Someone once asked me if weight loss was mainly a physical issue or an emotional issue. This is how I answered her question. I said:
In the ideal world, weight loss is mainly about taking in less calories than you burn. However, I’ve haven’t met too many people who don’t have a lot of emotional feelings surrounding food. So in my humble opinion, successful weight loss often requires us to conquer the emotions while at the same time working on improving what and how we eat.
Agree or disagree?
For many of us, the experiences we have had in the past influence our reactions to food. I know it has for me. Without going into too many details, there were some situations that happened during my childhood that were less than ideal. I learned at a young age that food didn’t talk back to me, didn’t judge me, and seemed to make me feel better. So I indulged whenever I could, and overindulged the older I got.
And I gained massive amounts of weight as a result. I gained 150 pounds in about 8 years.
Healing the past isn’t easy, and often requires the assistance of a professional, or perhaps a trusted confidante. A lot of people ask me if I sought counseling during my obese years to help me on the right path and I didn’t. Not that I think anything is wrong with counseling, (because I do NOT) but quite frankly, it wasn’t something we could afford at the time had I wanted to avail myself of it.
So how did I work through some of those complicated issues that helped me gain weight?
- I had to be 100% honest with myself that there were some issues in the first place, and worth through my feelings surround them.
- I had to allow myself experience the emotions that were associated with the emotions
- I learned that just because I knew what the emotions were, I still needed to learn not to eat based on those emotions.
- When I messed up I gave myself a break, and didn’t beat myself up.
- I finally understood it wasn’t a quick fix. Losing weight wasn’t going to change the past, but I could heal and move past the past while at the same time losing weight.
I wanted to say that I haven’t “healed” the past completely, but rather I’ve worked through it and been able to acknowledge it without allowing the past to rule my emotions and unduly influence my choices.
What do you think? Is healing and/or acknowledging past hurts a part of the weight loss journey for some people? Diane
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I had to allow myself experience the emotions that were associated with the emotions.
this is so key for all of us whether overweight or not.
can learn from you…
only then can we really live a full and authentic life.
thanks so much for laying yourself bare, Diane, so that we the great unwashed masses
Miz´s last blog ..Creating a personal brand.
I had to change (heal) my relationship with food. I grew up in a family that used food as a form of love & reward or comfort when things went wrong in life.
It has taken a lot of time, reading books, magazines, blogs on the subject and is still on going but I know that food is not love, acceptance, approval I could go on and on. Food is fuel for my body and not my feelings.
I’m not sure that you ever completely heal your past hurts but you find healthy ways to live today.
Susan´s last blog ..This Week
Yes. For me one of the toughest lessons is that I have to deal with emotions, disappointments, and problems as they come. Instead of stuffing it down and sucking it up. Leads to all kinds of problems. The least of which is too much food.
I find that your 5 steps are very helpful. They are what I do. And they help.
JourneyBeyondSurvival´s last blog ..A Leetle Squirrley Here
It is emotional. I actually think that for the majority of people it’s emotional. It is not hard getting educated when it comes to nutrition nowadays. A simple online search can tell us that calories in vs calories out, and that we need to do is eat less and move more. This isn’t at all a hard concept to grasp, I think.
I also think that most people struggle with the emotional side of it, even if they aren’t aware of it.
Years ago, when I was still overweight, my mom turned to me and said “You do know that you eat when you’re upset don’t you?” And no, I had no clue that’s why I ate. I guess it’s easier for someone who’s watching your behavior to figure this out. But no, I had no clue, I hadn’t even thought about it. I just felt like eating.
There’s a lot of anger, too. Because of the way people treat you, etc. And food comforts and numbs you. It’s sad, I know, but it’s true.
And I think that those are the steps everyone should go through to be successful.
Diana´s last blog ..A whole lotta food. And other stuff.
I never grew up with eating being a big thing…it was something we needed daily and that was it..
All my life I ate well, my career was in the fitness industry where I had to be the example to the ladies who attended my class…I picked up a few kg’s here and there, but lost it quickly…
I gained my weight when I stopped being active….now living in Germany I find I want to eat when I’m bored…If I’m busy I dont think about food or snacking.
I am trying to find ways to fill my days as I know this is the area where i have the problem.
