The dieting and weight loss worlds can be full of “NO’s“.
• Don’t eat this.
• Don’t do that.
• Not too much of that.
It’s really easy to find yourself in the deprivation mode. I know it happened to me, not only during my countless unsuccessful attempts at weight loss, but also during my successful time when I lost 150+ pounds. Some would argue that a little deprivation is a good thing, but I’m not sure I agree with that statement. What do you think?
For me, what happened when I attempted to completely deprive myself of a certain food or activity was this: I began to want that food more and more each day. And the more I thought about the food the more I wanted it, and the more I wanted it the more I thought about it. Until finally I cracked. I didn’t just eat 2 or 3 cookies, but instead I made six dozen chocolate chip cookies and ate at least half of them the minute they came out of the oven. Even as I was eating them I know I should stop but just couldn’t. And after I reached the point of feeling a bit ill the guilt would set in.
“Why had I done that,” I’d silently say to myself. “Why couldn’t I resist the lure of chocolate cookies?”
Everyone reacts differently to situations, but I realize that I had deprived myself of something to the point where I could no longer approach it rationally. Instead, it became all I wanted to eat. Even as I was chewing through a salad, or walking down my neighborhood street I thought of cookies (or whatever). I had to have it. So I did.
During my successful weight loss year I allowed myself to say no to chocolate for about the first month or so of my journey. I chose to do this because I honestly was addicted to chocolate. So a “cooling off” period was definitely in order. During that first month I didn’t feel deprived because I wasn’t eating chocolate, rather I felt myself becoming more in control over my feelings concerning that particular food. And after the first month or so I ate a little bit of chocolate here and there as I desired it.
For me, deprivation backfired every single time. I declared a moratorium on chips and crackers but that backfired in a big way. So I learned to incorporate things I wanted in the proper portions, thus allowing myself to feel as though I really could eat anything I wanted to without blowing my attempt at weight loss. And it worked.
And that’s still have I live my life. There are times where I say, “I’m not going to eat any sweets this week,” and I’ll follow through on that, but for the most part, I choose carefully what I eat, and eat what I love. Of course my tastes have changed over the years and I truly desire healthier foods now than I did even five or six years ago.
What are your thoughts on depriving yourself? Do you see any benefits to it? Perhaps in the area of self-control or increased willpower, or is there no room for deprivation in your diet? Diane
I love you for this post.
IT’S WHY I BINGED!
When I had dietary restrictions placed on my for health reasons coupled with trying to diet I spiraled OUT OF CONTROL. Not matter what I did I felt deprived.
I got through that, but realised for health reasons I still needed to cut out sugar/dairy/fruit. Man..was it hard. I binged for about the first week and then got real with myself. It’s a cooling off period with this food, so that I can help my body repair itself.
I think that SO much of the bingeing/guilt that is associate with failed attempts at weight loss is due totally to deprivation.
Thank you SO much for writing this.
.-= Michelle@Eatingjourney´s last blog ..Selling Yourself Short..STOP IT! =-.
I think you included the key point in your posting:
Is it working?
Whether including things in moderation or skipping them all together. Is one able to DO IT? Is it working?
Because if it is NOT working and we continue to do it – it is self sabotage.
.-= vickie´s last blog ..Here’s to self empowerment, and watching out for the after – it packs a mean bite =-.
I gave up pizza, McDonald and Burger King…nothing else while I was losing the weight – I would have 3 blocks of chocolates from time to time, 30g of chips and a few biscuits ( would chose these carefully…)
I never ever felt deprived while losing the weight. If I wanted something I ate it and worked it into my points allowed for the day.
I agree, giving up food makes u crave it even more.
.-= Marcelle´s last blog ..Week 9 on new WW program =-.
