I talked yesterday (3/29) about the fact that I didn’t feel as though I was losing things while I went from 300 pounds to 146 pounds, rather I felt as though I was gaining health, fitness, and improving my self-esteem.
In the midst of all the good things that happened there were some unfortunate consequences, or “fall-out” from my weight loss success. There was the loss of my best friend of over 10 years. Our relationship didn’t survive my weight loss success. She said mean things to me so often that I finally believed she didn’t want to be my friend at all. There were times where I felt isolated in social situations where fattening food was all that was offered. When I refused to eat any goopy cake or store bought cookies my friends made fun of me.
Even my sweet husband was confused at first when I insisted on exercising every day. It took him some time to realize that I wasn’t taking any time away from the family, but rather was able to give more time and energy to the family because I felt so much better about myself.
Roy, at Contemplative Fitness wrote this in the comment section last week. He talks about sabotage in his comment, but at the end of his comment he made a statement that stopped me in my tracks.
Nearly all people I have helped lose 50+ ended up leaving their relationship within a year of the weight coming off.
It stopped me in my tracks because that wasn’t my personal experience. John and I came through my weight loss unscathed. But what of Roy’s experience in training and helping people get fit and healthy?
It made me want to explore this further, and who better to ask their experiences then you all.
I have known several people who have lost a substantial amount of weight. Some have had struggles in their relationships and some haven’t. I thought about some of the reasons why relationships may struggle when someone drastically changes their appearance and lifestyle. The two words that came into my mind were expectations and insecurity.
Expectations that a relationship will always continue in a certain manner, including appearance, habits, and life goals.
Insecurity that comes about after those expectations aren’t met.
As you travel this journey have you given any thought to your relationships? My hope for you is that your relationships, both friendships and more, will survive your journey to health unscathed and stronger. Any thoughts on how to help this happen, or is there nothing that can be done? Diane
Another great post Diane. Your posts always make me think. As I have lost weight I am developing stronger boundaries. I have become more willing to discuss my feelings rather than bury them with food. I have had a major shift in one of my friendships, one that I used to refer to as a “best friend”. The loss saddens me, but I think it is healthy. Thankfully, my relationship with my husband is grows stronger with time and I am blessed with other healthy and wonderful friendships. I have much to be grateful for…:-)
.-= Kat´s last blog ..And the winner is…. =-.
We have an expectation in our relationship that it will continue. I’ve always felt that a commitment to God makes our relationship more stable. I feel like it’s not just two imperfect humans that can’t ever communicate completely efficiently. But, we have faith that the other person is on our team and that we have help beyond our abilities for our marriage.
I think the insecurity comes from the change. Usually the other person is not wanting to make as many or any changes. It’s really a difficult situation. I’m glad my Hubbend is 100% behind me this time.
.-= JourneyBeyondSurvival´s last blog ..Getting Back On Track =-.
My friends were a cycle of enabling and codependency.
All of them.
We still chat for a minute if we run into each other, but I do not get ‘sucked in’.
My therapist has spent time talking about the fact that ‘addicts’ tend to chose people/relationships that aren’t ever going to work. And even if they/we change relationships – it is often the same ‘type’. She said many a person has hit an ‘aha’ moment where they have looked at her and said that they aren’t ever going to be able to get well in the relationship(s) they are in.
My husband absolutely DID enable me. It was called ‘not rocking the boat’. He went with the flow.
I suspect you might say the same thing about your husband.
If someone had challenged him (my husband and I suspect yours) – pointed out that he was enabling (eating out all the time for example), I think he would have empowered me rather than enabled me.
But someone would have had to tell him he needed to do this and then told him how (can you tell I have been married for a long time?).
So what I think then happened – was that when I WAS able to tell him and show him – he WAS able to turn his enabling into empowerment.
.-= vickie´s last blog ..Back to the alteration shop lady! =-.
My boyfriend and I have embarked on a weight loss journey together and it’s been going well (though he does get competitive when I lose more than he does). In the end, I think and hope that this adventure will only bring us closer!
