Before I gained 150 pounds I assumed that people who were overweight were lazy. I know it’s bad that I thought that way and I am sorry I did. When I was morbidly obese other people assumed I was lazy. I know they did. There is a stigma associated with weight that is not associated with other types of health problems. I suppose that is because being overweight is most often due to overeating, and not due to disease. Add to it the fact that being overweight is a public problem, unable to be hidden, and there you have it, fat people are fodder for false assumptions and rude comments.
My girls were small when I was morbidly obese and I belonged to a Mother’s Group at our church. Time after time I was overlooked for heading up committees, taking on tasks, and of course I was never asked to be the greeter at the door. I often wonder if part of that was due to the perception of obese people, or was part of that due to my own poor self image? During that time in my life I was teetering between 280 and 300 pounds, and honestly, felt quite badly about myself. Every time someone asked another woman to handle something, I felt ashamed. Every time I tried to volunteer for a task, but was pushed aside, I felt demoralized. And each time people made side comments about my energy level, I shrank inside. I remember one time when we were organizing a field day for the children, that a friend said, “Diane, you probably don’t want to handle any of the games, so why don’t you just bake 3 dozen cookies?” I looked at her, smiled and said, “Sure, that sounds great.” But inside I was thinking, “I can handle ring toss with 5 year olds. I know I can.” But instead I baked 3 dozen cookies, at 18 of them, and had to bake 3 dozen more in order to have enough to bring to the field day.
I don’t think I was lazy. I worked hard at home, at my part-time job, and on my friendships. I kept up with the latest trends in decorating, knew what clothes were in style, even if I couldn’t wear them, and was well informed on world events. Other people didn’t see all the things I accomplished during the day. All they saw was almost 300 pounds lumbering in the door, overflowing chairs and catching her breath after climbing stairs. I guess I can’t blame them for their incorrect assumption. I wasn’t lazy, I just wasn’t energetic. I was often tired, but I did work hard.
Once I finally was successful at losing weight I was astonished at the difference in how people treated me, based solely on physical appearance. It was unbelievable. Whereas I was previously regulated to the “backroom” jobs, now I was constantly asked to serve on the board, give the opening prayer, introduce the speaker, etc. What changed? My appearance. I was the same person I had always been, just smaller. Undoubtedly, my self confidence level improved, but I would have done those things even as a heavy person, it was just that no one asked.
I learned something through all this. I learned never to judge people based on their outward appearance. It’s something I just don’t do anymore because I know how it feels to be on the judged side.
Do you think that there is a perception that overweight people are lazy? Diane
Perhaps you were not asked to be a greeter because you had young children , and for most mothers church with little ones can be a real struggle. Same reason with the games- as a mother of little ones your primary focus is on helping them to act appropriately in the situation. Most mothers of young ones are not asked to fill those limelight spots because the focus is on teaching their own children appropriate behavior in those situations- NOT because of weight . It is a perception based on where a mother’s focus is, and the affirmation that motherhood IS a hard job. Being asked to bake instead of kid manage is because you can do this at home , at a time when it is more convenient , in a situation where your children are familiar with and can easily be occupied and allow you the freedom to make a full contribution in this way.
.-= Diane´s last blog ..Thoughts about a change =-.
There’s definitely that stigma. I think shows like The Biggest Loser support that as do a lot of public officials who talk about the obesity epidemic. Not saying either of those things are bad in and of themselves, but they definitely support that stigma.
.-= Tracey @ I’m Not Superhuman´s last blog ..Rest & Relaxation. And Wine, Of Course. =-.
Yes I do think in our country there is a stero type that fat people are lazy and skinny people are fit. I think we need to learn to not judge people by how they look. The person that is heavy may have medical issues that helped contribute to the problem and the skinny person could have a eating disorder.
.-= Susan´s last blog ..I Joined The Summer Challenge =-.
Sadly, yes. But there are biases about lots of people. Some have biases against thin people too! I was never obese so never had a true appreciation or understanding until I started reading blogs. I have such a new insight and look at an obese person totally differently than I might have before. I never assumed laziness, but I also never thought about what they might be feeling or dealing with or experiencing.
.-= Karen@WaistingTime´s last blog ..Oil Spill Hits my Kitchen =-.
P.S. – Thanks for the olive oil tip! I am going to try that.
.-= Karen@WaistingTime´s last blog ..Oil Spill Hits my Kitchen =-.