I used to think I was depriving myself when I wouldn’t allow myself to have things like brownies, cookies or chips. I’ve had a hard time eating those things in a respectable portions size, so for a while, I had to eliminate them all together. At first, it felt like deprivation, but I decided to change my mindset about it. It’s not deprivation, it’s me showing self-control and respecting my needs. And for some reason, just changing my mindset about it has made me feel more empowered and less likely to feel deprived!
.-= Marisa (Loser For Life)´s last blog ..Beanilious =-.
During one of my many weight loss attempts, I heard someone say once that if you want something, eat it. If you don’t, you will eat the moon trying to avoid it, only in the end to eat it anyway, so avoid the extra calories and get it over with. Seems a little silly, yet very true, because I have done this very thing before.
Since I am trying to make a lifestyle change, I have just tried to moderate everything instead of eliminating. We’re talking about the rest of my life and not just a temp fix, so its the way it needs to be.
.-= Pam´s last blog ..Sunny, Summery Sunday =-.
I feel strangely empowered when I make the decision not to eat foods I know won’t help me reach my goals. It’s like I made one more step closer to where I want to be.
However, I believe in moderation so if I want a bite of something “naughty” I take a bite, enjoy it, and move on.
.-= Joanna Sutter´s last blog ..Pumped & Ready for Success =-.
Avoiding deprivation has been a strategy for me this time around. I love sweets and deserts so I plan for them now. I also love chocolate. My daily plan includes some dark chocolate every day. I can trade that if I so choose. I have found if I have the really good dark chocolate at home, it is a big enough draw that the cookie or other treat has to be really good to make me willing to trade.
Other strategies for avoiding feeling deprived is during certain holidays I allow certain indulgences. At Halloween, I sampled my 4 favorite candy bars. After that I did not care about them any more. At Christmas, I have either M&ms or Kisses. I buy one bag for home and when they are gone, they are gone. This year, I was only up 2 lbs during the holidays. A record low for me.
This is the first time I have commented. I really appreciate you advice and applaud your success!
Deprivation is bad news for me too so I rarely say an absolute ‘no’ to any foods, just make sure I only eat the naughty stuff if :-
a) I REALLY DO actually want them (a timeout and a think usually lets me know if it’s a real want or just a passing whim)
b) it’s in moderation – a small portion only, eaten slowly and taking time to enjoy whatever it happens to be
c) I adjust whatever else I’m eating that day to take it into consideration
This sounds oh sooo very angelic, but I do sometimes slip up and behave badly – I just try not to let my slips become a habit. Pam is right, this is “the rest of my life and not just a temp fix”.
My one exception is to ‘deprive’ myself of peanut butter. I have to, as somehow moderation just isn’t an option with PB!
.-= Deniz´s last blog ..What did you really hate? =-.
I think this is one of those things where we really have to know ourselves. For me, if I really make my mind up that I am not going to eat something (aka Lasagna, which happens to be my favorite food), then I will be fine. I don’t feel the overwhelming pressure building up inside that is leading to a binge. On the other hand, if I only deprive myself for a short time, then I feel like I am more likely to binge when I allow the food again. Crazy, I know.
.-= South Beach Steve´s last blog ..Weigh-In, Measurement, and Goals =-.
Like a previous poster mentioned, I am good with a decision once I make it. If I say, “Eating candy will make me gain weight this week” I can easily avoid candy. I can give up pop, candy, chips, cakes, etc with this approach and I think it works because I only commit myself to a week. If it’s horrible, I only have 7 days to make it through
On the other hand, some things have to be permanent for me. Like fast food. If I allow myself to eat fast food even once, it’s all over. I’m right back in the cycle and no amount of willpower gets me to stop after one visit. It’s something that I have to build on and separate myself further from every week. Starting over is too hard and I’m too afraid of it to cheat!
.-= Stacy @ Moderate Means´s last blog ..Making a New Year’s resolution…finally! =-.
I couldn’t agree more! I think part of permanently getting a handle on weight is learning how to “live in the real world forever.” And for me it’s not a reality to never eat chips (the healthier kind) or some dark chocolate ever again. It’s really about portion control and fitting foods into your day an week.
