It was hard.

Those obese years are ones that I could look back on with so much regret that it paralyzes me. And honestly, for a while I did. I spent a lot of time regretting what I had missed, and regretting what I may have accomplished if I hadn’t allowed myself to get so big. Fortunately, that period of regret didn’t last very long and I was able to put the regret behind me and accept the fact that those years were still good for me and my family, even if they weren’t perfect. After all – who has a perfect life?!

Regretting isn’t very positive, but remembering is. I like to remember some of the hard times I faced as a morbidly obese woman because those memories help me stay focused and on track. When I remember some of those difficult times I know for certain that I never want to be that big again. This helps me when:

I think I don’t want to work out.

I am tempted to eat more than a small portion of dessert.

When the chips are calling my name.

When I’m faced with the choice to be active or sit down.

More often than not I get off the chair and move away from the brownies. Just as I moved away from obesity, I have learned that moving away from temptation and moving towards good choices and more activity is a good thing.

Do you think it’s good to remember where you came from or is it better to try and forget those years?  Diane

You notice that the picture is taken on the beach. You will also notice that I am not wearing a bathing suit. Instead I am wearing homemade capri pants and a size 2X t-shirt. I did take off my little white tennis shoes, but that’s as far as it went. No bathing suit for me. It was extremely uncomfortable to be getting my capri pants soaking wet, but I didn’t want our little daughter to miss out on the fun.

I never loved parading around in a bathing suit. I’ve always been on the modest side so whenever I needed to wear a bathing suit I felt uncomfortable, even when I was an average size. But that feeling of basic uncomfortableness progressed to absolute horror once my size could be compared to that of a football player. And so I didn’t ever wear one again.

It wasn’t easy to live in Florida and not own a bathing suit – especially when so many people I knew had pools and beach/lake houses. The girls were frequently invited to pool parties when their little friends celebrated a birthday. And the invitation usually read, “Moms are welcome and encouraged to swim!” Yeah, right, I’d think.

But I’d lumber off to the party, excited girls in hand. I dreaded every minute of the days leading up to the party, knowing that me and my one other obese friend would be the ones standing at poolside watching our children swim with the other moms who weren’t mortified at the thought of wearing a bathing suit. I was always relieved when the party was over and I could escape.

I tried to convince myself that it was okay to wear a bathing suit but I just couldn’t do it. I even tried a few on in the “Women’s Department” at Sears but cried in the dressing room because it just looked so horrible. So I put the suits back on the rack and didn’t try one on again for about six years.

After I lost my 158 pounds I bought a bathing suit. Going swimming with my kids was pure joy. I didn’t love the way I looked in a bathing suit, but I just got into the water quickly and didn’t get out again until we were leaving. I knew that my arms and shoulders looked fine so whatever else I didn’t like couldn’t really be seen and I was okay with that.

To this day I still don’t parade around the pool deck in just my swimsuit, but I don’t completely avoid the pool and beach either. Just knowing that I can wear a bathing suit and not feel as though everyone is whispering about me is a victory. I wish I had possessed the self-confidence to just be comfortable in a suit while I was morbidly obese, but I didn’t.

How do you feel about bathing suits and swimming these days?  Diane

I was reading the USA today a few days ago and they had an article about the amount of sugar in certain candies and cookies. I was horrified and a little surprised to learn that an Oreo cookie has approximately 1 tsp of sugar per cookie. I did some internet searching and found this website that you may find interesting as well. It’s called SugarStacks and the authors of the site have taken several different foods and stacked sugar cubes in front of each food/drink so we can visually see how much sugar is in a serving.  The sugar cubes are 4 grams, and a teaspoon of sugar is 4.2 grams, so the visual picture is pretty close.

I consider myself pretty well-informed on nutrition in general. I’m not a nutritionist, but I’m a label reader and have read lots of books, articles, and studies on food, dieting, and weight loss. But even I was shocked at the amount of sugar in some very common foods. I don’t know why I was shocked because I understand that sugar sneaks into a lot of processed foods – even foods that you aren’t expecting to find it in.

