What About Fat Acceptance?

March 3, 2010 By

When I was overweight I struggled greatly with self-confidence and with self -esteem. Maybe they are one in the same. I never felt comfortable in my new bigger body and winced every single time I actually looked at myself in the mirror. I have given a lot of thought over the past months to the concept of self-acceptance. On one hand you read about people who have accepted their body shape and size exactly where they are and don’t want to change anything about themselves. On the other hand, there are people like me, who just couldn’t accept my new body and tried valiantly to change.

In thinking about acceptance and self-love, I was very curious what you think about the concept of accepting your body where it is and not feeling the need or desire to change anything. Perhaps even accepting your body at an unhealthy weight, thus opening yourself up to the myriad of diseases that often accompany obesity. Is this wise or even possible?

I’ve counseled a lot of people who struggle with their weight – in person, over the phone, through email, and with the class I occasionally teach. One thing I’ve rarely found is the person who doesn’t desire a change. The change may be losing 20 pounds, or if may be losing 100 pounds, but the desire is still there. What isn’t there is the acceptance and happiness of how their body appears and functions right then. And for them, that unhappiness is often the impetus that drives them to make hard choices.

Choices concerning their food habits, emotional eating patterns, activity levels, and more. They make those choices to try and change the course of their current path and hopefully improve their health at the same time. Sometimes those new choices are lifelong, and sometimes not. But generally they don’t give up completely.

What of the individuals who don’t really see the need to change their lifestyles to improve their health and appearance? Are they wrong? Are they being truthful?

For me, there were times during my struggle with obesity where I outwardly “gave up” and professed contentment and happiness with myself. Personally, I wasn’t exactly being truthful with myself, John, or my friends. Inside there was still an internal struggle raging with regards to my weight. I said I was “happy” but I wasn’t. I said I felt “healthy” but I really didn’t. I said I didn’t “need” to change, but I did.

This is a touchy subject, because there is a fine line between accepting who we are but at the same time knowing there are positive changes that could be made, and accepting who we are period. I feel that although there are obese people who are healthy at the moment, over time, their obesity will begin to affect their health in a negative way.

What’s your take on accepting where you are even if your health may be jeopardized? Good idea or bad?  Diane

Don’t forget that today is the last day to enter the Gym In a Bag giveaway! The giveaway ends at midnight CST.

Filed Under: Choices, obesity, Weight Loss Tagged With: , ,

Portions Just For Me

February 25, 2010 By

When I was a big girl, wearing upwards of a size 26/28, I was always concerned about where my next meal would come from.  Would we go out to eat?  Would I secretly swing through a drive thru window?  Would I cook?  If it were the latter, then I began planning my meals early in the day, so I could have something fun to look foward to later.  I would think about what I would serve with the meal, what kind of bread I was going have, and most importantly what dessert would be.

Early afternoon would find me at the stove, cooking a meal for our family.  I liked to experiment with recipes, and once I had a few children, discovered I really did like to cook.  Turned out to be a good thing, as we now have a family of nine!  Before we had all the other children, I often made recipes that were high in fat and calories, like chicken cordon bleu.  I’d serve it with a salad, doused in dressing of course, veggies swimming in butter and salt, and possibly some fruit.  One thing I always did was make sure I had the biggest portions.

When the dinner was finished cooking, I’d be the one serving the meals.  I’d lay out the plates, dole out everyone’s food, saving my plate for last.  I’d load up my plate with the biggest piece of chicken I could get away with, making sure to spoon plenty of sauce on top of it.  As we ate, I’d find myself surepeticiously watching everyone else eat, wondering if they would want more, or could I have the rest?  If they wanted more, I’d give it to them, but then I’d remind myself that there was plenty of chocolate cake sitting on the counter for me!

Dessert time came, and once again, the largest piece was mine.  Besides having the largest piece, I’d also pick at the cake while I was serving the others.  After all, that’s the cook’s privilege isn’t it?  Looking back, I not only ate the largest amount, I probably ate double what anyone else did by the time I added in the extra nibbles here and there.  I was so obsessed with food that I ate and served myself way more than was appropriate.