.-= Andrea@WellnessNotes´s last blog ..Simple, Fresh Salad and Some Awards =-.
Diane,
I agree with you! Deprivation keeps us in the black and white thinking that got us here in the first place. Great post!
.-= Jules – Big Girl Bombshell´s last blog ..01-25-10 Monday Morning Stretch =-.
I believe in everything in moderation, but to this day there are certain things I cannot have in the house!
This is one reason Weight Watchers works so well for so many since the switched to the points system- there is no such thing as a forbidden food. You can eat whatever you like just so long as it is within your dietary limits and still allows you to get in your necessary daily health goals. In that vein, I am in total agreement with them. Unless a food is problematic doe to an allergy or other biochemical reaction, there is no such thing as a forbidden food. We human beings were designed to be fueled by air, water and various chemical nutrients, but we were also given a sens of smell, taste buds and an appreciation of visual appeal. Food comes in a variety of types for this reason- different chemical combination create different tastes, smells and textures that fuel our bodies in different ways. Deprivation is to further insult your personhood by saying “You are worthless and not even your own instincts should listen to you”. What is needed instead is moderation. You CAN have ice cream- just not a half gallon at a sitting. You CAN have chocolate- but only a piece instead of the combined productive output of a small family shop’s production for a day.Just as you can walk but not directly into traffic without getting hit, you can eat anything as long as you follow things like serving sizes or other realistic measurments.
.-= Diane´s last blog ..Hats off to my brave guys ! =-.
When I first started losing weight, I did not allow for any “treats”. I kept this up for a long time & finally realized that not only was I craving everything more BUT that I could fit things in & get right back to it.. no worries. I had the whole lifestyle change down. I think it takes time to feel comfortable doing this. Some get it right away but many don’t. I do think there are some people that just decide they can’t because it send them to eating too much again. Everyone has to find that valance that works for them.
PS; I have no idea why comment luv is picking up my Sunday post everywhere! Crazy stuff!
.-= Jody – Fit at 52´s last blog ..What I Do on Sunday =-.
I’m with Lauren – there are certain foods that I try not to have in the house!
.-= Amy´s last blog ..Advice for a friend =-.
CHIPS are on my NO list! I cannot have them in this house at all! Cakes, cookies, I can have them around for months…just not chips…yum chips..even writing this post is making my mouth water..great post today!
.-= sian-girlgetstrong´s last blog ..Giveaway-Ultimate Fitness Package from Becky =-.
100% great post. Thanks.
.-= NewMe´s last blog ..Who Are the Fat People? =-.
I refused to diet for 15 years because I assumed that diets meant deprivation and the slightest thought of deprivation sent me racing to the fridge. Not depriving myself is pretty central to my plan because I definitely could not do it otherwise. Of course I have to moderate my freedom a bit because I know where I am particularly weak (cookies), but I do try to be conscious of what I’m wanting and find a way to give it to myself.
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..Back from the Dead: Meals ‘o the Week =-.
I never deprive myself of something, instead now I work it into my plan. Just like if I want an expensive pair of shoes, I save up and work hard to finally get them.
Also, I find that I HAVE to have my 10am snack and my 3pm snack (always something healthy) even when I’m not hungry at those times to keep me from over eatting at lunch or dinner or craving those foods that are one those ‘can’t eat’ lists.
Once again, great post!! I feel I am wanting to write that every day lol
.-= Brenda´s last blog ..made my own yogurt! =-.
I agree with you. Total deprivation makes it hard to succeed. I also agree with you though that tastes can change. Lately, I have found that my cravings for food such as chips and ice cream have really decreased and that I get a real bang out of fruit. I did make myself stay away from these foods for a while although I didn’t forbid myself from having them, and now I really don’t want them that much any more.
I feel like completely depriving yourself of something makes it that much more enticing. I recently made a comment on another blog about this subject. It is like the old bible story of Adam and Eve. That apple was just too enticing not to bit into it.