For example, many tomato products like spaghetti sauce, tomato paste, and ketchup have high sugar contents. Fruit juices are another source of sugar, and even when I was in the midst of losing weight I’d forget about how much sugar was in 20 oz of juice! A lot! Cereals are also notorious for containing lots of sugar – even some of the “healthier” cereals have quite a bit of sugar added to them. Fruit flavored yogurt is another source of sugar that I sometimes forgot about too.

So what do you do about all this sugar floating around?

Well, I think one of the first things to do is be aware of how the sugar appears on the labels. Obviously if you see sugar, brown sugar, corn syrup, or maple syrup that’s sugar. But, there are a lot of sugars that masquerade under other names, like sucrose, glucose, lactose, and fructose. There are also sugar alcohols, like sorbitol and others which are found in chewing gums and breath mints. So watch out for sugars that aren’t obviously listed as sugar on the label!

Once you are cognizant of how the sugars are labeled and how much there is you can begin to make more informed choices. There may be some foods you want to avoid. I don’t drink much juice – instead opting to eat real fruit. Obviously things like candy and cookies have a lot of sugar so those are best saved for special occasions and not as a daily snack.

And as you are working on reducing your sugar intake you can begin to influence people around you to make healthier choices. I know that once I showed friends of mine how much sugar was in certain foods they started choosing healthier alternatives.

How do you feel about the sugars in foods? Do you try and avoid sugar altogether or just watch your sugar intake?  Diane

As I migrated to the pantry numerous times throughout the course of the day, I usually wasn’t hungry.  Most often I was bored, stressed, or anxious.  When I reached for my hidden cache of cookies or candy, the last thing on my mind was what do these M&M’s taste like?  I never sat down with the big yellow bag and thought, “I’m going to savor these M&M’s and really experience the taste.”  No, I grabbed a big handful and dropped them in my mouth.  Then I grabbed another handful, and another, until I was “full.”  Unfortunately a few hours, or sometimes just a few minutes later, I was back at the pantry again, looking for more.  As I’ve often said, “I didn’t get to be obese by eating a lot of healthy food.” 

During the year that I lost over 150 pounds, I gradually came to the place where those M&M’s (you fill in your favorite food,) or whatever I was inhaling at the moment just weren’t worth the pounds gained and the guilt experienced.  Over time I stopped overindulging in high-fat, high-sugar foods.  However, there were times during that year when I really wanted to have M&M’s, or whatever.  I worked hard to develop a habit of really thinking about my food and slowing down the eating process.

Rather than pouring the candy from the bag right into my mouth, I would just have a few.  And rather than chewing them up so fast that I almost didn’t realize they were gone, I slowed way down.  Have you ever eaten just one M&M, or one chip at a time?  Have you ever really tasted a Dove chocolate?  Can you describe the salty explosion of chips when you first taste them?  I couldn’t.  But during my weight loss year, I learned how to really taste and enjoy the food I was eating. 

I would encourage you to (1) stop migrating to the pantry or break room vending machine, and (2) to stop and experience your food.  You may find, as I did, that a little taste of that food you are craving is enough to satisfy the longing for the food without breaking your “calorie bank” for the day.  Even to this day, with my weight under control, I still take the time to really enjoy the food I eat.  I don’t always sit down at the table because with seven kids, I’m often running in twelve different directions.  But I no longer guzzle candy like it’s water.  If I choose to eat some candy, or cookies, I eat them with deliberate intent.   And I really taste them, and I subsequently really enjoy them. 

Have you found that slowing down and really tasting your food helps you control your portions?  Diane

I’m going to be in and out over the next few days for personal reasons. If I don’t get to your blogs please forgive me! I’ll catch up as soon as possible! Stay strong.  Diane

Last week I wrote about, and you commented wonderfully on Fat Acceptance. I thought it would be interesting to see what your thoughts are on another frequently discussed topic, and a question I am frequently asked.  That question is:

 ”Should you weigh everyday?