Yes, Diane, I do think many people feel “large” people are lazy! Of course this is not true, however, having so much excess mass does make the “large” people I know get fatigued quickly. It’s a vicious cycle where all the weight causes exercise to become more difficult leading to less motion.
.-= Dr. J´s last blog ..The Drastic But Proven “50 Cent” Weight Loss Programs =-.
Diane, like Dr. J, I do feel that people perceive fat people as lazy or weak or whatever. I really don’t as I know & have known plenty of overweight people that are not lazy, that still do things & try to be active.
I think it is a very good point about judging people. I do always think when I see very heavy people like you were, what is it that makes them not want to get that off or if one can barley walk, wouldn’t it be an incentive to lose some weight…. I really have to be careful about this judging people stuff!
THX Diane!
.-= Jody – Fit at 52´s last blog ..I’m OK With It, Are You? =-.
Yeah, sadly I think you have point about the perception of laziness.
At my very largest I very definitely was neither idle nor lazy. Finishing a doctorate (with all that entails) while working in a pretty pressured full-time job and looking after a home is, I guess, proof of that. Later on again, and still at my heaviest, I worked in a stressful, demanding and quite physical job, commuting every day, whilst researching and writing numerous job applications to try to improve my lot.
In those days I often felt that I had to show I worked harder than other people as I was all too aware of being seen as the ‘lazy lump’ who couldn’t walk up a flight of stairs without gasping (even though asthma contributed to that to some extent). I admit I felt tired much of the time, but it didn’t ever stop me, even if it sometimes slowed me down.
As to negative perception, I think some of my job failures came at interview (I’d usually do fine up to then) when people saw my size and assumed I wouldn’t be able to do x, y or z. Huh, wrong – like hell I couldn’t!
But my beloved sister has long suffered from the opposite perception. Being a very slim, slender still young- and fit-looking woman all her life means she’s assumed to be capable of anything and have energy enough for a whole team all by herself. What people don’t see is health problems, including osteoporosis in the spine, which means she has to measure her activity very carefully indeed.
It’s terribly hard not to judge on appearance – I think most of us do it almost instinctively, though we know we shouldn’t. It helps to talk about it – only then can you begin to see that outward appearances can be really deceptive.
.-= Deniz´s last blog ..Don’t try this at home =-.
I totally believe this. I was lucky enough in my working life to have a boss that was less judgmental and relied on me for a lot, but others have been less accommodating. I think it will be interesting to see if I am treated any different when I have lost all of my weight.
.-= Pam´s last blog ..A New Day =-.
Its a sad truth. I always interviewed people in my last job. And more often than not, a big girl wont be hired. Not because of their weight necessarily but their confidence levels. And they did look lazy with difficulties to express themselves.
Nothing says “you can do the job!” louder than self confidence. I wish people can now that at any weight, they are still themselves, no less.
And I have judged people for doing surgery or eating too much. I feel sorry about it because I now know better.
.-= Mbini´s last blog ..Fitness Journal Day12 =-.
I think that most people do see overweight people as lazy. And the people who think that way are wrong. I’ve been overweight for the majority of my life and yet I sit down less and watch less TV than all my skinny friends. I do tend to over eat and I’m working on getting better about eating in moderation. But weight really is no indication of laziness because you can be skinny and lazy too.
Nothing, NOTHING has influenced who I am more, than how I was treated during my heavy years. And this is why; before I was heavy I was supremely fit. My whole life I was the guy that everyone chose to lead anything, because I was lean, in-shape, and able. Add 80 pounds to that, and back room jobs here I come… I even lost friends who were too embarrassed to be seen with me in public because I was now the fat guy.
I NEVER look at obese people as anything less than someone who has just not fulfilled their potential yet. If a person looks at obese people with lesser eyes, they may as well dawn a white robe and hood, because they are bigots of the highest order!!!!! And one of my pet peaves in this world is people who are prejudice against obese people.
Regarding laziness; the clients I work with who see me for substantial weight-loss, are, hands down, the hardest working clients I have in the gym.
.-= Emergefit´s last blog ..A Fairwell To Legs… =-.
It makes me sad reading this because I can relate. I think obesity is more of a mental/emotional disease that manifests itself through outward weight. There’s so much to it though. It’s a difficult situation.
.-= Anonymous Fat Girl´s last blog ..A trip down fat pregnancy memory lane + my OB/GYN =-.
My energy level (then, obese) wasn’t very high. And I had the ‘must conserve the knees’ outlook all the time – not spending any more time on my feet than I had to – and always avoiding stairs.
And actually (then, obese) was very active – teaching, speaking, heading committees, participating.