.-= karen@fitnessjourney´s last blog ..Hiring a Personal Trainer vs. Going It Alone =-.
I know I have an addictive personality, so it’s a very fine line I straddle. And straddle I do. Right now, I’m depriving myself of all dinner rolls, most bread, and potatoes. I’m not comfortable with small amounts of them; I don’t feel in control enough to attempt that, yet. And when/if I do allow them back in, I will have to be even more vigilant. That said, it’s been 9 months, and I can’t really say I’m missing them all that much.
.-= Sunny´s last blog ..Going in Circles… =-.
I really badly want to do 30 days without carbohydrates or rather breads/pastas etc. but it’s been so hard to do lately with my commute and hours and such. I still want to though.
.-= Robin´s last blog ..Run Down =-.
Diane,
I couldn’t agree and identify with you more! In the past when I’ve done “diets” that would restrict carbs for example I would find myself craving carbs like crazy- even foods that I don’t generally like I wanted to eat, simply because I had it in my mind that it was “forbiden.”
Now it’s all about moderation and compromise for me- If I chose to have that choc. chip cookie it’s going to be b/c I was clear minded about it, weighed the consequences, and adjusted the rest of my eating/excercising for the rest of the day.
I believe that you can’t live forever depriving yourself of everything that you enjoy eating b/c enjoying food is a part of life!
.-= Tiffany´s last blog ..Day #25: Keep on Keepin’ on! =-.
I love this post! I really love it!!
Well, for me this time around I am not depriving myself. I too had a cooling off period with sugar. I have a serious sweet tooth.
Anyway, if I was craving something sweet, then I would have something. But just one. Or just a bite.
I have changed the way I think about food. No food is forbidden. But there are certain foods that must be consumed in moderation. And my goal with food is to find substitutes for the really unhealthy stuff. Because in the end, I *want* to prefer hummus and carrots to chocolate chip cookies.
To me, the term *diet* is filled with deprivation and short term results. When you make a move to change your life, then that’s a whole other thing and in my humble opinion, not something that should include denying or depriving.
Excellent post as always! I will be forever grateful that I have found this blog!!
~Kellie
.-= The Chubby Girl Diaries´s last blog ..The craziness of life’s ever changing game. =-.
I can’t deprive myself. I recently tried to go 4 days without any sugary sweets. And lets just say, I proved to myself why I’ve always followed a no depriving rule in my life and instead have set boundaries around the foods I can’t control myself around. Or why i just don’t keep certain foods in the house so that the only time I can enjoy them is when i’m away from home and have set rules to them for those times.
Every one is different, the key is knowing ourselves well enough to know if depriving will work.
.-= jules´s last blog ..ugh =-.
Deprivation, no. However, there is a line between allowing yourself something and then going overboard.
I think finding that balance is really the hardest point. Something I just have to say ‘no’ to all the time (like mini PB cups), but most things if I really want, I will have.
.-= Lori (Finding Radiance)´s last blog ..Let the countdown begin! =-.
I gave up bread at home as it is my trigger food but otherwise I don’t really deprive myself much. Just much smaller portions of the desirables.
.-= AndrewENZ´s last blog ..Weigh-in Monday #4 2010: The streak continues =-.
This is so very true! I have learned to not tell myself I can’t have anything. If I want something, I will have it…. in moderation.
Deprivation has never worked for me. I’ve lost 75 pounds by eating exactly what I want–in smaller portions. I made brownies–I have a small one. I make cookies–I have one. I make chili dogs and fries for dinner–I have one chili dog and weigh out one serving of fries. It doesn’t matter what I make, I eat it if I want to. There are plenty of times just tasting the cake or cookie batter is enough for me.
It was difficult at first to wrap my head around the ‘there are no bad foods’ mentality. Isn’t losing weight supposed to be hard? With lots of agony and turmoil and struggles and temptation? How fun to find that it’s not like that at all. I do so love Moon Pies. And sour gummy worms.