These days, I still like to cook, but no longer serve myself the biggest portion. Now, I serve myself appropriate portion sizes, and don’t worry where my next meal will come from.  I’m no longer embarrassed when the family asks, “Is there anymore chicken left?”   I know how to control my portion sizes, and understand that if I eat more food than I should, I will gain weight.

Portion sizes at restaurants are hard to control, but when you cook at home, it’s so important to control how much you are serving yourself and how much you are eating. Learning to be satisfied with just one portion of food, be it a main dish entree or a piece of fruit has made living with maintenance all these years so much easier.

How are you at portion control? Do you find it harder at home, or harder away from home? Diane

Filed Under: cooking, excuses Tagged With: , ,

Healthier Desserts?

February 19, 2010 By

healthier dessertIf you asked me when I was obese if there was such a thing as a good low-fat dessert I would have unequivocally said, “NO.”  After all, the only thing that would satisfy my sweet tooth was something that was sweet and high in calories.  All the better if it were also chocolate, gooey, and frosted. Yes, I was addicted to sweet things.

During the course of my weight loss journey, I realized that my sweet tooth could be suppressed and lessened, but not killed.  Not that I didn’t try.  I valiantly resisted chocolate cake, pies of all types and plates full of cookies.  I avoided buying any desserts that I knew I shouldn’t eat, and stayed away from the dessert table at social functions.  Considering how much I loved sweets, I did remarkably well.  Making the decision to go cold turkey worked well for me, especially during the first couple of weeks.  After I felt had some control over my choices, I recognized that I wanted to be able to enjoy the occasional sweet treat.

Here came the problem.  I didn’t like low-fat, healthy desserts.  To me, there was no such thing.  If it wasn’t oozing chocolate, and full of sugar it wasn’t any good.  For a long time I decided I’d rather do without then have a “fake” dessert.  Fortunately though, I got brave enough to try some lower fat choices.

I tried making fat free brownies, which were moderately good. I substituted prunes in place of the oil with less than stellar results. I tried the old “substitute with applesauce” for a lower fat alternative, again with limited success. Finally I realized that if I wanted brownies, then I’d rather have a small amount of really fabulous homemade brownies than have ones that were “pretend brownies!”

But that’s just brownies. I found that there are lots and lots of healthier sweet treats that I can serve my children without feeling too much guilt. Here are some that we have:

  • Fruit parfaits, made with yogurt or low fat ice cream
  • broiled or grilled fruit – I was surprised how much my children liked this
  • Baked apples – these are so yummy!
  • Frozen yogurt or sorbets
  • Angel food cake with fresh strawberries
  • Whole grain waffles topped with fruit
  • Homemade popscicles

When I was writing yesterday’s post I was focusing on things I avoid eating, but on the other side of the coin, there are things I don’t eat every day, but still enjoy every so often. I used to not serve desserts at all, but then worried that my kids might “go wild” with sweet things when they were on their own because I had never allowed them to experience desserts. So now we have dessert occasionally and I talk to them about eating things in moderation. My children range in age greatly, but I feel that my older ones “get it.” Which I love.

So are there healthier desserts that you feel comfortable serving guests or your family? Or have you just cut out sweets all together?

Filed Under: Choices, Meal Time Tagged With: , ,

Psychological Costs

December 28, 2009 By

Unhappiness with our appearance

Stress related to unhappiness with our health

Anxiety over social situations

Depression

Someone emailed me recently and asked if I thought there were psychological costs to obesity.  I responded to them privately, but thought that the question was a very interesting one.  Are there psychological effects to obesity? And if so, how can we overcome those feelings. First off, let me say that I believe therapy is a great choice for many people who are dealing with depression, anxiety, or anything else that talking with a professional may help. I know from reading your blogs that quite a few of you have been through therapy for a variety of issues and many found it helpful. John and I went to see a Christian counselor during the third year of our marriage seeking help in dealing with an extended family relationship. That time taught us a lot of techniques to use in dealing with certain situations.

I do believe that there is a psychological cost to obesity. I’m no therapist, but I lived the obese life for a decade, and know that those years took an additional toll on my psyche due to my size. The times that I felt shunned by friends and acquaintances, overlooked by salespeople in the stores, and judged because of my size did bad things to my self esteem. I began taking on for my own other people’s perception of me. Perhaps I really was lazy. Maybe I was deficient in self-control. And perhaps I wasn’t as good as everyone else.

