I’ve shared before how I sometimes fail to see myself how I currently look, and have a flawed image of how I appear to other people.
Even though I know it’s not true, here is how I sometimes feel I look:
I took this picture in the Naval Aviation Museum when we were on vacation. The kids thought it was hysterically funny to see themselves very short and very round. I – on the other hand – realized that this mirror revealed how I sometimes think of myself.
Why do I do this to myself?
I think the answer lies in the fact that like many other men and women, I focus on the negative parts of my body and magnify those flaws out of proportion. Instead of saying to myself, “Yes, I wish my arms weren’t so big,” I should be saying, “I’m glad that my arms are strong.”
Here are some techniques that I’m going to try to improve my self-perception, but I’d love to hear other techniques you use or have heard of:
♥ Pick one thing about myself each day and verbally compliment myself on that attribute or strength.
♥ Take pleasure in where I am right now – whether I am up or down a pound.
♥ Avoid any “outloud” negative self-talk, and remind myself to not beat myself up internally.
♥ Accept the realities of my appearance.
That’s some things I’m going to try. When I do avoid negative self-talk, I find myself feeling more positive about my life and appreciating the fact that I did lose 158 pounds and haven’t gained it back. I also find that I can interact more positively with my family and friends, because I’m not focusing on “me” but rather on the relationships and activities around me.
Where are you these days? Do you look in a regular mirror and see a distorted image? How do you stay positive? Diane
Finding the positive in my looks has never been easy. I always go with my waist because I have an hourglass figure; my waist is small compared to the rest of me no matter what size I am (and was). It is much easier to concentrate on the negatives: dripping skin all over my body, bumpy, lumpy legs, especially the legs. My husband’s legs are better than mine and he is 75 pounds overweight. I hate that I am always looking enviously at the legs of others and wondering if my perception is off on my 2 legs.
Sadly, when I actually stand or sit next to someone with a pair of legs that I think could look like mine, I always find my calves and thighs are bigger, my ankles thicker. So I try not to compare. Changing this to a positive? I can remind myself that my legs support me when I walk and run and climb. They keep me moving. I can remember that despite a completely torn ACL and other damage in my left knee and a diagnosis of arthritis in my knees and ankle when I was over 300 pounds – today I walk and even run – without pain or any signs of arthritis.
I stay positive when I listen to the positive pitch of others. I thank you for the reminder to keep focused on the positive and on GRATITUDE, not on the negative voices from the mouths of others or the voices in my own head.
Jane C´s last fabulous musings ..Even a Food Addict has a right to Choos
I had trouble seeing myself as heavy as I was. Now that I’ve lost most of what I plan to lose, I now look the way I see myself in my mind’s eye.
Okay, except for the wrinkles. Those can go away any time now
Amanda´s last fabulous musings ..WW Weigh-In- Week 13
Diane, body image perception is such a crucial aspect of health and well being! I’m so glad you are advancing this topic!
Long after mastering a way of eating well (to reduce health risks, overcome food/dieting obsessions, and to maintain weight loss)–and after losing over 125 lbs–I still struggle with seeing my body size in a more accurate way. I don’t practice negative self talk about my body, and mostly I admire my physique and capabilities. (In spite of some physical disabilities.)
But when I look in the mirror I usually still see a body that is larger than what others see. Family and friends tell me I am thin, and I just laugh as if that’s simply not possible.
Often, I see an attractive and beautiful ME in the mirror, but a chubby me. It doesn’t bother me to see myself as fat, because I love myself fat or thin, but it annoys me that my perceptions are distorted.
I’m thinking about trying more strategies to improve progress in this area. For instance, 1) taking daily photos and posting them in locations around my home and 2) increasing the number of sessions using ritualized movements and touching, which I do in front of the mirror on a reguar basis–it’s an adaptation of mirror therapy I came up with after studying about mirror therapy for people (with missing limbs) who still experience phantom limb pain.
I’ve written about this healing modality in my blog. I believe it can help reconstruct the brain’s body image map, which may also help to stabilize body weight at a maintenance level. I also believe that it is helpful to consistently wear good fitting clothes (not baggy).
I will be happy to discuss this topic (about changing one’s physiological body image map in the brain) at greater length on my blog, and share my research and theoretical positions from neuroscience and anthropology perspectives, if others are curious. Just stop by and mention your interest!
hopefulandfree´s last fabulous musings ..dark and stormy night
I do the SAME THING! I know I am skinnier than ever, I’m at my lowest weight and I’m fit and toned. Yet some days I look in the mirror and think I’m about 10 pounds heavier (somedays 20!). It’s usually hormonal but it’s weird how my body and brain can be completely out of sync.
