One game that I did like to play with my daughters when they were small was the “rest game.” This game was an obese person’s dream. It went like this: I would lay on the couch in the living room and pretend to be taking a nap. They would run in and out of the room every few minutes yelling, “Don’t get up yet – your nap time isn’t over!” I loved that game, because I didn’t have to exert any energy or even get up. This game could easily go on for a half an hour or more. At the end of the game we’d all go and have a snack together. The girls something healthy like cheese sticks and apple slices, me something unhealthy like chips, chocolate and a cheese stick thrown in for good measure.

The games I didn’t want to play were those that involved any physical exertion. Things like bike riding, going for walks, dancing, throwing the ball, swimming, etc. were off limits for me. I would sit and watch the children play those games and participate in those activities, but I never joined in. I was the classic Mom on the sidelines. I was living my life on the sidelines. I’ve had people tell me that they don’t really have a lot of motivation to lose weight because they can participate in any activity they want to. I would have told you that too back then, but if you had asked me to “prove it,” I would have been hard pressed to follow through. I’d ask you this – Are you truly physically able to do anything you want to do at your current weight? If you lost some weight and improved your fitness level would that activity be easier and more enjoyable?

Rest game, as fun as it was, didn’t get me anywhere close to achieving my physical fitness and weight loss goals. The games I needed to be playing couldn’t be played on the couch. I needed to get up off the couch, out of the chair, and move away from the sidelines. Finally losing weight enabled me to really be able to participate in my children’s lives. No longer did I have to sit down while the rest of the family walked the nature trail at the park. Now I was leading the way through the trees.

How has being more active changed how you interact with your family and friends? Diane

It doesn’t matter how much weight you have to lose, there are inevitably hard times. I know there were for me. I struggled with:

♦emotional issues

♦times I didn’t feel like exercising

♦feeling left out when other people were pigging out

♦weight loss burnout

♦frustration over perceived expectations

♦complacency

Quite frankly there were several times during the 14 months that it took me to lose all my weight where I just wanted to say, “That’s it. I can’t do this anymore.” But I never gave up and am so glad that I persevered and finished up losing all my weight.

I remember one time in particular where John and I had been to a church dessert function. People in our church could make good desserts! I had lost about 100 pounds at this point and was feeling pretty good about how I looked in comparison to where I had started. At the dessert party I looked over the tables and didn’t see anything I had to have. I saw a lot of things I would have eaten in the past, but nothing I’d be sad to do without. At the same time though, I remember feeling a little frustrated that I couldn’t just fill my plate with cupcakes, brownies, and cake like everyone else seemed to be doing. NO, I had to stand here holding my water cup while other people wiped chocolate from their faces.

After we got home that night I thought about how I felt and realized that even though it was a little frustrating to not be stuffing my face with desserts, it was also a little bit of a victory. In the past I would have been the one going back to the tables for seconds or thirds. I would have had to be careful sitting in chairs so I didn’t break them. And I would have gone home feeling guilty.

When times get hard for you, and you feel like you are alone on this journey, I’d encourage you to remember where you came from. Remember all the little victories you have had over the course of your weight loss experience. And remember that you are worth every effort it takes to get healthy – no matter how hard it is.

Question: How do you keep going when you start to feel like it’s just too hard?  Diane

Weekends throw us off our schedules. Monday thru Fridays are predictable for a lot of us. Weekday by weekday we go through our days knowing what to expect. Predictability helps with weight loss. So when the weekend comes around with its crazy kids schedules, get togethers with family, birthday parties and errand running, our predictable eating schedule is out the window. Unfortunately for me, also out the window would go any semblance of making good choices. I really wouldeat 2 Cinnabons, which I now know have 813 calories a piece, washed down with a diet coke.

I would let the freedom of the weekend schedule be an excuse to “take a break” from my diet and every time I did that, I’d fail to start my diet back on Monday. The freedom of weekend schedules can be wonderful. It’s healthy emotionally to have some days during the week that you are able to catch up with friends and get some things done around the house. But with that freedom comes the pitfall and danger of letting down your guard with regards to your food choices. Year after year went by with me using the day of the calendar as an excuse to eat whatever I wanted. And year after year I got bigger and bigger.