Marcelle´s last blog ..Balancing MY Blog
I think the emotional /physical thing can be even more complicated than that. In some cases, due to a medical condition, obesity happens and then you get the backlash of others because of it and it makes food have an unrealistic place in your life as a result. Such was my case- PCOS causes a metabolic imbalance and weight gain happens because the body does not metabolize food in the normal way. My father gave very clear messages that food was strength, so when the going got tough, in serious ways, I turned to food. There were a few emotionally traumatic events in my life that made me turn to food ( we are talking very extreme)but it was more to stock up on strength than it was comfort.However, as an overweight person you get a LOT of emotionally scaring moments, and for many people that leads to emotional eating to comfort the pain.It’s a vicious cycle, and the two are definitely connected !
Diane´s last blog ..Easter
For me there is some emotional component that I have not yet identified but don’t think it comes from my past. Bad habits come from growing up, but I think the emotions are more about my adult life. Not sure what. I have heard it suggested that we eat to replace something that is missing. The other day when I was overeating and just putting food after food into my mouth, I wondered why I was doing it. What was behind the ‘binge”? I don’t have an answer, but I do think for me, maybe there is some reason that leads me to eat.
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BTW, the Shape magazine my friend posted me from USA arrived today…am going to take it with me to hospital tomorrow and read ( your story ) as I’m sure I’ll be doing a lot of sitting around * waiting *.
Marcelle´s last blog ..Balancing MY Blog
Healing and acknowledging past hurts is certainly part of the process for many. Not all, but many. Make it a great day Diane!
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I so think it is tied up with emotions for so many of us. Diane, you wrote: wanted to say that I haven’t “healed” the past completely, but rather I’ve worked through it and been able to acknowledge it without allowing the past to rule my emotions and unduly influence my choices.
I am like this… with health & fitness. Some real life issues still are messed up due to the past & I am working on that still.
Great post as always!
Jody – Fit at 52´s last blog ..Obesity, The Crisis, Jamie Oliver, My Feelings
I have seen more than a few instances when (your) #4 and #5 can be addressed first, the weight has been lost. Since I am not a therapist, I try not to get involved too much in 1-3. That said, of these instances where they have had the discipline to lose the weight, having their body back (or having for the 1st time), they have then had more confidence and ability to address the psychological issues. That is, for some, it appears that the chicken came before the egg.
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You wrote “successful weight loss often requires us to conquer the emotions while at the same time working on improving what and how we eat”
I am just learning this. I have spent SO many years just trying to deal with the emotions OR the “diet” OR the exercise, that I didn’t try to create a balance in working on all 3 at the same time. That is the hard work to changing. Working on ALL the pieces at the same time…THANK YOU!
Jules – Big Girl Bombshell´s last blog ..Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall
For me, compulsive overeating originated with feelings of powerlessness. My first memories of sneak eating as a child were reactions to being abused and trying to take back my power by behaving autonomously (I got to decide what went in my mouth!) Ironically, and sadly, the effort to regain my power and autonomy eventually took the form of dieting and self-deprivation. That early dieting in response to my abusive homelife, I believe, set me up for a life of disordered eating. Dieting, or healthy eating, or any kind of ordered eating (as opposed to disordered) is fraught with conflict and internal power struggles. To this day. There are periods of time when I feel more free from the compulsivity of restricting/overeating (two sides of the same coin) but I still experience episodes of pain surrounding food.
[...] fit to the finish » Healing the Past [...]
I guess my answer’s a little different, because I am not what you’d call an emotional eater. I just really enjoyed food and ate for taste. My mom was a single mom and a lot of times, our enjoyment/treats were based around a cheap bag of onion rings or pizza rolls, but those were happy times.
As I’ve lost weight, though, those memories do make me a little emotional because I often think, “What if I’d never been fat?”
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Yes, I think facing the past is part of our weight loss journeys. For those of us who were heavy for more than a pregnancy we usually had a reason we allowed ourselves to overindulge. For some it was laziness and being busy studying that allowed the “freshman 15″, for some it was a job change from standing to sit all day and not realizing the need for exercise to compensate, for some, like me, it was getting married and being comfortable with a wonderful spouse who accepted you as you were (and getting a sit down job, and eating out lots with said spouse, then adding pregnancies and more sitting and nursing, etc. etc.)
I know that I have had to learn to deal with these issues. I’ve also had to learn, for myself, to acknodledge that I might just have been wrong and have to change. Ouch.
It’s not easy, but like you said it can be done, and I know I’m feeling much better for coming to grips with certain emotional issues.
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I think there ARE people where it is simply a matter of lifestyle – if they fix the ‘in’ and the ‘out’ to a better level and get their butt moving – that is the whole issue. There aren’t many of those people in weight loss blog land.
