It’s Exciting

I’m so excited to see what 2010 has in store for all of us. Can you believe that it is December 31st? I feel as though this year has flown by for me. I never would have dreamed last January that so many exciting things would have taken place in my life.

Here’s a few of them:

March 2009 – I started this website and blog.

May 2009 – My oldest daughter graduated from high school

June 2009 – My son was finally potty trained

June 2009 - We got through tornado season without me losing my mind

July 2009 - We managed to go on a family vacation which is no easy feat with seven kids

August 2009 - I realized I had a college student, a high school student, a middle school student, two elementary school students, a preschooler, and a toddler all at one time! (That was actually a scary revelation.)

October 2009 – Had six kids who got the Swine Flu and recovered, thank the Lord.

November 2009 – Got to go to Dallas with Frito-Lay.

November 2009 – Ran a 5K

December 2009 – Managed to get Christmas done with minimal stress.

Sure, there were lots of other exciting things that happened along the way, but these were some that stuck out for me as I was writing this post.

One thing that makes me really excited is to realize how quickly things can change from one year to the next. Like I said in my video post last week, you can be in an entirely different place next year. In fact, someone emailed me after that post and asked if I’d put up a one year to the other picture side by side for them to see. I thought it was a great question, so here are the pictures from one Christmas to the next.

Christmas Bow

christmas0001

Isn’t it neat to see what a difference a year can make in our lives? I never would have dreamed at that fat Christmas that I’d have run a 5K and lost so much weight in a year, but I did. If you had asked me what I wanted to accomplish that next year, losing weight would have been on my list, but I don’t think I would have believed I would actually do it.

As you approach 2010, I hope that you are filled with excitement and anticipation over what life has to offer you. Perhaps you will be surprised to see what changes will come into your life over the next year. And perhaps you will have your own story in pictures to tell.

Is there something in particular that you are looking forward to in 2010?  Diane

What’s Your Mantra?

When I teach my weight loss classes one of the exercises we work through is developing our own personal mantras. After I lost all my weight I realized that I had my own mantra: Never Go Back. Even after all these years, that mantra is always somewhere in my mind. Choices I make each day are often filtered through that saying of Never Go Back. Do I want that cookie? Maybe. But will it keep me on course and help me to never return to the obese life. Do I really want to sleep in or do I want to get up and exercise? Well, I may want to sleep in, but I want to “never go back” more, so nine times out of ten I get up and exercise. I’m never sorry when I do.

The other day when I was killing time waiting for my fourth child to finish his violin lesson I was on Twitter. If you aren’t on Twitter it is a lot of fun. I don’t do it much, but there are times when I get on there and watch/participate in the conversation. On this day I tweeted, “Do you have a personal mantra? Mine is “Never Go Back.”

I got a lot of really good responses! Here are some of them: (By the way, to follow these people on Twitter just type in www.twitter.com/**** , replacing the *** with their user name.) If you’d like to follow me it’s www.twitter.com/fittothefinish . (I would have linked them all myself, but it truly would have taken forever, so please forgive!)

healthyeveryday healthyeveryday  Make the Effort!   

Julianne Pohl Pubsgal  “Mongo only pawn in game of life.”

 Hilary tinyglow    My current mantra is pretty basic: “Don’t give up.”

Jack Sh*t JackSht  Always finish what you…

 Maria Sparks realfitmama Will doing this make my daughter’s proud?

  Samantha Kennedy sammiekennedy I can make anything I dream a reality! (and it works)

  stepfanie romine stepfanie  “Be brave. Take risks. Nothing can substitute experience.”

Booty Camp Fitness BootyCampFit You don’t give up at the end, you go harder

ThenHeatherSaid ThenHeatherSaid I am the master of every situation!!

 Trim The Fat Trim_The_Fat  I’ve been living by Progress Not Perfection! My latest, though, is Every Good Choice Counts :)  

 Jess trulyjess Don’t EVER give up!

 carla birnberg MizFitOnline I am my own superhero 

 Pam ThinnerLobster  “A successful beginning will have no ending”

 Christie O. christieo Love that! Mine’s Strength,Focus,Discipline

CarrotsNCake CarrotsNCake  Good things happen to people who work hard.

Gena Hamshaw choosingraw The unexamined life is not worth living.

 Anne P fANNEtasticfood Go hard or walk home!!!

