People are generally kind. and John is one of the kindest I know. There was one time when his kindness turned into an embarrassing moment. He used to love buying me clothes. I wore a size 10 pretty consistently, so clothes shopping easy. However, problems began during the 2nd year of our marriage. Because we went out to eat constantly, and I never exercised, I had beenslowly and steadily gaining weight. He never seemed to notice that I kept buying new jeans, suits, and dresses. I guess he just thought I didn’t like my old clothes.
The third year of our marriage was going wonderfully and Christmas coming. One day I showed him a picture of a white suit I really liked. He said, “It’s nice.” I forgot about the suit and Christmas came and went. For Valentine’s Day we out-of-town relatives visiting, and John brought out a beautifully wrapped present and said, “I’ve had this and was waiting for Valentine’s Day to give it to you.” I eagerly opened the package and was delighted to find the suit I had admired inside. My delight quickly turned to concern when I noticed that the size of the suit was “10“. Unbeknownst to him, I hadn’t worn a size 10 in over a year. I could fudge sizes in shirts and sweaters, but a suit was a different story. I held it up to myself and said, “Thank you.”
Here’s where the big problem started. He said, “Try it on.” I shook my head, no. He insisted, and I reluctantly headed into a different room to change clothes.
I stepped into the skirt and started to pull it up. It wouldn’t go above my knees. I tugged and checked to make sure the zipper was fully opened. It was, and the skirt wasn’t budging. From the living room I heard them call, “Are you ready?” Ready?! Not quite. I stepped back out of the skirt and tried to put it on over my head. After all, it was a slim skirt. I tugged and pulled, yanked and wiggled until I had it partially on. I yanked the skirt hem down until it was kind of in the right place. There would be no buttoning the skirt as it was about 4 inches too small. The hips were so tight I could hardly walk.
I put the jacket on as best as I could and pulled it down as far as possible. I opened the door three inches and stuck my face out. “It’s good,” I said. They all chorused – “Let us see.” I opened the door a bit further and stood in the doorway with my hands in front of my hips. Without thinking, my husband said, “It looks a little tight.” My relatives echoed his sentiment and I turned red from embarrassment. I just laughed and said, “Oh, I’m sure it’s just cut small.” But inside I was mortified. Now everyone in the family knew I had gotten fat.
Later that night he apologized. He told me he hadn’t realized I really didn’t want to try on the suit. I finally admitted to him that I hadn’t worn a size 10 in some time and was sorry. He said he didn’t care, but I cared. I knew I was getting bigger and bigger but I couldn’t seem to do anything about it. Now my problem was out in the open. Instead of doing something about it, I began talking nonstop about my weight, looking for reassurance that I wasn’t really as big as I knew I was. He was reassuring, but everytime he reassured me the words rang false. I knew he was just being kind. I didn’t look okay and I was quickly moving towards being embarassingly large.
After this story took place, I gained another 100 pounds. If I had just gotten things under control then my life would have been a lot easier. And there would have been many less embarrassing clothing moments.
Ever had something like this happen to you? Diane
I could feel your embarrassment jump through your words. Powerful stuff! I can’t say that I’ve had a similar experience but going to the beach and having to wear a swimsuit in front of the family made me feel the same way. It’s like I thought I was able to hide my fat behind clothing. Boy was I delusional!
.-= Rachel´s last blog ..Week 10 weight loss ~ Dave =-.
Thought I’d forgotten this (read blotted it out of my memory bank!) but I stayed over with a friend, who I’d known for years, and spilled red wine on my only top.
She, of course, said “don’t worry, I’m sure I’ve got something around here that’ll fit you” (meaning she’d noticed that I’d put on a LOT of weight but was too polite to say so right out).
I tried on the ‘big, baggy’ top she offered me and could not have even moved my arms one inch if I’d worn it (OK, stuffed myself into it). Not a great memory, and that wasn’t the fat lass at her fattest!
.-= Deniz´s last blog ..Trying… in every sense! =-.
