Do your emotions have anything to do with your weight? Is emotional eating real? Why can’t we control our eating habits?
I’m no psychologist, and I don’t attempt to play one on the internet, but I can tell you my own personal experiences and thoughts when it comes to the truth behind emotional eating, and the effect our emotions have on our ability to maintain a healthy weight, and lose weight when we need to. Emotional eating – is it real? Of course it’s real! Many of the decisions we make on a daily basis are driven by emotion, not just the food choices we make, but also how we react to various situations.
When I was growing up, I began the cycle of emotional eating without even being aware of it. When things were busy or stressful, I would drive by the convenience store and pick up a stash of chocolate and chips for a later time.
In college, as the responsibilities of adulthood loomed, eating became a solace and a comfort. Eating large amounts of food while studying for a test became the norm for me. I remember one time when one of my roommate and I ate an entire large pizza, drank a two liter container of Coke, and inhaled a package of Oreo cookies while studying. After the test the next day we went out to a buffet restaurant to celebrate the fact that the test was over!
Married life brought joy, times of adjustment, and eventually children. Marriage also brought new situations and emotions to deal with, and ultimately I gained a massive amount of weight. Not because of the marriage, but because of my inability to control my eating habits.
Here’s a list of some emotions I thought of when I was writing this post:
That’s some list isn’t it? Some good, some bad and some not so attractive. All emotions are valid and important, but how we handle our emotional eating is what will make the difference between success and failure when it comes to food. Compulsive overeating due to emotions is extremely common and difficult to control. I don’t think I would have been medically diagnosed as a compulsive overeater, but I overate constantly, mainly due to emotions rather than hunger.
If you ever watch a small toddler eat, you will notice that they eat when they are hungry, and when they are full they stop eating, or start throwing food off their tray. (If you don’t have children, trust me, this is what they do!) As children get older, they learn to eat beyond the point of fullness. That is what we do as adults – we eat when we aren’t hungry, and eat beyond physical fullness. When I started following my Fit to the Finish plan I knew I was an emotional eater. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that I hadn’t gotten this big just by eating healthy portions and lots of vegetables. Acknowledgement was one thing – Action needed to be another thing. How did I go from eating at the drop of every emotion to having the ability to control my emotional eating. You will notice that I said “control” not “conquer.” I still have the desire to eat when I experience certain emotions, but I have found ways to curb that desire.
Here are some things that worked for me when trying to break some of the emotions surround food.
1. Wrote down what I was feeling when I headed to the kitchen to eat. For about two weeks at the beginning of my plan I kept a notebook on my desk in the kitchen. I had a page where I jotted down my feelings when I was beginning to notice the urge to eat something, rather be it at a meal or just additional food. By doing this I quickly saw a pattern emerge for myself. I tended to want to eat when I was: bored, anxious, feeling out of control, or excited.
2. Waited before I ate something other than a meal. I trained myself to wait about 15 minutes before eating a food that wasn’t part of a planned meal or snack. By waiting it gave me some time to evaluate what I was doing, rather than just grabbing the first thing my hand touched in the pantry.
3. Practiced hard. Over time, and with a lot of practice, I began to recognize the emotions that set off overeating for me, and I practiced dealing with those emotions in ways other than food. If I was bored, I found something to do. For example, I learned to knit and began scrapbooking. If I was anxious I called John and talked to him about my anxieties. If I was feeling out of control over a situation in my life, I tried hard to analyze what it was about the situation that I could control, if anything. Just by taking the time to deal with my emotions in a healthy manner I began learning to avoid using food to hide and soothe my emotions.
As you go about your week, I’d encourage you to closely examine how you think your emotions relate to your food choices. Maybe you aren’t an emotional eater, and maybe you are. Let me know what emotions send you to the pantry or through the drive-thru of your favorite restaurant. Maybe by sharing with each other we can all learn more strategies and tips to deal with the very real problem of emotional eating. It’s not easy to break some habits that are familiar and safe, but it is possible!
What is your view of emotional eating? Diane
By the way – I got the graphic at wordle.net
Yep I absolutely am an emotional eater…not just when the bad stressful emotions either…it is a constant battle. One I am determined to win.
