Pictures Weren’t Fun to See

December 16, 2010 By

There was a time, way back in the dark ages, where cameras didn’t provide instant results, but rather you had to take your film to the store, go back home, drive back to the store to pick up your pictures, and then gasp in horror at what the camera revealed. I remember sitting in the parking lot of the camera shop, opening the package of pictures and sliding them out of their envelope. I’d grab the glossy stack, and start shuffling through them like a deck of cards. Children playing, cute. Birthday parties, so much fun. What is that fat blob in the edge of that picture? ME! I’d stop at the picture that had me in it and stare in disbelief. Who was that woman?

I knew I was wearing a size 26/28, but sometimes I couldn’t really see what that looked like. I knew the last time I got on the scale it was almost to its 300 pound capacity. But I didn’t know what I really looked like to other people.

“This is why I don’t get my picture taken,” I’d scream at myself. “The camera just isn’t kind to me.” I’d quickly shuffle through the rest of the pictures, not really enjoying them, because all I could think about was the one picture I was in. “Why did John take my picture?” I’d fume internally. “He knows I hate getting my picture taken.” (It’s so funny to me now that I would get mad at John for taking my picture.)

Before I got home, I’d remove the offending picture(s) and throw them in the trash. If they were of something important like my birthday or Mother’s Day, I’d keep the “best” ones, but the other ones, I ditched. That’s why if you look at the before pictures on the blog, they aren’t very good pictures. No posed portrait shots, no “you look great today” let me take your picture shots. Just random pictures that I allowed someone to snap of me when my defenses were down.

Time after time I’d see pictures of myself, and stare in disbelief. Every single picture surprised me. This probably says something about my lack of self-perception, but it is how I felt. Surprised. There were certain pictures that were worse than others, like this one:

Squatting 

When I saw this picture of myself, I never wore shorts again. It’s interesting that I still ate chocolate, but rather blamed the bad picture on the outfit, rather than the woman in it!

I’ve read weight loss stories of people who began losing weight after seeing an unflattering picture of themselves. For them, that was the defining moment. I wish it had been for me, because I would have not ended up morbidly obese for so many years. Rather than the bad picture spurring me to action, the pantry was my solace.

I wish I had been more confident in myself, and been able to appreciate all the good things I had to offer my family without so often wrapping it up in my appearance. But I wasn’t there yet. I still tied my self-worth up with my appearance, and that wasn’t good for me in the long run.

The woman in my pictures wasn’t the woman I wanted to be – either appearance wise, or confidence wise. How I long to have those obese years back, and really take the time to appreciate every single good moment I had with my family, instead of experiencing so much self-loathing and unhappiness. What does your camera reveal about you? Can you go beyond the appearance and appreciate all the good things you have to offer the world? Can pictures of yourself start spurring you into action, getting healthier and more fit, and more able to make a positive impact on your world? What do you think? Diane

Filed Under: Appearance Tagged With: ,

There Is No Glory In These

September 3, 2010 By

I admit that I am a bit on the frugal side. I enjoy the hunt of finding deals at yard sales, perusing the clearance rack for next season clothes for my growing boys and saving money using coupons. Sometimes though, being frugal isn’t a good thing.

Here’s my running shoes I was using up until Sunday.

Not so good. For the last month weeks I’ve been noticing that I could really feel the road when I was walking, and for me, that’s the signal that I need to get some new shoes. Feeling the road to me means that my shoes are done and finished. I also noticed that my knees seemed to be bothering me more and more. I put off shoe shopping 1) because I didn’t want to spend the money and 2) because I don’t like to shop for myself.

But on Thursday, I was walking and decided to jog for a few minutes, which I do almost every day. I started to jog and got this sharp pain in my foot. I immediately stopped and walked the rest of the way. I don’t know if the lack of support in my shoes caused the pain or not, but the pain was a wake-up call to me to stop running on those worn-out shoes and buy some new ones.

Yesterday, John and I went out and after much deliberation and walking around the shoe store, I found these:

Much brighter and shinier than my others don’t you agree? If you tend to wait to replace your tired exercise shoes, I’d encourage you not to wait. When you’ve traveled a lot of miles or just start feeling the road too much – get a new pair. It’s worth the investment to help you feet and legs stay strong.