I am sorry that you had to go through this experience ! I can imagine the shame and horror you felt, and the subsequent self hatred as a result ! My own life experience with my weight was a lot more horrible than clothing that would not fit, and it is something I have rarely shared with most people. I have been obese since i was 2 yrs old and childhood obesity sometimes makes you invisible to the worst kind of people. When I was 9 I was sexually molested by an uncle, and when i told my mother she said that I must be lying because no one would want to have anything to do with a fat little girl in that way. I was shocked, scared, horrified and it set me on a journey of some of the worst, most damaging , risky behaviors a human being could engage in . I felt from her response that no one was ever going to protect me but me, and rather than be a victim to anyone I was going to pick and choose my own horrors. Never believe that lie that no one would be sexually attracted to an overweight person because there are several. The Fat Girl is the invisible, anonymous girl who doesn’t count, and therefor a perfect thing for the insecure boy or man to experiment with. One day I woke up and realized what I was doing and changed my life.
.-= Diane´s last blog ..The forced school lunch program =-.
Even though this happened at long time ago and you have moved past it – I think you need a hug.
.-= vickie´s last blog .. =-.
Thanks for sharing that story. I could just picture it happening. I have not had anything similar because DH has been instructed over and over not to buy me clothes! Even if he guessed the right size, fit is so hard. And quite honestly, his taste is… hmmm… well, you can guess.
.-= WaistingTime´s last blog ..My Cheating Heart =-.
To misquote the possibly famous Johnnie Cochran:
“If the suit does not fit, your diet, do not quit!”
.-= Dr. J´s last blog ..Lab Notes: Obesity Journal to Become Childhood Obesity Journal; New Atkins Diet Adds More Veggies =-.
Thanks for sharing this. You have a great man there. Glad he was understanding. I’ve never had something like that happen mainly because my husband will never buy me clothes. That’s a good thing since some of the stuff he points out I’m like, really?
.-= Tracey @ I’m Not Superhuman´s last blog ..To Maintain Weight, Exercise an Hour a Day =-.
Last valentines day my hubby bought me a really cute bikini. But I had already lost about 20 lbs, and he thought it would fit, and it did, with extra falling over the sides. I know his heart was in the right place, but I could tell that he was just as embarassed about buying it when he realised that I wasn’t that small. Poor guy was trying to make me feel good about the loss I had worked so hard for. I’m just now getting back to that mind set of losing again. It took alot out of me when I saw myself in it. It is definately more of a mental thing for me.
.-= Teresa´s last blog ..I’m still pushing it =-.
Yes. Many I could tell. When I was slim I would jump at the chance to try on something and show it off. Now, I can’t stand to try on anything. It is very hard to find something that fits well much less something that is flattering.
I recall getting nice lingerie as a gift. In trying to set up a romantic evening, I put it on for him. Did.not.fit. Needless to say, I wasn’t much in the mood after that.
.-= Gina Fit by 41 Maybe 42´s last blog ..C25K Report – Week 5 and Gratitude =-.
Oh, dear. This has never happened to me only because no one ever bought me clothes. I have had the embarrassment of wearing my obese mom’s clothes as a young woman to a formal function. Old lady’s clothes.
(((Diane))) But look where you are now!
I like it that your size didn’t matter to your husband.
I honestly feel that if someone says something to you about your weight and you’re not ready to hear it, their observation or *complaint* is just going to fall on deaf ears anyway.
.-= ‘Drea´s last blog ..Light Refreshments =-.
When I read things like this I always flash back to seeing a fat guy in a window and realizing he was me. My wife at that time was tuned in to my size and bought and replaced clothes accordingly. I look back at that now and wonder if her kindness was just a gentle form of enabling…
.-= Emergefit´s last blog ..Shower Power… =-.
Thank you for sharing that story. I’ve not had that happen with my husband, but I remember once when I had begun to put some weight on after finally losing a good chunk and my mom bought me jeans a size bigger than I had been wearing. I thought, “They’ll be too big. What is she thinking?”
I tried them on, and they fit. I was so sad, because she saw what I refused to acknowledge and we wanted to bless me with good-fitting pants.
Like you, had I dealt with that small gain then I wouldn’t be where I’m at now. Thankfully, I’m working on it now, but I wish I would’ve back then. Instead, I was so sad I gave up trying to watch portions and didn’t exercise anymore.