Susan BalanceSusan  “To the stars on the wings of a pig” (ie anything is possible)

Caitlin CaitlinHTP Pain is temporary, quitting is forever.

Jaime balanceblog Mine is Keep it Real.

As I’ve told you, mine is NEVER GO BACK! I never want to go back to living in fear of breaking chairs, feeling isolated from the world, and watching my health deteriorate at a rapid pace. I never want to live like that again.

So, here’s the question of the day! What’s your personal mantra? Please share.  Diane

Where Is Your Focus?

Where's Your Focus?Sometimes when my children are drifting off while we are working on a school subject I jokingly tell them, “Focus people!” We all laugh and try to focus on the task at hand. Focusing on school is an important part of their future success. If they don’t learn their math, grammar, and history now then they will have to learn it later. And speaking from personal experience, Trigonometry is hard to relearn at my age! So learning to focus on important things early is of great benefit.

It’s funny because I realize looking back on my ten years of obesity that I was very much focused on my weight. How much did the scale read that day? 289 pounds? I’d vow to do something about my weight that minute, but had lost my focus by about 9:30 a.m. and was right back in the pantry eating cookies and chips by the handful. The next day I’d turn the focus again to my weight on the scale, vow to do better, and fail.

Where did I go wrong all those years? I could focus on the children’s education, our finances, and decorating the house, but couldn’t seem to find it in myself to focus on what was bothering me so much. I fretted about it, cried over my inability to fit into chairs, and fumed when I was left out of friend’s plans. To no avail.

Looking back, I realize that when I focused on some goals for myself rather than just the number, things began to turn around. Yes, I still wanted to weigh less than 300 pounds, but I realized there were also other things I wanted to do with my life that weren’t all about weight. Here were some of my life goals that I felt my weight was getting in the way of achieving!

♦ Have more children

♦ Feel like an attractive young mom rather than a big water buffalo (sorry, it’s really how I felt!)

♦ Contribute to the family income

♦ Protect my long term health as much as I could

♦ Have enough energy for life

♦ Quit thinking only of myself

I know they aren’t earth shattering goals like: Change the world, Bring about world peace, or Minister to the nations, but in my own way they were important life goals to me. Once I took the focus solely off my weight and shifted my focus to include the bigger picture, I started to experience some success. I looked at each day as an opportunity to advance my life goals while at the same time achieving a greater level of fitness. That shifting focus helped me emotionally much more than sitting on the couch day after day feeling like a big, fat failure.

What is your focus? Do you think that focusing on some life goals rather than just weight goals helps you have success?  Have you set some life goals for yourself that you’d be willing to share?  Diane

The Hayride

At 300 pounds I didn’t really fit into social situations very well. I spilled over chairs. Got stuck in restaurant booths, and sat on the sidelines of life. As active members of our church John and I were involved in an adult class. Most of the other couples in our class had small children and we would often get together and celebrate holidays and events.

Getting left behind at one of those events made me so sad that I had to go to the car and have a little cry.

The season was fall. It was Florida so I can’t really say that the leaves were turning on the trees, but at least it wasn’t 90 degrees right then. The class decided that it would be a lot of fun to go to a church member’s farm and have a cookout and a hayride. My fat person antenne immediately went up. Hayride. I didn’t do hayrides. It wasn’t that I was allergic to the hay, or afraid I’d fall out. No, I knew I wouldn’t be able to haul my 300 pound self up into the wagon. No stinkin’ way.

So I tried everything I could to get out of going. I made up scary scenarios. I tried convincing John to go out of town. I said I didn’t have the right clothes (this was true.) But no go. The girls were thrilled to go on a hayride and cook hotdogs over the fire and mom was going with them.

So off we went. It was just as I expected. Unfcomfortable standing around trying to look like I wasn’t about ready to crush the hay bale I was sitting on. Laughing as yet another marshmallow fell into the fire, saying, “Well, I probably didn’t need that smore anyway.” But the worst part came when everyone piled into the wagon and left me standing there holding up the fence post. I volunteered to stay behind and clean up a bit because I really “didn’t like the smell of hay.”

John and my friends looked at me when I uttered those words. They must have known the truth but thankfully no one said anything. The wagon left me behind and I had to flee to the car to have a little cry. Once I fixed my make-up and got back to the cookout site I ate three bars of chocolate that someone had left sitting on a bale of hay. I was so sad.