Do you tend to put off buying new exercise shoes and try to make do?  Diane

Filed Under: Choices, Exercise, Weight Loss Tagged With: ,

I Know Now It’s Important

July 16, 2010 By

Here’s a visual for you. These pictures were taken yesterday morning.

Yes, I am within my weight range and BMI. Yes, I have lost a lot of weight. And yes, sometimes I don’t dress in the most flattering way. I did the same thing when I was heavier.

In both of these pictures I weigh approximately the same. But in the picture on the right, I think I look smaller than in the other picture. Why? Because of my clothing choices. I was trying to hide my body with the horrendous sunflower jumper and quite frankly, that is impossible no matter what your weight.

I know it is tempting to try to layer so many clothes on your body, or wear clothes that are too loose. I used to wear loose jumpers because they made me “feel” smaller. I think the swish of the fabric around me made me think I had lost some weight and therefore could eat a cookie or two.

As I was losing weight, I changed my attitude towards purposefully buying and wearing clothes that were too big. As my clothes got too big I threw them away or donated them to goodwill. The “worn out, too tired” to donate ones got tossed, along with the clothes that had bleach stains on them.

I purchased a few clothes along the way down the scale that fit me appropriately and I wore those until Iundergrew them. I learned that wearing too big clothing wasn’t flattering – no matter what size I was. Not at 300 pounds and not at 146 pounds.

These days I admit to wearing my fleeces in the winter because I am always so cold in my drafty house. But, I don’t go out in public in those fleeces, but instead I wear something that fits me and is flattering. It’s usually not dressy, because that’s not my life right now – but it does fit.

I’d encourage you to wear clothes that fit and flatter your body, no matter what shape you are. I think it’s important for you to embrace who you are and where you are right now.

Have you had the tendency to hide in clothes or do you wear clothes that fit?  Diane

Filed Under: Appearance, Weight Loss Tagged With:

I Still Remember Finding Them

June 28, 2010 By

I once helped someone get on track with their eating plan and one day when she and I were visiting with each other she said, “I’ve got something to show you.” I said, “Okay.”

She got out of her chair and walked down her hallway. She turned the corner and walked into her hall bathroom. She turned around and looked at me and said, “Well?” I must have looked confused because she laughed and said, “I walked into the bathroom without having to turn to the side.” I immediately clapped and did a little happy dance for her. She was so excited that even though she hadn’t lose enough weight for other people to notice, she was noticing how her body was changing. I’ve never forgotten the look on her face when she shared that with me. And I’ve never forgotten some of the small victories I noticed along my own weight loss journey.

One non-scale victory I found very satisfying was the appearance of:   COLLARBONES

Now, I knew that I had always had collarbones, but it had been many years since I had seen them. I couldn’t even really feel them very well so I had kinda forgotten about them. But then, surprise, one day I was looking at myself in the mirror and there they were. (I had probably lost 100 pounds at that point.)

I stood there and touched them. Sure enough – collarbones. All day long, every time I passed a mirror I stopped to admire my collarbones. Its a good thing John didn’t see me and ask what in the world I was doing looking at myself in the mirror so often. I probably would have made something up.

I’d encourage you to never stop looking for those little things that help you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are on the right track. It doesn’t have to be a physical attribute, but rather it can be a difference in your activity level or just feeling more positive about yourself. Write those non-scale victories down so you can remember them for years and years. Those memories will help you stay in maintenance because if you are like me, you will not want to have to rediscover your collarbones time and time again!

What’s the latest thing positive thing you’ve noticed about yourself?  Diane

Filed Under: Appearance Tagged With:

I’m So Excited!

June 12, 2010 By

If you are connected with me through Facebook you might remember that I was asking for bike recommendations. I got some good recommendations from Roy, but needed to wait until the cash flow came through. Well, this morning I was at a garage sale, which is where you will find me on most Saturday mornings and I saw this:

Being an experienced garage sale person, I left my teenage son holding onto the bike and went to find the seller. Turns out she is the fabulous lady who sometimes cuts my hair. She got a new bike and sold me this bike for . . . $15.00!! It is a Denali bike with Shimano brakes! It works perfectly and rides so smoothly. I had been riding my teenage son’s bike and it was not comfortable or enjoyable!