.-= Rachel´s last blog ..GMO’s and GEO’s ~ Dave =-.
I’ve been with my fiance for 10 years (engaged the last year of that) and he’s been around for all the weight ups and downs. He just wants me to be happy, and if I was truly happy at a higher weight I don’t think he’d care, but I’m not happy at this weight, and haven’t been even at lower weights that were still high for me, so he’s supportive in my efforts to lose weight. When I’m happy our relationship is so much better.
I can’t talk to all of my friends about my issues with my weight and food, but my core group either struggles with it themselves or has a close family member who does and so they are able to listen and understand where I’m coming from. Regardless of where I’ve been at on the scale I’ve tried to surround myself with supportive and motivating people. Those who aren’t, I may still be friends with on some level, but they aren’t the ones I consider myself close to or able to rely on if I need someone to help me with something.
=-.
.-= Danielle´s last blog ..Slow and steady (Week
My husband was supportive about my weightloss and working out. He still supports my working out and counts on me to cook good tasting food that is good for you.
All this to say when one partner changes the other is going to have to come on board or the relationship might not survive.
.-= Susan´s last blog ..Update on my Depression =-.
WOW! Another insightful post Diane! There is a blogger and we follow each other – and she has posted about the horrible things her hubby says and each time my heart goes out for her. Recently her hubby joked with their daughter “Look at how fat Mommy is!!!!” I thank GOD because my family is so supportive and encouraging. However, in my last relationship my ex-bf kept saying he didn’t want me to lose weight – and would feed me cookies late at night. I think he wanted to reassure me that he was happy with my appearance, but it was counter-productive. I am sorry that you lost your best friend but happy you recognized the need to make some changes.
.-= PhluffyPrincess´s last blog ..Church Sabbotage!!! =-.
Great post. Honestly, this has been a big fear for me. But after my post yesterday about looking at what I have to gain, it is making me looking at relationships with a different perspective. Relationships take two people and if it goes by the wayside because I am learning to focus on myself, then it wasn’t about TWO people to begin with. Hard reality but true.
.-= Jules – Big Girl Bombshell´s last blog ..Do You Trust your Intuition? =-.
A gf and I started at the beginning of the year with a weight loss “pact” if you will; I started to lose quickly (of course, I have more to lose than her) and she was doing it slowly. Two months into she started getting nasty about me losing weight because I’d lost more than her, quite honestly it shocked me-I had been encouraging her the entire time and she was still so rude. How disheartening.
.-= Chrissi´s last blog ..Hmm =-.
Good post Diane – I was shocked by that statement as well. My husband has always been very supportive, but I notice I have changed my priorities when it comes to friendships and no longer accept being treated bad by certain “friends”. It was very hard for me to do this, as I always wanted to please everyone, but it has been a process that not only goes hand in hand with taking better care of myself both physically and emotionally but also getting older and getting into my 40′s. You find you don’t have the patience anymore to waste time on “friends” who just suck you dry and don’t treat you with respect.
.-= Amy´s last blog ..Tempo Tuesday =-.
I am shocked by that statistic! Holy Cow! Thought provoking, for sure!
.-= Joanna Sutter´s last blog ..Martha, Martha, Martha =-.
Interesting. The only non weight thing I lost when I lost 110 pounds was infertility. Autism ( which came after the weight loss and resulting baby) however cost many friends . Ministry took care of the rest. With weight loss all of my family and friends were very supportive. With autism and it’s behaviors , it became too difficult for many of our friends to observe the challenges we faced. Ministry commitments made it really difficult to attend many social events , and we simply drifted apart. I do know several people whom have lost weight and lost many relationships as a result. I think it really depends on the people involved and their interpersonal dynamics. Any change in life brings both loss and gain.
.-= Diane´s last blog ..Where is Solomon when you need him ? =-.
I have noticed friends who are overweight are different to me, I find I make excuses for being slim and them not…its a weird thing…and only happens when I’m in South Africa – as here i have no friends!