I have always been very vocal about my eating disorder therapist and my psychiatrist and my meds. It was a very necessary part of my process.
I might have gotten the weight off without them – but would not be keeping the weight off without them.
Can’t keep the inner the same and expect things to be different. The INNER is THE part of making changes that counts.
And I think that without inner change – weight loss/maintenance doesn’t ‘take’ OR we addiction transfer.
And I think that many other parts of our lives require attention (in addition to food/exercise).
Taking care of medical things comes to mind, AND clutter, $$$ problems, paperwork/legal problems, and other ‘non’ coping things. There seems to be a lot of secondary patterns in our lives – that don’t seem related to our ‘fat’ but are.
And I have said again and again – I think for most of us something important either happened or didn’t happen during important development stages in our youth. Not always one big incident – but often a series of things – that got us off track. It might not show up until years later – but I think it is common in many of us.
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AGREE. The first time I lost weight, it wasn’t that much of a mental barrier at all. It was pretty much purely physical, so it wasn’t that difficult for me to lose the weight. Now, however, I have a ton of emotions wrapped up in my weight and in food, so I find it difficult to lose a few extra pounds… it’s very difficult to separate emotions from food once they rely on each other. But dealing with our issues is super important to be able to heal and succeed.
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I think the emotional issues made up most of my food issues. And it wasn’t until I could deal with those that I could start looking at food differently (and not as a coping mechanism!).
Lauren @ Eater not a runner´s last blog ..beautiful morning for a run
Oh yes, healing the past wounds is essential. I recently learned that I can only go so far in my journey while I’m still shoveling emotional garbage further and further down the chute. Bringing all of that to the surface and dealing with it – REALLY dealing with it – has helped me over the past few weeks. I feel so much better and more confident in my journey. I’m ready to finish what I started with my weight loss goals.
I always tell myself, Michelle let the emotion wash over you. I didn’t want to deal my intense emotions when I was bingeing. Who wants to admit that they’re lonely and depressed? I just wanted to eat WHATEVER crossed my path.
However, once I started dealing with them it was good. It’s such a slow, but important journey to go on. I always tell myself to take the emotion out of food when I feel like it’s starting to spark up again. I have gotten to the point where I can not only identify the emotion, but talk myself out of feeding it most of the time.
I don’t think it’s ever that you’re not an emotional eater. It’s just that you don’t actively partake in it anymore.
10000% emotional. TOTALLY. Completely and totally.
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Hmmm, I am undecided on this. Obviously from my most recent post (thank you so much for your lovely comment BTW) I have emotional issues with my weight. However, I don’t think it has prevented me from losing or getting control of it. Now…seeing that I gained the weight back, maybe it has more to do with it then I realize, but I think to be totally honest me gaining the weight back was more about me. And to blame it on that person who hurt me regarding food & weight would be an easy way out of accepting responsibility. Just my opinion strictly speaking from my own experience, nobody else’s.
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Eating is such an emotional thing for me, too. Right now I’ve learned that much, and learned to recognize the emotion. My issue is your #3…not eating in spite of that. It’s tough.
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Every step you mentioned above is very true. No, I don’t think that healing is a necessary step for some people. I think it’s a necessary step for ALL people. Dieting takes some wicked willpower even when you feel good about yourself. If you’ve got an internal battle AND you’re trying to lose weight, well, that’s just a lot to deal with. At least it was for me.
My weight has gone up and down over the last ten years. I’ve weighed 110 pounds (eating disorder). I’ve weighed 186 pounds. And basically everything in between. I think the yo-yoing is the result of trying to physically lose weight without dealing with the emotional baggage I was carrying.
I’m currently at a happy healthy 143. Plus, I’ve unloaded some of the emotional baggage I was carrying. Hopefully I’m done with games.
I think we too often focus on physically losing weight. You have to emotionally leave the weight behind, too. Even now my mind sometimes acts like the 186 pound girl.
My eating was very much tied to emotions. I didn’t realize how much until I started losing. That is when I would catch myself reaching for the sweets when I felt stressed. I denied that it was part of the problem for years. It is something I will always struggle with I think. At least now I see what I’m doing and can fight it.
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Definitely a little of both.
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I believe that this is the case for a number of us struggling with our weight, but I always hated how it was automatically assumed by some that ALL people who struggle with their weight have deep rooted emotional trauma that needs to be dealt with before they can be successful with their loss. (I am in no way saying that is what YOU meant, either, Diane, not at all). I ate emotionally, but I never felt like I have something deep down in there that has caused all of this for me. I feel like a lot of mine was simply due to poor choices.
