Do you have a thin friend? I did. And she wasn’t just thin, but she was healthy. She was beautiful. She drove me crazy. That’s right, she drove me crazy. I met her right after John and I got married. At that time, I was still an average sized person. Not thin like my friend, but not overweight either.
Here’s why she drove me crazy. The woman always ate well! Always. We’d go out lunch together and she would always order the salad. I’d feel guilty, and change my order from the fried chicken sandwich with French fries, to salad. So we’d crunch and munch together, her happily, and me sadly. Can’t you just picture this?
She also drove me crazy because she never sat down. She was always bustling around doing something. I just wanted to sit on the couch and visit. But no, we had to go to the park, or take a walk, or shop at the mall for hours at a time. Never just sit.
Once I gained weight, and went from average sized to morbidly obese, I was still friends with her. We’d still go to lunch, and she’d still have a salad. I never ordered the salad anymore though. I just got what I wanted, because it didn’t seem to matter how hard I tried, I could never be like her.
Now that I’m a healthy weight, I often think of my friend. We’ve moved away, so we don’t keep in touch much, but she’s often on my mind. She had a different philosophy and relationship with food and exercise then I did. She enjoyed cooking, loved to entertain, but didn’t blow up like a balloon as I did. She knew how to enjoy food.
What came naturally to her, I had to work at. In fact, during the year of my weight loss attempt, when I’d get discouraged, or unsure of what I should be doing, I’d think of her. I would think, “What would ‘Kathy’ do?” And then I’d do that. Sometimes that involved adjusting meals to be healthier and lower in fat. Sometimes it meant getting out of the house, and moving my body. Other times, it just served as a reminder to eat like a thin person.
Her relationship with food wasn’t an emotional relationship like mine was. I tried hard to learn from her, and in many ways I succeeded. I still have emotional relationships with food, and there are days I struggle with making the right choices, but more often than not I manage well.
Here’s 10 things she did differently than I did:
- Ate slowly
- Make healthy choices
- Cooked from scratch
- Ate processed foods in moderation
- Exercised regularly
- Moved a lot during the day
- Didn’t obsess over food
- Ate something sweet when she wanted to
- Enjoyed her food
- Always worked to get more fit, not just stay thin
She taught me a lot without even intending to. I should probably write her a letter and thank her for the good influence she was on me. Even as a fat person, I admired her immensely. Is there someone in your life you have learned something about food from? I’d love it if you’d share what you’ve learned with the rest of us. Diane
By the way,when I lost all my weight she said, “I always believed in you. I knew you’d do it.”
My decades long hiking friend is one of those naturally thin people and I’ve learned a lot from her! One thing I’ve noticed (and strongly admire) that you didn’t mention is that my friend is ALWAYS much more genuinely interested in her surroundings and who she is with than what she is eating. We stop for a break or lunch and I notice my snack/lunch in GONE while she’s still looking around at the scenery or chattering about something. She may have taken one bite of her sandwich!!
That is a habit of a naturally thin person that I have worked HARD to try and copy!!
Sharon´s last fabulous musings ..Looking Forward, Looking Back
I do not have someone like that in my life (real life and not cyber space). In my real life, the people I have are not active at all. They aren’t eating healthy either. They are thin but not eating healthy. I am now this person you describe in your post to my family and friends.
I do have someone in Cyberspace though to which I look up – she is 48 and fit, healthy and beautiful. She is my inspiration.
blackhuff´s last fabulous musings ..Why so calm?
Thank you for this list! I am not a naturally thin person. I am an emotional eater. I do follow most things on the list, however I have to work hard on them. The 2 I need to focus on most are cooking from scratch and not obsessing about food. I do notice that living the life of a “naturally thin” person is easier than before, but do you think it will ever be a non issue for you? I can’t figure out if it will always be work for me or if I can actually break totally free from my food addiction and emotional eating???
Jill´s last fabulous musings ..Who I Am vs. Who I Am Not
That list is perfect! I do most of it if not all but took me a long time to get there! I think that mindful eating is really important! DON’T mindless eat!
Jody – Fit at 53´s last fabulous musings ..Gratitude Monday & Giveaway!
I remember reading a Beck book once and the words that jumped off the page had to do with thinking like a thin person. So, I do think some thin people, natural or not, just eat differently and, more importantly, have a different view of and relationship with food. I’m not there.
Karen@WaistingTime´s last fabulous musings ..Making Tracks
Aww, that is so nice that she said that to you after you reached your goal!
It’s great when you can learn from someone else’s good example.
I remember a conference I went to where I was eating breakfast with a few people and chatting. I got what I usually get when I have breakfast at a hotel: a fruit plate, some toast, and coffee. I’m not a massive breakfast fan, and putting a lot of food on a just-woke-up stomach makes me sick.
Uniformly, the heavier people there had big breakfasts — lots of French toast with preserves, steak and eggs, big stacks of pancakes with syrup and sausages. Each of them, I’d estimate, had no fewer than 900 calories on their plates, and that’s a lowball estimate. And this was only the first meal of the day.
When we got together for lunch later in the day, I had a side of fries with a caesar salad, and was told that it was unfair that I could eat (a small side of) fries with lunch and not gain weight, and that it must have been my magic Skinny Person metabolism. *sigh*
The breakfast that has shocked me the most is on international flights after a very short rough night to see people eating sausage, ham, bacon, etc, at 5:00 in the morning! Blech!!
