I’ve seen quite a few of you over the last few weeks talk about sabotage, and it hit home with me. It’s such a complex issue – but a very real issue in weight loss and the attempt to change the way you relate to food.
I wonder why we work so hard to lose weight and get healthy, only to sabotage our own efforts? It would seem counte- intuitive that after eating healthy for a period of time we would deliberately choose to pig out on a decadent dessert, or fat laden restaurant meal. Even as the food is going down you know you shouldn’t be eating it, but you can’t seem to stop. I did this more times that I can even remember, but here’s an example of one particularly bad decision I made that set me back in my weight loss efforts.
We were given a gift membership to Sam’s Club, where both the physical store and the size of the packages are enormous. John and I loaded up the girls, and eagerly set off to try out our new card. We loaded the shopping cart with huge packages of paper towels, toilet paper and other dry goods. We also stocked up on bread, flour and treats. Treats like chocolate chips by the pound, cookies by the dozens, 50 pack of chips, and candy in boxes meant for concession stand. When we got home, our pantry was full, and my mind was spinning with all the eating possibilities.
Did I forget to mention I was currently on a diet? I forgot too, as I ripped open the 6 pound box of Hershey’s candy, and began sorting through to find my favorite kind – Mr. Goodbar. I opened and ate one after another, just about as fast as humanly possible. Each time I thought to myself, “This will be the last one.” But they were so good, I just couldn’t stop. Needless to say, that day was the last day of that particular diet. I just couldn’t get myself back on track after that episode.
Has this ever happened to you? We don’t set out to sabotage ourselves, but we somehow end up making choices that sabotage our weight loss efforts. And if you are anything like I was, then once you are on a roll, it’s hard to stop.
I would get so mad at myself after I did these kinds of things. Why couldn’t I just say no? What was wrong with me that I had so little control? Once I finally got started on the right path to both health, and weight loss, I still struggled with self sabotage. Even after I had lost 25 or 30 pounds, I would find myself heading to the kitchen to whip up a batch or two of sugar cookies. Although I had rid the kitchen of chocolate, I still had the ingredients on hand to make sugar cookies, and other non-chocolate treats. I’d start pulling out the butter and sugar, and then stop. I’d actually talk out loud to myself, “What am I doing?” and more importantly, “Why am I doing this?”
Often times I could trace the answers to an unsatisfied emotional need rather than a physical need. I was experiencing some type of stressful life situation, and reverting back to old habits was easy and comforting. More often than not, I could stop myself before eating a food I didn’t need, and really didn’t want. I stopped sabotaging myself by learning to recognize the pattern, and training myself to make a different choice.
I realized that when I started to sabotage my own efforts to get healthy, the only person I was hurting was myself. I also acknowledged that it wasn’t about the food, but about the behavior. Just like any other bad habit, I worked on breaking this habit by recognition, diversion, and diligence. I recognized when I was making a bad choice, diverted myself by finding another activity to do, and diligently practiced changing. I knew I wasn’t hurting my weight loss efforts on purpose, so I didn’t beat myself up about it. I just worked really hard at breaking the habit.
You may not ever do this to yourself, but if you do, be encouraged that you can stop. Self sabotage in any form isn’t healthy, and when you are talking about food choices, the consequences go beyond just the number on the scale. Today, if you find yourself overindulging for “no good reason” try focusing on something else, and diverting your attention to a person or project that is life affirming.
What are your thoughts on self-sabotage? Diane
This sounds so familiar with the attempts I had before but it seems that this time around I also found the way that help when I start to make cookies or something sweet, is to talk loudly to myself and then I hear myself. This do help indeed.
blackhuff´s last fabulous musings ..He did it!
Did you have someone in your life as a child, whose answer to everything was food related – ? Whether it was a happy event or a sad event – food was the response – ? I think this pattern of turning to food is well established in most of us. Feeling = Food.
Really good post.
vickie´s last fabulous musings ..And then there were none
My parents didn’t use food as a reward or a comfort. BUT – once I got older, I used food as something I alone had control over. No one could monitor how many oreos I ate when I was driving to and from school activities. I really pinpoint the trying to control “something” as the beginning of my weight problem. Unfortunately, once I was on my own, I used food as a means to mask emotions and eliminate boredom.
for me selfsabotage (from fitness to career) is always FEAR BASED.