The year I lost weight I realized that weekends were yet another thing I had to worry about.

Previously the different diets I had tried felt restrictive and rule oriented, so when I started losing weight using my own plan, I wanted to lose weight in a way that I could follow always, not just on the weekdays, and not just until I lost weight. I wanted something that really would become a new way of life for me.

So using my three steps, I started losing weight. Weekends which were previously a food free for all became less about the food and more about relaxing and enjoying the family being together. I consciously chose to not overeat, not buy the Cinnabon when we were at the mall, and bring my own snack to the movies. (I know, you’re not supposed to do that, but who is  going to tell?!)

Realizing and acknowledging that weekends were dangerous for me was one more step towards achieving my goals. As you head out for kids ball games, trips to mall, cookouts with family and friends, remind yourself that the weekends are about recharging your emotional batteries, and not about eating as much food as you possibly can! 

Even to this day, all these years into maintenance I am still deliberate about not overeating on the weekends. How do you do on the weekends now as opposed to before you started getting healthier?  Diane

It is:

I’m just not ready.

Like I said, I used this one myself for years, so I can come at this excuse from both sides.  From the side of having lost 150 pounds and kept it off, and the side of weighing 300 pounds and telling friends, “I’m just not ready to commit to a weight loss program.”  When people tell me this now, this is what I think: What are you not ready for:

High blood pressure? 

Bigger sized clothes? 

Diabetes? 

Difficulty with your joints? 

What?”  

When we use the excuse, “I’m not ready,” what are we really saving?  We are saying “I’d rather deal with all the problems being overweight brings, than try one more time to get my weight under control.” 

That’s what I said.  I’d rather not fit into the seat belt or develop a potentially serious health issue than try to get healthy.  This excuse really doesn’t make any sense does it?  After all, who would willingly choose the unfortunate consequences of obesity over the benefits of healthy living?  When you see it written like that, it may give you pause.  Has your doctor ever cautioned you about what lies ahead if your weight doesn’t improve?  Mine did, and I didn’t listen very well.  He told me that I was heading down a slippery slope that was going to be harder and harder to climb up if I kept letting my weight creep up.

He was right.  It was a lot harder to lose 150 pounds than to lose the 50 I needed to at that point in time.  I didn’t listen to him then, but rather continued to gain and gain.  If you are midway through your journey right now, don’t be tempted to give up and tell yourself “I’m not ready to finish,” and let it go at that.  Tell yourself, “I’ll never be READY, so I may as well continue/start right now.”  That’s what I finally did.  I realized there was no perfect month to start.  There was no perfect day to get started, and there was no magic to a certain program.  I started, and I didn’t completely stop until I reached my goal weight.  It’s not about how long it takes, but the fact that you continue to try that’s important.

Have you ever felt “not ready” to get started? Do you ever feel that way along your journey?  How do you keep on track?  Diane

During the course of my weight loss journey, I realized that my sweet tooth could be suppressed and lessened, but not killed.  Not that I didn’t try.  I valiantly resisted chocolate cake, pies of all types and plates full of cookies.  I avoided buying any desserts that I knew I shouldn’t eat, and stayed away from the dessert table at social functions.  Considering how much I loved sweets, I did remarkably well.  Making the decision to go cold turkey worked well for me, especially during the first couple of weeks.  After I felt had some control over my choices, I recognized that I wanted to be able to enjoy the occasional sweet treat.

Here came the problem.  I didn’t like low-fat, healthy desserts.  To me, there was no such thing.  If it wasn’t oozing chocolate, and full of sugar it wasn’t any good.  For a long time I decided I’d rather do without then have a “fake” dessert.  Fortunately though, I got brave enough to try some lower fat choices.

