For better or worse, fear is a part of our emotional make-up. If someone tells you they are never afraid they may be stretching the truth.
I’ll raise my hand right now and admit to being a worrier by nature. I work hard not to worry about things I can’t control, but it does take work. I also have certain fears – mostly surrounding my children and their safety! And I work on handling those fears appropriately as well.
Weight loss seems pretty straight forward. You work hard at your eating, exercising regularly, and before long you start to see some success. And then sometimes an unexpected emotion pushes to the forefront of your psyche.
Fear.
And sometimes that fear is part of the reason why we stop trying to improve our health. Quite frankly, I experienced this several times during my obese years.
Over the years, there were several weight loss attempts I made where I actually lost a few pounds. But long before I reached my goal I quit trying and within all the complex emotions that led me to quit, part of the emotion I experienced was fear.
Fear of failure, and yes, fear of success.
I didn’t want to have to face my friends again trying to explain why I had failed at dieting again and that was fear of failure.
I was fearful of what my life would look like if I actually lost all my weight and changed my life, and that was fear of success. It seems ridiculous doesn’t it? Fear of success? But it’s what I felt.
I’m still not sure what I was afraid might happen if I lost 150 pounds. Was I afraid of the attention I might receive? Was I afraid that more might be expected from me? Or was I afraid I wouldn’t be able to maintain my weight loss? Looking back all these years later I realize it was a combination of the three, but probably the fear of failing in maintenance was strongest.
So instead of working through the fear I would quit.
I’d like to encourage you to not let the fear or failure or success stop you from continuing on your quest to get healthy. Putting my fears aside wasn’t easy, but it was an important step in my journey.
Have you ever felt afraid of success? How do you combat that fear and keep going? Diane
The only thing I fear is NOT succeeding. I also fear not having the weight come off fast enough to avoid future health problems. The only other fear thing that crosses my mind at times is the fact that I lost 110 pounds to become pregnant, and that might happen again as I get closer to that weight. My combat strategy for that is reminding myself that I am weeks away form being 52 and all my eggs are probably like little old ladies wandering around with walkers and slightly confused as to what day it is, let alone anything else !
.-= Diane´s last blog ..Where is Solomon when you need him ? =-.
I don’t think I fear success in getting healthy and losing weight…at least not yet anyways. I too have stopped weight loss adventures in the past after I had been losing pretty good. I guess I never really thought of it as fear of success. However, I read this post on a morning where I’m dreading a meeting about my dissertation…I’m a procrastinator of the worst kind when it comes to the big D. I know that I definitely fear success in that arena of my life! I usually feel like a fraud when it comes to my discipline and I’m afraid everyone will realize that once I’ve graduated and in a real job. I’m trying to figure out how to get past that!
I think we all go through that when we getting closer to our goal weight…and also fear of what do we do once we reach our goal weight…what now, we become so good at dieting we fear maintaining.
I have a friend who has lost lots of weight and is now getting closer to goal and fearing, I hear myself in her words to me…so give her comfort that she is normal..we all fear.
Thanks Di, another interesting entry.
.-= Marcelle´s last blog ..Back On Track =-.
I don’t know if it’s necessarily about being afraid of success. I think, for me, it’s more about being afraid of the unknown. If I am not a dieter..then what am I? If I am not always trying to get to a size 18, then who am I?
In some weird twisted way, I think it’s scared of being uncomfortable.
YOU are speaking at me! I have come to this realization several times and I have finally found my answer(I think) and that is to stop the obsessing and take things a day at a time. Change will happen, I need to allow it and stop the crazy roller coaster, and not just accept but enjoy the success.
.-= Trish @IamSucceeding´s last blog ..My #Mamavation Update =-.
Yes! I realized years ago I have a big fear of success in most areas in my life. I am working on overcoming a number of self-sabatoging behaviors. Right now, more than exercise and healthy eating, I am focusing on observing my thoughts and attitude about exercise and healthy eating. I recently started seeing a spiritual counselor.
.-= Walk with Me´s last blog ..Fitness Quote of the Week =-.
I loved how Michelle explained it (above):
“I don’t know if it’s necessarily about being afraid of success. I think, for me, it’s more about being afraid of the unknown. If I am not a dieter..then what am I? If I am not always trying to get to a size 18, then who am I?”
The UNKNOWN is a biggie.
And whenever we talk about fear (therapist) she always puts it with anxiety.
Fear and Anxiety.
.-= vickie´s last blog ..Back to the alteration shop lady! =-.