I, of course, don’t have the correct answer for this question because like so many other aspects of this weight loss journey I don’t think there is just one way to handle weighing regularly. However, I can tell you how I approached the scale at three different points on my journey.

When I was gaining weight with no end in sight I rarely weighed. If you will remember, I slowly put on the pounds during the first three years of my marriage, but the big jump came during my first pregnancy and the resulting 75 pound weight gain. After I gave birth to my first daughter I rarely weighed. I occasionally stood on the scale but got so depressed to see the numbers going up, up, and up that I just quit weighing. When I joined weight watchers or some other program I of course got weighed, but I never stayed on those programs very long.

During my final journey to lose weight I committed to myself to weigh everyday. I know – a lot of people disagree and that’s perfectly fine, but that’s what I did. I weighed everyday to check in on my progress. One thing I learned very quickly however, was that the scale won’t move down every day, or even every week. In fact, I became very attuned to the rhythms of my body when it came to losing weight. Certain times of the month were harder than others, and I understood that weight fluctuates. What I also learned was that what I was looking for was an overall downward trend, not just a straight line of loss. Weighing daily kept my accountable.

After I reached the point where I was happy with my weight I had to decide whether or not to continue with the daily weigh-ins. I decided to continue weighing daily and I’m glad I did. All these years later I still stand on the scale every morning. For me, it keeps me honest with myself. I give myself a 3 – 5 pound range to fluctuate within, and when I hit the “high” number, I immediately take action. I ramp up the exercise and watch the extra snacking that I may have allowed into my life.

There are studies that show that the benefits of weighing daily can be measured quantitatively. A study from the University of Minnesota found that adults who weighed themselves daily while trying to lose weight, lost 12 pounds in 2 years, whereas people who weighed themselves weekly lost six pounds.  The daily weighers also had less of a tendency to regain their weight.  I have found this to be true in teaching my weight loss classes over the years.  The people who weighed daily lost more weight on average during the class period then those who chose not to.  It is a personal choice, but if you are struggling with lack of progress, then considering weighing more frequently may help your long term success. (As long as you can accept those normal fluctuations!)

Where are you on the scale issue? Do you weigh every day, every week, or have you thrown the thing out the window and rely on other measures to measure your progress and keep you accountable? Diane

It was interesting for me to see what words I’ve used a lot in my writing. Try this! It’s free and fun.

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And on another note, the winner of the great Gym in a Bag system is: Mia!! Mia doesn’t have a blog but does comment almost every single day! Thanks Mia for your comments and I’ll email you today to let you know you won!

I hope you all have a fabulous Saturday. We have lots of musical adventures planned this weekend. A chamber recital tonight for the oldest three and orchestra rehearsal tomorrow afternoon. Busy, busy, busy. Good thing I’ve already got Chicken Divan ready to cook for tonight’s dinner. Let me know if you like the Wordle graphic!   Diane

Why did I want a chocolate, or ice cream, or chips in the first place if my weight was such a source of anguish for me? You would think that I would have shunned fattening food rather than welcoming it like an old friend. Logically that makes sense doesn’t it? If something in your life causes you pain, don’t you normally take steps to avoid the pain? For example, if your old car continually breaks down, don’t you begin the process of replacing the old clunker with something more reliable? If your best friend betrays you time after time do you still beg her to be your friend? I wouldn’t think so.  Yet we who struggle with the love and addiction of food do that very thing. We turn to food as a soother for any emotion we feel, thus adding to our weight problem.

I have yet to speak with someone who struggles with their weight who doesn’t experience this phenomena. Time after time I talk to people who express their frustration over their inability to stop using food to sooth emotions. I hear the frustration in their voices because I too felt that frustration. Learning to break the cycle of running to food wasn’t easy, but it was a key component to my success.