It is amazing how weight can seriously just sneak up on you and then all of a sudden we are like HUH?
No one has ever bought clothes for me but I did have quite a mess as a maid of honor. The largest size the bride chose would not fit me so mine was different and instead of looking like the maid of honor I looked more like the mother or grandma of the bride
So hard to face it all right up front isn’t it?
You are on the right track now! Your hubby sounds amazing.
Last summer we went to a friends daughters birthday party. We took my niece because she was the same age as the little girl. Well, my niece threw up all over me and I was mortified. I went into the bathroom to try to clean up, and my husband offered to see if our friend had a top that would fit me. Mind you, she is maybe a size 8/10 and I was a 26/28. I said, “there is no way her clothes will fit me” and he said, “well, maybe one of her maternity tops will”. I wanted to die!! I managed to wash my shirt out in the sink and just wore it wet on the ride home… But I was so embarrassed. My hubby also doesn’t get the whole “size” thing LOL which can be sweet, and annoying at the same time.
Thank goodness, no! How terrible an experience, and in front of family, no less! I think the closest I have gotten was uniforms my college choir picked out to perform in. I was about a size 16, but very busty, and the shirts were clearance and up to an extra large. I was the ONLY member of the choir who couldn’t button my shirt, I had to button the bottom three and wear a black camisole underneath. I am sure I stuck out like a sore thumb, but there was NO closing that sucker.
What’s worse? TWO guys I liked saw me in that getup, and it was not my finest moment.
Wow, I’d actually forgotten all about that for years until this post reminded me.
.-= Taryl´s last blog ..Fun interlude – belly pictures and comparison shot =-.
this sounds exactly like my story!! except it made me realize the truth at how I had gained weight and started to do something about it.
regardless, it’s a horrible situation to be in and unfortunately these stories are all too common in our community.
.-= rebecca @ durch dick und duenn´s last blog ..Weigh – In #37 =-.
It’s SO GOOD when the people in our lives love us and are there to support us, even when we don’t treat ourselves as well as we could.
As I read this, I’d gained 5 lbs in the past month and a half. I was caught between trying to come to terms with it and at the same time recognizing that I was going into an unhealthy spiral. The past few days I’ve been diligent with eating portion sizes and now I have about 3.5 lbs more to lose before I’m at a weight that I’ll be more comfortable at. Five pounds doesn’t sound like much, but it’s what it can lead to, and it’s what it does to us mentally, that CAN make a big impact.
.-= Sagan´s last blog ..The Living Healthy in the Real World Guide to Budgeting =-.
Diane, your stories hit me so hard. I feel like I am going thru it with you even though I was never as heavy as that. I was feeling it, crying it… just like it was me since I think all of us has had “a moment or more” like this. I was called a lot of fattie names & worse (being Jewish) when I was younger. I still try to block it out. I guess it is good that we both found a way to health.
Thx Diane for always sharing….
.-= Jody – Fit ta 52´s last blog ..Low Carb Protein Bar; Low Cal Protein Brownie =-.
My mom is the only one that ever bought me clothes, and she was always attuned to my size. My main embarrasment when it comes to clothes is related to being part of bridal party. Both times I was the maid of honor. One was for a friend, who’s mother hated me because I was fat…and she was fatter than I was! Anyway, I had had it with the comments and nastiness during the dress shopping and fittings, and finally told my friend that I couldn’t deal with her mother and I would attend the wedding but not be in it. She understood, but the mother went ballistic. I clearly remember going shopping with my friend, her mom & granmda, and my mom & grandma, and that woman forcing me to try on dresses that were obviously not right for my body type. Mom and I just did our usual communication with expressions.
The seoncd time was for my sister’s wedding. I spent too many times crying my eyes out in the dressing room trying on strapless or spaghetti-strap dresses, with ruffles, always too big for the plus size sample. I finally told my sister that if I couldn’t wear something flattering and reasonable, then I wouldn’t be in the bridal party. After a huge fight, she relented becasue she finally understood that not only was it in my best interests to not look terrible, but her wedding pictures’ best interest, too!!!
