I have a confession to make about my prior life as a weight loss wannabe. It didn’t matter whether I had started the diet at New Year’s or in the middle of the year.
I cheated. I cheated all the time. In fact, I spent more time thinking of ways to cheat the diet plan than I did actually planning to succeed. Here’s an example:
When I belonged to a weight loss group that my church was sponsoring, I had weigh-ins on Thursday night. I loved Thursday weigh-ins because that gave me the whole weekend to binge and eat whatever I wanted to. I may have started out on Friday morning with the best of intentions (kinda) but quickly moved from the couch to the pantry. By the time Sunday had arrived I was back into gluttony mode full swing. I’d wake up Monday feeling guilty, and try to moderate my eating for the next three days so I might possibly show a loss for that week. Sometimes my deceit worked, and I’d show a .5 loss for the week. That particular diet lasted about 3 weeks before I threw in the towel because it just “wasn’t working for me.”
Here’s another example:
One time, years ago, I had purchased a fun looking diet system from a late night television infomercial – think Richard Simmons. It was just healthy eating at its core, but you were supposed to keep track of your food with these little cards. I convinced John I really needed the program and even though it wasn’t in our budget, I ordered it. It only took a few days for it to arrive, during which time I ate all I could so I’d be ready for deprivation. Once the program came, I put all the cards in the holder and moved them into their proper places. But I quickly realized that I didn’t really have to move the cards for everything I ate, but rather only what I wanted John to think I ate. So I cheated at the program for about 3 days before I decided I didn’t need cards to keep me on track. Instead I decided it would be better to sit on the couch and eat a lot of chocolate.
Even when I was following a set plan like Weight Watchers, I’d continually cheat. I’d eat a boiled egg, a piece of whole wheat toast, and some fruit for breakfast, and then “cheat” by having some high-calorie sweet right afterwards, hiding the evidence under a dirty diaper in the trash. (This is a true story.) I’d tell all my friends I was dieting, but the minute they left my house I’d break out the chip bags I had told them I was swearing off of.
I don’t know who I thought I was fooling, because anyone of my friends could see that I wasn’t getting smaller, but larger. I was getting stuck in chairs, and riding in their cars without a seat belt because the belt wouldn’t go around me. Obviously my diets weren’t effective because I wasn’t doing them. I was cheating my way through weight loss.
As I finally got started down the right path, I realized something pretty significant about my dieting history. I realized I was spending more time trying to cheat my eating plan than I was actually planning for success. It was almost as if a lightning bolt hit me between the eyes. I was a cheater, and it wasn’t a good feeling.
Not only was I a cheater, but I realized the only person I was cheating was myself. This realization was important on my journey.
No one knew what I ate but me. No one could “cheat” but me. No one could succeed but me.
Along with a host of other emotional things this was BIG. As I journeyed down my weight loss path I learned that cheating only hurt me. [Disclaimer: I'm not talking about deprivation or beating myself up over poor choices along the way. I'm talking about saying one thing and doing the other in secret.] Learning to be honest with myself, and owning the choices I made, both positive and negative really helped me with my short and long term success.
Any thoughts on this subject? Diane
What a great post! I hear you and understand you 100%! I did the exact same thing, but what I never realized is the difference in cheating than a poor choice. I might have to blog about that you’ve given me something to think about.
You’ve come so far and your knowledge and where you are now is so inspirational!
Sheri – Motivation for Health & Fitness´s last fabulous musings ..A Food That Might Help Neuropathy
I hope you do write your ideas about it. I love your blog too!
Oh my! how true, I ate when no one was looking, when my parents were out, when the house is sleeping, often stuffing my mouth, so no one would be watching. But really, its not like anyone told me not to eat. But still, I was cheating myself.
I still am learning to be honest with myself, as simple as I skip exercise bcos I’m lazy, not bcos I’m sick or feet are hurting etc.
I completely identify with this post!! thanks for writing this
I would sneak into the kitchen while my parents were watching television and raid the cookie jar. It set up years of secret eating and bad habits.
Your point is so well taken and although I know this is a weight loss concentrated blog, it should also remind us (as it did me) that this holds true in many other areas of our lives. When we shut others out, are unkind, are overly critical, refuse to try new things, resist change, yada, yada, yada, the main person we are cheating/hurting is ourselves. We rob ourselves of so many opportunities, don’t we??