I so get your thoughts Diane. I am like this too so I will take on the challenge & that book I reviewed Monday is a great start. Holly talks a lot about changing the thoughts to change the emotion & focus!
Jody – Fit at 53´s last fabulous musings ..Validate YOU- Validate Them!
Mirrors lie. Mirrors will either tell you you look fine when you are morbidly obese, or they will tell you you are morbidly obese when you look fine. Cameras are the ones that will either make you squirm by showing you what you look like, or they will surprise you pleasantly when you go, “Hey! That thin one in the back there is me!” Cameras tell you the truth.
When you are looking back at yourself in the eyes, you are seeing with your mind, and your mind distorts. But that person in the photo isn’t looking back at you, thinking what you’re thinking. Mirrors lie, cameras tell the truth.
One thing my faith path teaches is that every woman is an embodiment of The Great Goddess, who sustains, nurtures and gives pleasure. We have many different Goddess archetypes to choose from, from nubile and “sexy”( Aphrodite being born of sea foam) to having been round the block and back ( Venus of Willendorf) . Each , like every woman on the planet, is a manifestation of true beauty, nurturing and power. Once a month I stand before a mirror naked and say a blessing of gratitude for all my parts. They have carried me, nurtured, sustained, given pleasure to and a lot more. I think in a Christian context , the same could be archived by looking in a mirror and repeating ( and honestly believing) “I am fearfully and wonderfully made”. It’s absolutely true !
Diane´s last fabulous musings ..Better and better
I think we all have days we call, bad hair, or fat, or whatever. I think it’s OK to visit those emotions, but if we find we are living there we need to do a reality check on ourselves. Perhaps with a professional.
158 pounds is absolutely amazing!! You are an inspiration! I think I have the opposite problem of thinking I look better than I do, and I need to look at myself realistically so I will stay motivated to get to my goal.
Brenda´s last fabulous musings ..Tuesday Update ALREADY
For me, this truly goes both ways. Sometimes, I see myself as obese as I was at my very heaviest and most inactive. And then others, if I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror or a photograph, it really does surprise me because I didn’t realize I was that big!
I try to stay positive by reminding myself that no matter my size, my body is strong and can do whatever I want it to do.
Jeremy Logsdon´s last fabulous musings ..Power Rangers- High Five
I am right where Dr J has stated. I have dwelled on the negative for too long and I am doing everything I can to pull out of it. With Gods help I know I will get there. Your not alone!
Sheri´s last fabulous musings ..Moving On
I also realise this yesterday when I saw how skinny my legs have become. It was strange to me because the way I think I see my legs is big, like the ones in your photo. I too not see myself as skinny as most people see me these days and it is so sad because I have and still work so hard to accomplish this and in fact, I am there already.
blackhuff´s last fabulous musings ..I choose this way
Great post, Diane! I think those of us who have several years of bad habits and poor self image have a difficult time changing the inner feelings to accurately reflect what the outside shows. For example, even after I started lifting the heaviest weights for women in my entire gym, I STILL had problems thinking of myself as “athletic” or an “athlete.” Clearly, I am, but some of my inner messages have trouble accepting that obviously positive news.
By the way, Diane, you look gorgeous. Your figure is great. Your story inspires me, but, even had you never been that heavy, you STILL would inspire me–just as you are, without the weight loss background. Super!
That’s how all the mirrors in my house seem to reflect. Totally distorted. I’ve struggled with my weight for so long it’s hard to believe it’s gone. Sometimes I look down and still just see the fat even though I’ve lost over 90 pounds and I’m close to goal. I’m wearing size 8s today but I’m positive they run big because of vanity sizing.
MB´s last fabulous musings ..Small Change Challenge – Week 1
I definitely suffer from that distortion. It can go both ways. Sometimes I try to hide my problem and pretend like I’m really not as big as I am. Other times, I totally just focus on the negatives and don’t let myself believe that I am getting smaller.
Laura Jane @ Recovering Chocoholic´s last fabulous musings ..Week 8 Results
Great to see that you are taking steps to living a more positive life! One thing that has helped me is something as simple as a weight loss TV show. I just got hooked on Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition, because it shows people who really want to lose weight and start living a healthy lifestyle achieve their goal over a long period of time. Confidence is key to mental health, and it’s encouraging to see people who are in direr situations than me achieve the things I want to achieve.
If you are interested in the show, it airs Monday nights on ABC at 10pm/9c.
Good luck and keep up the good work!