.-= Hopeful´s last blog ..Wobble =-.
Last spring my husband came home with these cute capris that he bought me at Costco. They were a size 8, but I had gained weight to at least a size 12. He insisted I try them on, but of course they didn’t go up far. I got very mad at him and I actually yelled at him! I blamed him for doing it on purpose, buying me a too small size so that I would realize that I was getting fat. He was just stunned and I don’t think we spoke to eachother for a week! Very sad.
.-= Carla´s last blog ..Eating well feels right =-.
It seems we all have those memories where we felt shame in front of friends/family.
I once had to wear denim to court for a hearing with my ex husband as when I went to try on my dress pants the morning of, not one single one would remotely even go up. I couldn’t find a blouse big enough to cover the top of the pants.
So shameful to have to wear that in court, I tried to pretend I did it on purpose, but I just felt unbelievable shame.
It is amazing what denial does to the mind.
I like to say that “DENIAL IS A WONDERFUL WORLD”.
Wonderful until reality comes crashing in, then it is devastating. But, we have to choose to take care of ourselves. I have 30 pounds gone, 30 to go.
Wow! My family usually comments as soon as I open something, “will it fit?” or “i hope it fits” and it immediately deflates the joy I feel about receiving the gift. But at least they are aware of my struggles…I suppose.
.-= PhluffyPrincess´s last blog ..Weigh-In (Week 9) =-.
I remember when I first discovered that I had gone from a size 12 to a 16. A few months after my second child was born I decided I needed some new jeans so off I went to the mall and innocently took several pairs of size 12′s in the changing room to try on. Well, they didn’t fit. Neither did the 14′s. When in desperation I grabbed a SIXTEEN and tried it on and IT FIT I about died. Fighting back tears I left without any jeans at all. And thus began my odyssey into the land of fat, food, embarrassment, and shame. I’m glad I’m taking care of things now. I’m glad I’ve figured out how to lose weight. But oh how upset I would have been if I had known that 20 years later I would be much much heavier.
.-= zaababy´s last blog ..Day 323–I am sick, Was it worth it, and a poem. Yes, we’re fancy shmancy today =-.
Oh man, I sure felt your pain! I remember one time sitting in one of those webbed lawn chairs and when I got up, the chair got up with me – stuck to my big hips. Of course it was at a gathering of people I didn’t know extremely well but wanted to look good for.
I don’t know why we put ourselves through such agony and pain when all it takes is to stop and change course. I say “all it takes” but I know exactly how hard that is. Anyway, I thank God that I’m on the right course now and also for your blog which is always right on target.
I was right there with you in that dressing room…nothing like this has happened to me in front of a crowd but I know when I think I should still be in one size and go and try it on and it does not fit…the agony…another wonderful post!
.-= sian-girlgetstrong´s last blog ..Review: Jillian Michaels’ 30 Day Shred =-.
Oh Always…The absolute worst was my wedding dress. I had previously been losing weight so I thought that while a 16 fit, a 14 would surely fit for the wedding. The 14 came in August and I tried it on and it did not come close to fitting. My mom said to me “how did you let it get this far?” I was able to exchange for an 18 that fit…mortifying.
.-= Beth @fatbustermack´s last blog ..Paying for it =-.
One Christmas while in college my dad bought me pj’s from Victoria’s Secret (cotton ones…not slutty ones..lol). I was sooo excited. These were my first pair EVER from VS. But, they were a size M which probably would have fit 4 years before in high school, but not then. I was too embarrassed to even take them back.
However, I can totally rock a S or an XS from VS now. lol.
Thanks for sharing this post Diane. I know it must have been hard to go through that. You are sharing your heart and people are inspired. I am! I think we have all had the experience of getting something that was too tight or trying to squeeze into something that we knew wasn’t going to fit. It is embarrasing. It is humilating. It is depressing. But thank goodness we have a choice to change. We can change to look and feel better. We can change to be more confident. But I think you have to change because YOU want to. Great post
.-= Jen-JensFitnessTips.com´s last blog ..Tip #69: Reach For The Sun Yoga =-.