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I am attending Celebrate Recovery and their version of a 12 step program to find out WHY I emotionally overeat. It’s been an interesting ride thus far, that is for sure.
I can only hope that I can now, with God’s help, figure this out once and for all (the why and the triggers) and put the best plan for me into action.
Thanks for writing on this subject which I hoped you would expound upon for some time. Looking forward to other comments as well on this subject.
Couple of things you need to know about emotional eating:
- you need to recognize it – this part can be very hard especially when you’re both hungry and have a strong emotion lurking. Basically if you keep eating and you don’t feel the hunger feeling fade away it’s an emotional problem. It also helps to plan your meals, so when you get hungry when you’re not supposed to, guess what happens…
- you need to have something prepared that you can do when it strikes – at it will strike if you have this issue. For me, I eat carrots – lots of carrots. Other people have other habits that help (organizing a todo list is something worth exploring:) )
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I think I will always be an emotional eater but I have learned to manage/control it with a number of steps.
Exercising 5-6 days a week
Meal planning
Shopping with a list & not buying junk
Getting enough sleep
Drinking enough water daily
Prayer
Talking with my husband about my feelings
Weighing daily
Stopping eating 2-3 hours before bed
Daily recommitment to taking care of myself
By living these steps I usually don’t binge anymore but it took a lot of time to retrain my brain. Some people have deep issues to deal with and need professional help in doing so and I would encourage any one struggling with this to get the help they need.
My emotions can guide my food choices, too. They usually don’t play too much of a role in my meal choice or any savory snacks, but when it comes to sweets, watch out. It doesn’t matter what mood I’m in–my mind thinks sugar is the cure. When I’m having a bad day, I always crave cookies or candy or anything mildly unhealthy in the sweets department.
Tracey @ I’m Not Superhuman´s last fabulous musings ..My Southern Weakness
I don’t know anyone that is not “intimate” with emotional eating! Yes, when I was heavier, stress, being depressed over something & things like that sent me to food. Lie you Diane, I found alternatives. I really use that 10-15 minute rule.. that has saved me many a time thinking about why I want the food & what I would have to do to work it off!
Also, like you, I found alternatives. We all have to find what works best for us BUT do find it!
I really live by the wait 10-25 minutes think it thru. 99% of the time, you won’t eat it!
Jody – Fit at 52´s last fabulous musings ..1 Pound or 1 Vote – It Makes a Difference! Giveaway Winner
I a total emotional eater. I’ve gotten better at recognizing my symptoms and I have a list near the fridge of things I can do otherwise. It’s the only way I survive.
Thanks for this post, Diane, as this is something I am working really hard on right now. I know I am overeating in response to certain emotions and it’s deeper than just saying boredom, anxiety, etc. I have also learned that there is something about that 4-6 p.m. afternoon timeframe that sets me off. The vast majority of my overeating is done during that time. Like I said, I’m working hard and it always helps when I know others identify with the struggle.
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Great post Diane. As others have said, this is an issue that so many of us struggle with. I certainly have done emotional eating, and too often it has turned into emotional binging. I like the strategies you share to avoid emotional eating. I’ve used some of those as well.
Sharon, late afternoons have always been a tough time for me as well. Usually when I binge, it is in the late afternoons. Funny how that seems to be true of so many people.
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I think it is very real. Sometimes I succumb and sometimes I don’t. But I also think that not all my overeating or eating when not hungry is emotional. Some of it is habit. Like sitting in front of the TV or reading a book.
Karen´s last fabulous musings ..One- Two- Three- Red Light
Yes, I believe it is real. For me, acknowledging it was the first step. Learning to be present in each situation is what I am doing. The emotion that sends me to that place the quickest is when I feel invalidated for who I am. The weight and the emotional eating has been such a large part of my day to day life that it is like losing a BIG part of me. That is the goal yet it is the fear. I am trying to learn *healthier* things to replace it. I can’t control or conquer…that keeps me fighting…for me, I need to replace and substitute…for now…this moment…
Thank you for an awesome posts….as usual…
Jules – Big Girl Bombshell´s last fabulous musings ..The Day After…
I used to eat when I was stressed or depressed. Once in awhile, now at a healthy weight, I still fall victim to it. If things get so overwhelming and stressful it’s hard not to revert back to the old ways. I try to exercise instead of eat. Sometimes I’m successful. Sometimes I’m not.