Learning to do all things in moderation has been key for me, although there are certain foods (ahem – Cheetos – ahem) and beverages (ahem – soda – ahem) I’ve given up completely because they have no nutritional benefit whatsoever. Those items out of the way, I don’t think deprivation is a long term solution. Surely you can’t give up chocolate, for life?! No, I didn’t think so. I am currently nibbling on a PIECE of dark chocolate. It came in a huge bar, and I break off one PIECE at a time, then hide the rest of the bar from myself. There is a post it note outside of its hiding spot – “Don’t you dare.” Works for me!
.-= Erin´s last blog ..OOPS!!! =-.
I like the word “moratorium” – for me, that is what works. I’ll not be eating desserts for the time being, but I CAN have them later on if I want. I agree that completely banning a certain food puts it frontmost in my mind!
.-= Shelley B´s last blog ..Book Winner Plus Friday Randomness =-.
Hi Diane – This is sure a relevant post for me, as I just wrote about deprivation yesterday – or at least that I’m considering trying a more rigid plan with no flour, sugar, etc. In the past this has worked for awhile, but I inevitably start to feel the deprivation and when I decide to eat something “off plan”, I go nuts. I loike your idea of a moratorium of sorts on certain foods that we know trigger us. But the idea of forever leaving out things I enjoy seems unacceptable!
.-= Leslie´s last blog ..Weekend signoff =-.
Rather than focus on what I don’t eat, I focus on what I do eat. Like the advice, focus on what you do have rather than on what you don’t, it seems to work better that way for me.
Portion control is key in deprivation. I have learned the hard way too that if I cut something completely out of my life that I enjoy, I’ll always cave. But like you said, by incorporating the right amount of portions, you can still enjoy what you want, while continuing on your journey.
.-= MySensei´s last blog ..If You Can See It, You Can Be It! =-.
I really, REALLY adore your insights, Diane. You always tell it exactly like it is!
I try to live my life by eating what I want to eat: what I enjoy eating and what my body needs. Sometimes that means that I have something a little unhealthy, but for the most part, it means that I’m making good choices that taste good and that my body appreciates.
Although I eat “mostly vegan”, if I want something that’s non-vegan, I still eat it. I just call my diet “mostly vegan” because it’s the reminder to eat mostly plant-based foods. We just have to keep our heads on our shoulders with regards to what we eat!
.-= Sagan´s last blog ..A Crash Course in B Vitamins: Part Two =-.
Allowing myself to eat anything just in moderation made it not a diet but a lifestyle. Now I have to deprive myself of things that hurt my digestive issues but that is for health not weight loss and I’m still learning.
I knew I could never avoid chips and crackers for the rest of my life. But I just had to learn to do it in moderation and not binging after deprivation.
.-= Cynthia (It All Changes)´s last blog ..Make It Work… =-.
Deprivation is a toughie. I tend towards “it’s okay as long as you stay within your calorie range” but there are certain things that I realize I’m just not ready to handle myself around yet.
For example, I love really good cheese. If I buy nice cheese, I’m going to end up eating every bite of it within the first day or two. I’m just not ready for good cheese yet. Some day, like you and the chocolate, I hope to get to a point where I can trust myself around it. Until then, it’s deprivation and no (good) cheese for me.
.-= Hadley´s last blog ..Lost Time =-.
Hi Diane, thank you so much for your kind comment. I am so blessed to be a part of this community.
Deprivation just sounds like such a punishment. I think self-control and will-power come into play because we can all convince ourselves that “just a little bit won’t matter,” or “I just had a great workout, I deserve that,” or “It’s the weekend, I can splurge.” When you add up all the little indulgences, it can hamper success at the scale. I think finding healthy alternatives and not using food as a reward are helpful ways to go about deprivation and being sure not to feel deprived. Love this post, Diane
Good post. It’s really all about balance and finding a happy medium, isn’t it? I’m the same way – once I used to tell myself I couldn’t have something, it was all I could think about.
