I struggle with this concept of self-love and self-acceptance. It’s hard for me to see the good parts of myself when the negative things loom larger in my mind. But I work on it.
Michelle over at Eating Journey has been posting blogger friends of hers thoughts on things that they love about themselves, or things they are trying to love. I’m happy to be a blogger friend and was happy to give her my thoughts until I actually had to think of what to tell her.
Eventually I came up with this:
What I love is that even when I felt unhappy with my appearance I was still able to love other people unconditionally. What I’ve come to love is my past – the hard times still had a lot of joy. One thing I’m still working on is loving my life where I am right now.
It was hard to really think positively about who I am and who I was and put it into words.
I began thinking about my journey to lose 158 pounds and what role self-love and positive affirmations might have played in my success. Honestly, when I was overweight there wasn’t a lot of self-love going on. Instead, there were a lot of negative thoughts and unhappy feelings.
When I began to lose weight it wasn’t from a position of complete self-love but of desperate feelings. I knew I needed to change, but wasn’t certain that I could do it because I had never been successful in the past. There wasn’t much I had done right for my body over the 10 years of obesity and my confidence in myself was pretty low. But even within all those negative feelings there must have been some self-love and appreciation going on or else I’m not sure I would have been successful.
Because I do believe that loving who you are is a component of a successful life. I know that as I lost weight and got healthy my self-confidence improved and I found social situations easier and more fulfilling. But at the same time, I feel that I was still a work in progress as far as loving myself was concerned.
And I still am a work in progress and probably will be for the rest of my life. But that’s okay, because just the fact that I work on it makes me satisfied. I try and be positive about every aspect of my life and the various roles I play.
I think that loving yourself is a lifetime proposition - because just as life changes on a minute by minute basis, so do we. And if you are struggling with loving yourself right where you are don’t worry – I think it can be part of our journey and a wonderful part at that.
So on this Valentine’s Day, I wonder what you feel about self-love? All or nothing or a journey to be walked step by step? Diane
Self love is so important. I used to be very degrading to myself and still can be at moments now. I always felt like I was a bad person if I felt good about something I had done or had confidence. I have come to realize how important believing in myself is. It’s so important to love yourself because afterall, sometimes we have to wonder if we don’t love ourselves, who will? It makes us better people if we love ourselves. It makes us easier to love. If that makes sense!
.-= Alissa´s last blog ..12 Days Completed =-.
How about self-LIKE? I think it is important, but for me, not weight related. Okay, I do like myself less when I am overweight, but I am pretty sure that there were years of thin when I didn’t have much self-esteem. I like a lot about myself now, but it has come with time and life and my family, not my weight. It is definitely a journey… and we all go on it in our own way.
.-= WaistingTime´s last blog ..The Breakfast Club =-.
Self love is something that I have never had a problem with , and I think it has something to do with my spiritual path . We are taught to be what we desire to manifest in our life- if you wish for compassion, be compassion. If you wish for happiness, be happiness. If you wish for love, be love. When I first learned this it was a HUGE lightbulb moment and something that just hit in one of those weird little teachable moments that stuck. I think sometimes it might be easier to love ourselves if we realize that without this critical detail, nothing that comes from us can be given in love. Love creates love and begets love- it has nothing to do with ego or self importance.It is simply a state in which an acceptance of all beings exists.
.-= Diane´s last blog ..ooop…and WOO HOO ! =-.
“One thing I’m still working on is loving my life where I am right now.”
I think no matter wehere you are in life this is key. It seems the grass is always greener and all that.
I can think of one phase of my life where I truly loved where I was at the moment. I think we have to learn to love our life despite all the circumstances and the people around us, because like you said, things and people change.
I’m hoping that losing weight will help me love my life more, it may even make things I want, like a child, possible. But I don’t know how to love my current situation more or to even like myself a whole lot at this point.
Diane what a great post. Self-love is important to the journey. Yes, it is difficult because you have to dig deep. My post today is a love letter to myself. Check it out. It shows some insight into just what I love about me today in spite of my body size!
.-= Jules – Big Girl Bombshell´s last blog ..The Bounty is Yours to Reap and Sow =-.
