Have you ever found yourself eating differently when eating with other people? I did. With John, I ate whatever I wanted, but when other people were involved, things were very different.
If I had gone out to dinner with you back in my morbidly obese days I would have seemed the paragon of healthy eating. I would have told you about my latest diet and shared some healthy eating tips with you. I would have seemed like I had my eating habits all together.
Sometimes I wished I had a friend who would come over and spend every day with me so I wouldn’t have been tempted to eat huge amounts of food every single day. But no friend ever volunteered to be my food baby sitter, so I was on my own. And I didn’t do so well.
If I went out to dinner with a friend, and ate a small, healthy meal I’d come home and eat another meal and a dessert. I felt deprived and hungry. I got mad at myself when I ate another dinner because I knew I shouldn’t be eating again. I did this over and over again throughout the years.
I didn’t want my friends to think I was out of control so I pretended to have everything under control. But the truth of the matter was that I didn’t have any control over my food. My food was controlling me. It was a hard place to be.
As I lost weight, my eating habits around other people began to mirror my eating habits in private. I began to understand that those smaller, healthier meals I used to pretend to enjoy really were healthy for me. Those tiny amounts of chicken and one piece of bread were appropriate portions that would help me stay healthy and lose weight.
These days my private and public eating habits are similar. I occasionally eat sweets in public and I occasionally eat sweets at home. Being consistent with my public and private eating was an important step for me in my weight loss journey.
Did you ever eat differently in front of other people? Diane
I really am a misfit as I gained my weight with others.
) until nothingNOTHING fit and I grew winded at the THOUGHT of taking the stairs.
eating and drinking too too much (when of course they never gained a pound
Miz´s last fabulous musings ..Soda Stream machine review-giveaway
It depends on who I’m with to be honest, and where we’re eating. If we’re eating out having seafood and everyone else has sushi (which I hate) I will have something else of similar size. But if we go out for steak, then I eat steak like everyone else, but ditch the starch in favour of vegetables.
Ness at Drovers Run´s last fabulous musings ..Mothers Day the 4am edition
I never at differently when I was at family or friends because both of these social groups of mine, are big unhealthy eaters. None of them are over weight (genes I think help here) but they don’t eat healthy or small ever. So when I was obese, I did not worry. What is different to me these days are the fact that these two social groups in my life, still eat big and unhealthy, to whereas I eat healthy. This situation make me bring food along to social gatherings with them because of how big and unhealthy they eat, thus making it now the time where I eat different than them. And I don’t mind
blackhuff´s last fabulous musings ..Addicted to food
In yoga there is a thought that one doesn’t have to have an observer verbalize an adjustment (like an instructor correcting position in a yoga pose), the mere fact that they look makes us correct ourselves. Here is a very old post on the subject:
http://baby-steps-v.blogspot.com/2006/07/eye-of-observer-changes-observed.html
For a long, long time I played a game (by myself) called – what if I was on candid camera 24/7? I would think – if a camera was following me around, broadcasting to the world, how would I feel about:
what was in my shopping cart,
what I was feeding my family,
what I was eating.
And as I played this game, I taught myself to be accountable TO MYSELF.
Good post, as always, you made me think.
People wondered how I got to be the size I was because I did not eat that much around them. If I went out to eat with friends, or if friends came to the house for dinner, I would eat ‘normal’ portions and sometimes pass on the dessert…because I was trying to ‘diet.’
They knew darn well I was NOT dieting, because I was getting BIGGER not smaller!
I would wait and eat when everyone left-or eat something else on my way home AFTER the dinner!
My ‘friends’ had to know what I was doing!
mamajuliana´s last fabulous musings ..Mothers Day RantI apologize
Diane, like you, now, how I eat is consistent in the home & out.. but when I was younger, I always ate more when I was out with friends when I was heavier… BUT, once I lost the weight, I ate to what I thought they wanted to see – when I was younger. Now, I just eat the same always…
Jody – Fit at 53´s last fabulous musings ..Agave Asparagus & Cancer Fighting Help
Sometimes. My problem is often not the people themselves as much as the setting. Eating with others often means more food options around that I would not normally partake of.
Karen@WaistingTime´s last fabulous musings ..Bake Me a Cake as Fast as You Can
I have done those things too – eaten a reasonable meal with people and then had another meal afterward. It’s better now.
Hanlie´s last fabulous musings ..Roundup of the Week – 18-52 of 2011
I eat much better with others. Alone I can binge eat and not feel greedy. With others there, I wonder what they’ll think of me carting lots of food to my bedroom. Ugh!
I prefer to eat alone if others try and control my eating schedule. I try not to eat when someone else is hungry, but if they’re someone I care about, it’s tempting to just eat to show they’re appreciated.
Zahra Brown´s last fabulous musings ..Free Your Inner Animal! Animal Fitness Exclusive!
This is a really interesting subject I hadn’t thought about, but you are right on how the dynamic changes for someone trying to lose weight.
I had friends who were also overweight, or had food issues, and we’d eat together. Going out to happy hour and overindulging was something we did. When I started getting healthy and trying to lose weight, I stopped doing 95% of social things where food was involved. I did not trust myself. I cut out alcohol from my diet 99% and I couldn’t eat the food at Happy Hours so I stopped.
Most of the friends started their own journey to get healthy and they changed with me. I never asked them to, but now when we get together we try to do things that don’t involve food: we meet at the gym, we go for hikes or walks, or if we go to happy hour we choose healthier places!