.-= Gigi´s last blog .."Dead Meat" Is In The Dictionary… =-.
this is exacty, exactly, how I believe. I cannot deprive myself of anything, otherwise I start to get the feeling that I WANT TO EAT IT. MUST EAT IT. It always backfires on me. Instead, I negotiate with myself….if I’m going to eat this, then I’m going to do this. Or, I make special deals with myself like, I will have desert at a company event, but only if its homemade and only 2 bites (or whatever).
Either way, its always about not feeling deprived for me. Instead, I try to put my craving in perspective….I try to remind myself that hunger is not an emergency and that XXXX food is not going extinct.
)
Love your posts…
.-= Lola´s last blog ..Week 70 – Official Weight =-.
I think that what constitutes “deprivation” for one person can be another person’s “freedom.”
For me, although I currently allow all foods on my weight-loss eating plan, I do limit the number of calories I eat every day. So in a sense, I am depriving myself of eating foods in unlimited quantities.
Other people might feel more comfortable or at ease eliminating certain foods from their diet but placing no limits on others (such as fruits and vegetables).
This really is an interesting topic—thanks for bringing it up!
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..I Accidentally Started Jogging =-.
I know one of the reasons I didn’t put on weight during the holidays was because I allowed myself one or two of a treat. Knowing that they were okay to have in small increments made me desire them even less.
On the flip side, I told myself once that I wasn’t going to have chocolate for a month and felt like all I wanted to eat was chocolate.
I think if you need to break an addiction it is fine, but for me putting things “off limits” seems to kick my mind and body into deprivation mode and make me want it all the more.
.-= Leah´s last blog ..Tired, But Glad =-.
I agree completely! For me, the deprivation is what spoiled previous weight loss attempts for me. By figuring out ways to have small amounts of luscious treats every now and then, I was able to focus on making the healthier decisions the remaining 95% of the time.
But you still won’t catch me with a bag of cookies (other than animal crackers) in the house. I’m not to be trusted.
.-= Cammy@TippyToeDiet´s last blog ..Mailbag and Things You Might Have Missed This Week =-.
When I say I can’t have something, I go nuts! Like atkins/southbeach/etc – can’t do it. What worked for me was allowing myself to eat ANYTHING I wanted, but giving myself a bank of calories per day. When they were done, I was done eating.
After a while, I figured out that healthy foods generally filled me up quicker than junk foods, so I got to eat more, and gravitated to those. Now, it’s just normal for me to eat a bell pepper like an apple or munch a head of broccoli mindlessly in the car.
I did have an issue where I was CRAVING cheese and crackers for a few weeks but tried to deny myself for healthier snacks…well Saturday I ended up at a party with an amazing cheese and cracker spread and ended up WAY overdoing it. So long story short – I should have just eaten what I wanted when I wanted it. Hrmph.
.-= Quix´s last blog ..I Got Nothin’ Today =-.
For me there are some foods that I know I can eat just a little bit of, but there are other foods that I can’t seem to stop eating. The main one is chocolate! So I have been allowing myself a few squares of dark chocolate a day, and this has been keeping the binges at bay so far!
.-= Carla´s last blog ..This journey is more like a roller coaster ride =-.
If I don’t call it deprivation, then it’s a better idea for me. Not fool-proof, but better. I think it’s better to just call it “segregation” or…”quarantine”
In other words, I’m not be DEPRIVED of the food, I’m being protected from it! When you mentioned the chocolate chip cookies, I was like — “ahhhhhhcccckkk!” That is so me! I STILL that cookie monster, and so far, the only way to keep myself safe from them is to keep them out of the house. If I encounter them in random situations outside the house, I seem to do better.
.-= Cari (aka Gastric Bypass Barbie)´s last blog ..Bariatric Buddy for Every Bariatric Body =-.