(not so much fear of success but fear of not being as “good” as I hope in which ever arena).
For me it’s a strong message to STOP and really feel my fear-based emotions as only then can I move through and beyond.
Miz´s last fabulous musings ..How to get sponsored for conferences
I can relate very well to this post. Even after losing my original 40 pounds then the regain of 12 pounds and now the reloss of 8 pounds currently plateaued because of self-sabotage. Like Miz said when I do self sabotaging behavior it is because of “fear” about what exactly I’m not sure when I figure it out I will lose the rest of the weight I want of that I’m sure.
Great post. I never thought about self sabotaging… but that’s very possible what I am doing sometimes. I will have to be more conscious of why I am eating/baking, etc.
Alissa´s last fabulous musings ..School Day
Before I hit goal I sabotaged myself on purpose because I was afraid of actually hitting goal. As long as I was in the losing phase I had something to work toward. But once I hit maintenance I had to stay there and that was terrifying. I knew how to lose weight but I didn’t know how to not gain it.
Diane, you said it all beautifully and very nice that you are advising that one can stop the self-sabotage. On what I hope is my final weight loss attempt because I am anticipating success this time, I seem to have conquered the self-sabotage mode EXCEPT….I have a huge recipe collection that I have been accumulating for years. Last weekend I grabbed a stack of unfiled, unsorted recipes and decided I would toss out most of the desserts since I don’t make/eat those anymore. I’m ashamed to say that I couldn’t do it. I started reading these mouth-watering recipes and kept saving one after the other. WHY??? I think I will have really succeeded when I can toss out 99% of the naughty recipes.
marsial2010´s last fabulous musings ..Ready to Commit – Updating Goals
I agree with Miz…mine are ALWAYS fear based! It really has been slowing down and CHECKING IN with myself. What I truly want…Last night perfect example…We went out to dinner (a fundraiser for school) to an Italian place. You know..Pizza, Pasta…I ordered Salad..dressing on the side..then the bread came…OH MY! I WANT SOME! So, what did I do…I ate my big salad and then just a taste of the meatball, one tiny slice of bread, and one bite of lasagna. I just wanted SOME…so that was okay..No deprivation but a good healthy CHOICE!
Jules – Big Girl Bombshell´s last fabulous musings ..My Own Backyard
I think my blog must be one of the ones you’ve been reading because this sabotage theme has certainly been interwoven through the past several weeks. I’m not there yet, but have sure made the progress which seems to be translating into action.
Hope your new posting schedule is working for you, but I sure do miss your M-F inspiration!
Sharon´s last fabulous musings ..Peeling Back The Layers
Oh yes, I’m definitely another one who has been writing about and dealing with self-sabotage lately. Like others have said, it definitely is intimately connected to fear. Fear of reaching my goals. Fear of change. Just plain fear. For me writing out how I’m feeling really helps. If I can get a handle on my feelings with the written word, I’m more able to fight the urges to binge eat. Plus, if I write it out, then I have the chance to share that writing and get wise input from people like you.
Desert Agave´s last fabulous musings ..Weigh In and the Apple
Is there any of us that have NOT self sabotaged??? I bet not! I am glad that I am at a point that I know if I over indulge, I am back to my normal routine like right away.. not even the next day. I don’t use it as an excuse to keep eating. I acknowledge it & move on.
Like you Diane, I have found new habits to help me thru this & we all have to fond what works but I do the diversion thing too!
Oops, my link did not get in & wanted to make sure you knew I was doing a giveaway!!!
Jody – Fit at 52´s last fabulous musings ..Yoga Towel Review & GIVEAWAY!!!
Self-sabotage — my middle name. Every month I lose then gain. I wonder if it happens when there is a shift in sleeping patterns (lack of sleep) and/or a shift in hormones. I’m more vulnerable when there’s been bad news or depression.