Thanks for this Diane. I think it’s interesting that many times…no matter what weight we can both love and hate ourselves. Unlocking the self-acceptance and goal setting..which is really about loving yourself..is crucial in any journey one approaches.
.-= Michelle@Eatingjourney´s last blog ..Stats Sunday: Valentine’s Day =-.
Self Love is the most important…when you want to give up the love and respect, pride call it whatever you feel for yourself clicks in.
I know women who have tried like so many of us to lose the weight…every few months they say * This time * – but I know until they have self love they never going to do it…and there is nothing I can do or say to them,but support in the NOW.
I’m very grateful and thankful for the body I have…and it took me a long time to get to this stage….every time I run, walk, go out shopping, etc, I am grateful…I never again will take life for granted.
Happy Valentines my friend.
.-= Marcelle´s last blog ..THANK YOU Steffi =-.
Interesting post. I think that self love is absolutely 100% necessary no matter what. No matter what weight you are at and no matter if you’re trying to lose weight or not. Believe me, I was at 350lbs so if anyone had reason not to love themselves it would be me but no- you’ve got to have a deeper appreciation and understanding for who (and Who’s) you are that tells you deep inside that you are lovable and worth loving. Weight loss is something entirely different and have nothing to do with a proof that you love yourself or not. I always loved myself (truly) but just focused on other things and couldn’t recognize the reason behind why I at the way I did. I still love myself just as much today (33lbs lighter) b/c I haven’t changed, just my body and a number on the scale has- I’m still me, just with more knowledge and self-awareness. Sorry, I’m rambling now- I just feel like it’s SO huge to stop this self-loathing that so often happens in the blogging community (I’m NOT saying that you do that or were saying that you do that in this post) it’s just something I’ve noticed on other blogs.
Not sure if any of that made sense but I hope that you can find that place where you love yourself now- right where you are. Have a Happy Valentines Day Diane
I think you need to be able to respect yourself and love helps us overcome our flaws.
.-= AndrewENZ´s last blog ..Running up One Tree Hill =-.
Great post Diane! I have one on acceptance coming tomorrow.. we are on the same wavelength. Mine is more a guest post.
I am like you in this regard: And I still am a work in progress and probably will be for the rest of my life.
It is hard for me but I continually work on self acceptance. It is a step by step journey for me & I do really believe there are different forms of acceptance for ourselves & we may have some in one area but not another. A constant journey!
.-= Jody – Fit at 52´s last blog ..Happy V-Day; Healthcare Reform =-.
“Love and self are one. The discovery of either, is the realization of both!” Happy Valentine’s Day, Diane
This is a good post! Especially for Valentines day!
For me, self love has become more important. I always thought I loved others enough to sacrifice myself to their needs/wants but have come to realize that if I love myself, I will love others more. There is no need for sacrifice! The sacrifice just made me feel bad! I am as important as the others I love.
Like you said, it’s a work in process!
.-= Linda´s last blog ..Born on the 13th of February and another hint =-.
I am discovering that rather than one day waking up to find myself totally loving and accepting of myself, it is a series of steps leading up to it all. It by no means has been love at first sight but more of a getting to be friends first approach. Still a long way to go.
.-= Gigi´s last blog ..Cake & Advil – Contraindications That Matter =-.
Sadly i’m normally very all or nothing! But i’ve gotten better at taking it one step at a time and doing what I can and pushing myself – but not too much!!
.-= fittingbackin´s last blog ..Snow Day, Sick, Weekly Menu, New Recipe Plans =-.
It seems like just when I think I have it down (self love), I fall back into old habits of being too critical and even looking down and growling, “I HATE my thighs!!” I have come a long way, and I do truly love myself but it is still something I have to work on. I think loving myself is the fuel for this long, hard weight loss journey.
I think you’re right that there must have been self-love going on in order for you to embark on your journey.
And I love unconditional love. Okay, who doesn’t? But I love that you were able to be generous and loving to others when you were experiencing self-doubt…
.-= ‘Drea´s last blog ..When Your Grip Strength Is At Its Best =-.
i love myself. And I think much of my eating comes because of negative feelings. The better I feel about myself, the better I treat myself…I’m not perfect but I think it’s important…
.-= Mackattack (Beth)´s last blog ..Happy Valentine’s Day! =-.