I see now that I was burying myself in those activities so that I did not have time to take care of myself. Busy work to avoid the real work.
I think part of the difference in MY always being chosen was the kinds of groups I belonged to – quilt groups for example – most everyone was large and I was one of the youngest – so I was seen a capable – even at obese weight.
And the mom groups I belonged to it seemed like most were overweight too – or pregnant. And again, I think I was seen as one of the more capable.
So I am wondering if a lot of what you are (all) talking about has to do with the type of group and also different parts of the country.
And ironically now – thin – I totally stay away from these types of things – I take care of myself (and my family) and do not volunteer or get involved (very much at all).
.-= vickie´s last blog ..Oldest is home =-.
Oh you hit the nail on the head today! I think that is so common and when we are overweight whether it is said in words or just subtle actions, we “sense” it. THAT is a bigger struggle than actually losing the weight. Those feelings that rise up because we know who we are, just others have their own perception of who we are based on what they see. Thank u for this AWESOME post! That is what I am striving for. It is certainly hard but I want to be out in the front helping but truth be told, it is MUCH harder when you carry weight………
.-= Jules – Big Girl Bombshell´s last blog ..The Emotional Power of the Scale =-.
I know that people treat me different when I am thinner than when I am overweight. If you go into a clothing store as a thin person the sales clerks are all over you trying to help. Male employees in the grocery store are always asking if I need help, where were they when I was over weight?
I do know that I carry myself different because I feel more confident, I am more out going when I feel better about myself and when I was over weight I did have a wall of protection up.
Ok, I hope I am not stoned for this, but I believe when you are as fat as I am, laziness has something to do with it. Honestly, you don’t get this fat by working out everyday.
- Lisa
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..shock & an ugly secret =-.
I think so for sure – i’ve never heard it put that way but know that people tend to “blame” people and accuse them of laziness.
.-= fittingbackin´s last blog ..Pre-Cooking, Scampi, 4 Miles, Intense Book! =-.
I definitely think there’s a perception that overweight people = lazy but, as you said, you should never judge a book by its cover or make assumptions — it could lead to some very embarrassing situations.
I can’t believe girlfriend was telling you what you’d rather do…
.-= ‘Drea´s last blog ..What Not To Read While On Jury Duty =-.
Sadly, I think you’re right. I think obese people are perceived as lazy and weak-willed just because their “weakness” is obvious at first glance. I also wonder if our thinner friends aren’t trying to disassociate themselves from our excess by not choosing us for “representative” jobs–like the door greeter, or introductory speaker. I do have a few very large friends who have excelled in their careers (teaching) and are dynamic leaders. Just think of the prejudices they have had to overcome.
.-= Tish´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday, WI =-.
I think you have hit the nail on the head. Its so sad but its true. Overweight people are treated with a bias. A slimmer person would definitely have an edge over someone who is overweight. I have seen this myself. Also hats off to you for losing all that weight. That is quite a feat.
.-= Paramjit´s last blog ..Identifying a Natural Weight Loss Diet =-.
Yes I do think so…and I feel bad sometimes as I catch myself thinking that when I see an overweight person…for example, last night at the fair in town…I noticed this…All the over weight people, both men and women were eating – the slimmer men and women not…
That made me think * those horrible thoughts * – and yes I ate an ice cream and saw all the looks I was getting from people so threw it away without finishing it…
Unfortunately, I think that is the general perception. Whenever I’m with people who have never been through a weight loss journey, they don’t “get it” and make incorrect assumptions. But, as I’ve talked to so many women who have lost weight and kept it off for five, 10, 20 years or longer, many of them have told me that people treated them differently afterwards because their confidence was different, not just their size.
There is definitely that perception. And I know that it’s not true now. But I even thought that about myself at times because it was thought about me.
.-= Cynthia (It All Changes)´s last blog ..I’m Not a Machine =-.
I just had a conversation about this very subject (sort of) this morning. I was talking about how, when I lost weight, suddenly people were noticing me more, opening doors, smiling, etc. And yes, I think a small part of it had to do with “how I looked” but more than anything, I KNOW it was the confidence and happiness I felt and radiated outward. In fact, I have recently done an experiment to prove it: one day when I was “feeling fat” and unhappy, I made a point of noticing how others were reacting around me. On another day, when I felt fantastic, pretty and thin, I did the same thing. There was a huge difference, even though I didn’t look any different at all!