My hubby has complained that I am skin and bone a few times…but think he likes me slimmer, but not as slim as I like to be…I gained a little weight while on holiday and he seems to like me like this where as I want to drop the 2kgs…
.-= Marcelle´s last blog ..Back On Track =-.
Love that Roy, both his posts & comments!
I have heard from others & posted about this sabotage stuff. Some friends/family just can’t handle that a person is losing weight & looking better. Much of it is jealousy plus insecurity with themselves. I see it all the time.. people that like to eat are out enjoying it together… a common bond for them. One day I heard a whole conversation on what these 2 girls ate all day.
On the relationships, like you Diane, we survived it. My hubby as gong thru every thing I have done, fitness wise, with support & love. I am very lucky! As for friends, I was the fat one so we all survived that!
.-= Jody – Fit at 52´s last blog ..Fat vs. Muscle – A Personal Visual =-.
I guess as with many voyages, keeping expectations to a minimum, and proceeding with cautious optimism is the best plan.
.-= Dr. J´s last blog ..Weight Loss Devices =-.
I was married over 12 years before I decided to lose the weight, 3 years after that I was divorced. Sometimes you shed alot more than weight. And he found a new wife who shares his love of food and neither of them care that they’re both 100 pounds overweight. And I found someone who’s more fit than me and challenges me to be better. I think we’re all better off.
This is such a complicated subject. I think a lot has to do with why you are in a relationship. Much of that is tied to self esteem, and sometimes people who are very overweight might “settle” because they are worried about being alone.
If you have a relationship (significant other or family) that is based on love and the person inside – it really can strengthen that relationship as you become healthy and more confident. Talking about it is good so that people understand how serious you are about losing weight.
You can only control what you think and feel, and not how others think and feel about you. Sometimes that means you lose the relationship.
.-= Lori (Finding Radiance)´s last blog ..Lifting and konjac powder =-.
I can’t believe your friends mocked you for changing your eating habits! I’m so glad you didn’t let them run your life or change your goals. We should be motivated and inspired by friends who try to make good changes in their lives, not jealous and bitter!
.-= Tracey @ I’m Not Superhuman´s last blog ..The Easiest Non-Diet Ever =-.
I have a friend who also blogs her weight loss who has a “boyfriend” who has actually flat out told her that in the fiver years they have been together that he’s kept her from his friends because of her weight.
Now that she has lost a majority of the weight, he’s now telling her he loves her all of the time (which he wouldn’t do in the first 5 years of their relationship) and she’s on cloud nine. I just pray that she never puts any of it back on or the scum will be back to break her heart again.
I wish she would lose the rest of what she wants and find someone who would actually love her no matter what, like I am blessed to have.
I’ll admit it – I also pray they never get married, even though she wants it more than anything, because I don’t ever want to meet the creep. I can’t stand what he is and what he stands for and what he’s doing to her, even though she is the one letting him do it.
.-= Pam´s last blog ..Un-Motivated Monday =-.
wow! Luckily for me, becoming more healthy/fit has never come between my husband and I. I would think it would if the other partner has insecurities of the relationship to start with (maybe they LIKE the other person being unfit so they won’t be ‘as desirable’ to others? Or if the person getting fit became obsessed with exersize that they never had time for the partner.
I think it would be an ‘easy exuse’ to blame the partners weight loss for the breakup of a relationship.
.-= Brenda´s last blog ..Spinach & pea pesto over linguine =-.
I was planning on writing a post on a similar topic today! I think when you change your lifestyle a part of you changes as well….and sometimes people can’t handle that change!
.-= Lauren @ Eater not a runner´s last blog ..Sunday night already?! =-.
One reason other people sometimes can’t handle the change is because some folks who lose a lot of weight become unbearably boring or just plain insufferable. Shocked by the notion? Try going out for an afternoon of fun with a girlfriend who used to talk about the latest movies, intriguing recent New Yorker articles, and even theoretical physics (and make it sound fascinating!) Now, all she talks about is WW points, recipes for low-point dishes, her 0.3 lb weight gain (or loss), why being thin is so much HEALTHIER, and the horrors of extra skin. Oh. Please. Help. Me. Escape. This. Once. Dear. Friend.