Lies all of these. But lies I grew to believe because I felt myself living up to them. I couldn’t seem to control my weight or my food intake. I didn’t get as much done as my thin friends, and maybe I was a little bit lazy.

I began to experience anxiety in situations I never had before. I dreaded meeting with new people and often times found myself feeling ill over the thought of having to introduce myself to a thinner person. I gave every excuse in the book to avoid parties and often succeeded in staying home. Anxiety became part of who I was. Before I gained 150 pounds I wasn’t an anxious person. I wasn’t the most extroverted person in the room but I didn’t “freak out” when I had to meet new people. So for me, obesity took a psychological toll.

The fatter I got the more unhappy, anxious, and borderline depressed I became. I tried to convince myself that I was the same Diane I always had been, but the mirror showed the truth. The psychological component to obesity is real, and the effects of obesity can be very difficult to overcome.

I still feel a little awkward walking into a room full of strangers. “Will they accept me?” I wonder. I sometimes have to tell myself to get a grip on myself, because there is no reason they wouldn’t. Unfortunately I know all too well that we are often initially judged on our appearance, good or bad.

So for me, the psychological cost of obesity was and is real. It was hard to be obese in a thin world, and my psyche took a hit during those ten years. Fortunately, not everyone who struggles with obesity feels the way I did. I always admire people who are at peace with their inner soul while still working on getting the outer body in better shape. I wish that had been me.

What do you think? Is there a real psychological effect associated with weight problems?  Diane

Filed Under: emotions, excuses, obesity, Weight Loss Tagged With: , ,

One Question Not to Ask

December 23, 2009 By
NOT PREGNANT

NOT PREGNANT

The year was 1995 and I looked like the picture.  I had been married for eight years and had gained around 110 pounds.  Impressive to be sure.  I worried about my size a lot.  I was a size 10 when we married, and had a closet full of great clothes.  My only worry with clothes at that nice smallish size was what fabulous outfit to buy next. Should I buy the cute suit for the office, or the great new pair of jeans in black? But unfortunately, I quickly gained weight, and my size increased rapidly. Size 10′s were a thing of the past. Onto size 12, 14, 16′s and then, HELLO PLUS SIZE DEPARTMENT. Not a good day, that one.

Finally hitting 280 pounds,  I worried a lot about clothes.  I had a closet full of clothes that ranged from my old size of 10 to my current size 28.  Of course the smaller sized clothes wouldn’t have fit around my right arm, and sad to say, the largest of the clothing was getting small.  I had resorted to making really ugly jumpers that I wore with t-shirts purchased from the men’s department.  I had grown so large  I was afraid  that soon it would be impossible to purchase clothes that would fit me anymore.

And sad to say, that fear came true. I mostly wore faded leggings or jumpers. Wearing jumpers has some definite advantages for the overweight woman.  They are loose, they come in many colors, and you can grow into them if needed.  And I needed to grow into them often.

One disadvantage to the jumper is this:  When they are getting a bit tight all the way around, you may get asked a question you don’t want to answer. 

A question like this:  When are you due?

The first time this happened to me was after my first daughter was born.  I was wearing what I thought was a really pretty yellow jumper. The baby was about 9 or 10 months old, and she and I had spent the morning shopping at the mall.  At our last stop, I was standing in line to pay for an outfit and the lady standing next to me said, “My your children will be close in age won’t they?”  I looked at her uncomprehendingly and said, “Excuse me?”  She repeated her statement, and I realized, with horror, she thought I was pregnant.  I was mortified, but probably not as mortified as she was when I explained that I just hadn’t lost the baby weight yet, and I was definitely not pregnant.

This happened to me over and over again through my obese years.  People would ask, “When is the baby due?” and I would fall all over myself explaning why I was so big.  Finally, I came up with the perfect answer to this rather distressing question.  I would say, “THE BABY IS DUE IN _________.”  I’d fill in the appropriate month, depending on the time of year.  They would say “Good luck with the delivery” and go off on their way.  And as they left, part of me would die inside each time this happened.  I’m not exgaggrating when I tell you that this probably happened about 10 times a year. You would think that I would have gotten used to it but I didn’t.