I think that i’m much “worse” with other people. I tend to have too many sweets, pieces of cheese, whatever when other people are around. And the bread basket doesn’t stand a chance. I prefer to eat at home or just with Austin – less likely to pig out!
fittingbackin´s last fabulous musings ..Cheese Winners!- Southwest Salad Recipe
I ate differently with people outside the family. All of my family were overeater so I wasn’t self-conscious in front of them but when eating with acquaintances or friends who didn’t know me well, I did the same as you and made good healthy choices. Of course, I would have to eat again when I got home. It was like have a pre-meal and the the real meal. When I have slips at home now, it is still the same. The family can see my slips but no one else can. I’m honest about the slips on my blog though. There is a lot to be said for accountability when you are trying to maintain.
Karen Ogle´s last fabulous musings ..Already Monday
Ha! I was never shy enough to hide my eating, I really didn’t think there was anything wrong or bad about my habits so I felt no shame. I was really fairly unaware of what anyone may have thought about my portions. That didn’t occur to me until after starting this weight loss. It is one of the few things I regret, since now I am self conscious when I shouldn’t be, and had no sense of that when I was likely more appropriate.
Oh well!
Taryl´s last fabulous musings ..Hi everyone -
I mostly eat the same with people as I do by myself.
I love to eat and hate to deprive myself. Unless I am feeling super self-conscious and guilty — then I will order what I want at a restaurant.
~Kellie
The Chubby Girl Diaries´s last fabulous musings ..The definition of insanity
To mis-quote a famous lady, “I do not cut my eating to fit the company of the day!” That’s the way it is.
In general, I think I’ve always eaten the same whether I was at home or in public. When I was eating heavily, it was abundantly clear to all who watched. And because calories have this nasty little habit of counting whether or not someone sees me consume them (drat it all!) I end up watching what I eat even when I’m alone.
That said, there was a period in there where I hadn’t yet put together the equation that, for weight loss, calories in must be less than calories out. I have a niggling at the back of my brain involving bags of potato chips and boxes of cookies…
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My oldest daughter and I got into a big conversation about this recently. She told me she felt forced by her boyfriend to eat out at fattening restaurants. She felt too tempted to eat a high calorie entree and would rather not eat anything at all. I told her that if she didn’t want to eat to tell him, “I don’t want to eat. I’m just coming along to enjoy your company.” She answered that she did tell him that, but it made him feel “awkward.” I replied, “Well, when you don’t tell him that it just makes YOU feel awkward and forced. Which is worse?”
I did the same … ate one way when I’m with others and another way with family.
It didn’t take much overeating to result in my size problem (over 300!), but I was trying to eat very low fat for a couple decades, and I relied too much on starches that immediately were stored as fat. (I think Gary Taubes’ theory about fat accumulation applies extremely accurately to my individual physique.)
Also, my hubby has always had to eat enormous quantities (as did my children until they grew up) to keep from getting too thin. (I’m talking 3500 to 4000 cal a day quite often.) So, it was hard to tell where I stood, realistically, until I actually began tracking all my food calories (and macronutrients) through a free website. That was very helpful. Then I realized I WAS eating too many calories and WAY too few calories from fat.
But yeah, to answer your question (finally)
although I seldom ate HUGE amounts in private, it was (pretty consistently) too much for my activity level. I was more careful in public because I felt self conscious about being so fat and felt hurt and judged…I knew many people thought I was a bad person for being so fat.
When other nursing students ate lunch in class, I went without. Sometimes, I felt like I didn’t have a *right* to be eating like the others…in public I felt torn…as if I should have been able to do whatever it took (including skipping meals or starving) to slim down.
Strange, though, in private I usually felt good about myself.
Ugh. Sorry for the ramble…I guess I’m saying I didn’t judge myself but I always felt acutely aware that others were judging what I ate, if I ate.
Sigh. I do NOT miss those days.
HopefulandFree´s last fabulous musings ..my own “aunt bee”
I can so relate to your statement that food controlled you. It was like I just could not conquer it. I was addicted to sweets, chips, and junk. I did stilleat with people, but I just ate too much all the time. Not usually a lot at one time as much as constant grazing. Food just controlled me, and I was miserable. As you said it was a hard place to be, and I want to remember that so I do not go back there!
Oh yes, I was a pretend eater when I was with others, especially my husband. Weird ha? I didn’t want him to know what a real pig I was! I ate with him and then if he left for a few hours I’d devour everything in the house. He’d come home and eat a tiny snack and I wouldn’t eat anything. He never could figure out how I was overweight because I lied to him and to myself. It was terrible! One of the things I love is to be able to eat my snacks with him now because I have nothing to be a shamed of.
Sheri´s last fabulous musings ..What Does Weight Loss Mean To You
Finally a place where others also love baking!
When i was dieting I would eat differently in front of others (butnot my live in bf), mostly becuae if people knew I wanted to loose weight they would make “eating disorder” type comments wheich were very mean, so I really wanted to avoid that. Counting calories seems like a forbidden topic at the dinner table
I am a secret eater so I am going to say yes, I do eat differently in front of other people.
Kimberley´s last fabulous musings ..Re-Disconnected I Love My Own Words!
Interesting question…I tend to eat the same around most people as I do in private; however, when I’m dating I eat differently. I actually eat more so as not to seem like ‘one of those girls who only eats salads’. I never realized this until one of my very good friends pointed out that I tend to gain weight when I’m dating. Guess I can’t eat like the guys after all, huh?
I like what Vicki wrote about being accountable to yourself. Definitely something I’m going to try out as it’s just what I need to reform my eating habits!
Jessica´s last fabulous musings ..Spin- Swim- Run
I could lick my plate in front of my husband. I could lick HIS plate if I wanted to.
When I ate in front of others I was always cautious of the amount I was eating but I still ate my food faster than others and I was usually the first (and sometimes only) person to clean off my entire plate.
I am really happy that today I can go anywhere and eat with anyone. It has taken a lifetime.
Jane~
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