Great post for a day like today!!
I am still working on loving myself. It takes lot’s of time to do. I feel I strive to do this each and every day. I think this is really important.
For me, I struggled more with SELFISHNESS then the lack of self love. I WANT that food, I WANT to emotionally eat, I WANT, I WANT, I WANT! Instead of working hard at what I was suppose to be doing, I would just eat & eat! Instead of thinking about my family and being healthy for them (& for me), I would just wallow. This mentality just compounded my problem. The heavier or more unhealthy I became, the more I focused on ME and my woe-is-me attitudes. My faith has a big part in how I look at myself also…just seeing myself as God’s sees me and how much He loves me AND BELIEVING it!
Interesting post!!! Hope you had a wonderful Valentine’s!
.-= Amy´s last blog ..Happy V Day! =-.
Self-love is very important, but like with any relationship I have with anyone else, I go back and forth between loving, liking, tolerating, hating, back to liking, loving…you get the picture.
However, the bottom line for me is that I love myself too much to continue to feel like crap and not be healthy. I’m fortunate that I’ve found some of the keys to getting fit and healthy, but I’m not totally there yet. One thing I have taught myself is not to be mean to myself. Don’t talk to myself with lack of respect. I wouldn’t do it to a stranger, so why do it to myself?
It seems I am becoming happier and happier the older I get. Once I quit the negative self talk, I learned that I am a good person and it just breeds positivity in life. Not that things are always perfect, but it sure is better to face life with a positive attitude than a negative one!
.-= Lori (Finding Radiance)´s last blog ..Happy Valentine’s Day an Dr. Oz promo =-.
My problem is that this time around I do love myself. Before my motivation was self loathing, and using that hatred and other strong emotional feelings about my weight and self to propel myself to the OTHER.
Now the only thing I want to leave behind is the weight. I’m willing to bring all my faults along with me and work on them along the way, instead of believing this is my last ditch effort to obtain my skewed view of perfection.
I need to learn how to love without being indulgent. And how to motivate without abusing myself.
.-= JourneyBeyondSurvival´s last blog ..Weigh in #6 =-.
Somehow I used to think I was loving myself by “rewarding” myself with take-out food or sweet treats (after all, I work so hard I deserve to have someone else cook, etc.). I’m not sure I consciously thought that out, but I’m becoming more aware of it as I seek the junk foods out.
Working on it.
I look forward to your post about the show tomorrow!
.-= Gina Fit by 41 Maybe 42´s last blog ..A Mother’s Anxiety (and C25K Reports) =-.
step by step. but as one continues to succeed in this journey to better health, it becomes easier because of the pride in the accomplishments. I’ve found.
.-= Sunny´s last blog ..Internet Web Hosting for Dummies: A Sunny Tutorial =-.
I try to live by the following quote: “Bloom where you’re planted.” (Mary Engelbreit) To me it means making the best of your life wherever you are, whatever your situation, and being good to yourself and others.
.-= Amy´s last blog ..Training for your first half marathon (or 20 K)! =-.
Learning to love myself if I never lost another pound was the first step towards my weight loss journey. It was going to be another year before I decided to try and lose the weight, but I knew that I would see my weigh to the end of this last weight loss journey.
Now, I’m learning to love myself enough to respect the hunger signals.
I think self love is really important. I used to struggle with emotional eating and binge eating. It has taken me a few years to overcome these but I think the key to my success has been self awareness, being intune with my real needs and self acceptance and love. I didn’t push myself into changing overnight, I accepted my downfalls from time to time and didn’t beat myself. I still have odd little struggles with emotional eating but now I can nip it in the bud which is wonderful.
I am healthier, happier and more content because I started loving myself instead of punishing myself with instant gratification!
Self love is definitely a journey though. If you take the all or nothing mentality with it thats when you start beating yourself up for “failing” and stop accepting yourself for who you are: faults and all.
.-= Marie | Healthy Weight Loss Diet´s last blog ..Healthy Weight Loss Diets =-.