Here’s a picture of me in my brand new workout clothes. You might remember that I asked for workout clothes advice the other week. Taking Lori’s advice on buying a close fitting wicking shirt, I picked this shirt and the cute running skirt. I wasn’t so sure about the skirt when I saw it on other people – because I couldn’t imagine it was comfortable, but it is! I wish someone would give me one so I could give it away to you on my blog!!

I’m so excited and I think it’s funny that my bike cost LESS than my new outfit! What’s with that?

Hope you all have a great weekend, and if you don’t go to garage sales, maybe you should!!  Ever found a deal at a store or a yard sale?  Diane

Filed Under: Appearance, Choices, Exercise Tagged With: , ,

Lazy or Large?

June 3, 2010 By

Before I gained 150 pounds I assumed that people who were overweight were lazy. I know it’s bad that I thought that way and I am sorry I did. When I was morbidly obese other people assumed I was lazy. I know they did. There is a stigma associated with weight that is not associated with other types of health problems. I suppose that is because being overweight is most often due to overeating, and not due to disease.  Add to it the fact that being overweight is a public problem, unable to be hidden, and there you have it, fat people are fodder for false assumptions and rude comments.

My girls were small when I was morbidly obese and I belonged to a  Mother’s Group at our church. Time after time I was overlooked for heading up committees, taking on tasks, and of course I was never asked to be the greeter at the door. I often wonder if  part of that was due to the perception of obese people, or was part of that due to my own poor self image? During that time in my life I was teetering between 280 and 300 pounds, and honestly, felt quite badly about myself.  Every time someone asked another woman to handle something, I felt ashamed. Every time I tried to volunteer for a task, but was pushed aside, I felt demoralized. And each time people made side comments about my energy level, I shrank inside. I remember one time when we were organizing a field day for the children, that a friend said, “Diane, you probably don’t want to handle any of the games, so why don’t you just bake 3 dozen cookies?” I looked at her, smiled and said, “Sure, that sounds great.” But inside I was thinking, “I can handle ring toss with 5 year olds. I know I can.” But instead I baked 3 dozen cookies, at 18 of them, and had to bake 3 dozen more in order to have enough to bring to the field day.

I don’t think I was lazy. I worked hard at home, at my part-time job, and on my friendships. I kept up with the latest trends in decorating, knew what clothes were in style, even if I couldn’t wear them, and was well informed on world events. Other people didn’t see all the things I accomplished during the day. All they saw was almost 300 pounds lumbering in the door, overflowing chairs and catching her breath after climbing stairs. I guess I can’t blame them for their incorrect assumption. I wasn’t lazy, I just wasn’t energetic. I was often tired, but I did work hard.

Once I finally was successful at losing weight I was astonished at the difference in how people treated me, based solely on physical appearance. It was unbelievable. Whereas I was previously regulated to the “backroom” jobs, now I was constantly asked to serve on the board, give the opening prayer, introduce the speaker, etc. What changed? My appearance. I was the same person I had always been, just smaller. Undoubtedly, my self confidence level improved, but I would have done those things even as a heavy person, it was just that no one asked.

I learned something through all this. I learned never to judge people based on their outward appearance. It’s something I just don’t do anymore because I know how it feels to be on the judged side.

Do you think that there is a perception that overweight people are lazy? Diane

Filed Under: Appearance, self esteem, Weight Loss Tagged With: , ,

Fashionable Changes

May 18, 2010 By

Tonight at 10:00 p.m. ET/PT on CNBC there is a show called: One Nation, Overweight. Here’s a clip in case you are interested.

It’s spring and here in the south the weather is getting hotter by the day. It’s the time of year when I do a lot of spring cleaning, which I dislike a lot! Necessary but not so much fun. One thing that I do when I spring clean is switch out the children’s clothes from winter to summer ones. People ask me how in the world I do it with so many kids, but it really isn’t that hard – just time consuming. We have a really large closet in our rec room which houses all the boys clothes in various sizes. I hang all the shirts in size order and have the pants/shorts/pajamas in bins. Then we just do a switcheroo, with the boys trying on clothes so we can see what size they are. And in a few hours, it’s done. In case you are curious, here’s a picture of the boys closet!