Fear can cripple your goals so Nike’s advice to ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’ is well worth listening to. Note they say ‘do it anyway’ so even they recognise that actually getting rid of your fears is not an easy option.
I can’t completely shake my own fears (the current one is how the hell do I maintain this loss… forever) but I will now look straight at and accept the fears I have, then see if I can find a route around them to avoid them stopping me.
.-= Deniz´s last blog ..NSVs and other stories =-.
I have successfully taken off the weight. I’m five pounds from goal. I am very afraid that I won’t be maintain this. I’m a yo-yo dieter. I’m great at losing weight. I’m even better at putting it on. But I don’t seem to know how to keep it off.
I’m afraid my success is temporary.
YES! I love this post. I live in fear of injury…body injury and the emotional kind, too! I fear busting a knee or my back when I lift, so I pull back. I live in fear of getting too connected w/ people who end up hurting me in the end. I need to GET OVER IT!!!
.-= Joanna Sutter´s last blog ..The Walk-Thru Diet =-.
Fear, for me, was/is a great driving force. Fear of what not to be. Fear of what I might become. Sounds hokey I know, but for me, fear is a positive energy. If it weren’t for fear, I would probably have made a lot of stupid decisions regarding me health — and in my non-fitness life as well. In fact, when I gained all my weight, in reflection, I think it might have been (partialy) because I let me fear guard down.
.-= Emergefit´s last blog ..WWJRD…? =-.
I completely understand fearing failure AND fearing success! I have found myself scared of reaching my goal because I don’t know if I’ll be able to maintain it, or maybe I won’t be as excited as I think I will be. But I tell myself that I would rather reach goal and be a little afraid during the process than quit and wonder what might have been.
.-= erin´s last blog ..Movin’ On Up =-.
Great post Diane… you nailed me on both ends of the spectrum.. fear of failure & success. Took a while to figure out the second part of that. For me, it is an every day battle to work on this.
.-= Jody – Fit at 52´s last blog ..Maintaining Weight at Middle Age & Beyond =-.
This was exactly what I needed to read today. I have recently set into place several things (mental, physical, and food wise) to help me succeed in another big push towards finally being healthy…and am suddenly overwhelmed and scared because I have failed at this my entire adult life and can’t stand the thought of doing so again, especially in front of many who have seen me fail before many times. But I’m moving forward anyway, on the edge of the cliff and ready to make that leap again…thanks for the encouragement.
I definitely have had fear of failure – not in terms of weight loss, but with school. Sometimes I get paralyzed by my fear when preparing for board exams…which is new for me because prior to now, I never had experienced this. As for fear of success, I can’t honestly say I’ve ever had that. Thanks for sharing!
.-= PhluffyPrincess´s last blog ..Weigh-In (Week 10) & New Finds! =-.
My fear was that I would not succeed so I would not even try. I’m just now getting over that fear. I have missed out on too many things. The most important one is being fit.
.-= Linda´s last blog ..(CWF)-Chocolate Canneles =-.
I don’ t think it’s a fear of success for me, but more a fear of not finding success. That goes for a lot of my life. If you don’t try, you can’t fail. And sometimes I follow that idea more than If you don’t try, you can’t succeed.
.-= Tracey @ I’m Not Superhuman´s last blog ..A Big Sigh of Relief =-.
You are one SMART lady. Your topic on FEAR hits right to the core of what I am looking at this week! I am like Michele. The fear of the unknown. We often know what we DONT like but its hard to envision what we do want because of so many things. Maybe if we allowed ourselves to truly envision it we would have to do something about it and then we fear being disappointed! But I am just beginning to realize I would rather have a few instances of disappointment than have a lot of regrets! Thank you for this post…I don’t feel so all alone with my fears today!
.-= Jules – Big Girl Bombshell´s last blog ..My Gain, Just for Today! =-.
This is so true not only for weight loss but for everything you do! Yes, I think we all fear failure to some degree others more. Sometimes the only thing holding us back is the thing between our ears! There is a great quote..can’t remember who said it but it goes something like this:
Making my first million was easy at 38 years, but the hard part was believing in myself that it could be done.
.-= sian-girlgetstrong´s last blog ..Five Essential Nutrients for a Great Workout and Recovery =-.
I have always been fearful–I’m scared of tornadoes, of the dark, of scary movies and nightmares, buzzing flying bugs that sting and those that don’t like JUNE BUGS. Incredibly enough I have no fears connected to my weight loss. I look forward to each day with joy! Everything is different, and I’m only halfway to my goal! So I say, Bring It On!
.-= zaababy´s last blog ..Day 327–Promised Pics–before and after, and my new bike courtesy of Jack Sh*t’s contest! Oh, and weigh day. =-.
