John and I have a phrase we use when we are feeling down about ourselves. We call it the “Shame Spiral.”
You may have a different phrase for it, but the characteristics are often similar.
First you start to feel badly about yourself. Then you eat something you know isn’t part of your weight loss plan.
Next you might look at yourself in a mirror and call yourself an unflattering name like “fatty.” (This was own private name for myself when I was morbidly obese.)
Then you eat something else. Now the downward spiral is really in force.
Down, down, down I would go until there seemed like no way back up. And for a lot of years, getting to the bottom of that shame spiral meant I would stay there for a long, long time.
If you can identify with this pattern, you are not alone. Having the downward shame spiral is a very common phenomena in weight loss. I am not certain why, but it seems to me it is because our weight is so closely tied to our body image.
The important question becomes: How to turn the downward spiral around.
In an ideal world we would lose weight consistently and feel positive about ourselves both before, during, and after our weight loss experience. However, for many people, that doesn’t happen.
If you find yourself on the downward spiral, here are some ways that you can haul yourself back up and keep going on your own personal weight loss journey.
1. Remember why you are doing this.
This can be a powerful turn-around. When I found myself spiraling down if I could just remember the top three reasons I was losing weight and reaffirm them to myself, I found it much easier to get back on track. Curious about my top three reasons? They were health, family, and appearance.
Write down your top three reasons for losing weight and pin them to a board or put them on your computer screen. Don’t forget!
2. Give yourself a pat on the back.
Pat yourself on the back for all you have already accomplished. Even if you are new into your weight loss attempt, there have to have been times where you made a healthy choice, exercised when you didn’t want to, or prepared a favorite dish in a healthier way. Remember those great accomplishments and remember how empowered your felt when you made them.
3. Plan ahead for the next week.
Planning is a powerful tool for breaking the downward spiral. When we are feeling down in the dumps, we often go by emotion when making choices. Unfortunately, our emotional choices when it comes to food are often not the best for us. Instead of relying on emotion, plan carefully what you will eat for the next week and go shopping to get what you need.
4. Keep track of what you eat and when you move.
Writing things down is a powerful tool. I don’t know if you are like me, but if I write down my “to-do” list I check a lot more things off then if I just have the list in my head. The same holds true for eating and exercise. Write down what you are eating to help keep yourself accountable and keep track of your exercise to keep yourself motivated.
5. Check in emotionally.
Oftentimes we downward spiral because of unhealthy emotional eating behaviors. Stress, sadness, anxiety, boredom, and other emotions can play a huge role in our food choices. You may find talking things over with a friend or therapist to be helpful.
The great thing about downward spirals is that you can turn yourself around and head back up before you hit the bottom. And if you do hit the bottom, just turn around and take one step at a time until you find your footing again. The worst thing to do is completely give up because giving up means you will never get there.
How do you handle downward spirals? Do you have any tips for other readers? Diane
I find number one–thinking about your motivation–to be key for me. I had some strong motivators. Being a physician myself and knowing in detail the numerous health risks I was taking by staying obese helped me most. I actually have an picture in my head of a thrombus sitting in a coronary artery that sometimes pops to mind when I would think about going off track too far. I know that sounds morbid, but It was powerful. i also have conrete motivators like wanting to get a good rate on life insurance for my family, and wanting to look good for an appointment for family photos we’d scheduled. These things work!
I know that downward spiral all too well. Though my attitude has changed a lot, I still go through moments when I feel frustrated. As you mentioned, I just have to remind myself why I started this in the first place and how important it is to take care of my health now.
For me, the best thing to do has been to surround myself with good people if I can. I seek like-minded, active friends who are strong enough to tell me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear.
I too think it is important to do an emotional health check if I start veering off my path. Identify what is really wrong and move forward from there. Beating yourself up over a bad choice(s) isn’t going to get you back on the right path. Forgiveness is key to moving on from a few mistakes.
Great description of the downward spiral. I’m familiar with the downward spiral from the many years of dieting. Thankfully, through therapy I haven’t had one in a couple of years.
If I overeat or eat a less healthy choice, I accept that it happened and move on. I don’t feel badly, I don’t dwell on it.
I used to think that in a weird way that the downward spiral renewed my commitment, but instead it just increased anxiety with the stresses of dieting, weight loss, dieting, missing out and body image.
I know that spiral all too well. I am fearful of it, because I know it’s power and how far down it can take me. Avoidance of the spiral is very important. Good post and so relevant to so many of us.
Well the good news is that spirals run in both directions!
Plus one to what Roy said! They say we are the compilation of the five people we spend the most time with! I love telling Roy what he doesn’t want to hear! lol! Only kidding!
Although I don’t downward spiral as much as I push it aside, and bury my head in the sand like a flamingo…this is an excellent post. All of your key suggestions ARE key, and need to be printed and kept handy by everyone who has struggled with their weight.