This past month has been particularly difficult. I’m going to try to focus on focus — meaning doing things that will help my concentration like quiet time (ha!), journaling, sleep, and binge-free-day beads as a reminder.
Gina Fit by 41 Maybe 42´s last fabulous musings ..No-Binge Beads and Our 15-Year Anniversary
Yes! This usually happens in time of major stress or feeling overwhelmed. I just eat and eat and eat (always chocolate, usually M&Ms are those little reese’s pieces). I know i’m not hungry, don’t need it, am ruining my workout/calories burned but i just.don’t.care. Then I regret it. I hate when it happens and like your tips for stopping it!
fittingbackin´s last fabulous musings ..3 Exciting Milestones!!!
Perfectly timed post, Diane.
I agree with you that’s it not always intentional either. Sometimes I just catch myself eating something and I have to say, “Wait a minute. What are you doing? ” For me I’m usually bored or avoiding a chore when I mindlessly snack.
Lately I’m really learning to want to be thin more than I want to give in to those moments of self sabotage. I’m also learning to break bad habits – like munching while I perform my weekly housecleaning.
Thanks again for sharing your wisdom.
Leah´s last fabulous musings ..My Nike Plus Adventure
I think deep down inside we feel that we do not deserve happiness or reaching our goal weight. From the few friends that do this on a regular basis (diet until they are close to their goal weight and then stop), I know it stems from the fear of success because they do not feel like they deserve it. I try to convince them otherwise, but I think my words do not mean much. The funny thing I notice is that my male friends do not seem have this problem.
I did this for years! And still fight the emotions behind my eating. But I’ve made huge improvements… through “noticing” my feelings, reading wonderful blogs such as yours, and doing lots of self-talk! Thanks Diane, you’re the best!
I still do it…seems certain times of the month more than other times…and I too talk to myself and ask why ~ I’m not hungry but I cant seen to stop myself…actually annoys me as I expect that after all this time not to be struggling with old habits…
So still trying to master this…..
I seem to do it very mindlessly now, and don’t realize it until its over with. I need to try to be more conscious of it when I am stressed especially.
Pam´s last fabulous musings ..What a Waste
For me, my love affair with the scale is probably more harmful. I can’t stay away from it but when I don’t see the number that I want, I start to think about eating more decadent things…
‘Drea´s last fabulous musings ..A Few Good Podcasts
This is one of the things I’d most like to understand – why can I stay on my plan so easily for extended periods and then I reach a place where it seems I’m always hungry and just want to eat more. I can’t figure out if these periods are triggered by stress, lack of sleep, particular foods I’m eating or not eating, or even if it’s my hormonal system signaling that it doesn’t want me to lose those last 10 pounds. I’d really like to understand what is triggering these eating urges so I can head them off if possible. I’ve been bouncing around within a 4 or 5 pound weight range for the better part of two years. I tell myself I’m practicing maintenance, and that is true in part. But at the high end of that weight range I’m 10 pounds above my goal and I don’t think my goal is unrealistic.
Oh, I can totally relate to this! I am still working on this issue but have made great strides over the years. It gives me a lot of hope to know that you struggled with this too! I like the idea of “retraining” myself to respond to this in a different way…
Amy´s last fabulous musings ..Crazy
The topic of self sabotage is one that I am particularly interested in- I don’t know why we do it…is it because we don’t want to set ourselves up for the let down that we secretly believe we will eventually fall into? Hmmm…healthy food for thought
Tiff´s last fabulous musings ..Days 246 – 250- Exciting Workout News!
I was just reading a book called “Passing for Thin” by Frances Kuffel. I bought it at a book fair. It’s about 6 years old. It profiled Frances who lost 188 pounds and was finally a “normal” sized person. It wasn’t easy for her, she had a lot to overcome. When I was about done, I thought I would google her and see if she had a blog. Since then, she has written a second book (2009) called 5 Angry Fat Women, profiling 5 women who lost 100 pounds in a year and their journey. Turns out, Frances gained 100 pounds back, she said she gained weight even before the book “passing for thin” was published, eating whole pies and such. I wanted to scream “Why?” But then I thought we all do it to some extent. I just happen to lose and gain the same 25 pounds, but it could easily be 100 pounds if I let it! Great topic Diane!