My clothes all fit in one closet so I don’t have to change anything around – just switch from the winter side to the summer side. In switching around clothes I thought about how my fashion sense changed after I lost weight. Before I gained all my weight I enjoyed shopping and wore fairly trendy teenage clothes. When I started gaining weight I stopped tucking in clothes and began buying oversized shirts which I hoped hid things that were growing. They did not. Here’s a picture of me my second year of marriage. I had gained about 30 pounds. The top I was wearing wasn’t flattering, but it was loose and I felt like it hid my weight gain. Which I now see it did not.

 

When I went from merely overweight to morbidly obese I started wearing clothes like this. These jumpers accommodated my growing girth and it didn’t really matter if I gained another 10 pounds because the clothes seemed to fit the same.

Matching Jumpers

As I lost some weight (finally) I started buying cuter clothes. This outfit was one of the first ones I wore that made me feel stylish.

Cuter Clothes Coming

 And as I lost more and more weight I cared more and more about the clothes I wore. I stopped buying knit pants with elastic waistbands and instead bought pants with a waistband and a zipper. How novel!

To this day, other than my workout pants I don’t own a single pair of pants or any skirt that has an elastic waist. All my clothes have fitted waistbands. I didn’t know Dr. Oz at the time, but that is one of his 10 commandments. In fact, it’s number one. Don’t wear stretchy pants! I agree with him, because stretchy pants are very easy to wear and it can be very hard to tell if your waist is getting bigger!

Question: How do you feel about your clothing style as you’ve lost weight? Has it changed, and will you wear elastic waist pants ever again?  Diane

Filed Under: Appearance, excuses Tagged With: , ,

Share What You Know!

May 10, 2010 By

I’ve done a lot of speaking on weight loss over the years, but it’s usually been to smallish groups of people. Of course I talk in front of people when I teach my class and have spoken to various other groups. So when an organization in my hometown called me and asked me to do a 10-minute motivational talk before their 3-mile wellness walk I said, “Sure.” Then the gentleman on the other end of the line then told me they usually had about 1,500 people in attendance. I gulped. “No problem,” I said.

I hung up and took a deep breath. It was only 10 minutes – surely I could do that. So over the course of the next week I wrote my speech and practiced every time I went walking or riding my bike. Fortunately I don’t run into anyone while I’m exercising so no one was there to laugh at me or wonder why I was quietly talking to myself!

Due to strong storms and flooding here in Tennessee the event was rescheduled twice. I thought for sure it would be cancelled altogether, but the weather cleared and the event was held this past Saturday.

I loved the purpose of the event – to promote wellness among the children and youth of our community. I believe this is so important, because childhood obesity is a very serious problem. It makes me so sad when I see overweight children who are already struggling with the emotional and physical side effects of obesity related diseases. It’s just wrong.

I hope that events like this will stir up the grassroots communities that made our country strong. I know the government wants to regulate fast food companies, food manufacturers, and more – but without the common every day moms and dads leading the way – all the regulations in the world will have a hard time changing individual choices on a daily basis.

The JumpStart Walk was led off by our mayor and school superintendent and then I did my talk.  As you can see from the picture the wind was very strong. I had my notes in my hand, but because of the wind I knew they’d fly right off the podium. So I did my talk from memory. And I didn’t forget any of my points, which made me very happy. And after I talked the crowd dispersed and headed off on their 3 mile walk!

I hope that you will take every opportunity you can to talk to people you know about healthy living. Rather it’s in front of a large crowd or simply speaking to friends at lunch, sharing your knowledge of nutrition and fitness can begin to make a difference in every life you touch. Even leading by example is a very effective way of showing people how to eat right. Your actions can be very inspiring to other people, even if you don’t say a word.

Question:  Have you ever had a chance to share what you know? How did it feel? Diane

Filed Under: Choices, Weight Loss Tagged With: , ,

I Lost Him!

May 3, 2010 By

This is a picture of me with my oldest son, who is 13 and my 3rd son, who is 7. My daughter took this picture at the zoo a couple of weeks ago. I thought it was a nice picture of the three of us and couldn’t believe how tall my oldest son has gotten. And then I thought of something else when I was looking at that picture. He had just very proudly told me a few days before that he weighs just over 150 pounds. He thinks it’s great to be gaining weight and getting stronger! (Remember those days?) Then I realized:

I lost him.

