Food was a salve, a friend and a constant companion for me when I was overweight. From the time I was a junior in high school to the minute I turned my back on obesity forever, food was my rock. Or at least I thought it was my rock and friend.
I treated food as I did my close friends. I spent a lot of time with food, planning what to do with food and I even talked about food a lot. I wasn’t conscious of it at the time, but looking back I see that I did consider food to be one of my friends.
I thought that food made me happy. When I had had a hard day in school, Oreo cookies were right there to soothe my stress. If someone hurt my feelings in college, I walked across the street and bought a big pizza all for me. When I got married and had children, I ate when I was bored or frustrated. I’d begin to feel one of those emotions and run right to food. I convinced myself that all the food I was eating made me happy.
I was wrong. Food did not make me happy. Putting french fries in my mouth distracted me from whatever was going on in my life at the time, but those fries did nothing to make me happy. As soon as I was done shoveling the fries in my mouth the emotions came right back. Sadly, I tried to make myself happy by eating something else. All the while I was gaining weight.
The more weight I gained the more frustrated I got and the more I tried to get “happy” by eating. It didn’t work.
One of the key turning points in changing my relationship to food was finally understanding that food had no power to make me happy. There was no magic in the box of crackers, the bag of chips or the Snickers candy bar. Those foods and others like them only pretended to make me happy. Commercials I watched, ads I read and billboards I drove past promised I would smile and enjoy my day if I ate certain foods.
Learning to ignore those false advertisements and cues helped me realize that I had to find happiness and fulfillment in myself and not in a food. I had to learn to deal with the emotions of everyday life without relying on food as a crutch. It took a minute-by-minute commitment to myself to not turn on the oven and make a pan of brownies every day.
Food is a wonderful part of our daily lives, but it has no power to make us happy. I discovered that it wasn’t the food that made events like weddings, parties and movie nights fun – it was the company I kept and the memories we created.
Did eating food make you happy? Diane
I ate food cause it tasted good and cause I was bored…weird hey, but no it never made me happy as I knew what over eating did to my body…so that made me unhappy when I could not control myself
I had a day like that yesterday where I wanted to eat all day and did…and kept talking to myself and telling myself to STOP…but could not…don’t know why or where that came from.
Beautiful post, Diane…everything I’ve come to learn and believe. My life is so full and productive now that sometimes I almost resent having to stop doing something I’m enjoying to prepare a meal.
Oh wow. Does this post *ever* resonate with me. For me though, I think it was more about the pleasure from the taste. Instead of the pleasure of feeling GOOD. It gets easier, when things like exercise start to make us feel good too, rather than relying on the instant pleasure of food. I hate to dis a large corporate, but McDonalds is like this. Looks good, tastes good for about twenty seconds while its going in, but then you regret it the instand it hits your stomach and you get *that feeling* that you’ve just eaten something really bad for you. Ugh.
I don’t think food ever made me “happy” I used it to help deal with my negative feelings to numb out. Part of my growing up emotionally was learning to deal with my feelings in a healthy way that doesn’t use food as a way to escape my feelings.
Its an ongoing process lately I’ve been wallowing in my feelings having a pity party with food and I’m up 3 pounds in spite of working out. Been here before have to stop now and get back to my healthy ways.
Susan´s last fabulous musings ..Keeping It Simple
When I was in high school, and those around me were experimenting with pot, my drug was food – specifically M&Ms. It was not a happy time in my life and I spent a lot of years self-medicating with food. It wasn’t drugs, but could just as much damage.
Mary´s last fabulous musings ..Day 4 – Life Happens
Food did not make me happy, but it made me strong when things got really tough. Sad to say when I was 12 I discovered that drugs and alcohol made me very happy , and it was not till I was 18 that I worked to find other ways to be happy. There goes the myth about the rail thin addict I guess. Cigarettes became the easiest way to become happy when I got clean , and then I began to see how something oral could fool you into a state of happiness. Truth is if it is just a substitution- a distraction from what you are being forced to deal with instead of what you wish to feel. I can understand people who emotionally eat, simply because my reasons for choosing other substances were the same. I simply sought out ways that would anesthetize more effectively.
Diane´s last fabulous musings ..A smile can hide such evil !!!!
I ate to deal with my loss and gained and no it didn’t make me happy. What made me happy after that loss was waking up one day and realizing that life does go on and that my loved one didn’t want me to grief for the rest of my life. After that I still ate too much but more out of a habit.
Nowadays sometimes food can make me happy but that’s because a meal sometimes is so good it’s a treat to eat it.
Such a truth Diane! No, food was an emotional roller coaster ride! It felt good at the time.. loved the taste & filled the void.. but after, felt shi**y about myself due to the weight. No, food did not make my life happy.
Jody – Fit at 52´s last fabulous musings ..Goal Setting
This is great, Diane! What an important and useful message. I used to say, food felt good when you were eating, being fit felt good all the time!
YEP! that is a difficult hurdle to realize. But once you can, even if the littlest bit, your relationship DOES start to change!
Jules – Big Girl Bombshell´s last fabulous musings ..Follow the Yellow Brick Road
Yes, I too have had to work to have this realization. It is still so tempting to turn to food to make me happy, but I keep reminding myself that its effect will be fleeting at best.
Desert Agave´s last fabulous musings ..First Day Back Home
I still really enjoy food, but I’m still on the road to learning that it is not a crutch. Food is meant to nourish and energize our bodies. I try to eat with intention.
Reading things like this really help me re-enforce that. Thank you.
Ashley´s last fabulous musings ..C-h-a-l-l-e-n-g-e
This is a great post! I think we give food way too much power in our lives. I have had some of the same experiences as you. What I ate and where I ate was very much dependant on how I was feeling. Living like that is clearly a path to unhappiness, but I didn’t know that when I was eight years old and trying to soothe myself with food.