Jenn@slim-shoppin´s last fabulous musings ..Meet Jim- Weight Loss Superstar – Down 120 pounds and counting!
Hi, Diane. Not only have I found myself self-sabotaging when I was heavier, I still find myself doing so. I generally structure my eating so I eat a little less and a little lighter during the work week, so I can enjoy a restaurant meal out or other social activities that include food on the weekends without altering my weight.
Then this past week, I found myself diving into more “munchies” right after dinner when I was no longer hungry (instead of my usual small piece of dark chocolate or other small sweet to end the meal…) I was also eating much more carbs than usual. What was up with that? Then I realized how stressed out I was. I had computer issues at work with my email program crashing 40, 50 times per day, completely randomly whether it was during opening, replying to, or in the midst of composing emails… Sometimes send would work–sometimes it would crash.
I realized I was medicating my anxiety. I was also medicating a sour stomach as the anxiety was creating major heartburn! Now that I’m aware of why I was doing it, and my computer is fixed, I’m sure it will be easier to stick to my usual eating habits. But I wanted to let your other readers know that a tendency to self-comfort with food does not necessarily go away with the excess pounds–that it takes vigilance to keep old habits from creeping back in!
You have an uncanny knack for bringing up things that are so relevant to me and ripe for self-examination! Thanks.
You really did that??
Although I applaud you for shopping at a store with concrete floors, you broke the concrete rule: No stuff in the house that you don’t want to be tempted by.
Like the person that complains about meeting bad men or women to date, it’s not the meeting them, it’s the going out with them. Leave the treats with Sam
Right now I am reading Intuitive Eating and I’ve realized that a lot of my episodes like this are due to my diet minded mentality. I think to myself that I am going to go on a diet tomorrow, or eat better tomorrow, this in turn makes me want to binge for fear that I am never going to eat what I like again. I think they call it the Last Supper mentality or something. I almost caught myself doing it the other day and I was able to talk myself through it. I realized I wasn’t hungry, but I just had the thought that “tomorrow is a new start.” This is a totally life changing reality for me.
Shawnee´s last fabulous musings ..Peanut Butter Jelly Time
This is a dynamic so complex I won’t dare suggest I know anything about it at all. Though the other commenters have offered some good food for thought, I might also add that sabotage might simply the mirror reflection of addiction, and perhaps more understandable in that context.
Emergefit´s last fabulous musings ..Prey vs Pray…
I used to use food when life got difficult. So often I could tie self-sabotage to a stressful event. And I learned to deal with life in other way than eating food…
However, I also noticed that I would be drawn to certain foods when I was too strict in what I allowed myself to eat. For example, I would eat no sweets whatsoever. After a while, I would crave cookies, etc. and then give in and eat way too many. Once I started incorporating small amounts of “treats” (such as a few pieces of dark chocolate or a handful of baked chips) into my normal diet, I didn’t have the cravings anymore.
Andrea@WellnessNotes´s last fabulous musings ..Lots of No-Fuss Veggies
You’ve either been reading my mind or my blog! Self-sabotage is probably the last big problem I need to master before I get this weight-loss thing nailed.
As I write this, I have a Tupperware container of Cheerios on the floor next to me. Am I hungry? No. Do I feel like shoving Cheerios in my face for some unknown reason? I guess so.
While I was losing 100+ pounds, self-sabotage wasn’t an issue AT ALL, and no one was more surprised by that than me. I think I was just so ready in my head that it wasn’t an option. I was well-fed, and working out was my top priority each day, and once I got some momentum going, it was easier than I thought possible. The real battle of weight loss takes place between the ears. (I’m sure I pinched that line from someone, but I forgot who!)
After I let some weight creep back on (by eating more and working out less often due to schedule changes, and not being as focused), I toyed with and then fully reverted back to some ancient self-sabotaging behaviors. And I think it’s because they come in two flavors: short-term and long-term.