I don’t think so? I’ve got a dresser drawer full of rejections from art shows I’ve entered to prove it
Does it hurt? Heck yes!! But how can I win if I don’t play? Even if the game is fixed…
I’m currently dealing with alot of fear and pent up frustration – it’s difficult, but so incredibly liberating to let that stuff go. Perfect timing on this post, Diane!
I was just talking to my husband about fear of failure and success this morning. I feel the same way but I can’t put my finger on why. I’ve been trying to figure it out. It’s nice to know that others have gone through the same thing.
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.-= Alissa´s last blog ..Weigh In Day!!!!
That’s great advice, Diane. I think fear and other emotional issues are a huge part of this journey for most who have more than just a few pounds to lose.
.-= Chad´s last blog ..Karma: I Hate You… =-.
Yes I had a fear of success. Why though? I should have felt excited to succeed. I think I was afraid of being known as the person who had to lose weight to look good. I know now that I want to be successful for me and for what it does to me. I just have stay strong and practice good self-control when times are tough. Emotions can get the best of me. That’s just something I work through on maintaining a fit life
.-= Jen-JensFitnessTips.com´s last blog ..Tip #69: Reach For The Sun Yoga =-.
I was totally afraid of success. I was afraid that if I actually lost the weight and got healthy I wouldn’t be able to maintain it. I was afraid that people would expect something different of me. I was afraid of what people would think of me for wanting to change. It all scared me and I would often go back.
It wasn’t until I was more afraid of what would happen if I didn’t lose the weight then if I did that I actually stuck with it.
.-= Cynthia (It All Changes)´s last blog ..Bring Back the Greens =-.
When i’m doing great i always have that fear that i’m going to lose the ability/want to stay on track! Then again i’m always worried about not getting to where i want to be.
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.-= suzanne´s last blog ..Another day another walk
You know, I’ve thought about this very thing before. When I picture what the Tiffany who has reached her goal weight will be like…it’s a bit…scarey. I mean, if I can hit my goal, I feel like I might realize that there is no longer any limitations that I can put on myself…that I can’t use my weight as a reason not to be ________. Hmm…you’ve definitely given me food for thought!
Great post! I always give people this acronym:F-alse E-vidence A-ppearing R-eal
That is awesome!!!! Never heard that before… its a keeper!!
.-= Rob Dyess´s last blog ..The big FAT deal about FATS!! =-.
I’ll admit it, a huge reason why I have been stuck for so long was fear of succeeding. I just don’t know what it will be like, and I know I need to get over it or I’ll never find out.
BTW – I left you a “virtual basket” on my blog ; )
.-= Pam´s last blog ..The Best Kind of Easter Basket! =-.
My fear isn’t about success so much as it is thinking that I’m done and somehow forgetting and going back to my old ways and old bad habits (like I’ve done too many times in the past).
.-= Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit´s last blog ..Lending a Hand =-.
Absolutely!!!
.-= Rob Dyess´s last blog ..The big FAT deal about FATS!! =-.
I have had a general unease during parts of my weightloss, not out and out fear, bu not feeling comfortable in my own skin. About the only way I can identify these episodes is when I notice I begin sabotaging myself and not caring day to day about my choices… I automatically slip into maintenance mode, and my psyche keeps me there until that feeling diminishes and I get itchy to lose again. I don’t know why it happens but it is fairly plain in my sidebar, where some of these episodes are… I have NEVER been willing to stop logging and throw in the towel, but I definitely maintain and don’t lose. That unwillingness to give up and let it go is why I think I haven’t regained, and why I am fairly confident that I won’t. God willing, this journey was placed on my heart for a reason and I am not a quitter.
=-.
.-= Taryl´s last blog ..Bad news
Fear has been a big thing for me, mainly the fear of failure either at weight loss or weight maintenance. I’ve never made a healthy weight goal since I was about 15.
I just try and take it day by day, week by week and not think about the large number of what I need to lose.
Oh yeah… fear of success was a very real thing for me. I think that it held me back for quite some time. There were a couple of times that I was able to lose some weight and then I would get some attention… and then I don’t know what the deal was, but I would just want to go hide.
I have heard that before…. that people that have a lot of weight to loose… they use the fat on their bodies to kind of cushion the blows from the outside world. I don’ know if I ever felt that way… not sure I am THAT self aware.
I have also heard smokers say that the cloud around their heads insulates them from the world. Not sure I ever felt that way… but I get it.
It would seem that the two are similar.
Thanks for your blog!! I enjoy it.