It has taken me a long time to understand what food really means to me, and in the long term, it does not work well as a friend, a reward, or a medication to help me deal with my emotions. Knowing that helps me with my weight loss, but I also know I have a lot to learn and new, healthy habits to develop.
Jane´s last fabulous musings ..ITS HOT-SO WHY DO I ALWAYS WEAR A JACKET OR SWEATER
That’s a very powerful statement. I have a long history with using food for emotional reasons, and even though I know it won’t make me happy I am now dealing with breaking the habit of using food that way, and it’s hard. Hard hard hard. At least I’m working on it though!
Jill´s last fabulous musings ..My old stomping grounds
I think at times food did make me happy – more in the moment of eating it as opposed to after the fact or before the fact.
Often I would think of celebration food as a way to prolong a feeling.
Or it made me happy to not cook and to order in.
But now, I have a different perspective on it. I am happy when I make good choices. I am happy when I mindfully eat. I am happy when I cook healthy food.
Jenn Barley | The KickStart Coach´s last fabulous musings ..Giving myself a B
You’re right. Falling for the advertisement Happy Face food didn’t make me happy. Your wedding cake story is poignant. All the joy and love and fellowship represented by that cake didn’t came through the multiple pieces devoured alone in your kitchen.
Tish´s last fabulous musings ..Monday- Monday
My instinct is to say yes and I’m sure that I felt that way while eating something decadent but it reminds me of that old truism that money won’t make you happy; it seems like it will but, in the end, the money (or food) is not the true source of happiness.
‘Drea´s last fabulous musings ..When A Weight Tracker Isnt A Weight Tracker
Great post Diane. Thank you! I’m just beginning to understand my food addiction and now I realize it’s more the anticipation and preparation for the binge that makes me happy. The eating part and of course the horrible feeling after – not so much.
tina´s last fabulous musings ..Not that I’m checking out your stats
No, food has never brought happiness. I can happily enjoy it when I’m truly hungry and stop when I’m satisfied, but if I’m not hungry it only brings more guilt and anger towards myself.
Great post!
Leah´s last fabulous musings ..My Heart Hasnt Been In It
Oh yes, I’ve been there too. I wasn’t even aware I was medicating or entertaining myself with food until I’d already started this journey, and I wish I could say I am immune to emotional/bored eating now, but its a constant battle to watch myself on.
The best thong we can do, I think, is just to verify our emotions and physical state before we eat – am I eating because of genuine hunger cues, or am I just eating because I am bored? If I am bored, what else can I do to distract myself from food? That little check can save a lot of calories
Taryl´s last fabulous musings ..Weekend goodness!
Hi, Diane. I can really relate to your post. I thought food “de-stressed” me. More like DIStressed me when I felt bloated afterward or gained weight… I still have to be vigilant about wanting to eat when I’m stressed. On the other hand, sometimes doing this type of thing in a limited, controlled way, is self soothing. If I am really stressed and I have a lot of stomach acid churning, having a snack of some crackers, or pita bread with hummus, can soothe the physical side of stress. And having a starchy snack does help release serotonin as well. It’s just a matter of consciously deciding and portioning out something effective strategically rather than stuffing a huge amount of food in unconsciously.
I’d like to point out the corollary to this too. I do feel better physically being thinner, overall. I have more stamina walking around, less back and joint issues, etc. But losing 30 pounds DID NOT make me permanently happy. Some days I’m happy. Some days I’m not. I still get depressed. I still get grumpy, angry, tired. Losing weight won’t make your life a happily ever after in a magical way any more than food can make you happy. I like to say that as I know a lot of people who think that being thin makes you happy. I think being healthier and thinner did improve my life–but I still have the same issues and my life isn’t perfect. I still think it’s worth it to watch my weight and stay thinner.
THis is a great reminder for me today! Eating has made me happy in the past. These feelings still come up today, especially when I am stressed. But I am slowly learning how to distinguish between emotional/spiritual hunger and actual physical hunger. Such a huge difference!
Shawnee´s last fabulous musings ..The Bite
Food gave me momentary pleasure. It could not give me long term happiness.
Emotional eating is still a problem for me. While it has gotten better, I still have to battle it. You’re right, it’s so important to realize that food will not make me happy.
Alissa´s last fabulous musings ..Weigh In Day- Being Honest with Myself
Food is great for about the first 10 bites. I never counted, but I’m guessing that’s about it. Then the stuffed belly bulges, the guilty feelins pour in, and the horrible regret. That regret is horrible. There’s something so wonderful about eating a meal, and knowing it added health and vitality to my life, instead of pain and disease.
Kate´s last fabulous musings ..Fat Pig to Fit Chick
Eating and food – I planned it, thought about it, savored it until it was done. Then guilt and shame.
I’ve been working hard in the last 7 months to change the relationship and it’s been going really well. It’s not easy to change a lifetime of habits, but it does get easier and becomes the new normal.
Jenna´s last fabulous musings ..Not giving up
*This* is where I struggle the most. Here’s my thing: Food does make me happy. I LOVE to eat. It’s that love of food and eating food that makes me happy.
Sometimes I use food to squash emotions, sometimes I don’t. Most of the time, I just LOVE to eat.
I’m stuck, can you tell? I just can’t seem to separate food from being happy. I don’t know why. It’s something that’s been rolling around in my brain for the longest time. Gah..:)
No.
Alan (Pounds Off Playoff)´s last fabulous musings ..How to Find a Good Bike if Youre Overweight
Neither in the long-term or the short-term. Which makes me ask why I still sometimes overeat. Sigh
Karen@WaistingTime´s last fabulous musings ..The Day the Spoons Disappeared