I love my Daytimer, printed every weekday morning, To Do list. Yes I have an iPhone and could do it as a note on the phone (as I do the grocery lists), but I guess I’m old fashioned and prefer the printed version that I look at throughout the day on my desk, and cross things off, and get little doses of self-pride for doing so. Just wouldn’t be the same electronically.
I do love logging my exercise times, and set a new monthly goal. It’s so great when I reach my goal with days to spare, like I have this month. SUCH a great motivator! Self satisfaction always is!
A very good thought provoking post. Thanks.
Great timing. I’m sitting at my desk watching my co-workers eat fresh bagels and chocolate treats brought back from the UK and it’s taking everything I have not to get a fresh bagel too. I know if I do this, I’m going to be really upset with myself when I’ve had such a good week with my nutrition and exercise schedule.
I have to take a walk, think of what I want in the long term, and remember my taste buds immediate satisfaction won’t be worth it.
Sometimes, you need to remember what a downward spiral feels like before you head down that path. It helps me avoid bad choices.
My downward spiral was
woulda/shoulda/coulda
I got out of it primarily because of medication.
And then I further helped myself by thinking:
Many times in the past, I simply didn’t know better;
and when I knew better, I did better.
This was a self reinforcing positive cycle.
Because I did not self sabotage,
I picked myself up and DID better,
which then made me feel better
Ah, the downward spiral. I don’t miss it.
I definitely feel more in control when I’m logging my food, exercise, tracking my calories in and out and weight and measurement progress. It’s just a decent amount of work to do it all, but it’s worth it.
Yuk, I have been trying to climb out of one this week. I plan the next day and get my exercise in. It all starts well but I go to bed in shame. I’m glad I read this because I know that it’s more powerful for me to forgive and move on than to all out binge and “start-over” tomorrow, Monday, FIrst of the month……etc. I promised myself no more re-starts just forward march so the less damage done on one of these falls the better for me. I have to just stop where I’m at as disappointing of a place it may be and try try again.
Such an important post Diane!!! For me, I have to get back into why I am doing this & how much it has helped me in life & in general. I think we all have to find our way but I always have to acknowledge how far I have come & how hard it was AND how worth it is is!
Great and timely post as usual. Logging religiously and sticking to the plan no matter what happens is keeping me on the path. I never wait til tomorrow to restart. I restart that second. Period.
I don’t have food spirals, or assume I can get out of my spirals with food, but I do have spirals — sometimes I feel like I wish I COULD get out of them with something external, but I’ve sort of resigned myself to just admitting that from time to time I get into downward spirals, and there is nothing I can do except grit my teeth, hold on for dear life, and just wait for the damned things to play themselves out and run out of steam. It can be jaw-clenchingly awful, but there’s nothing to do but just wait them out.
I think it may be a general lesson to learn about any spiral that there may never be a point in your life where they will disappear or where dealing with them will ever be effortless. In a variety of ways, each of our spirals are lifelong struggles, and we’ll always have to keep an eye out and have a thumb on the far side of the balance, ready to push down when needed. It’s a big pain in the ass, but it’s life. I wish it weren’t the case, but it is.
Geez, this happens to be quite often…once a month almost! I actually just scheduled a post for Monday (since I only seem to have time to write on weekends these days) talking a little about my recent “Shame spiral”. I didn’t allude to the eating that happens as my focus was getting out of that spiral, but it happened! Thanks for the helpful tips, Diane.
Thanks for the great post, Diane. My own negativity isn’t shame as much as thinking trying to lose weight is never going to happen so why bother. Your list is exactly why I do need to bother.
I should add that my spirals are rigidly predictable and so may be easier to deal with for as hideous as they feel. If I wake up early — 3am ish — I will spend the next four hours rigid and miserable. My head just doesn’t come out of a sleep state neatly. It feels like I’m being flayed when it happens but at the very least I know that it will dissipate if I just grit my teeth and endure it. If you get ambushed by spirals, it may be harder to handle them.
I had a downward spiral when I broke up with my boyfriend in a long term relationship. I got things back on track when I got a work out buddy and feel better now. Thanks for putting this out there.
This idea of a staircase really works for me. I tend to race up as fast as I can and then trip and fall and roll back down. If I comcentrate on going slowly and keeping my stress in check I tend to keep the gain I have made.
Unfortunately I sure like to race as fast as I can!
Thanks for a great post! I think most people set themselves up to fail by not planning ahead, I couldn’t agree with you more. Excellent list!!
That “downward spiral” is a very familiar term for me, and for many others as we see by these comments. My best tool has been your suggestion of the emotional check in. It kind of brings me back into reality, and reminds me to take one step at a time. Great post!
Allthough I don’t eat a lot, snack all the time or eat candy nore cake, I can’t seem to keep my weight under control. I’ve tried several diets, crash, soup, shakes,… it helps for a little while but then gradualy I get heavier… I have never felt down about though, so I think it depends on you own personality and the people around you as well…