Fast forward 3 years. Same scenario with one big difference. I had gone from 300 pounds to about 180 pounds. I had lost a whole person and couldn’t wait for the fall hayride and cookout. This time there was no stopping me. I was going to go on that hayride.

The wagon pulled up and I hopped up the high step with ease. I held onto the girls and our whole family enjoyed riding around the man’s farm. I felt like a new person. I had cute clothes on. I felt svelte. I felt energetic. I felt alive.

Not Left Behind!

It may sound like a trite experience to those of you who haven’t experienced extreme obesity, but believe me it wasn’t. Even though that hayride was a long time ago, it was one of those non-scale victories I’ll never, ever forget.

Have you had a good non-scale victory lately? Sometimes those non-scale victories are sweeter than the scale variety. They last longer and are indelibly seared on our memories.  Diane

Candy Candy Everywhere

Do you remember that line from the poem The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, “Water, water, everywhere and not a drop to drink?” Well, even if you missed that day in English Lit class it’s okay! This time of year with Halloween just around the corner  I always think of the line from that poem. Only I change it a bit to say, “Candy, candy, everywhere how not to eat too much?!”

I’ve always loved Christmas. Both for the holiday and its abundance of candy. Other times of the year I might have felt a bit conspicuous buying bags of M&M’s and Hershey Miniatures, but not in November and December. All throughout the months preceding Christmas I’d “stock up” on candy every time I went to the grocery store.  I’d think, “The cashier’s won’t even suspect that I’m going to eat 90% of this candy myself because all the candy bags are in Christmas colors!!” I’d pay for the candy and even before I turned the key to start the engine of my car, I’d be ripping open a candy bag and tasting the forbidden fruit. Because that’s how I thought of candy – forbidden fruit.

But is it really?

I know that none of us needs candy to survive. I’ve heard candy and other such treats as “non-food.”  Candy is not really a food to sustain life but rather a “just for fun food!” But should it be off limits this time of year?

The truth of the matter is that I still like eating candy. I wish I didn’t, but I do. When I was 300 pounds, candy and I were the best of friends. Back then, I’d much rather have eaten candy than spend time feeling uncomfortable at a social outing.

So what did I do about candy when I finally started to turn things around? Did I just say no to candy for the entire 14 months it took me to lose weight? Did I avoid grocery shopping so I wouldn’t be tempted by the brightly colored packages which seemed to call my name? No to both. I didn’t say no to candy altogether and I did still shop in the grocery store.

The way I handled Christmas candy temptations was much the way I handled other temptations. I decided whether or not eating the Christmas candy was worth the inevitable weight-gain. Not due to the fact that one piece of candy causes weight gain, but due to the fact that one piece of interestingly shaped chocolate candy often led to two, then three, then twenty.

When I was losing weight and the Christmas candy started appearing, I struggled internally with myself. Buy a bag or not. I wish I could tell you that a red and green colored bag never made its way into my grocery cart, but that wouldn’t be true. But I can tell you that I never bought a whole bag. That’s right – I’d put it in my cart and before I got up to the cashier, I’d take it out. No big huge bags of candy were allowed at my house. Not right then. Lest you feel sorry for me, I had plenty of little opportunities to practice portion control that and subsequent winters. There were the inevitable bowls of candy on people’s desks, in the doctor’s office, and even John occasionally brought some home. But I never ate too much. And I didn’t feel guilty for the occasional piece of chocolate.

Instead, I just planned for my little indulgence and moved on. I didn’t feel guilty. I didn’t hide what I was eating. And I got through those last days of the year with a decent weight loss.

I can’t tell you how good it made me feel to lose weight throughout a holiday that I normally would have picked up 4 – 6 pounds. Instead I handled candy and didn’t let candy handle me.