So. If your friends start to avoid you, or they seem a little nostalgic for the old you, in truth they may not be jealous of you at all, and please don’t assume they’re enabling n’er-do-wells. They may simply miss and long for their beloved friend (or spouse!) who used to have something fresh and interesting to say in the days before they became obsessed with weight loss and “fitness”. Sure, you want them to be healthy and live longer…but it shouldn’t come at such a heavy price.
My husband has been my bbiggest supporter. He surprised me with a Bodybugg. He recently surprised me with a Garminf Forerunner. He does everything he can to help me with my weight loss. The one thing he does is suggest going out to eat a little too often but only because he doesn’t want me to have to cook if I am tired.
So far I’ve lost 60 pounds. Our relationship is wonderful and my husband is very proud of everything I have accomplished so far.
It’s unfortunate that so many relationships have ended. But half of marriages end up in divorce without the whole weight loss issue, right? I don’t know. I’m very happy. Nothing has changed between us.
.-= Kelly Happy Texan´s last blog ..I Found a Lump =-.
It’s funny that you wrote this today, as I posted about my husband today.
That statistic from the trainer is scary. I think when we’re losing weight we depend on our partners a lot – they have to make a lot of changes (meals change, schedules, etc), that maybe they’re not happy with. I think sometimes we take them for granted, you know? Like, “What? I’m trying to get healthy! You HAVE to eat quinoa and brussel spouts. You HAVE to come home early so I can go to the gym.”
Perhaps we need to remember that our partners are experiencing a lot of change as well, but that we still value them and are appreciative of all that their doing to help us achieve our goals.
.-= Jenn @ Watch My Butt Shrink!´s last blog ..I’ve Got A New Attitude =-.
My husband is proud of my weight loss, but he gets REALLY offended when I attempt to offer him tips to foster his own loss. And this is AFTER he makes comments about he feels his weight creeping up! What’s a woman to do?? I’ll just keep quiet. When’s he’s really ready and serious. He will make the changes.
.-= Yum Yucky´s last blog ..Bedtime Cardio For Lazy People =-.
My main weight loss support system is my sister, who has the same struggles as I do. I don’t forsee our relationship to ever fall out (or else I’ll beat her up! ha!ha!)
My boyfriend is very supportive and encourages me to look and feel my best. He is very active and we do a lot of outdoors actvities together.
I do have many friends that are overweight and talk about losing weight I’ve gently encouraged them by suggesting various calorie counting sights and letting them know I’d love to excercise with them (I need a buddy!), but none have taken the first steps to do anything about it. It’s getting harder to keep our common interest (food!) in the center of our relationship.
I hope our relationship endures, they are good friends. I do wish their “a-ha” moment comes soon!
I’m not really sure how to handle this phase as I am currently dealing with some aspects of this now with people accusing me of only being interested in exercising etc.
.-= ‘Drea´s last blog ..RX For Sunday Blues =-.
Husband and I started our journey together – I had a lot more to lose, but I also went a lot crazier and further with it. He thinks I’m nuts with the races and stuff, but he’s starting to get into it too (we’re doing our third race together this weekend) and totally supports me (even if he does give me crap sometimes for standing outside in the cold for a few hours waiting for me to get to the finish line).
My friends think I’m nuts too, but I usually just make sure I’ve gotten an extra workout and ate super healthy the day before we hang out so I can enjoy drinks/splurge food/whatnot. Life is too short to NEVER have goopy cake (just not on a regular basis) at least for me…
The one thing that has strained some relationships a little is if I’m running or working the next day, I don’t go out and party anymore. So whenever we get invited out on the weekdays (and Fridays during race training) I have to decline. That baffles people. So far, relationships intact. I consider myself lucky.
.-= Quix´s last blog ..Spring Has Sprung =-.