I tried making fat free brownies, which were moderately good. I substituted prunes in place of the oil with less than stellar results. I tried the old “substitute with applesauce” for a lower fat alternative, again with limited success. Finally I realized that if I wanted brownies, then I’d rather have a small amount of really fabulous homemade brownies than have ones that were “pretend brownies!”

But that’s just brownies. I found that there are lots and lots of healthier sweet treats that I can serve my children without feeling too much guilt. Here are some that we have:

• Fruit parfaits, made with yogurt or low fat ice cream
• broiled or grilled fruit – I was surprised how much my children liked this
• Baked apples – these are so yummy!
• Frozen yogurt or sorbets
• Angel food cake with fresh strawberries
• Whole grain waffles topped with fruit
• Homemade popscicles

When I was writing yesterday’s post I was focusing on things I avoid eating, but on the other side of the coin, there are things I don’t eat every day, but still enjoy every so often. I used to not serve desserts at all, but then worried that my kids might “go wild” with sweet things when they were on their own because I had never allowed them to experience desserts. So now we have dessert occasionally and I talk to them about eating things in moderation. My children range in age greatly, but I feel that my older ones “get it.” Which I love.

So are there healthier desserts that you feel comfortable serving guests or your family? Or have you just cut out sweets all together?

I was also in a hurry. I was in a hurry to lose the extra weight I had so willingly piled on and get “on with my life.” And being in a hurry, I tried numerous diet plans with very little success. Every diet plan promised results, and most of them were fine and decent plans. But no diet plan promised the quick results I wanted. And thus, I didn’t stick with any of those plans long enough to lose more than 20 pounds. And when you need to lose 150 pounds, 20 pounds isn’t much. Especially considering that I promptly gained that 20 pounds back and usually added a few to go with it.

My problem? Well – there were many. But one problem I had was that I was in a hurry and wanted immediate and steady results. As we all know, weight loss doesn’t cooperate by falling down in a steady, slow line. Rather it zigs and zags, hops around, and sometimes stagnates like an ugly green pond full of algae.

And who wants to sit in the same ugly place? I certainly didn’t.  So I would quit when things got hard, or I got bored, or my weight loss stalled.

It’s funny because although I couldn’t tolerate a slow diet plan, I tolerated being morbidly obese for years and years and years. That makes no sense to me at all.

So when I finally started losing weight by following my Fit to the Finish plan, I set out with a different mindset from the very beginning. I gave myself a little pep talk and reminded myself that I hadn’t gained all this weight in two months and I certainly wasn’t going to lose it in two months. So I tried to prepare myself for the long-term road that I knew was ahead of me.

Going into the process with that realization made me much more prepared for the inevitable periods of boredom and frustration that came during my 14 months of weight loss. And bored and frustrated I did get.

Quite frankly, it gets boring watching every bite that goes into our mouths, or at least it did for me. It was frustrating to feel like I was doing all the right things and either no one was noticing or the scale wasn’t moving.  But I was prepared for a long trip so I just buckled my seat belt and kept driving forward.

Because I knew that going backwards wasn’t an option. Because if I put myself in reverse then I would end up gaining the weight I had fought to lose and I knew I didn’t want to do that.

So as you face your journey head on and feel the urge to get frustrated and quit – remember that it’s a long trip. It’s okay to take a detour to “maintain” where you are for a while, but it is important to try and keep things either in neutral or drive. Because if you go into reverse you will most likely get frustrated with yourself and be tempted to permanently detour as I had done many, many times before.

What strategies do you use to prepare for the possibility of a long trip? How do you stay positive when things aren’t going the speed you want them to?  Diane

It’s finally over – the major holiday season is past us. For many of us – myself included, avoiding the post-holiday letdown is an important part of our continued success. The whole months of November and December were spent either planning how to avoid forbidden delights, or planning how to include a taste of those delights without going overboard and feeling like we were ruining our hard work. 

It can be stressful.

But now that is all past us and I thought it would be a great time to check in with you and see how you are feeling now – a month after the new year started.