And your discussion about the Mother’s Group at church reminds me of a Women’s Network group to which I belong…there are plenty of overweight women involved and many of them have been in active, visible, leadership roles. One woman in particular, who probably weighs 300+ pounds is one of the most active…she’s ALWAYS got something she’s working on/volunteering for. And she’s always cheerful, upbeat and positive.
.-= KCLAnderson (Karen)´s last blog ..I Am Not Stuck =-.
Of course the perception is they are lazy. Wrong it maybe in most circumstances but that’s what it is. I considered myself lazy when I knew I could be doing something but would sit in front of the tube and eat. I never really considered working and walking 18 holes enough to consider me not being lazy. Guess that’s why I do so much now?!
It is unfortunate that people judge a book by their cover but they sure do. No one is really immune. I am lucky to work in an industry where it didn’t really happen, and I find my job no easier at a healthy weight than I did morbidly obese. Sometimes it’s harder… having to deal with “pretty girl in the room and nothing is getting done” syndrome is flattering but annoying after a while. I’ve also had interview candidates that FLUBBED their interviews with me but everyone else recommended them.
I digress, and I’m really sorry that that happened to you. We should never assume that someone who is overweight would want to bake cookies rather than help with more active things – maybe they’re right, but not to give the option? Lame.
.-= Quix´s last blog ..My Name Is… =-.
It’s just hard. I think obese and morbidly obese people suffer feelings of deep emotional scarring. Just from the stigma. There is probably no particular way that is going to make every person feel completely comfortable in any situation.
I too got everything done I was supposed to. But felt people holding back. Both praise and criticism. I don’t think I was chronically lazy. But I did move less. People might think that is lazy, but actually it’s highly efficient.
.-= JourneyBeyondSurvival´s last blog ..It’s My Party =-.
Oh that stereotype definitely exists. Sometimes it has basis, sometimes it doesn’t. I will personally admit to being more lazy at my high weight, simply because I lacked the energy and stamina from carrying around a 50 lb bag of flour on my belly all day, every day. I am not a fundamentally different person now, but I can certainly achieve more, more easily.
Fortunately I have never felt slighted or overlooked for my weight, that I can recall. Maybe in was just oblivious, or maybe it’s still ‘bad’ and so I cant see what the other side looks like because I am still being treated like an obese woman (I am, after all
but I can honestly say the worst suffering I had because of my weight was personal, not social, at least as an adult.
.-= Taryl´s last blog ..Whoops! =-.
I don’t know if the perception is “laziness” so much or just suffering from a self-induced problem. It’s doubly sad because a lot of these folks seem to have given up…
I never thought of myself as lazy so much as just having some issues with food. It still frustrates me at times to see some people who seem to be able to eat whatever, whenever and not pack on the pounds. You’d like to think that they’re going to have to pay the piper, too.
Good post!
.-= Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit´s last blog ..Touching Base With My DirectLife Coach =-.
sad that all I have to say is now merely echoes of the above — but Im saying it anyway
I do think you are correct about the judging. in the same way whether we like to ADMIT it or not we judge people all the time (clothes, they way they “carry” themselves, etc etc).
for me I know it was how I walked more than anything.
slow.
hunched.
no ‘swagger’
it all metamorphosized when I began to love myself.
and that was BEFORE I shed a pound…after that I beghan to slowly lose the weight.
ohh
look at that
I didnt repeat much of whats been said above as Im now thinking this doesnt make much sense.
except to me.
youll have that some mornings
carla
The more I worked – the larger I got. It wasn’t until I changed my work / life balance I even had time to lose weight. I was never lazy but I was large.
.-= Joe´s last blog ..Running Gear Product Review: Endurox R4 =-.
I would not have classified myself as lazy when I was 75lbs heavier than I am now. However, I did tire easily and then as I got older and developed some back issues, I definitely had to be careful of my activity.
I don’t feel that I was ever treated differently because of my weight. I was a successful consultant who was constantly requested at 230 lbs. After my kids were born, I was an active volunteer and was quite often asked to lead things. The only real difference I notice is I seem to talk to more people now. But, to be honest, I don’t think they were not talking to me because of my weight, *I* was not talking to them.
This post made me sad. I know you are right. I know because I’ve experienced it having been both 350 pounds and 160 pounds and every weight in between.
.-= Deb´s last blog ..Weigh in: 3.4 lost, 178.6 to go =-.
When I was at my heaviest, I FELT judged, but I do not know if that was because I was actually being judged because of my weight or if I just felt that way due to my own lack of confidence at the time.
.-= moonduster (Becky)´s last blog ..Prioritizing =-.