This post really hit home with me. Not the marriage part I honestly know that is fine and will continue to be fine. I have heard of many people though who it did not work out for. Roy’s comment is probably accurate, sadly.
My “gaining” life has put a major stress on my 2 closest friendships. One because the misery loves company saying, well I am no longer miserable so it is hard to keep her company and she does not understand how to find her own happiness. You do have to let toxic relationships go and unforunately it may surprise you who is toxic in your life. The other was because our journeys are on extremely different paths right now but I do have hope to repair this friendship. Again I remind myself daily I cannot change someone else they have to want to better themselves.
Long comment sorry
What amazes me is that my husband stayed just as loving toward me as I ballooned out as when we met and I was small. Now that I’ve lost 98 lbs., I think he’s less embarrassed to be seen with me (yet never acted embarrassed before). We have more in common because he’s always been much more fit than me.
You never really think that while you are trying to better yourself and your health that other people – friends – can not see the good in what you are doing. But rather make it negative. In a way, it seems like these people are possibly jealous of the drive and motivation that they don’t have. Causing them to be so unsupportive. Roy’s comment really does make you think – great post Diane!
Well, at least I now know I fall in the majority!
One year after losing 30 lbs, and completely overhauling my lifestyle, I broke up with my boyfriend of four years. There were a lot of other factors at play (my graduating university) but I think the lifestyle change was a big part of it. Chris was great throughout the whole process, and even started coming to things like spin classes with me towards the end. But our relationship was built on our favourite pasttime together – going out to pubs and drinking beer. A lot of the time we hung out, I was half in the bag. Once I stopped drinking beer, my time spent with him wasn’t as fun, and our foundation wasn’t solid enough to push through it. Great guy. Trying to still be friends with him, he was a nice spin class buddy after all 
.-= Susan´s last blog ..Strength Training at Home =-.
I didn’t have very stable friendships to begin with, since I was the studious type in a college consistently voted in the top ten for partying, but the one relationship that did count (with my boyfriend of three years) hasn’t changed one bit. Actually, he can’t tell the difference. He encourages me to do what makes me happy, but he thought I was just as attractive 20 pounds heavier as I am now.
I think if we had been used to eating out, drinking, or indulging in desserts together, yanking that all away would do some damage to our relationship. But he’s the type that sees food as nutrients to be enjoyed, and doesn’t attach any emotional importance to it. He’s also naturally thin, so he wouldn’t feel threatened by any physical change in me. It’s hard for me to imagine being in a relationship that would crumble for such a shallow reason as weight loss (or gain).
.-= Tamara´s last blog ..Calculating =-.
That comment also left me with my mouth open in shock, and then sadness followed.
I have a friend who said most people she knows that have had gastric bypass at her workplace (there was a craze where a handful had it done within a short period of time) all ended up leaving their marriage or dating relationships. Her observation was that the person who lost the weight became so confident and almost arrogant (right word?) with their new body and they tossed the partner to the curb and went looking for something else new. So sad.
I haven’t faced this problem myself. I feel a lot of it can be avoided by two things 1) a marriage with God as the head can make it through pretty much anything and 2) those of us that are more health conscious, or losing weight, need to be careful we don’t force our way of eating on our spouses or friends.
There’s a difference between politely turning down a food at a gathering and the person getting offended by your choice and refusing to cook or make something that your spouse or friend might enjoy because you’ve chosen a different lifestyle.
Diane, remember when your husband asked you to bake some cookies back before Christmas because he wanted something sweet? I noticed that and wished all women would learn from you. Yes, you are health conscious, but you didn’t refuse to make some cookies because it would come in the way of your diet. You compromised, made him some cookies, and went on. I’ve no doubt he loved you for that.
I’m noticing many bloggers that refuse to have sweets etc in the house for people who aren’t dealing with health issues and I personally think it’s selfish. Selfishness will ruin a relationship just as much as unsupportive friends or family.
Okay, I’ve said enough…apparently you hit a nerve with this one.