I still remember “making it through” the holiday season WAAAY back in 1997 without a gain. I felt triumphant that I had seemingly conquered my never-ending desire for sugar cookies, cakes, and chocolate. But when January rolled around I almost felt a little bit of a let-down. Sure I was energized because it was the new year – but on the other hand I was a little bit tired of the continual need to watch what I ate and became weary of always “being good.” 

I remember I had a slight gain in January of a pound or two and I think it was because I had been good for so long that I almost let myself slip back into some old habits. Fortunately, the gain went away quickly and I continued on to reach my goal shortly after that time.

So as we continue with the dreary winter weather for those of us in the US, I want to encourage you to use these quiet months to reflect on how far you’ve come, affirm that you are doing the right things for yourself, and commit to yourselves that you can reach your goals. Because you can.

Here’s some ideas to get your started as you reflect how far you’ve come:

  ◊ What can you do now that you couldn’t do six months ago?

◊  If you graph out your weight loss over time is the line trending down?

◊  What are some Non-Scale-Victories (NSV) that you are particularly proud of?

◊   What foods have you discovered are tasty that you might have rejected before?

For me, taking the time to reflect on how far I had come was a great way for me to push through and keep going towards my goal. I realized that January long ago that I could do things like:

◊ Sit on the floor (and GET UP) without practically breaking the chair

◊ Walk 3 miles whereas before I couldn’t walk to my mailbox easily.

◊ Say no to things I previously would have said yes to in excess

◊ Walk into a room without feeling embarrassed by my appearance

◊ Talk with people who I would have previously considered “above me”

◊ Buy clothes in the regular sized departments

So as dreary January draws to a close and February comes into view – I’d encourage you to take stock of where you are and all you have accomplished. Refocus on your goals and commit to sticking with it for the long term.  So how about you? Have have you been feeling since we have closed the door on 2009?  Diane

I always seemed to have the hardest time staying on track over the weekends. I’d do “okay” throughout the week days, but then the weekend would come and BAM, I fell right off the perilously balanced wagon I had been riding on. It happened every time I tried to lose weight.

It was extremely frustrating to feel my self-control slipping away and even more frustrating when I would realize on Sunday night how awful I had eaten over the weekend. I felt very guilty and felt like a failure. Why was it that I could make decent choices during the week but then fall apart every single weekend?

On the average “dieting” weekend I’d end up baking cookies, going out to eat several times, overeating at home, and snacking on foods I ordinarily would have turned down. These episodes didn’t do anything to help the scale move, but rather hindered my small forward progress. Eventually, faced with yet another Monday of starting over, I’d just give up all together.

Looking back, I realize that for me, weekends were harder for several reasons:

• My daily schedule was much more fluid.
• I didn’t plan my meals on the weekend (I don’t know who I thought would do it – but I didn’t!)
• The weekends felt like a holiday and I celebrated thus.
• I wanted to reward myself for all the deprivation I experienced Monday – Friday.

I realize that none of these reasons are very good ones for making poor choices, but they were the excuses I used during those 10 years of unsuccessful weight control. And looking back I think for me, the weekends were harder than the week. Some things that I did differently during my successful weight loss endeavor were:

1. Planned every meal – even if it was going to be a restaurant meal
2. As best I could – plannedfor unexpected snacking opportunities, ie: meeting friends, going to the movies, etc.
3. Didn’t use the weekend as an excuse not to exercise
4. Gave myself permission to “mess up” without feeling like I had ruined my entire life

Those four things, coupled with a lot of saying, “I don’t need or want that,” really helped me get through the weekends without completely sabotaging myself. And the great thing was that every weekend that passed successfully was one I actually enjoyed more. I so enjoyed spending time with friends and family without worrying so much about what I was going to eat. I loved being able to have that special dessert because I had planned for it. And because I had planned for it I didn’t feel as though I needed to eat the entire thing. Those strategies were actually very freeing.