So what’s your plan for these coming weeks? Are you a candy lover? If so, what will you do when those bowls of candy begin appearing on co-workers desks and when the clearance candy after Christmas seems to be calling your name? I’d encourage you to have a plan ahead of time, and follow through on learning to handle the abundance of candy. You’ll be glad you did.  Diane

Reaching the 100′s

Three hundred pounds is a lot of weight to carry around. I was tired, exhausted, and often felt disgusted with myself. When I finally started losing weight, one of the things I longed to see was the number “1″ in front of my weight. The last time I had seen 199 was at the beginning of 1990 when I got pregnant with my first daughter. I started that pregnancy at 196, so within a month, had gone over the 200 mark. I still remember standing on the scale in my doctor’s office watching helplessly as the nurse clunked the metal weight over from 150 to 200. I was so upset. A few minutes later, as I was waiting for my doctor to come into the exam room, I thought about my weight, and how I would definitely get on track after the baby was born. But that didn’t happen.  Instead my weight went up and up and up.  I started pregnancy number two at about 255 pounds, and pregnancy number three at 279 pounds.

By 1995, my weight commonly fluctuated between 275 and 305 pounds. Our bathroom scale didn’t go past 300 pounds, so one time when I was in the grocery store late at night I stood on the big scale they had in the lobby. I jumped on, saw 305, and jumped off, praying to God that no one saw me. I laugh now because even if anyone had seen me they wouldn’t have been surprised to see the big dial on the scale swing around to 305. I was gigantic. 

Sadly, weighing over 200 pounds had become part of my soul, my being, and I hated it. Yet in many ways I felt powerless to stop eating. Fortunately, in 1997, something in my head clicked. After leaving my doctor’s office I cried, prayed, and knew I had to change. That’s when my journey began.

Every pound lost was a victory. Seeing 250 on the scale made me so happy that I could have eaten an entire cheesecake (but I didn’t.) As the number inched down, I began to get more and more excited to reach 199. It seemed to take forever. Finally I was in the plain old 200′s. 209, 208, 207. . . .  I almost couldn’t stand myself. My clothes were hanging on me. My self esteem was improving. I was feeling in control. But I still weighed over 200 pounds.

Finally, about ten months after I started changing my life, it happened.

199

I rushed into the bedroom and woke up John. (Did I mention it was 6:00 a.m.?) I whispered excitedly, “I weigh 199. Isn’t that great? I weigh 199. HEY, are you awake?!” He was awake and he was so happy for me. It’s truly a day I will never forget. It’s one of those scale milestones that was important to me.

Some people say, “Don’t worry about the weight.” But for me, I knew that I shouldn’t be weighing over 200 pounds. I wasn’t a linebacker or a man. I was a woman and not 6’5″ tall. I should weigh under 200 pounds. And I finally did.

From that point on there was no stopping me. I kept on exercising, kept eating good food, and kept losing weight. Best of all my self esteem improved, I felt stronger, and others around me were positively influenced by my enthusiasm.  I know this is a Scale Victory. But it wasn’t my only victory along the way. There were many victories, both of the scale variety and of the non-scale variety. And they were all sweet.

Have you had a victory during your journey that made you want to jump up and down? Is there a goal in your mind that will cause you to wake up your spouse or best friend to tell them about what you have accomplished? I would love for you to share.  Diane

Trapped Inside Myself

Do you ever feel trapped in a body you don’t recognize anymore?  I did. As the pounds came on, and the layers of fat multiplied, I began to feel trapped inside myself.

It happened slowly. The first sign I was becoming lost inside myself was in my selection of clothing. Once I needed a size larger than an 18, I did everything in my ability to avoid buying clothes. Dressing room dilemmas, mumu dresses, stretch pants, and tunic style tops depressed me. The ensuing depression caused me to drown my dilemmas in mounds of chocolate and gallons of ice cream.

But clothing choices weren’t the only sign that I was losing myself. My social interactions began to suffer. I avoided meeting new people and instead retreated to the comfort and safety of a small circle of friends who didn’t seem to care whether I was fat or not.

My health suffered. Even though I was in my 20’s, I was always tired and listless. I had no energy for anything beyond what was absolutely required of me. If John asked me if I wanted to take a day trip to a nearby attraction I always said no. After all, a trip to the park would require too much walking, sitting, and pushing children on the swings. Sometimes I gave in and went on the trip, but we frequently left early, as I was too tired to finish the planned activities.

The fat seemed to wind itself around my hips, my thighs, my waist, my arms, and my soul.