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I feel that with emotional eating, or any other eating, if you are looking for a reason to fail, you will find one. If you are looking for a reason to succeed, as you do, Diane, you will have a much better chance to be successful.
I don’t think “compulsive overeater” is actually a diagnosis but now they’re making “binge eating disorder” one.
I have definitely struggled with emotionally overeating, and still do despite losing weight. I’m more aware of it though so I can stop after a little while, not go into “food coma.”
I’m better at noticing whether I’m physically hungry before eating and waiting till I’m actually hungry. I’m still not that good at knowing when to stop–sometimes it takes an hour after I eat before I know I’m satiated and by then I’ve overshot it, so I use portion control and a food diary to portion out my calories over the day–I still get uncomfortable a few times a week if I miscalculate, but it’s not severe, and I’m keeping the weight off.
I also have noticed that things that aren’t emotional per se, but are still things I want to cope with, like hormones, physical pain (like a headache) and overtiredness will throw me into eating for nonphysical reasons to comfort myself.
I like your tips. I wanted to tell people that normal people–people who have no history of obesity, no history of emotionally overeating, etc.–also overeat from time to time, or eat when they’re not hungry. I have friends at work who have been naturally normal-thin all their lives who will still say “oh, I’m stuffed” after a potluck. Or we have agreed to have lunch at 12:30–and we eat when the lunch reservation is.
There are times when we choose to eat past hunger, when not hungry, or to soothe ourselves–and the idea is to be conscious of this and not habitual about it.
And Diane–I love the Wordle site and image and idea. Thanks!
I would add
boredom and loneliness to your list!
I agree with everything you said.
I would add that I think so much of this reaction (turning to food) is something that was reinforced by our families – any type of event, illness, occassion and some families (most families) turn it into a food event.
I love you last point – that you have to practice. We often believe that we should just be able to DO something on the Day One of our choosing. And that is why we fail so often.
my view on emotional eating is: I’m an emotional eater. The two main emotions that trigger me to overeat or binge are: anger and worry/stress. I could easily overeat when I’m happy too, and boredom doesn’t trigger it for me. The first biggest I think is anger because I hadn’t learned proper ways to express my anger so I’d stuff it, and worry/stress…again, lack of proper ways to manage the stress.
I like your suggestion of waiting for 15 minutes before eating something other than a meal. I had heard that on Dr. Oz and also have practiced it many times and find that very often a craving WILL disappear. I am going to add that to my toolbox this month and try to practice it as I really strive for consistency and momentum.
Julie Lost and Found´s last fabulous musings ..Tapas Anyone and Tranquilo
I have so many problems with this.
I think one of the biggest problems is that I keep! on! piling! more! work! onto my plate (haha). And then I get stressed out and freak out. And then I eat because I’m avoiding dealing with everything I’ve got to do. And then suddenly I’ve eaten myself silly and it’s the end of the day and I haven’t accomplished anything.
Urgh.
Struggling.
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Hi Diane,
Funny you should mention kids but when I was a kid – we had to clean our plates because of poor third world countries… but my boys just stopped eating when they were full!
A strange concept for me… I have to limit what I put on my plate and because of habit (or the ever noble “being frugal”) I finish every scrap.
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I am certainly an emotional eater. I wish it weren’t that way. Two of my sons eat for survival, the other eats for pleasure (and I am sure emotion too). Why the difference? I don’t know the answer, although I suspect there is some genetics in play. My wife’s family is full of people who eat only to survive, whereas my family is full of people who eat because it is good (and again, emotions). It is an interesting topic for sure.
I actually just wrote a post abou this yesterday. I like your idea about writing down what you’re feeling before just going and eating something- I’m going to have to try that.