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I really do think that acknowledging the mental aspects of weight loss. Harsh to say, but I believe this is true, no one gets to be obese without having some mental health issues. Not saying they are impossible to overcome, but it does require a little bit of work.
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Good post, Diane. I think as a few others said, you have to learn to let yourself feel some bad emotions and then deal with them. Food and obesity sometimes are used to mask those emotions.
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It is important. A wise person once said to me that if you need to lose 100 pounds from the neck down, you should get examined from the neck up.
Calories in/calories out works, but there are certainly other issues at work. It’s all individual.
Lori (Finding Radiance)´s last blog ..Simple eats
It took me too many years to realize that just eating less wouldn’t work. I have a really whacked relationship with food. I thought that a diet would fix everything.
Even when I did well on a ‘diet’ there would come a time when I would sabotage myself-and gain even more weight back.
It has taken time and therapy to understand WHY I was overeating and FAT. I knew the HOW…that was easy…
The other…no so much…
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Such a good post. I think that weight gain almost always=emotional things going on…true for me anyway. Through the last several years I’ve worked hard on past issues and I believe this is why I’m now doing well in the weight loss game, I’ve changed a lot of things about the way I think, the way I deal, the way I exist. I think you HAVE to address the emotional things.
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For me weight is emotional, but in a different way. Even though no one in my life pressures me to look a certain way, I pressure myself. I have never been “thin”, I’ve always been healthy, thick and with a side of big bones. Anytime I may have been “thin”, I wasn’t being healthy. It’s hard knowing you are eating the right food and exercising properly and knowing you will never be considered skinny. I wasn’t made to ever be skinny. But I have found satisfaction in knowing I am healthy and have a long life ahead of me because of the healthy life decisions I make.
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For me it was definitely both. I overate because I had problems from my childhood but once I taught my body about overeating I had to unlearn the physical things.
Cynthia (It All Changes)´s last blog ..Not Enough D
Absolutley the emotional part is important! For me, I was able to work through a lot of that stuff prior to starting my blog, and so I have more had to deal with habits than anything else since beginning this journey. I still have issues pop up now and then though that require proper attention and consideration.
266´s last blog ..Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily! Life Is But A Dream!
Hmmm, this is really quite interesting. My gut reaction in the past would have been… it’s a ‘physical’ issue. After all, it’s scientific and logical, right? Well, these days I’m none too sure and my head tells me that the ‘emotional’ issue is a much closer fit.
I’d never really connected the two things before, but I went to counseling sessions for something other than weight issues a few years ago. They helped me a lot with the problems I had, although it wasn’t easy (in fact it was damned hard and very painful). It took time, and the effects were not really evident to me for quite some time after I stopped going. But, slowly I found that I had changed.
This time around when I tried to lose weight for the umpteenth time (post-counseling), things went much better. OK it took time, but I’ve lost a lot of my old flab and it does seem to really have been a ‘life change’ so it’s staying off.
Having read your post I wonder if the counseling somehow helped me with this too, just by helping me see things differently and really examine what was going on and why. Serendipity? Who knows.
I may not have ‘healed’ the past totally either, but I do feel I’m a stronger person and the past is now much more firmly in it’s place, not shaping every negative thought. That surely must help with making changes to one’s life, whether it be to lose weight or in some other way.
Deniz´s last blog ..Gym success
Great Post!
I think being aware of your emotions while ‘doing the fitness math’ is the key. Emotions paired with eating is where all the disorder comes in. So, I think a huge key is education. It took me years to realize that I had a bad emotional relationship with food, and it took really examining how my body works to truly understand it. I can’t tell you how many blogs I read where people say they don’t have a bad relationship with food, but in the same post say things like, ‘I am so stressed, so I ate a candy store’.
Cheers,
Missa
LosingEthel
It is absolutely necessary to address your emotional issues if you are going to have long tern success. It is so much easier to drown your emotions with food than to face them, but the rewards are so great when you are willing to tackle what haunts you from your past.
karen@fitnessjourney´s last blog ..What I Learned From an Injury
WOW! great post! I just read this great articile in O mag about food. It was on about saying it was not about the eating or isn’t about the food either..we need to have a healthy relationship with food. It also said to try to stop wasting so many precious thoughts about food…it was a good read.-TY once again
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[...] fit to the finish » Healing the Past [...]
Totally awesome, as usual, Diane. All the nutritional knowledge and understanding of calorie balance won’t help one whit in the face of emotional eating.
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