During the year that I lost 158 pounds, I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I didn’t just love food, I craved food. I realized I treated food in a way that was similar to the way alcoholics treat alcohol. The difference with food is however, is that we need food. As hard as breaking an alcohol addiction is, at least you don’t need alcohol to survive. Food is essential, vital,  and necessary for life.  There were three things I did to help me break my bad food habits.

Preparation – I knew food was a problem for me, so when I started following my Fit to the Finish plan, I prepared for the inevitable times of running to food. I got rid of all the “happy, fattening” food in the house. Gone were the chips, high fat crackers, secret chocolate stashes and full fat ice cream. In their place came crunchy veggies, baked chips, frozen yogurt, hard candy, gum (lots of gum), and hot drinks. I liken it to a breakup of a relationship. Before I was married, and would part ways with a boyfriend, I rid my life of any reminder of him. Even if I still cared emotionally for that person, I knew that part of my life was over and got rid of any reminders. That’s what I did with food too, I broke up with food. I still loved food, but I knew that certain types of food weren’t good for me, so I replaced the bad food with good. That took preparation.

Practice- It didn’t always work to be prepared. There was still the issue of overeating good food. After all, even a whole bag of baked chips has a lot of calories, and will definitely cause a weight gain if the whole bag is eaten on a daily basis. So I practiced making right choices by consciously choosing better, healthier foods. Portions were measured and memorized, and when I made a mistake I tried to figure out what had gone wrong, and moved on to the next opportunity to make a better choice. Over time the mistakes became less frequent, and the results became more visible.

Persistence- Sometimes its easy to get complacent once you have seen some success on the scale. It took about 50 pounds for me to really be able to tell that my body was starting to change. In the past, it would have been at this point (or sooner) that I would have said, “Oh, I’ve got this eating plan down. I can relax now.” NO. Don’t relax, don’t let down your guard, instead persist and persevere and point your mind towards your final goal, not the intermediate ones. By doing this I was able to keep the weight loss going through the ups and downs of life’s challenges, and ultimately reach my goal weight.

Do you feel frustrated sometimes when you run to the very thing that caused your weight issues? How do you handle this?  Diane

What is it about the afternoon that is so difficult? Every morning of the ten years I struggled with my weight I’d swear that I was going to have a good eating day. And sometimes I’d do okay in the morning, but once about 2:30 p.m. rolled around, the afternoon munchie monster began rearing its ugly head.

I’m still amazed at how much I was able to eat in one afternoon. I tried to resist, but oftentimes ended up eating one unhealthy food after another. For example, I may have eaten half a bag of chips, a handful or two of cookies, some leftover biscuits smothered with butter, a spoonful or twelve of ice cream, and anything else I could get my hands on. The couple of hours before dinner time were so hard for me to control my eating.

Even when I was officially “dieting” and had purged the house of most unhealthy foods, I would find all sorts of things to eat. I’d make muffins or cookies. I’d eat the kids animal crackers by the bagful, and search the recesses of the pantry in search for something “good” to eat. The afternoon munchie monster was in full swing. After I had eaten all I could, I’d be so annoyed at myself. Why did I just eat all that when I was so determined to be good that day?

I think there were several factors that contributed to me giving into the afternoon munchie monster:

I didn’t plan ahead.

I had too many tempting foods around.

I thought I had to deprive myself of most sweets to be successful.

I was easily pulled into an emotional eating vortex.

Way back in 1997, when I finally lost my 158 pounds, I worked really hard to conquer the afternoon problem. I used the kitchen timer like I talked about on Dr. Oz. I set it for 15 minutes when I felt the urge to overeat, and nine times out of ten when the timer rang I determined that I wasn’t really hungry, but rather experiencing another type of emotional hunger. In addition to the kitchen timer, I also made sure I had some healthy snacks that I liked around. This made a big difference. And finally, I did not beat myself up if I made a mistake.