In the short-term, I attribute my bad choices to wanting to self-medicate uncomfortable feelings (as other posters have pointed out), and my insatiable appetite for sugar — my drug of choice for self-medication, which, once I started eating, I didn’t stop till I drifted off into a carbo-coma. Mission accomplished!^)
But in the long-term, I think self-sabotaging behaviors stem from a larger issue that I commented on at another WL blog. I delayed my major weight loss — in spite of how smart I am and everything I already knew about how to successfully lose weight — because of my fear of having to face all the other issues that were waiting for me after I reached my goal weight. They’re different for everybody, but a lot are similar, such as: What are the emotional/family issues that got me to hurt myself by overeating? What am I doing with my life? What’s the deal with the wounded relationships in my life? Etc.
When weight loss is no longer THE major issue in our lives, what’s the next one in the lineup that we have to deal with in order to feel authentic? Keeping the weight on is a way of delaying the inevitable, and self-sabotage is the strategy that will ensure that it takes us longer to get there. As Dr. Phil likes to say, “We do what works.”
And the really hilarious part is that a lot of these issues and relationships are unexpectedly complicated by our weight loss, as Diana’s recent post on this proved.
I like your thoughts. That this is a bad habit. I can handle bad habits. Deep emotional issues are a bit beyond my capacity just now. I need rote.
Thank you for always tackling such wonderful related subjects.
JourneyBeyondSurvival´s last fabulous musings ..Struggle
I remember reading something in a weight loss book about how, on the journey, we sometimes feel the need to rebel, and it kind of makes sense to me. You follow your plan perfectly for a while; you do everything right, and you get to the point where you just feel like letting loose or letting go–or not being perfect for one moment. I’m probably not explaining it very well, but it has been a thought that has always stuck with me.
I do believe that, for me, successful long-term weight loss is going to involve figuring out how NOT to self sabotage. It’s key. I like the three words you mention–recognition, diversion, and diligence–will keep those in mind.
Jen´s last fabulous musings ..Day 4- 9-14-10
Jen-I think that’s right! I somehow think I’m doing really good, this 1-4 cookies won’t hurt me. I think it’s not really fair that I have to abstain when I see people all around me eating. I definetly have much more control if I’m not out at parties, restaurants, family get-togethers when it is all about food. I try to limit my temptations. But then sometimes you walk by the cupboard and something jumps out and says “eat me”.
Liz´s last fabulous musings ..Sunday- Its official – Im down 10 lbs in 6 wks
If people wait to do everything until finally you’re positive it’s right, you will probably never accomplish much of anything at all
I’ve done this throughout my weight loss journey, and even now as I’m trying to maintain. For me, it’s not that I’m scared of losing the weight, or any other mentality related to weight loss, I just want the food. I love food. I really can’t think of any other thing it could be. But because I eat it, it’s still sabotage, no matter how you look at it.
Growing up I used food as a comfort from the pain around me. It has taken me a long time to unlearn that habit.
Even now being keenly aware of that old habit at times of great stress in my life I will gravitate towards food to comfort me. I have to stop myself and deal with the emotion, distract myself from food with another activity and let that desire to eat for comfort to pass. It always does pass.
I agree with Gilbert’s comment, which is why I think it’s important to “behave” your way to success by making incremental improvements to your health until whatever mental block that may exist shifts so that you’re in the game mind, body and spirit. Until that shift happens, most of us will continue to self-sabotage. We also tend to compartmentalize — putting things off until A, B or C happens — and that mindset does prevent us from fully participating in life on all fronts. “Man plans. God laughs.”
I recently had an incident in my kitchen in which I had to throw out a ton of dry goods – and with it, flour and sugar.
I haven’t replaced those items yet. And I am seriously considering just NOT replacing them. Yes, I enjoy baking, but most of the time it isn’t necessary… I don’t need to have extra temptation in my house!
I’m behind on my blog reading, so just caught this today (9/20). It really hit home, though. I’m getting a cold and all I can think about is comfort food and that I can have it because I have a cold. So far I’ve resisted and the day is 3/4ths over so I think I’ll be okay, but your post really helped reinforced what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. Thank you.
Siobhan´s last fabulous musings ..it was a breeze …