So where are you right now? Weekends harder than weekdays? If so, what do you do to combat that tendency, or what winning ideas do you have to help us all in this journey?  Diane

Being overweight seemed to have some advantages.  I didn’t have the desire to buy a lot of clothes, so I used the excuse that we couldn’t afford new clothes for me as a reason for looking so incredibly dowdy. I felt uncomfortable in some social situations, so I learned to invent excuses to get out of parties and outings.  I learned that right or wrong, a lot of people judge others on their appearance.  Thus I realized that people didn’t expect a lot from me.  I think a lot of them thought I was lazy and stupid, so they didn’t ask for my help. But just in case they did ask, I always had the “I’m too tired” excuse sticking in my back pocket when people wanted me to do something that required physical activity. 

I also used a lot of excuses when it came to weight loss. 

• I couldn’t diet in February because it was Valentine’s Day. 
•  July wouldn’t work either since it was fourth of July. 
• Anytime after mid-August was  completely out since a lot of family birthdays took place then. 
• And you might as well “x” off November and December because of that was too hard a time to diet through.

So basically, no matter what time of year it was, it was the wrong time to try and lose weight and get fit.  If I didn’t blame the calendar for not beginning a weight loss program, then I would find another target.  I couldn’t start Weight Watchers again because we couldn’t afford it.  And since we couldn’t afford to join Weight Watchers right then, I couldn’t just try on my own either.  I never acknowledged that the money I was spending on fast food meals and chocolate would have easily paid for a very long-term membership at Weight Watchers.

It was just one excuse after the other.

I was always tired. If John were here right now he’d affirm that statement. I always complained about exhaustion and lack of energy – always.

I was too tired to:

♦Go shopping

♦Play with the kids

♦Cook dinner

♦Exercise (HA!)

♦Take a trip to the Nature Museum

♦Ride in the car for long periods of time

♦Stand up for any length of time (like waiting in lines)

I was pathetic. And as the years went by and I became more and more obese my feelings of tiredness increased rapidly. I could almost feel getting more tired as the days went by. I’d get up as late as I could get away with in the morning, put on my robe, and feed the kids breakfast. Then I might get dressed or I might lounge around in my PJ’s and robe for a while longer.

I’d shuffle from the kitchen back to the couch, sitting down in both locations to rest and eat. When the kids napped after lunch I’d nap too – only I’d nap after finishing off the box of Cheese-Its that I had just opened that morning. When they awoke I’d be tired again and just sit and watch them play.

Such was my life. I never associated my weight with my energy level. I would have told you that I was just a tired person in general. But I had never been a tired person before I gained over 100 pounds so I don’t know why I should have all of a sudden developed the tiredness syndrome.

Of course the weight was 99% of my problem. Yes, I had small children. Yes, they were busy. But the tiredness and lack of energy were primarily due to my weight and not the children. It’s hard to move around 300 pounds. It takes a lot of effort to keep 300 pounds balanced on two legs for any length of time. No wonder I was tired.

Tiredness was an excuse for me to keep sitting in one place. But thankfully, I did get off the couch and try to move my bulk around. And it wasn’t easy.

Those first months of dieting were an eye opening experience. I hadn’t realized or acknowledged how far away from fitness I had gotten. Those first walks I took – now they made me tired! I came home sweaty (Florida), tired, and hot. But I also came home with a glimmer of internal energy that I hadn’t experienced in a long time.

That internal energy was a little spark telling me that I was moving in the right direction. For once in ten years I was making choices that were positive and helpful rather than negative and hurtful. That little spark stayed lit as long as I kept it moving.

Surprisingly to me, I did keep that spark alive and kept fanning the flames until I reached my fitness and weight goals. I am still amazed at how quickly my body changed, and how fast my level of fitness improved. Even when I was still 250 pounds, the amount of energy and “get up and go” I had was a far cry from my energy level at 300 pounds. And the energy level increased the more weight I lost and the more fit I became. It was like a miracle.

I hope that if you relate to my life before I lost the weight you are on your own path to finding that internal spark. It’s there in all of us, and will extinguish that “I’m Tired” excuse. Have you found your spark?  Diane