WeighDownSouth.com
.-= Rob Dyess´s last blog ..The big FAT deal about FATS!! =-.
Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes.
(yes).
I had never had a problem with compulsive overeating until the last couple months… and I have been able to DEAL WITH IT and STOP the binging ever since I realized that it was because of FEAR that I was eating so much.
So maybe my answer is “no”… I’m NOT afraid anymore!
Fear is such a strong emotion; I’m so glad you were able to overcome it and reach your goals. I think the thing that’s important to remember is the phrase ‘nothing ventured, nothing gained’. If you give something your best shot you will feel so empowered and if you can visualize your success you will achieve it!
I can completely relate to this…sometimes the fear of succeeding is just as scary as the fear of failure. Both terms dictate certain outcomes and responsibilities and they can be scary! I always though it would sound crazy if I said I was scared of winning out loud…but it is true! Thanks for making me feel more normal!
I can relate to that Diane! Recently I started running again after not running for over a year. I’ve actually run a marathon, but didn’t want to start running again because it was starting from zero again, and I was afraid I would hate it, it would be too hard, why start over again? Well, I put my shoes on and said I would do 10 minutes. And 10 minutes turned into 40 minutes and I had a great time and I was so glad after I did it. I literally put off running for over a year because of fear!
.-= Jenn@slim-shoppin´s last blog ..Meet Jill! Weight Loss Super Star! 100 Pounds Gone! =-.
I think it’s easier t fear success with weight loss because so many people have lost weight only to gain it back (*raises hand*). It gets harder every time, and more intimidating, even though it’s always less weight than the time before.
.-= Nicole´s last blog ..Challenge: DO what you DON’T =-.
Last month I lost six pounds (the first time in 5 months), but I didn’t announce it in a post. You’d think I’d be, “Whoo Hooo!” — but I wasn’t. I think I was afraid of jinxing it.
.-= Gina Fit by 41 Maybe 42´s last blog ..I’m Going to Lose 170# in 30 Days! Guaranteed!! =-.
This is a very timely post for me! This week, my weight dropped below 140 lbs for the first time in years. Instead of feeling ecstatic, I was actually experiencing fear that I wouldn’t be able to maintain my healthy lifestyle, and fear that I didn’t really deserve to be slim! The blogging community was very supportive and helped me get through these tough feelings.
.-= Carla´s last blog ..My safety net =-.
Right now I fear that once I reach my goal I won’t be able to stay there. My fear hasn’t kept me from trying, but is this little voice in the back of my head that I manage to ignore most of the time.
.-= Siobhan´s last blog ..another awesome trip =-.
I fear that once I reach my goal weight I won’t be able to maintain that as I know that’s going to be a lifetime job. I know that if I want to keep a healthy weight I need to do that and it scares me sometimes.
Right now I’m on a plateau after losing a lot and I’m starting to wonder if this fear has something to do with that. That I’m afraid to lose more as my goal weight is in reach. Hmmm need to think about that some more.
.-= Fran´s last blog ..A day in my life: Tuesday March 30th 2010 =-.
I think fear has been a big issue for me. Fear of failure. Fear of success. I am working on walking through my fears. I know that sounds corny. But it is true…
.-= Kat´s last blog ..Loretta’s Spring Challenge =-.
Gosh, this really speaks to me this morning. Not necessarily on a fitness level, but wow. I shall ponder your questions some more. It will help me continue to move forward with my goals. Thanks Diane! xoxo
.-= Yum Yucky´s last blog ..Operation Pill Set to Replace Expensive Surgeries =-.
I’m not sure it’s fear of succeeding, but there really is sth that keeps me from reaching my goal weight. Last year I was able to finally get moving and lost 54lbs. I was only 6lbs away from my goal when I started sabotaging myself. Since then I’ve got 9lbs back (and it could be worse if it wasn’t for the exercising routine I’ve kept). Everyday I’ll splurge in some treat, specially cookies, bread and chocolate. I feel like an addict, hiding from my kids so they don’t see me eating, it’s ridiculous. I’m fighting myself over this. :S
I feared succeeding and it not being enough. I was afraid that losing weight would not be the end-all-be-all to solve my problems. Y’know what? I was absolutely right. I still have bad days. I still can’t put on any style and look great. I am not an olympic athlete.
However, days are always better. I can walk into any store and things will fit me. I may not be placing in races, but I’m finishing them and getting better and better.
I’m still terrified that I will never be able to 100% love and accept my body but I’m taking steps to get there.
.-= Quix´s last blog ..The Most Debaucherous Almost Half Marathon Ever =-.