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I’m still trying to figure this one out. I think that I graze more out of boredom. The only time that I really lose my appetite, interestingly enough, is when I’m mad…
‘Drea´s last fabulous musings ..Month-End Review- October
I have been an emotional eater most of my life. It is hard to break. Being aware of it is the first step. I sometimes find myself standing in the pantry and I realize that I am not hungry but I am feeling an emotion that makes me uncomfortable and I am reaching for food to comfort myself. I leave the pantry and go do something else for a while and the feeling always passes. I wish I had learned that a long time ago, it would have saved me from yo yo dieting for so many years.
I’m an emotional eater as far as boredom, excitement and, I’ve recently learned, when I want to avoid a chore.
This is something I’m learning to deal with. I appreciate that you mentioned we can control it,not necessarily conquer it. That fact makes it seem like there is hope, because I don’t think I’ll ever conquer my emotions entirely.
This was a well-timed post for me. Thank you!
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I just can’t understand why we should celebrate stuff or have parties and family cathering associated with food? Why did I ever think that this is the way to go? Nowadays I try to celebrate without alcohol and an abundance of food.
What do I do when the emotions want me to run to food?
I go sit in my room and watch a interesting show on TV to get my thoughts of the emotion or I go for a walk which make me feel better. It’s hard to control it some days but we learn how to control it, like you say.
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I am totally an emotional eater and I have been working very hard to identify my emotions and when I eat and am not hungry. It’s hard to admit. My hardest emotion to deal with is the feeling of being overwhelmed. It’s a double edged sword for me. I like to have a lot of stuff to do at once because it makes me feel more accomplished. But then I totally freak out.
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Oh, it’s definitely real! Though for me, it tends to be related to boredom more often than stress. If I can keep myself from eating when I am bored 80% of my unplanned eating is gone in a poof. The rest is stress, sadness, anger eating, and that is really fairly rare inn my day. I am glad that is the case!
My strategy really just involves evaluating myself (if I remember) before eating, to make sure I am actually hungry and not something else better addressed by another activity than eating.
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Great post! I struggle with emotional eating and only recently have acknowledged it. I will give your strategy a try and I think the first one of writing down the feeling before eating will be useful.
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Diane, the notebook idea is STELLAR. Thanks!
Sunny´s last fabulous musings ..Lessons Learned 1st in a series
This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot — particularly about not being able to control life and the pace of it. You struck a chord with, “as the responsibilities of adulthood loomed.” I worry too much, I suppose.
Gina Fit by 41 Maybe 42´s last fabulous musings ..Blog-O-Versary – Oct 23
I’m an emotional eater in two situations: grief and when I’m bored.
I’ve gained most of the weight in the months after my Dad passed away. I ate and I ate so I wouldn’t feel anything. Of course this didn’t help at all but when I was eating i wasn’t thinking about it.
When I’m bored I’m going to look for things to eat. I’ve got this under control right now. I’m always doing something: reading, making puzzles, watching tv etc. And when I get bored with what I’m doing I do something else. There aren’t many times that I just sit down and do nothing.
I don’t think of myself as “an emotional eater” if I’m using the term to mean that I binge compulsively rather than dealing with emotions.
I do, however, eat emotionally sometimes – often when I’m stressed or when I’m feeling the desire to reward myself for something. When I do, I tend to be aware of what I’m doing at the time (granted, my thought processes are usually something like “I’m stressed and I want comfort food, damnit!” or “I’ve worked hard and I definitely deserve a treat”).
But I think I’ve come far enough in my journey now that “comfort food” and “a treat” means “*a* chocolate bar” or “*a* yummy dessert” – and that I can usually take the time to genuinely enjoy what I’m eating and be mindful of the pleasure it’s giving me – rather than all-but inhaling it (the way I once would have) and immediately looking around for something more
Starfire @ A weight off my mind´s last fabulous musings ..Im back I hope – and things have changed a bit in my life
Great post and very true for many of us! I think this is something I will struggle with for the rest of my life but hopefully will get more skills to deal with it in a positive way. But life will never be stress free and so I know emotional eating will always be a last resort coping mechansim… Just have to learn to manage it as best I can!
Amy´s last fabulous musings ..Finally a quiet day
I say that I am not an emotional eater. Um nice try! I did really good all last week dieting. Then BAM I freak out and binge like all my other binges. I am so mad at myself.