I admire your journey and how you seem to have found balance in these areas. Your friend lost a good friend when she let your weight loss get end the relationship; and your husband was smart to love you either way, because he’s kept a wonderful wife.
My husband and I have always had a VERY communicative relationship and (this may sound naive, but to me it is true) I honestly can’t think of anything that would tear us apart. We talk and share too much to allow something big to build up between us. On top of that he has lost over fifty pounds himself during the last year as he supported me in my own endeavor; again, sharing that experience just brings us closer. I do know that some relationships could suffer serious consequences if one person went through a transformation such as significant weight loss (especially since it is such a mental progresssion too), but I am happily confident that my husband and I will not be one of the couples that splits over such a thing.
.-= 266´s last blog ..Appearances Can Be Deceiving =-.
Wow, maybe this is just a commentary on the quality of the people in my life, but my wetht loss has only improved my marriage (because I am a happier, healthier mommy) and my friends and family have been nothing but loving and supportive, as well as very excited for me.
It’s been this way for the first fifty pounds and will be this was for the next, as well. My marriage and friendships are built on mutual love and care for the other person, and those just aren’t the type that are torn asunder by something as unimportant as weight loss or gain. I am shocked that so many people have had experiences to the contrary.
=-.
.-= Taryl´s last blog ..Bad news
Hmmm… I’ve had a very different experience so far, and I’m hoping after reading your post that things don’t change. I’m really the only one of my friends that is overweight, and they’ve been extremely supportive of my changes, with some of them even joining in, which is great. And my family’s been fantastic, too. There was one person in my circle (is that vague enough?) who recently made a comment to the effect that I would “look strange” if I lost too much more weight, but this person is known for slightly off-putting comments anyhow (they had a few when I was much heavier, too). But that’s really the extent of any negative feedback so far.
.-= Chad´s last blog ..Karma: I Hate You… =-.
Change is hard for most people. And relationships go through ebbs and flows as well. I have been married for 15 years to a great man. At times we are more connected and at times we need to really work at making that connection. With the change that major lifestyles changes bring, there’s bound to be some bumps in the road for everyone involved.
Earlier in our marriage my husband and I discussed how he is not the one to control what I eat or even how I live, and my husband quickly learned that he would just “get in trouble” if he tried to intervene in my choices. Ultimately the choice to live a healthier life is my own. And ultimately that will change relationships and even family dynamics. If we just keep talking to each other, I know that we will be able to make it through anything.
.-= Jen´s last blog ..I’m Not Starting — I’m Living =-.
I had a few friends who only liked to eat crappy food and thought I was being a health nut by changing my ways. They made fun of me like your friend did so I realized they weren’t as supportive of me. And my father hasn’t been supportive of me when I gained or lost the weight.
I wasn’t in a relationship when I lost the majority of my weight so to Hunni the exercising and healthy eating were normal. I think it has helped us so he knows that this is just part of who I am.
.-= Cynthia (It All Changes)´s last blog ..Bring Back the Greens =-.
This happened to a lady at my work…she lost over 100 pounds and her husband got completely insecure. While on a much smaller scale, my over-weight high school boyfriend from back in the day was happy (but not overly…) that I lost weight. He told me it made him insecure. And while the relationship ended for other reasons, he still to this day thinks it’s because I could “do better” once I’d lost weight. I totally get the strain on relationships, it’s tough.
.-= Nicole, RD´s last blog ..Challenge: DO what you DON’T =-.
WOW! Great post! I had no idea!
.-= sian-girlgetstrong´s last blog ..Five Essential Nutrients for a Great Workout and Recovery =-.
Great discourse. I would only add thats relationships which do end, probably do so for a variety of reasons — this disparity between the two parties is probably just one very heavy straw added to the back of the camel.
.-= Emergefit´s last blog ..WWJRD…? =-.
