I’d given up on weight loss. I had resigned myself to being overweight for the rest of my life, and really tried to move forward. For a period of about 2 years, I didn’t actively diet, but rather actively gained weight. You see, gaining weight was easy for me, trying to lose weight was hard.
So I gave up. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted. I made my jumpers extra big, so they would still fit when I gained more weight. Because, I knew I would gain weight, no matter what I did. And I told my patient husband that I was just meant to be fat. He wisely didn’t say anything, but rather just played Switzerland, neutral as they come.
I had given up publicly. But I never gave up privately.
Inside myself, where no one could see, I secretly longed to make a change. I cried sometimes, out of frustration, and out of sadness over what I had allowed myself to become. Somewhere in that secret place I still hoped.
During the period of time that I gave up trying to lose weight I gained about 25 pounds, and lost another notch off my self-esteem belt. I tried hard to be the jolly, funny Diane, but inside I still burned with longing for a new me. So I guess the truth of the matter is, I never really gave up.
What happens to you when you have given up trying to lose weight? Or if you are not actively trying to lose weight, what has happened to you when you tried to give up on a dream. Does the dream really go away? Maybe sometimes it does, but I’m willing to wager a bet that for most of us it doesn’t die completely.
For me giving up was akin to saying, “I’m not worth the effort anymore.” It was as if I gave myself permission to continue with all the unhealthy habits I knew weren’t good for me, and try to enjoy them. It allowed me to get even more unfit.
What about you? Have you ever given up on yourself?
I’m often asked how I made the change from fat to not. I have a variety of answers to the question, depending on the context in which it was asked, but the deep down truth of the matter is: I never completely gave up. Somewhere deep inside myself I knew that I was going to lose weight and get healthy. Even with all the weight gain, I knew I was going to do it. Even after publicly relinquishing my desire to lose weight, I believed.
I’d encourage you to never give up on yourself. You are worth whatever effort it takes to get to a healthier place. It doesn’t have to be a size 2, or a size 10. It needs to be where you feel comfortable, happy, and whole. I often think what would have happened to me if I had truly given up on myself. I know in my heart that I would have continued gaining weight until I was super morbidly obese. That was my path, and I was well down the road.
How do you feel about your weight loss journey? What makes you not give in to the temptation to give up, but rather keep walking your own road? Diane
for me it was 100% how ‘crappy’ and tired and just YUCK I felt.
that was enough for me to realize that I may be struggling to get where I wanted to go—-but back from whence I came was none too great either.
Miz´s last fabulous musings ..What’s in your gun
Miz I’m with you. I feel so SO different now at 143 than I did at 250+. How could I give up that happy, healthy feeling??
There was times when I also quit on the weight loss and eat everything I could. I remember it so good, I would go out and buy Fast Food and eat a whole pizza by myself when I quit. It was bad.
This time though, I am sticking it out because I never want to feel uncomfortable or sick again.
blackhuff´s last fabulous musings ..Logical thinking
No, and I still don’t. I am not there yet, but I can’t forsee ever getting to the place where I am ok with dying from fat.
Lisa´s last fabulous musings ..Weigh in results
I did give up and felt the same as you Diane. I was secretly wanting to change but outwardly eating whatever. One thing that made my journey different the last time (lost 110 lbs.) was what my WW leader kept saying at every meeting. Never give up. No matter what. It’s good advice and your message is so true.
I also bought clothes big enough to grow into. I desired to be fit, but felt like it was out of my grasp.
Learning to love myself and feeling worthy of the effort is how I regained my ability to enjoy the outdoor activities I had given up.
I gave up for years. And got very big.
I’ve been at this weight loss for over a year now, and as I just confessed on my blog, I’m starting to feel a little tired. But I’m not giving up. I love this new body that I find myself with. I love how it feels and what it can do. And so I won’t let it become so big that it can hardly move again.
Desert Agave´s last fabulous musings ..Rambling Entry with Another Confession
This post could’ve been written about me. I had given up, but like you I never truly gave up. Instead I chose to learn to love myself the way I was and really that was where I feel this entire journey I’m finally on really began to take shape.
