members have become food friends for me, but slowly and surely, I am becoming more comfortable with healthy eating and have been resisting temptation around them!
.-= kilax´s last blog ..Realization: I can’t do it all/have it all =-.
I had to hunt to find it for you
Oct 2009 issue of WIRED,
page 176, Friends for Life
How 60 years of medical data revealed the infectious power of social networks. by Jonah Lehrer
The secret to health and happiness?
Healthy and Happy friends
See if any of your local libraries have that issue – interesting study/article
.-= vickie´s last blog ..Christmas Pictures (from around my house). =-.
DBF is my food friend. I think thats why its so hard to lose. Food has become one of our “things.” Its just hard to re-learn to do it in different portions.
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..Stepping along in new ways =-.
Went out a few weeks ago with three friends. Two of us very heavy, then me, and my friend of WLS. After two drinks, they all decided that they wanted a sandwich, so we walked to the deli. All three of them got turkey/bacon/avocado/cheese, and I just sat there with them. It wasn’t uncomfortable for me, don’t know if it was uncomfortable with them. I just don’t eat an extra super-heavy meal at 10:30 pm when I’m not hungry. I find, in general, when I hang with any of these people, they see me as “dieter” and I see them as eating too damn much. Que sera sera.
.-= julie´s last blog ..On the cusp =-.