That comment is so sad! I can understand how weight loss could cause strain in relationships, but I am so thankful that like you, that was not a problem for me and my husband. Sure, it took him a little while to adjust to my new way of life, but he’s my biggest fan. My friends have also been extremely supportive as well, but I think the two things you pointed out–expectations and insecurity–are definitely causes of strain. Great post!
.-= erin´s last blog ..Movin’ On Up =-.
My DH is my biggest fan and has always been supportive of me. My kids too … they are happy for me that I am losing weight and were not disparaging of me when I gained my weight. I have lost friends, though, one of whom I considered my best friend for more than 25 years. It’s strange not to have her as a friend because we’d been through so much together, but I am actually happier without her in my life.
.-= Siobhan´s last blog ..it’s all about me =-.
I think the results could be a little skewed. Because some times, people lose a huge amount of weight because they are so unhappy in their lives….and find out afterwards that it wasn’t just their weight they were unhappy with; it was their partner. So the relationship can end. That would make it seem it was because of the weight loss, when in fact, it was the exact opposite. Just offering an alternative explanation that I’ve seen played out several times.
.-= Sunny´s last blog ..Last Day of Vacay, Although we are Home =-.
Diane,
We have been following your blog ever since we discovered it on Jenelle’s blog. You are amazing and we love following you on your journey.
We’ve nominated you for a blogger award!
Come to our site for award pick-up!
Jana & Tina
Diet Buddy Girls
Im always late to the party
but would talk a LOT with my clients about how we/they arent living in a vacuum and try to plan and envision how the weight loss would look for them (sure) but how it would impact those around them as well.
I wouldn’t take that fellows word as evidence. Remember, 50% of marriages end in divorce anyway. He may be working with a particular sector of society which divorces more anyway. His comment really is not reflective of people who lose weight as a whole; it only reflects the sampling he works with. Maybe these people would split up regardless of weightloss. Maybe he works with people who enter into relationships lightly or have committment issues.
Just because he says it doesn’t make it universally true; far from it.
My marriage was not good for over 20 years. During that time I gained 200 pounds and had eight children, my mother passed away, I was clinically depressed and didn’t know it. What held my marriage together was our children and our faith in God. Either one of us could have left and thought about it and talked about it but it never happened.
When I made the decision to lose weight, I genuinely thought I would just become thin and that everything else would stay the same. I had absolutely no idea that EVERYTHING would change. My life is 100% better. My marriage–complete turn around. All after just 90 pounds gone. I still have 110 to go to reach my goal. What will things be like then!
I was afraid that my marriage would fail because hey, it was crummy to start with! What a lovely surprise that God had in store for me.
Everyone in my life is completely supportive of me except for my best friend. My husband doesn’t secretly sabotage me. He is enjoying my new figure!
My friend, on the other hand, is overweight too but never as much as me. We walked daily together for months–and she never lost one pound! How horrible! I would share what was happening and she wouldn’t say ONE WORD. No response. I eventually stopped walking with her. I try to be careful of what I say about my weight loss cool things. Because I know that if the positions were reversed I would not say one word either. We are still friends. It has been eye opening for me because it really showed how horrible I have been to friends in the past who lost weight–including my own sister! I am ashamed to say I never one time acknowledged her incredible weight loss because I was so overweight myself and I felt bad enough as it was.
I never ever want my weight loss to hurt another person but no way no way on earth am I ever going to stop.
Good post today! err yesterday!
.-= zaababy´s last blog ..Day 327–Promised Pics–before and after, and my new bike courtesy of Jack Sh*t’s contest! Oh, and weigh day. =-.
I’m fortunite that my wife is on the same journey as me, with a delay for baby of course. But we plan food together, eat the same meals (she snacked differently), and workout together. So for us this journey is making us closer as a couple.
I will admit that early in our relationship (several years) when I was working out and she wasn’t it was stressful. To have hugely divergent life goals is hard to push past in young relationships or ones not on sound footing. The sooner both people understand the change the sooner they can both do a relationship life goal gut check.
Great post!
.-= Sean (Learn Fitness)´s last blog ..My First Healthy Giveaway =-.