Bacon on an AIRPLANE? I’d better like the looks of it, because I’m going to be seeing it again … o_O
Interesting story! I don’t actually know a lot of naturally slender people, or at least I don’t know what they do differently. The ones I know just don’t seem to ‘love’ food like I do. They like it, it tastes good, they eat when they’re hungry, but it never goes beyond that. They don’t seem to overdo it like I can, or get preoccupied by food in the same way.
I’ve just accepted my body and brain don’t work this way, so I need to work a little harder at retraining myself and adopting those habits they display, because they sure don’t come naturally!
Taryl´s last fabulous musings ..Seriously body? SERIOUSLY?
I think of my older son when I think of the quintessential thin person’s eating habits. He loves his food, always eats when he’s hungry but he ALWAYS stops when he’s full, no matter how many goodies are left on his plate or in the fridge. He tends to eat a number of small meals throughout the day.
NewMe´s last fabulous musings ..Musician and Athlete
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Great post! I observed a thin friend of mine 15 years ago and had the same thoughts. Why is she thin and I’m not? That started me learning more about calories, portions and exercise. Sometimes my overweight friends wonder why they are the size they are and I want to say “here’s a week of my food journals and here’s my fitness routine. Try it and it’ll work!” But of course I don’t as everyone has to find their own way.
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You know, one thing that I have to say is that it’s not that I don’t obsess about things. I do, it’s just not food. You should see how much yarn I have. And I’m constantly thinking about fingering on one of two musical instruments, even when I’m walking at work during my daily walk. So everyone obsesses about something — I’m fortunate in that what I obsess about is not bad for my health.
I know some people who are thin that eat healthy and small portions, exercise and live healthy. Then I know some who are in a different camp of thin people, those who don’t exercise, eat everything in sight and are naturally thin!
I have to work at staying healthy,genetics are not always my friend!
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This is great. I always say that I don’t really believe that there are people who are just “naturally” thin, but people who naturally have thin HABITS. No one (or very, very few) are absolved from weight gain if they overeat and underexercise. However, certain people just have it in their programming to eat well and move, which looks to people on the outside that they are “naturally thin,” when in reality, they just have great habits.
I like this story because it has a happy ending
Lara´s last fabulous musings ..There’s a Label for That
I agree with all the healthy habits and would like to add a thought.
We cannot compare ourselves with someone else and expect that we only have to do what we think they do. Sometimes the thin friend is a closet bulimic and we do not know it. Sometimes their natural thinness is not as natural as they would have us believe. I am not saying we need to judge what everyone else is doing- just that we should not judge ourselves against someone else just because they seem to stay slim ‘naturally.’
Jane~
Keepingthepoundsoff.com
Jane C´s last fabulous musings ..Say Yes to the Dress & Heal the Past
THis is a great post Diane – I do have to remind myself on occasion that I can eat what I want to, but need to be moderate in my choices. After all, those who are naturally thin don’t have everything at once so why should I?
Liz@LastChanceTraining´s last fabulous musings ..Control or Kaos?
Great, useful list, Diane!
You didn’t exactly say this, but I’ve never met anyone who could eat all they want and still be thin and healthy, at least not as they got older.
Great post! I think it’s great that you had this discussion with your friend. I think the important part of this is also the EXERCISE. There is such a thing as “skinny fat.” Someone can be naturally skinny but not be healthy because they don’t exercise.
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Excellent point, Lisa. My husbands grandmother barely weighed 120 pounds on a 5’7 frame. She did not exercise. She had to have heart bypass surgery in her early 50′s – when it was still a new procedure. Thin did not make her healthy. We have to have some form of movement and sweat.
Jane~
Keepingthepoundsoff.com
Jane C´s last fabulous musings ..Say Yes to the Dress & Heal the Past
My sister is very thin but she eats a lot…I think it is already in her body and it is natural to her to be thin…
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I am naturally thing. I weight 110 lbs, my height is 5.7. I don’t make efforts to stay thin, but I don’t make efforts to gain either.
There’s no adult I know that eats less than I do and not because I don’t like food or have issues with it. Just because I don’t overeat as most my friends and relatives are. Don’t throw food. Pay few cents for double the portion etc. No, I don’t do this.
I don’t throw food, but I put it back in the freezer. My junkfood ‘travels’ meant a hot dog (ONE not 10) or a gyro/subway sandwich when walking through NYC for instance. I’d eat this and then walk for 5-6 hours.
We do eat good healthy home cooked meals, I love fruits and veggies and eat a little chocolate or icecream from time to time. And not 2 kilos of it either.
When I do sports, my eating is of course different.I am hungrier and eat more, so that I recover my energy. I love any kind of food and still am pretty careful not to eat too much junk. 1-2 times/week (when I was traveling) or 1-2 times a month. Everything else is healthy and in portions that are suitable for me.
I’ve had this weight since highschool, have a toned abdomen and look pretty good. So my secret is, aside of having some decent genes: minimize junkfood, eat a lot of fruits/veggies, see how much my body actually needs and not overeating, adjusting my ‘diet’ when I work out or am sedentary, NO SODA and sweets from time to time, not too many or too often.
It’s an interesting take. I have friends that eat like this as well and I admit that when I’m out at a restaurant, I always feel like I should *splurge.* It’s a mentality I need to overcome because I go out a lot with friends. I cook from scratch and prefer to be home but that’s not always the case. I love your list – I need to keep it close by at all times!
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Thanks for writing this. This really enlightened me. It helped me see the feelings I inspire in others now that I have lost a bunch of weight. It helped me be more understanding. Also, the statement about how your friend would work out to continue to get fit rather than stay fit. I feel the same way. I now exercise because I like it.