I hope that this has never happened to you. There are so many embarrassing moments that happened to me over the years and  I’ve never forgotten any of them. But instead of feeling badly and beating myself up over my appearance and choices back then, now I use these incidents as one more reminder of why I never want to go back where I came from.  If you are ever tempted to go back to your old ways, just remember and write down some of the reasons you’ve been working so hard to get where you want to go.  Diane

Filed Under: embarassing moments, Weight Loss Tagged With: ,

If You Give Diane A Cookie. . .

December 21, 2009 By

There’s this children’s book series, the first of which is If You Give A Mouse A Cookie. The book details what happens between a little boy and a mouse when the mouse appears in his life asking for a cookie. They quickly dissolve into bedlam, but have a lot of fun along the way. When I was reading that book the other day it made me think about my life. Here’s what happened to me when I started to eat too many cookies.

If you give me a cookie, then my size 10 pants won’t fit and I’ll need new ones in size 16.

 New Size 16 Pants

And once I outgrow those pants I’m going to have to start making some really sad looking jumpers.

 Family Picture

 I’ll live in those jumpers for a while, but in the meantime my self esteem sinks lower and lower.

  Squatting

 Until one day, while standing on my doctor’s scale, I realize I’ve got to clean up my life and get healthy and quit putting bows on my head.

Christmas Bow

So I start walking, and little by little I feel stronger, more confident and healthier.

Diane walking

 Until the day arrived and I said, “I’m done.” And I’ve been done for 12 years now. Not with eating cookies of course, but with losing weight.

 All Done!!

And then just like the story of the little mouse who wanted a cookie, I might still have a cookie every now and then, but I never have so many that I have to repeat the book’s lessons over and over again.

Just think – once you get stronger, healthier, and more fit – you will never have to let cookies or choices pull you down. You can have your cookies (occasionally) and love life at the same time! What’s your story?  Diane

Filed Under: Appearance Tagged With: , , ,

Bad Habit #528,345,251

December 9, 2009 By

I was reading over my blog journal last night, and came across one of the ideas for a post that I had jotted down when I first began my blog. The entry read, “Bad Habits.” I immediately started laughing at myself because I thought, “Which one of the dozens of bad habits was I thinking of them I wrote that entry?” So, in honor of my very general journal entry, I thought I’d share with you the top ten bad food habits I had during my ten years of obesity.

1.  Drive Thru Queen – I knew many of the cashiers on a first name basis, and would sometimes avoid their shift because I didn’t want them to think I was a pig.

2. Chocolate Addict – I loved chocolate so much that I had a little stash in my night stand and would eat a piece (or twelve) before I even got out of bed.

3. Nighttime Princess – After the children were tucked into their beds was the time for the tortilla chips and cheese to make their appearance. (x 3)

4. Sit On The Comfy Couch – I loved to sit and eat and watch television. Loved it a lot.

5. Go Back For More – I rarely had one serving of anything. If one serving of cheesy casserole was good, then two or three was probably better!

6. Finish The Bag – It just seemed wrong to leave chips or cookies in the bag. Why stop when there were still more in there? (Similar to the thinking of: If I still have checks left I must have money in the bank!)

7. Fudge The Truth – I’d fudge the truth about how many cookies I had made, or how much fudge the recipe was suppossed to make. John didn’t cook. (Thank God!)

8. Justification Expert – I was an expert at justifying my bad choices to myself. I could convince myself of anything.

9. Paul Deen Was My Hero – Sure Paula wasn’t famous when I was obese, but had she been, I would have been her best friend. I loved butter on everything, and even put butter under my jelly when I ate slice after slice of toast in the morning.

10. Mindless Eating – I could eat reams of food while reading a book, talking on the phone, or driving in the car. REAMS.

Those are just 10 of my 528,345,251 bad habits I had. The great thing about that list though? I changed every single one of them. No matter how deeply ingrained a habit is, it really is possible to break it, change it, or bend it around so that the habit becomes one of healing rather than one of hurting.

Care to share a few of your habits (good or bad)?  Diane

Filed Under: obesity, Weight Loss Tagged With: , ,

What’s Your Mantra?