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You have a good point and very valid. We only cheat ourselves when we don’t live up to our full potential or attempt to deceive ourselves.
Oh boy have I ‘been there and done that’. I believe it is because of my bingeing and starving (as in your first example) that I am having a hard time losing now. Like you, I would weigh-in and then come home and eat like there was no tomorrow. About 3 days before the next weigh-in, I tried not to eat. It doesn’t work and I am still paying for my mistakes. If I can’t be honest with myself, how can I be successful?
It took me reminding myself constantly that secretly eating or bingeing was not going to get me where I wanted to go. I would actually say those types of things to myself when I really wanted to eat chocolate or candy. You can do this!
I am doing that right now. My husband and I started eating healthy on Monday together. When he is home I am careful. When he is gone I have been finding chocolate. I start out daily with good intentions that fail. Like you, I have done WW many times. Today I will throw out all chocolate in the house and begin again. Thank you for this timely post!
You are very welcome. My advice is to treat each moment as a chance to make good choices. If you “mess up” in the morning, you don’t have to give up for the rest of the day. Best of luck on your journey.
How about this form of that kind of cheating: Alcohol calories.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m no saint and I’ve done more than my share of drinking. I’m always amazed though, at how many of my clients, and friends, don’t include their alcohol calories in their daily calorie total or food journal — as though it’s free. I actually had this conversation with a client earlier this week — 1/3 of his calories came from alcohol, but he didn’t count them.
The strongest mind can be so weak…
Good point and thanks for bringing it up. Alcohol, juice and sweeteners for coffee can all be forms of cheating because folks are not always honest/aware of how much they affect their weight and fitness.
I remember seeing the Richard Simmons card diet on T.V. This post makes me sad for all the women that surely go through this and still are, what a vicious cycle. I am beyond happy for you that you found your way out and are now inspiring others.
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It makes me sad too. It also makes me sad when I think about all the money I (and many others) wasted throughout the years.
Your story about Thursday weigh-in’s sounds very familiar to me – I used to have the same experience with WW meetings on Thursday mornings years ago! We humans sure are funny the way we try to fool ourselves!
So glad you liked the tip to use Youtube for yoga videos – you can also sign up for a free class each week on the Yoga Today website (www.yogatoday.com)
Amy´s last fabulous musings ..Unable to Run? Do Yoga!
We really do fool ourselves and thanks again for the yoga information!!
I was a cheater too. Almost as if what I ate when I was hiding out didn’t count, right?? Well, unfortunately.. it counts. :p I’ve worked on keeping myself accountable, not just to others, but to myself!!
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Unfortunately it does count – they all count. But the good thing is that recognition is one of the best first steps to take. You are doing a great job with self-awareness and getting the results you want.
I was a secret eater too … definitely cheating myself. It’s so nice now to not have to hide anything from anyone … including myself.
Siobhan´s last fabulous musings ..small steps …
Even as I did it, I knew I shouldn’t. It was a relief to finally come to the point where I could recognize and admit that I was harming myself.
Hi Dianne. What a wonderful post. We were talking about this at our WW meeting this week. A woman who just hit her 50lbs down mark said she “cheats” but actually tracks her cheats. She said “if I know I’m writing it down, I think twice – and the only person I’m cheating if I don’t track is myself”. All the best for your Friday.
Roz@weightingfor50´s last fabulous musings ..Warning: Wordy, rambling post ahead……
Thanks Roz! All the best to you too. The woman in your class is so wise to count those cheats. Then they stop being cheats and start becoming just one more food that she chooses to eat.
Excellent post and oh so very true. And it happens even today after all I’ve learned along the way. Thank you Diane for this great post.
Take care and have a blessed weekend.
You are welcome Julie, and thank you for reading and being so encouraging. I can still “cheat” on myself too – even after all these years.
I remember a story someplace about a little kid who was told to steal something and make sure no one saw. The kid said it couldn’t be done because, “I’ll see.” Someone will always see you cheat — because you’ll see you cheat.
Someone always will, you are right. I can’t tell you how many times I would shove food in the drawer, hide it behind my back, or shove more food in my mouth when someone walked into the kitchen. And if you are a person of faith as I am, I know someone is watching me.