I lost 158 pounds in total and that’s about what he weighs. I could no more pick him up and carry him around on my back all day then I could swim across the Atlantic Ocean. I’m not even sure I could pick him up in an emergency situation.

But when I was morbidly obese, I did figuratively carry him around all day long. No wonder I was tired all the time. All that extra weight didn’t just make me look bad, squishy, and unfit. That extra weight was exhausting. Even the simplest activities were hard for me. I remember having to sit down in the mall after just a half an hour of shopping and rest for awhile. Doing work around the house made me tired. Even a relatively simple activities like cleaning the bathroom or dusting wore me out. No wonder I sat down all the time.

Do you ever think about all the progress you’d made in those terms? If you’ve lost 20 pounds then that’s 20 pounds less you have to carry around. Even 10 pounds makes a difference in terms of how you feel.

Do you ever pick up a 5-lb bag of flour and think, I’ve lost five of these? If you’ve lost 25 pounds that’s what you’ve done. Imagine right now how heavy a 5-lb bag of flour is. If you’ve already lost one, two, or ten of those be thankful you don’t have to haul that weight around any longer.

It can be easy to get discouraged with the amount of weight you are losing, or the rate at which the weight is coming off. I challenge you to do this today:

Find things around your house that represent how much weight you’ve lost and pile them up. Take a picture of them, step back, and allow yourself to feel proud. Use that visual representation as an incentive to keep going when the journey feels hard. And if you’ve lost the equivalent of a person, take a picture of yourself with that person, and be proud of that! For comparison, the little guy in my picture weighs about 55 pounds.

How does it make you feel when you compare how much weight you have lost to another person or object? Is it exciting?  Diane

Filed Under: Appearance Tagged With: ,

The Truth I Tried To Deny

April 22, 2010 By

Did this ever happened to you? You were walking in the mall – either by yourself or with a friend and you caught sight of yourself in a mirror? Were you sometimes astonished and found yourself wondering, “Who is that and how did I get like this?”

Like many women, I avoided the mirror, especially when I was obese. I could look at myself without really seeing what I looked like. I could put on makeup, do my hair, brush my teeth, and not pay attention to what the mirror was showing me. That ability is both a blessing and a curse.

All throughout the years I struggled with my weight, I avoided having my picture taken.  I tried my best to be the one behind the camera, and I still do! The difference is that now, although I don’t love having my picture taken, I don’t get all weird about it. Back then, John would practically have to beg me, “Let me take a picture of you with the kids.” I would reluctantly agree, knowing that I would hate it. And when I picked it up from the photo shop, of course I did hate it, and often times threw the picture away.

I didn’t really want to see how big I had become. I wasn’t living in fantasy land. I knew that I was wearing the biggest size Lane Bryant sold. I understood that finding undergarments was really difficult. I acknowledged my wedding rings no longer fit. Intellectually, I knew all of those things, but I tried to avoid thinking seriously about any of it. Because if I ever allowed myself to dwell on how I looked I knew I would get depressed! And if I got depressed I would eat more and more.

`

There are a few times where I vividly remember having to face the reality of my size while looking in the mirror. One time is when I was getting my hair cut. I sat down in the chair and the hair stylist shook out the cape and put it around my big self. It floated up like a parachute, and settled over my bulk. I remember looking in the mirror at the expanse of the black cape and thinking, “Wow, I’m huge.” I didn’t even want to get my hair cut anymore. I wanted to get up and go home. The entire time she was chatting and cutting my hair, all I could think about was how tiny my head looked on top of that big cape. When she finally finished and I had paid her, I went to the car and cried. How had I gotten to this point that even getting my hair cut felt embarrassing?

Facing the reality of not only my size, but my unhealthy lifestyle was hard. My final moment of truth was on the doctor’s scale. Up until that moment all I did was get upset about how I looked and felt. On that day I finally looked in the mirror and said, “I’m not going to live like this anymore.”

Question: Did you find it hard to accept your size and how you felt physically before you started on the path to healthy living?  Diane

Filed Under: Appearance, Weight Loss Tagged With: ,
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