December 7, 2009 By

When I teach my weight loss classes one of the exercises we work through is developing our own personal mantras. After I lost all my weight I realized that I had my own mantra: Never Go Back. Even after all these years, that mantra is always somewhere in my mind. Choices I make each day are often filtered through that saying of Never Go Back. Do I want that cookie? Maybe. But will it keep me on course and help me to never return to the obese life. Do I really want to sleep in or do I want to get up and exercise? Well, I may want to sleep in, but I want to “never go back” more, so nine times out of ten I get up and exercise. I’m never sorry when I do.

The other day when I was killing time waiting for my fourth child to finish his violin lesson I was on Twitter. If you aren’t on Twitter it is a lot of fun. I don’t do it much, but there are times when I get on there and watch/participate in the conversation. On this day I tweeted, “Do you have a personal mantra? Mine is “Never Go Back.”

I got a lot of really good responses! Here are some of them: (By the way, to follow these people on Twitter just type in www.twitter.com/**** , replacing the *** with their user name.) If you’d like to follow me it’s www.twitter.com/fittothefinish . (I would have linked them all myself, but it truly would have taken forever, so please forgive!)

healthyeveryday healthyeveryday  Make the Effort!   

Julianne Pohl Pubsgal  “Mongo only pawn in game of life.”

 Hilary tinyglow    My current mantra is pretty basic: “Don’t give up.”

Jack Sh*t JackSht  Always finish what you…

 Maria Sparks realfitmama Will doing this make my daughter’s proud?

  Samantha Kennedy sammiekennedy I can make anything I dream a reality! (and it works)

  stepfanie romine stepfanie  “Be brave. Take risks. Nothing can substitute experience.”

Booty Camp Fitness BootyCampFit You don’t give up at the end, you go harder

ThenHeatherSaid ThenHeatherSaid I am the master of every situation!!

 Trim The Fat Trim_The_Fat  I’ve been living by Progress Not Perfection! My latest, though, is Every Good Choice Counts :)  

 Jess trulyjess Don’t EVER give up!

 carla birnberg MizFitOnline I am my own superhero 

 Pam ThinnerLobster  “A successful beginning will have no ending”

 Christie O. christieo Love that! Mine’s Strength,Focus,Discipline

CarrotsNCake CarrotsNCake  Good things happen to people who work hard.

Gena Hamshaw choosingraw The unexamined life is not worth living.

 Anne P fANNEtasticfood Go hard or walk home!!!

Susan BalanceSusan  “To the stars on the wings of a pig” (ie anything is possible)

Caitlin CaitlinHTP Pain is temporary, quitting is forever.

Jaime balanceblog Mine is Keep it Real.

As I’ve told you, mine is NEVER GO BACK! I never want to go back to living in fear of breaking chairs, feeling isolated from the world, and watching my health deteriorate at a rapid pace. I never want to live like that again.

So, here’s the question of the day! What’s your personal mantra? Please share.  Diane

Filed Under: Choices, goal setting Tagged With: ,

The Hunger Excuse

November 19, 2009 By

cheezitsIf you had asked me how often I was hungry when I was an obese, 300 pound, size 28 woman I would have said, “ALL THE TIME!” Because I thought I felt hunger all day long. It seemed to me that from the time I woke in the morning to the time I went to bed at night all I could think about was food.

There were many a day where I started eating before breakfast with a little brownie or two, had some sort of sweet breakfast, ate a snack or two, or three; then had a McDonald’s Double Cheeseburger, large fries (or two) and a diet coke for lunch. A few more snacking episodes happened between 1:00 and 5:00 p.m. then I went off somewhere for dinner, and back home later to enjoy yet another healthy, filling snack of chips, cheese, and ice cream. Why did I eat so much? I was hungry.

Or so I said. But I wasn’t that hungry. I didn’t need 4000 calories a day to keep me healthy, nor did those 4000 calories sustain my health or move me anywhere near where I wanted to be.

I had fallen into the trap of false hunger. I was eating when I wasn’t really physically hungry, and did so by using the “hunger excuse.” Are you familiar with that excuse? I need these crackers because I’m starving. I “need” this extra biscuit because I’m hungry.  I “need” this King Sized Hershey bar because I’ve had a bad day. I did this all day long for years. I used the hunger excuse instead of really looking behind my excuse at the reason for my over-eating. For me, learning to disassociate myself from the excuses and work on the behind-the-scenes emotions was difficult. But as hard as it was, staying in the place where I had landed would have been harder.