Is the afternoon a potentially difficult time for you? If so, what strategies do you employ to tame the monster?  Diane

In thinking about acceptance and self-love, I was very curious what you think about the concept of accepting your body where it is and not feeling the need or desire to change anything. Perhaps even accepting your body at an unhealthy weight, thus opening yourself up to the myriad of diseases that often accompany obesity. Is this wise or even possible?

I’ve counseled a lot of people who struggle with their weight – in person, over the phone, through email, and with the class I occasionally teach. One thing I’ve rarely found is the person who doesn’t desire a change. The change may be losing 20 pounds, or if may be losing 100 pounds, but the desire is still there. What isn’t there is the acceptance and happiness of how their body appears and functions right then. And for them, that unhappiness is often the impetus that drives them to make hard choices.

Choices concerning their food habits, emotional eating patterns, activity levels, and more. They make those choices to try and change the course of their current path and hopefully improve their health at the same time. Sometimes those new choices are lifelong, and sometimes not. But generally they don’t give up completely.

What of the individuals who don’t really see the need to change their lifestyles to improve their health and appearance? Are they wrong? Are they being truthful?

For me, there were times during my struggle with obesity where I outwardly “gave up” and professed contentment and happiness with myself. Personally, I wasn’t exactly being truthful with myself, John, or my friends. Inside there was still an internal struggle raging with regards to my weight. I said I was “happy” but I wasn’t. I said I felt “healthy” but I really didn’t. I said I didn’t “need” to change, but I did.

This is a touchy subject, because there is a fine line between accepting who we are but at the same time knowing there are positive changes that could be made, and accepting who we are period. I feel that although there are obese people who are healthy at the moment, over time, their obesity will begin to affect their health in a negative way.

What’s your take on accepting where you are even if your health may be jeopardized? Good idea or bad?  Diane

Don’t forget that today is the last day to enter the Gym In a Bag giveaway! The giveaway ends at midnight CST.

Putting the cookies on the cooling rack, the phone rang. I answered it and it was a friend of mine who asked me what I was doing. I told her, and she said, “How do you keep from eating the whole batch?” I laughed and said, “Well, these are going out the door this evening so they won’t be here for long.”

But that conversation got me reminescing about my previous inability to leave the cookies alone. There were many, many times where I was asked to bring sweets to a function and I willing agreed. I’d make a batch of cookies, or a pan of brownies and tell myself, “Diane, these are for the kids class at church. Don’t eat them.” But I couldn’t resist.

It would start with just a tiny corner of one brownie, and then before I knew it a whole row was gone. Then another row. Then I had to make more. If it were cookies, I’d count out how many I needed to take to the event and begin eating just one of the “extras.” And just like the brownies, before I knew it, a dozen were missing.

So I’d make a whole ‘nother batch or pan, and then hide the what was left of the original batch for a later time. Like, later that evening when I was bored. . .

As I began to lose weight that last time, at first, I avoided baking. I’d buy bakery cookies if I was asked to bring sweets to a function, or volunteer for something boring, like salad, if there was a sign-up sheet. However, I couldn’t avoid baking forever.

One thing I learned about myself as I was losing weight was that if I didn’t eat the first one then I could resist all of them. There was something about eating that first cookie that got me going and made it difficult to stop. Especially during the first six months of my journey.

After a while, I realized that I had developed enough self-control and appreciation for the changes in my appearance and health, that I could eat a cookie (or two) without feeling as though I needed to eat a dozen. It was a very, very freeing feeling.

And that feeling of freedom was one that has stayed with me all these years of maintenance. It’s why I can now bake without diving headfirst into the brownie pan, or make one of my favorite chicken dishes (Chicken Parmseasn) and know that I will only have what I need and not what I think I may want.

Have you found a strategy that works for you along your journey when it comes to tempting foods? And has that strategy changed over time?  Diane

There’s still time to enter the Gym In A Bag giveaway. The giveaway ends Wednesday at midnight CST!