Every day when I woke up and struggled to summon the energy to get out bed I swore to myself that I would quit eating so much. But every day the fat seemed to suck the determination out of my body and I allowed my lack of energy to be a self fulfilling prophecy. Once my weight reached over 300 pounds I literally felt suffocated and strangled. I felt paralyzed and unable to make healthy choices. It was at this point that I occasionally gave up on seriously trying to lose weight. My weight bounced around between 280and 305 pounds. Even though I didn’t join weight watchers or any such group, there were some times when I was able to lose the same 20 pounds over and over again. This inability to permanently lose weight frustrated me further.

I sank further and further into myself. My circle of friends, already tiny, shrank more until I only had two people whom I called close friends. Size 20, 22, 24, 26 and 28 clothing was outgrown until the only clothes that really fit me where ones I made for myself. I felt like an outsider in the world.
 
On that fateful day, when I turned my life around, the first thing I needed to do was poke a breathing hole in my fat suit. It wasn’t an easy thing to do. It was a little scary. I had to poke around and find a piece of myself among the layers of fat.
 
Somewhere in there I found enough space to begin. I had a glimmer of hope and confidence for the first time in 10 years. The unwrapping process had begun.
 
Day after day I found myself uncovering forgotten willpower, lost self esteem, and hidden abilities. With each reclaimed ability my fat suit got a little less puffy. Even before I had lost all 150 pounds, I was able to reveal more and more of myself. I learned that even when I was all covered in fat I was the same Diane I had always been. It was a bittersweet lesson to learn, because I grieved for the missed  opportunities.  Part of the uncovering process was accepting what I had missed, and promising myself to miss no more.
 
Wherever you are in your journey, I’d encourage you to believe in yourself. Don’t allow your outward appearance to dictate how you present yourself to the world. Even as you are travelling along your own path, work hard on rediscovering parts of yourself that you may have been hiding.  Diane

Do You Have Fears About Weight Maintenance?

Reaching a certain weight. Smaller clothing sizes. Improved fitness levels. Better health. Those are some of the various goals that people have in mind as they work hard to see the scale move in a downward direction. As the scale moves closer to the “magic number” or the fitness levels increases to a new high, a strange phenomena sometimes happens.

Fear and worry set in.

I’ve seen it more times than I can count in the contact I have with individuals who are working hard to lose weight and get healthy. They lose some weight, and as they get closer and closer to their goal weight, they began to experience fear. Often times it seems as as if this fear leads them into complacency, and then the complacency sometimes causes them to regress back to old habits. Every time I see it happen it just breaks my heart, because I know how hard they’ve worked to reach their goals, and how much they wanted to maintain their success.

Personally, even though I tried to lose weight more times than I can count during my decade long struggle with obesity, I never got anywhere close to my goal weight. But, I did lose the same 20 pounds over and over again. It seemed like 20 pounds was the magic number for me. I’d lose 20 pounds and think, “I’ve got this problem licked, so I don’t really have to watch what I’m eating anymore.” And then as soon as I began to have those thoughts in my head, the pounds came back on, and usually a few of their friends came with them.

So for me, fear wasn’t an issue until the last time I lost weight. The more I lost and the closer I came to my goal weight the more concerned I got. What would life in maintenance look like for me?  Could I really keep off the 150 pounds? Would I keep up with the exercise? Could I stay fit? Could I prove to all the naysayers that I really wasn’t going to regain all my weight? Honestly? I wasn’t sure.

The first few months were a little bit frightening. I was thrilled to be a smaller size, a healthier weight, and much more fit. However, I was still learning to live in my new body, and feel out what I could and couldn’t eat without gaining weight. But after the first couple of months, maintenance was FUN!

I realized that fear and worry had no place in maintenance for me. Rather than fear I started to experience the fullness of life in a way I had forgotten. Fear was banished, complacency wasn’t part of my vocabulary, and I embraced my new body and attitude.

I’ve realized in speaking with people who have stopped short of reaching their goals, and regained their lost weight, that fear often times plays a role for them. Somewhere in their minds they are a little bit afraid of what the “thinner, more fit” person may be like. There is a comfort in the status quo, and to move past what they’ve always known into new territory can be scary. How do you feel when you think about maintenance and beyond? Is there any part of you that worries what it will be like?

If you do harbor some secret fear, I’d encourage you to take your hesitation and fear out of the closet and look at it in the light. I’d encourage you to trust me when I say that maintenance is the fun part – the reward for all the hard work you’ve been doing. There is nothing REAL to be afraid of. If you’ve lost weight by changing your relationship to food, getting fit and healthy, and worked on a true lifestyle change, then you can maintain that weight loss – rather it’s 20 pounds or 200. You can.