Hunger is an important signal. It’s wise to learn the difference between the feeling of true physical hunger and the feeling of the hunger excuse. Here’s some things that I did when I was learning to eat because I truly needed food and how I learned to make a different choice when what I needed wasn’t food, but rather another type of comfort.

1.  Gave myself permission to “feel” the emotions of the moment. This may sound strange, but I found that I often turned to food when I was upset. So by telling myself, “Yes, that situation is bad, but you don’t need to eat through it.” I was able to learn to disassociate the hunger excuses I was trying to use with the emotion of the desire to eat.

2. Waited before I ate between meals. I literally ate all day long. If I started to graze mindlessly between meals I put the timer on for 15 minutes and made myself wait. I really thought about whether I was really hungry or not. If I was, then I had something healthy.

3. Carefully planned my food.  Before I started to get healthy, when the feeling of hunger struck I just ate. Anything. Instead of eating just anything, I began planning for snacks, meals, and even treats. It helped remind me to eat because I needed to eat, and not because I thought I should.

I pulled out the hunger excuse as a reason to fill any emotions I didn’t like with food. You may use the hunger excuse in a different way, or if you are lucky, this isn’t even a problem for you. But in my experience, most of us who are weight challenged often struggle with eating when we are not really hungry.

Do you relate to the “hunger excuse?” How have you overcome it?  Diane

Filed Under: Choices, cooking, emotions, excuses Tagged With: , , ,

Don’t Get Up

November 18, 2009 By

I tried never to get up. It was hard to move my 300 pound body from the comfy couch cushions. I had to brace myself against the arm of the chair, get my legs just right, and haul myself up. It wasn’t easy. And if I happened to be on the floor, well, just don’t try and watch me get up.

The bigger I got the less I moved. It’s such a shame that that’s what happens to many of us who struggle with our weight. I got bigger, my physical activity became smaller and could be measured in 100′s of steps a day rather than the 1000′s of steps I can measure it in now.

As I moved from average sized to morbidly obese I made real, concerted efforts to move less. In fact, I planned my day around moving less. Instead of embracing those rare moments where I had the opportunity to move, I avoided them. I remember one day, when my oldest was in Kindergarten, and her teacher asked me to supervise a field trip. (This was before we started homeschooling.) I declined, making up an excuse about a conflict. Okay, I didn’t just decline, I lied. Why? I didn’t want to go to the outdoor museum and walk around. I was worried I would be too tired so I stayed home and heard all about her trip when I picked her up from school. I still remember feeling sorry for myself that I couldn’t go.

Looking back I see that yes, I should have felt sorry. Not sorry for myself because I couldn’t physically go, but sorry that I didn’t try. I stopped trying to move around and stayed down as much as I could. And by doing so I missed out on some really wonderful opportunities to make memories with my family. I wish things had been different.

I remember sitting at a social event. And that’s all I did was sit. Other moms and dads were up and about, interacting with each other and their children, but I just sat. And I’m embarrassed to say it, but I often had a plate of food balanced on my lap. The girls would come running over, “Mommy, come watch me go down the slide.” I’d say, “I can see you from here.” I didn’t want to get up.

At home I carefully planned my morning chores. I did what needed to be done in the morning, so when the girls took their naps I could sit on the couch with some chocolate, chips, and crackers watching television shows. I loved my remote control and cordless phone. Two more easy to sit conveniences I embraced. From the time they napped to the time they woke up I only got up if I needed some more food or had to use the restroom. No extra energy expended.

I honestly thought that if I moved more I’d be more tired. Guess what? I was 100% wrong.

When I started down the healthy path I did start to exercise, get up off the couch, and move my body. And you know what happened? Even at a morbidly obese 275 pounds I had more energy. Sure I was tired, but I no longer experienced the kind of tiredness I had in the past. I had finally learned to get up and get moving. Even though I couldn’t move fast or far, just moving at all was a victory.

What got you up and moving? Was it a sudden realization that you were sitting too much, or was there a gradual change in your attitude? Oh, and if you are still sitting?! Try getting up – you’ll be surprised at how much better you feel!!  Diane

Filed Under: Choices, emotions, Exercise Tagged With: , , ,
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