Diane, this is a huge part of why I am not at goal yet and you’re completely right that you really only end up cheating yourself. As far as I can tell no one around me, friends or family, really cares if I gain weight or lose weight. I’m the one that suffers the consequences of staying heavy instead of simply sticking to my plan and getting to my healthy weight.
I like your new blog look, and really look forward to your book!
It all does come down to you. Although having support is great and necessary, the only one who chooses what and how much to eat is you. Don’t be down on yourself Leah – you have lost over 50 pounds. That is huge and you should be very proud.
YEP! I was a cheater when I was trying to lose my weight. I’d pretend little bites and nibbles didn’t count. I still fall into that trap sometimes. Then I need to snap out of it and get back on track. I’m only hurting myself by not logging those 3 Hershey’s Kisses I ate while walking to the printer at work.
Lisa´s last fabulous musings ..New Year’s Eve Dinner
It is easy to nibble several hundred calories a day. I find myself susceptible to this and I have to remind myself to stop before I will start gaining weight.
This is so true! I am sad to say that right now I am going through the same thing. I will stock the house with healthy food and eat healthy meals, but then I snack uncontrollably between meals and hide the evidence. I am so conscious of it, but for some reason, I am still working on breaking the habit. It’s not easy …
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It is not an easy habit to break – I know this very well. My encouragement to you is that it is a winnable habit. I found that having a strategy place such as chewing gum, eating a piece of hard candy, or drinking a hot drink helped immensely.
only person I was cheating was myself
Diane – that says it all! You have to want it for yourself & nobody else can do it for you…
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You are right Jody!
This is so true, and I’ve definitely been guilty of that. Eating in secret is a bad habit, and I have to admit that I’ve done it. But you are so right, you are only cheating yourself.
Laura Jane @ Recovering Chocoholic´s last fabulous musings ..Week One: Reasons for Losing Weight
It is a bad habit, and was only one of many that I had. Although I feel as though I have conquered it most days, I still do have to think about it. Cheating myself was not good and did nothing to help me along. Thanks for sharing.
guilty! I have cheated and eaten in secret. When we talk about it here it seems so simple and silly- I am only hurting me. Who am I hiding from? What am I hiding? That I am eating a bad food when I am not hungry? In the moments however- I don’t think about it that way. How can I get myself to think that way when I am in an irrational moment?
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Do ever stop and actually say those words to yourself? “Who am I hiding from? What am I hiding?” I think some self-talk is always helpful – at least it was for me.
Absolutely right! I find that I am much more likely to “cheat” if I am not tracking. Forcing myself to write everything down is how I make myself accountable. But there are those days that I don’t want to track, because I don’t want to face the music. And then I know I’ve got a problem. Because if I can’t be honest with myself, there’s more wrong than just too much food. Hope you have a great weekend!
Melisa @ Achieving Equilibrium´s last fabulous musings ..Getting back on track
Oh I’ve been there. Not quite to that extent, because I rarely declared I was dieting, but hiding food wrappers and amounts out of guilt, especially from my husband? Oh yes.
And like you, figuring out that cheating wasn’t hurting anyone more than me has been big. Very big. I have always known it, but actually enacting it is a much more difficult step. And getting over the guilt when I DO eating something less than healthy has also taken work. It’s such a mental process, dealing with food issues and facing ourselves and our problems. And I’m not sure it ever goes away – I still have to watch the way I talk to and about myself and make sure I am not moralizing food (I ate bad so I AM bad, that kind of thought process). It takes time.
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I guess since I’ve only been accountable with physical things to myself, cheating has never been an issue.
I was totally a secret binger and told myself I didn’t have to count the calories in the middle of the night because I wasn’t sure WHICH day to add the calories to…so I just didn’t. Ha, as you can imagine THAT worked well. And was a total lie. And it wasn’t really a secret when my husband lovingly told me that “maybe I should think about NOT eating at night.” WHAT? I thought it was a secret! Oh the lies.
La.´s last fabulous musings ..The Bigger I Get…
It’s so true what you’ve said. I know I do things in secret, but it hurts no one but me. I’m again starting on a new path, and hope for continued success. I’ve shared your site with my mom after I saw this latest post.
Thank you for sharing!!
I have been away and am just catching up with all the recent posts. I really liked this one for the raw brutal truth of cheating. We cheat ourselves first but we are also cheating those who love us and care for us in our cheating. I hope this is in your book.
Jane~
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