Don’t let fear of the future stand in your way or hinder your progress. Can you keep fear at bay? Do you have any fears? Diane, Fit to the Finish

How Far Can You Go?

I was reading some blogs this weekend and came across this post from 266. In it she describes her experience pushing herself to walk 25 km in one day. For those of us who are metrically challenged, that’s approximately 15 miles. And no, 266 is not a super athlete, training for an iron man triathlon. She is a weight loss blogger, who is pushing herself beyond where she ever thought possible.

As I thought about her post, I looked back and reflected upon my own weight loss journey. I realized that although I didn’t walk 15 miles in one day, there were many, many times where I pushed myself far beyond where I would have thought possible. Initially just getting up early was hard for me. And getting up early to attempt some exercise at 300 pounds was even more incredible. Walking down the dark neighborhood roads for 10 minutes seemed impossible, and when I got home those first few days you would have thought that I had walked 15 miles as drenched in sweat as I was.

Every day, when I got up and exercised I was pushing myself beyond where I would have thought possible. I still remember the first time I walked for 30 minutes at one time. When I got back to the house John said, “I was starting to get worried about you.” I looked at him and smiled, thinking, “I was a little bit worried I wasn’t going to make it back home.” But I did.

I eventually worked up to jogging a bit and ran a 5K during that year of my weight loss. I still remember the triumphant feeling when I crossed the finish line at about 34:00. I never dreamed that I would be able to walk a 5K, much less run one. But I pushed myself, and realized that I could go a lot farther than I had ever thought possible.

Pushing myself farther didn’t just relate to exercise. As I reflected on my journey, and what made this time different than some of the other attempts I had, I realized that I pushed myself in every area of my life. I pushed myself to try new foods, including things like asparagus, artichokes, and squash. I pushed myself emotionally, by taking the time and effort to examine why I was making food choices that were harmful to me. And I pushed myself socially, by opening myself up to new experiences and relationships.

It was a year of reaching for something new. It was a rediscovery of myself and of the abilities that had been hidden under layers of fat.

Sometimes, it can be scary to push yourself. Why? Because, if you are like me, you may be afraid of failure. Or, you may be worried that you just can’t do it. Or, you may lack the self confidence to just try.

This week, as you go about your life, I want you to think about pushing yourself. It doesn’t have to be weight related, but rather can be anything. It may be something that you’ve set as a goal for yourself if you are participating in Steve’s challenge, or it could be a private goal. Something you’ve always wanted to do.  Take the next seven days and do something to make that goal a reality. Even better if you have to push yourself to do it. 

I’m going to push myself out of my comfort zone and make some contacts with people that I’ve been a little nervous to call. What can you push yourself to accomplish this week?  Diane

Just One Thing

number-one

I woke up this morning thinking about the fact that last night I had gone bike riding with my kids down our neighborhood road. We went slowly, as my little guys are still learning. The whole time we rode I thought about how much fun we were all having. I also thought about the fact that even though it has been 12 years since I lost my 150 pounds, I haven’t forgotten the little things that make me appreciate the fact I’m no longer morbidly obese.

♥ Folding chairs seem bigger now

♦ Swimming is possible

♥ Clothes are fun

♦ I can walk up many flights of stairs

♥ I’m rarely tired

♦ I’m not embarrassed to walk into a room late

♥ I weigh less than my husband

♦ People don’t ask if I’m pregnant

♥ I can run

♦ Chairs don’t break when I sit in them

As I was going from average sized to morbidly obese, I saw my range of activities decrease. It happened gradually, but it happened nonetheless. When I started losing weight, there were many things I looked forward to being able to do. If someone had asked me to name just one thing I’d like to be able to do when I got down to a healthy weight I would have said: “I’d like to feel better about myself, physically and mentally.” There were many other things I looked forward to, and imagined doing, but if I had to narrow it down to one thing, that’s what it would be.  Enjoying life more fully.

Today’s post is short. If you can narrow it down, what’s just one thing you are looking forward to being able to feel, experience, or share when you get to where you want to be? Or what’s one thing you’ve already experienced that holds a special place in your memory bank?  Diane