Now, almost two years later, I just know I can’t afford to quit. Honestly, I can’t explain it, but I just know I can’t give up. Mine is a turtle journey, so I lay claim to the phrase “slow and steady wins the race”.
I haven’t had a dramatic quick weight loss, but the weight does continue to come off and daily I’m a happier, stronger woman.
Thanks for this post, Diane, and thanks for all you do to keep us motivated and focused on our journeys.
Leah´s last fabulous musings ..Weigh-In Contentedly Happy
I do not give up because it took me too long to lose the 100 pounds and I never want to go back. I’ve seen “the light” being lighter. My life is so different. Healthier. Happier. I cannot imagine giving in to temptations, or giving up on my healthy lifestyle.
Yes, Diane, never give up. I am guessing there are many stories out there as to why people did not…
Me, in my younger years, it was more about being tired of being the fat friend & the thoughts of being teased when I was very young & things like that. BUT, honestly, thinking back, I just don’t want the physical & mental feelings I had then. Diane, again, I have a post set for next week that discusses this & my feelings about why I did not go back… on the same wave length again!
Jody – Fit at 53´s last fabulous musings ..Obesity- Health & 575 Pounds
Overall, I have not given up. Keep on plugging along. But in the moment when I am giving in to a craving, now and then, I guess I am sort of giving up:( Need to work on that.
Karen´s last fabulous musings ..Thumbthing to Write Home About
I’m in that place right now. Health issues are making my weight increase even with balancing my food and exercise. I can’t seem to get a leg up.
Cynthia (It All Changes)´s last fabulous musings ..Perfect Rainy Day
I’ve taken a few small breaks, where I let myself relax on my eating or working out, but since I decided to begin in Octobet ’08 vie never quit and never given up, not in any substantial way. After being fat for years, when I decided to change it tha was that, no going back.
I keep myself motivated or at least committed to not backsliding, very simply, by remembering hat I am a stewardof the body God has given me, and I can’t do what HE needs me to do in a body hat is immobilized by my own gluttony and lack of self discipline. It’s a struggle, but much of life is. This is one area I cannot afford to give up on myself.
Taryl´s last fabulous musings ..HYC Challenge week 9-10 Or wherever I actually am!
I was the same as you Diane. I secretly thought and dwelt every day on losing my weight. I never stopped trying to lose weight, I just usually never got anywhere.
I’m so thankful to God, to sending me to Nutrisystems and me being open minded and was willing to change how I thought about food, looked at food and how much I ate it.
I’ll never forget those horrible walks when I would yell at myself and pray and ask God for strength.
Sheri´s last fabulous musings ..Am I Really Hungry
I think I gave up years ago, but not in the last 5 years. Even though there were times in the last 5 years that I put weight loss and healthy habits on the back-burner, I always knew that I would try again, and again, and again. Now I’m truly on my way and quitting is simply not an option.
Hanlie´s last fabulous musings ..Sing the summer serenade
Maybe I’ll give up tomorrow, but not today.
You know, Diane, even when I was at my heaviest I was always dieting! I never gave up. I realize now that the way I went about it was all wrong. I’d diet by severely restricting my calories for 3-4 days and then out of sheer starvation, eat everything in sight until I was sick. Now I realize that not only did my metabolism slow down during those dieting days but I lost both fat and muscle too. Then during the Binge, I’d gain back only fat and gain it back quite easily! I was a mess.
I finally lost my weight when I quit dieting, ate nutritiously, and started exercising. The exercising was key for me.
I haven’t quit, but I did take somewhat of a hiatus. Found out I’m sensitive to gluten, dairy and corn, so major dietary changes. Then injured my knee and couldn’t walk, then a few months later injured my hip, ended up in physical therapy for a few months. And I did some emotional eating as a much UNWANTED move was hanging over my head for months. Depression, frustration, and before I know it, my jeans are too tight! Oops! Going to start back up with a cleanse when I get back home from this trip and focus like a laser! Only gained back one size, so not too much damage done. One of my goals is to get back into the habit of frequenting good blogs, too! Yours is definitely top of the list.
MamaBearJune´s last fabulous musings ..A new kick start